Chapter IX
Lexa is invincible.
It's Wednesday and it's sunny outside and Niylah just sent her an email with the details about their next meeting and Lexa is invincible.
It's gloriously sunny outside and at the same time freezing cold and Lexa is on her way home from work, a bright smile on her face, not taking any notice at all to the things happening around her because she's invincible.
There's nothing that can ruin Lexa's mood.
Nothing.
Well, except one thing.
As Lexa enters Clarke's apartment she finds everyone in the kitchen. Clarke has the day off and has spent her day baking chocolate muffins and drawing in her sketchbook. During the afternoon everyone had joined her in the kitchen, one by one, Lexa completing the four-clover.
"Mom and dad invited all of us for dinner next Saturday. Said they want to meet Raven and Clarke properly." Anya is the messenger of this one thing that could ruin her day. All the bliss in Lexa's body seeps out instantly, like a burst balloon, shoulders slouching and a frown upon her face.
Clarke raises an eyebrow at Lexa, perplexed by the instant change in her mood. She watches Lexa shake her head, a no to their parents' request, before taking a seat next to Clarke. Lexa greats Clarke leaning in to place a kiss on her cheek.
"That's what I said but these two insist we stop acting like children and accept the invitation." Anya points once between Clarke and Raven with her thumb in a manner that's not unlike a moody teenager blaming their parents for everything that's wrong with the world.
Anya loves her parents, she does, but she prefers to love them silently and from a distance. It's not that they're bad people, not at all, but they meddle too much and Anya is her own boss. Or she was until she met Raven. Raven has a way of convincing Anya to do things she usually wouldn't do and Anya can't for the love of anything good understand how that works.
Lexa looks at Anya, then at Raven and then back at Anya and she understands what's going on. Anya wants Lexa to back her up, that dinner with the parents is a bad idea. Lexa doesn't mind the dinners, though, in fact, she used to love them. Her issue is with her mom always making comments about her not speaking and then choosing a career path she doesn't consider a career at all. Where Anya is the ever rebel walking around slamming doors behind her, Lexa just avoids the conflict all together, well, tries to.
Truth is, if Clarke wants to go, she'll say yes in a heartbeat.
"We want to meet the in-laws. Properly." Raven smirks and Clarke joins in on her enthusiasm with a "Yes we do!" and Lexa can tell that they both know it's already a battle won.
Lexa looks defeatedly at Anya whose answer is a terrified "No!" and when Lexa shrugs Anya drops her head on the counter with a thud and a heavy sigh. "I hate you all!" she grumbles and Clarke and Raven high-fives across the kitchen counter.
Lexa reaches for the tiny yellow notepad that has found its forever home on the counter.
'One problem: we need to go by car.'
"Oh. Yeah, I didn't think of that... Clarke, is that a deal breaker?" Anya forgets she'd rather not go and instead looks at Clarke with careful eyes, full of concern, internally wishing she knew how to help Clarke overcome her fear for riding in cars.
"How far is it?" Clarke looks pale and Lexa instinctively reaches over to entwine their hands.
"Too far to walk, it's about an hour by car." For some reason, this dinner invitation is no longer about the dinner. Anya has made it her personal mission to help Clarke through her fear of riding cars. "Listen Clarke, no pressure, but my parents have a private driver, a very experienced driver and one of the most secure vehicles on the market. If you want, I can arrange for you to meet him and we can maybe have him drive all of us around the block here a few times... And if you by any means feel it's too much, we stop immediately, we cancel or invite them here instead." Anya bargains. She knows from dealing with Lexa that it takes small steps, one at a time and also the option of stopping any time.
Clarke looks like she needs to throw up.
'His name is Mitchell and I trust him with my life. I trust him with yours too.' Lexa writes. She squeezes Clarke's hand to assure her that this is a hundred percent up to her.
"I'll do it with you." Raven offers. She doesn't like cars anymore either, but she enters one when she has to. It's like a dentist appointment, it's never fun, but it needs to be done sometimes.
Clarke bites her lip nervously. "I can stop at any time?"
"Yes."
