Chapter IV
It's the last weekend of July and it's Raven's birthday, so she throws one of her Friday dinner parties to celebrate. Octavia and Lincoln are there too and early even, because Lincoln wants to challenge Lexa in a match of chess in a sober state of mind.
Lexa is nervous even though everyone tells her not to be. She's nervous because she's meeting Bellamy for the first time. Octavia told her he's a typical ass-hat of a big brother and really, there's no reason to be nervous. Clearly, she doesn't know Lexa that well.
Clarke places a kiss to Lexa's cheek as she tugs on her shirt collar with both hands. "Bellamy is the kind of person who always ends up being the center of attention. If you do get uncomfortable, just tell me... we can take a break, okay?" Clarke tells Lexa. Clarke agrees with Octavia, there's nothing to be nervous about, but she also knows that Lexa doesn't do well with big crowds and strangers, so she gives her an out if needed.
Lexa pulls Clarke closer by the waist and into a gentle kiss to tell her she accepts the conditions Clarke offers. Anya and Raven both make gagging noises which makes Lincoln and Octavia laugh. Clarke rolls her eyes at them but grins at Lexa as she does so.
It's something the others don't quite understand, but it's second nature to Clarke. Lexa doesn't speak and sometimes she needs to tell Clarke things and mostly they're responses or answers to whatever Clarke tells her or asks her. And their shared language has become more of a body language than anything else. Clarke has adapted to Lexa's communication form like it was the most obvious thing to do.
Everyone knows that a nod is a yes and a shake of the head is a no. It's as universal as anything can be. That's why Anya usually talks to Lexa with yes-no questions. It's not good enough for Clarke, though. So when Lexa is nervous or anxious Clarke offers her a choice or two to handle it and then Clarke can read off of her body language what she feel about it. For instance, Lexa blinks a lot when she's confused or can't make a decision and she seeks Clarke's eyes when she needs strength or courage to do something. Soft kisses to Clarke's cheek or temple or lips is a signal that Lexa is alright and it's a thank you and it's a way of showing Clarke that she's right there dealing with things along Clarke.
And it goes both ways. Instead of calling Lexa's name, Clarke often asks for her attention with a silent touch, say on the small of her back or her upper arm.
Sometimes they just need to check in with each other and it's a silent correspondence between them. For instance, Clarke is in the kitchen and Lexa walks up and leave a kiss on Clarke's temple and Clarke leans in to the touch without stopping whatever she's doing and then Lexa is moving on to whatever she's doing too. Or Lexa is lying on the couch and Clarke walks by behind it running two fingers along the back of the couch and Lexa lifts a hand to brush against her fingers without moving her eyes from the book she's reading.
Sometimes it's like they hold conversations just by looking at each other. To Lexa its necessary and to Clarke it's the most precious thing the two share because it's intimate and so uniquely them.
The door buzzer goes off.
Raven goes to open the door. She's made a lot of progress the past couple of weeks, the pain is tolerable and she's able to walk using her brace and a cane. Anya goes to help her, but sits back down as Raven scowls at her. Lexa smirks at Anya because Anya usually doesn't let anyone give her orders, but Raven seems to be an exception. Anya responds with a shrug, she won't deny the effect Raven has on her.
Lexa watches as a tall man with wild black hair enters the doorway to the kitchen.
"Long time no see!" He grins into the room and Lexa understands what Clarke meant about him always becoming the center of attention. He's got the same kind of bright charisma as Octavia and his presence demands attention, uncompromisingly so.
He greets his sister ruffling her hair and she greets him with a scowl. He greets Lincoln with one of those manly shoulder to shoulder hugs. He greets Clarke with a "Hey Princess, I've missed you," and a hug that's a little too friendly if Lexa has a say in it. She's not the jealous kind, but she's insecure when it comes to big crowds and how easy it is for people like Bellamy to talk everyone up. It's something Lexa will never be able to do.
"It's good to see you too Bellamy, how was Europe?" Clarke asks.