"And they'll understand if we cancel last minute?"
"Yes. Even if they didn't, I don't care. You shouldn't either."
"Okay."
"Okay?"
"I'll try."
"We'll take care of you, Clarke! I'll arrange for Mitchell to swing by tomorrow." Anya smiles softly and Clarke is a bit surprised at how safe she feels under Anya's gaze. Clarke knows, that if anything can help her with her fear of riding in cars, it's this. It's Lexa, Raven and Anya. So yeah, she'll give it a try.
*
The first time Mitchell swings by, Clarke greets the tall man with grey-stained hair, kind eyes and a polite, firm handshake and Clarke feels a little safer just looking at him. They small talk over coffee and chocolate muffins and Clarke likes him a lot. He's got a gold wedding band on his finger and two teenage daughters who drives him mad like only teenage daughters can do and he plays squash with Lexa and Anya's dad sometimes. His car is a large black bulky box on strong tires and Clarke thinks it looks solid, like it would definitely come out on top if ever it were to crash with another car and it makes her feels just a little bit more safe.
Clarke doesn't feel entirely safe, though. No one expects her to.
"Here, take these," Anya says, handing Clarke the car keys. "Mitchell and I are taking a seat in the car and you can join us if you want. We can't go anywhere while you have those, so whatever happens now is up to you."
Lexa reaches up to massage some calm into Clarke's tensed neck muscles and they stand by the curb for a couple of minutes, Lexa observing Clarke, Clarke staring at the open car door. She can Anya and Mitchell reminisce old times through the door and their gentle voices makes it easier to not view this car as a killing machine.
Clarke turns the car keys over in her hands a couple of times breathing in two three four out two three four five six. And again.
She sighs forcefully trying to push some of the anxiety out of her lungs.
And then she takes one step after another until the next step is her body sliding into the back seat behind Anya who turns around smiling proudly at Clarke as she continues talking to Mitchell.
Lexa stays put next to the car at Clarke's request. She didn't tell Lexa, but she needed Lexa outside of the car ready to catch her if she were to panic and flee the vehicle. She does panic, but not more so than she carefully slides out of the cat again and hands Lexa the keys before meeting into her embrace.
Lexa brushes her lips softly against Clarke's forehead, kissing the panic away.
*
The second time Mitchell drops by Clarke gives Anya the keys. She also closes the car door. They still don't go anywhere and Lexa is still there on the curb ready to catch Clarke when she exits the car.
*
The third time Mitchell drops by Clarke gives Mitchell the car keys and grabs Lexa's hand before pulling her into the car.
"Mitchell, could you take us around the block, please?" Clarke says, her mouth dry like a desert and not even a mirage in sight.
"Sure thing, Miss Griffin."
As the car starts rolling, Clarke squeezes Lexa's hand tight and Lexa squeezes back. Clarke has to close her eyes because images from the car accident floods her mind. The first time the car turns Lexa leans in to leave a kiss on Clarke's shoulder. By the second corner, Clarke's breathing is heavy and unstable and Lexa kisses her cheek. Lexa smiles against her skin as Clarke leans into it. By the third corner Clarke dares to open one eye but closes it immediately as she sees the world slide by in a blur on the other side of the window. Clarke squeezes Lexa's hand tighter and Lexa lifts it to kiss her knuckles, one after another until Clarke loosens her grib just a little.
"Love you," Lexa murmurs against the back of her hand.
Anya turns in her seat to look back at Lexa with wide eyes. She's doesn't believe her own ears, that Lexa just spoke, but when Clarke opens her eyes to look at Lexa Anya is sure she heard right.
Clarke doesn't feel the fourth turn because Lexa just spoke. It isn't long ago she heard Lexa mumble the exact same thing, but Lexa was sick then and most likely not entirely conscious.
Lexa just spoke.
When the car pulls in next to the curb and Mitchell kills the engine, Anya is still staring at her sister.
"I love you too, Lex," Clarke whispers into the silence that surrounds them and Lexa grins against Clarke's hand that she's still holding against her lips.
Mitchell is the first to exit the car. He opens the door for Clarke who looks surprised to find out they're back in front of their apartment building. She steps out onto the asphalt with shaky legs and a lighter heart and when she steps around the car, she walks right into the arms of Raven who just happens to have come home at the perfect time.
"You did it! You fucking did it!" Raven squeals.
Over Raven's shoulder she sees Anya with tears in her eyes pull Lexa into a hug and Clarke thinks this is what home feels like. Being pulled into hugs on the sidewalk after just having faced your demons. Clarke is still disoriented as Raven's arms are being replaced by Lexa's. The lips against the top of her head and the soothing hands that rub circles into her back are slowly but steadily bringing Clarke back to safety.
*
The fourth time Mitchell swings by, he picks Clarke up by the hospital after work and Lexa waits by her apartment building with more kisses as he delivers her in one one piece.
*
The fifth time Mitchell swings by it's to pick up all four women to transport them to dinner with Indra and Gustus Woods.
Clarke is not entirely comfortable, but her breathing is controlled this time around and she's got her favorite people next to her, supporting her.
*
Their house is not a house. It's a fricking mansion. Mitchell drives through the gate, up the driveway and all the way up to the main entrance where Indra and Gustus Woods are waiting on the front steps to greet them.
The building facade seems to continue up into the skies and it's held up by four large pillars and Clarke stops in her tracks to take it all in, mouth agape and wide awestruck eyes.
Lexa tugs at Clarke's hand to make her walk again, an amused twinkle in her eyes.
"You grew up here?" Clarke wonders out loud as she slowly starts moving forward again.
"Yep," Anya says, not at all impressed by the magic Clarke assigns this place.
"Welcome, Clarke. Raven." Gustus smiles as he offers them a handshake.
"It's good to see you again. Come inside, we'll show you around." Indra says, a warm smile on her face.
"Mom. Dad." Anya greets them as she walks past them and Lexa greets them with her signature nod.
*
The inside of the house is just as marvelous and although Clarke is blown away by the aesthetics she can easily now tell why Anya and Lexa aren't that close with their parents. Indra and Gustus Woods are perfect hosts and that's just it, that's the problem. They're Indra and Gustus Woods with a massive career and a marvelous home, they're not Indra and Gustus, the mom and the dad.
Clarke's parents are Abby and Jake, the doctor and the engineer. They're career people when they're at work and they're parents when they're at home. They moved up north five years ago to seek out new challenges, but they made sure that Clarke had a stable life before doing so. They call once in a while, but Clarke hasn't seen them since Finn died. It's entirely Clarke's fault. She needed time and so they gave her time.
Watching the superficial relationship between the sisters and their parents makes Clarke realize that she's been taking her parents for granted and that she misses them. She makes a mental note to call them soon. Sooner rather than later. She should fly up to visit them too, or maybe she'll get comfortable enough riding in cars to take another roadtrip. She'd really like for Lexa to meet them too.
*
There isn't one bad thing to say about dinner, not even close. It's marvelous, just like anything else in this house. It's delicious and exquisite and Clarke and Raven aren't used to this kind of luxury but they know how to appreciate it, which they do eagerly.
"... and what about you, Clarke?" Indra encourages her after having questioned Raven about life and work and everything in between.
"I'm a nurse," Clarke explains and Indra smiles politely, genuinely, as Clarke keeps answering questions about what she does and about her parents. Formalities, is what it is.
"How did you meet?" Gustus wants to know. It's a question meant for both couples.
"I met Raven at that conference I attended last year." Anya shares over the rim of her wine glass.
"So romantic," Raven deadpans earning a death glare from Anya which makes Clarke and Lexa chuckle. "I wooed her with my dazzling mechanic jokes, she rolled her eyes at me and played hard to get and as I got up to leave she asked me out." Raven winks at Anya who rolls her eyes at her, just like that day.
"I'm beginning to regret it," Anya mumbles a subtle smirk dancing on her lips. They wouldn't know, but it's the same kind of smirk Gustus wooed Indra with once. The man laughs heartily over his daughter's antics and looks to Lexa and Clarke, "and you?"
Clarke looks at Lexa and then clears her throat not really sure how to explain how they met but before any words could ever be spoken, Lexa stops her with a gentle hand on her wrist. She picks up her notebook to scribble a note. She makes Clarke approve it before letting her parents read it.
'I met Clarke officially the day Anya introduced me to Raven. Clarke and Raven are roommates. Unofficially Clarke and I ran into each other a couple of times before that without knowing about Anya and Raven's connection.'
"It took them long enough," Raven grins.
"Second that," Anya shares a knowing look with Raven.
"It takes as long as it takes," Clarke blushes, sharing a soft smile with Lexa.
There's a moment of silence, a rare kind of peace washing over the dinner table, a peace that hasn't been present around this dinner table for a long time. Indra and Gustus don't remember the last time they saw Anya smile inside these walls and for a long time they didn't dare hope that Lexa would get over the loss of Costia. But here they are, everyone under the same roof and it feels like a family.
Anya is the first to break the silence, "Sis, how about we take this into the next room and you can play for us?"
"You're playing again, Alexandra?" Gustus looks to his daughter with mild eyes and a warm smile. Lexa nods as she rises from her seat to cross the floor of the spacey dining hall. She stops in front of a pair of doors and takes a long deep breath before opening both doors at the same time.
There it is.
Her grand piano.
Her beautiful glossy black grand piano. This is where she spent most of her childhood and it was the best kind of means to escape reality. When her parents had business associates over for dinner, they would ask her to play for them and she'd spellbind every single one of them with her playing. She didn't care about the attention, but she'd take any opportunity presented to her to play.
Lexa walks directly towards the piano and takes a seat. She closes her eyes as she breathes in air through her nose and she pretends she's able to smell the music she knows this piano is able to make. Clarke stands in the open doors watching her lift the lid slowly and softly place her fingers on the keys in front of her.
Clarke knows this piece, Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata. She knows it because it's her dad's favorite. She can almost see him turn up the volume of the stereo before taking a seat in his armchair, closing his eyes to be able to hear it better. She can almost see her mom come home and scold him with a playful "Jake... The neighbors..." as she turns down the volume before joining him in the armchair. She can almost feel her teenage self roll her eyes at her parents being physically affectionate in front of her.
Everyone passes her in the doorway to take a seat in the lounging area. Everyone except Gustus. He puts a fatherly hand on her shoulder and says, just above a whisper, "Thank you for bringing the music back to my little girl."
"It's only fair," Clarke tells him. "She brought me back my art too." Clarke's eyes never leave Lexa as Gustus gives her shoulder a little squeeze before joining the others.
In this pocket of time, Clarke is not a body in the physical world. If she wanted to join the others, she wouldn't be able to. She's a thought and a feeling and she's the music Lexa plays. She's utterly, devastatingly and unwaveringly in love with Lexa.
Lexa is the air she breathes and the muse to her drawings. She's a ray of light on stormy mornings and the very essence of what makes Clarke's heart beat.
Lexa is life.
Clarke is alive.
*
"That wasn't so bad, was it?" Raven says as Mitchell holds the car door for her to get in.
Anya hates to admit it, but no, it wasn't bad at all, in fact, it was a really great night. Not once did their parents make a comment about Lexa not speaking and they made Raven and Clarke feel welcome. It was a good night. She wouldn't mind another one of those sometime, actually.
"There you go, Miss Griffin," Mitchell says as he holds the door for her too.
"I told you, it's Clarke. Just Clarke, Mitchell." Clarke fakes annoyance and Mitchell flashes her a grin.
"Sure thing, Miss Griffin."
Maybe it's the magic of this night, or maybe it's the vibrations from Lexa's music still roaming in her veins, or maybe it's the soft hand holding hers as Mitchell starts the car engine. Either way, Clarke forgets her fear of riding in cars. At least for tonight.
"Yeah, we definitely need room for a grand piano," she sighs as she leans her head on Lexa's shoulder. Lexa beams into the night as she lets a soft kiss linger on golden hair.