"It was good. It's been a great summer," he boasts. "Oh, Anya, good to see you again!" He greets Anya with a firm handshake as she nods a greeting back. "You too, Bellamy."
"Oh, a new face. I'm Bellamy, it's nice to meet you." He throws a charming smile towards Lexa and she shakes his hand, maybe a bit too firmly, greeting him with her signature hello nod.
Lexa hates this so much. Bellamy's entrance demands that she partakers actively, so she pulls out the always prepared note from her pocket and holds it up for Bellamy to read.
'Nice to meet you. I'm Lexa'
Out of the corner of her eye she sees Clarke smile, it's that smile Lexa recognizes as one that remembers fond memories. This is how Lexa greeted Clarke at the first dinner party five months ago. It could have been a nice moment, this one, but it isn't because Bellamy reads the message and responds with a terrible attempt of hiding that this is a weird situation for him.
"Oh, nice to meet you Lexa." He tries, but not good enough. "So how do you fit into this group?"
Lexa wants to tell him 'It's none of your business' or maybe 'I'm sleeping with Clarke'. Mostly she just wants to leave. She doesn't like Bellamy. She doesn't like how he makes her feel small and insecure.
Anya places a hand on Lexa's shoulder because she can tell that she's uncomfortable by Bellamy's straightforwardness. "Lexa is my sister," she tells him and Lexa recognizes the authority in Anya's voice. The voice of a protector and one that takes no bullshit.
"And my girlfriend." Clarke walks up behind Lexa sliding her arms around her waist and leaves a kiss on Lexa's shoulder.
And it calms down Lexa immediately. Hearing Clarke introduce her as her girlfriend makes her proud and happy and in this moment in time where Anya and Clarke have her back, she feels invincible.
And when Bellamy averts his eyes and clenches his jaw, Lexa understands that he might like Clarke a bit more than just as a friend and that's another thing she's not comfortable with. But in Clarke's arms, she doesn't feel insecure about it, so she twists a bit to kiss Clarke's cheek, one of those 'I'm okay because you're here' kisses.
"Lexa, let's play chess now before I start drinking," Lincoln says and awaits Lexa's agreement nod before he walks into the living room to set up the chess board.
Lexa follows closely behind him and as she walks into the living room she hears Bellamy's voice from the kitchen. "What's with the silence?"
"You have to earn the answer for that question, Bellamy," Anya says dryly.
*
Lexa beats Lincoln again. Lincoln sigh heavily as Lexa writes checkmate in her notebook but it's accompanied by a satisfied smile. He likes Lexa and he likes playing chess with her. He likes that small talk is not a necessity and he likes how she feels confident in every turn she makes in the game.
"Nope, I can't even beat you sober. We need a new game," he grins and Lexa smiles back enjoying the challenges Lincoln gives her.
*
Dinner is great, for the most part. Raven is learning to let people help her and thus Clarke and Octavia helps preparing the food and set the table. During dinner Bellamy entertains with stories from Europe, about the three months of traveling all over the place, just him and freedom. Everyone is curious and asks him questions except Lexa for obvious reasons and Anya out of solidarity to her sister.
Clarke can tell that Lexa is uncomfortable and she makes sure to check in with Lexa once in a while. A hand on her thigh, a kiss on her cheek, a whisper of 'I love you' in her ear. Every time Clarke checks in with Lexa, Bellamy follows her with his eyes. Neither of them notices, but Anya does.
*
After dinner, everyone settles around the coffee table and Bellamy's Europe stories continue and Anya catches Raven in the kitchen.
"Happy birthday, Rae! How does thirty feel?" Anya pulls Raven closer and kisses her up the neck in a manner that's not meant to be innocent at all.
"Well, you've been there, you tell me." Raven smirks and then she slaps Anya on her shoulder. "Babe, if you don't stop that we won't return to the party."
"Is that so bad," Anya smiles against her neck.
"Well, no..." Raven gasps. "Yes. I mean yes! Anya!" Raven scolds and Anya laughs victoriously as she retreats to get drinks from the fridge.
"So... Wanna tell me what's up?" Raven wants to know.
"What do you mean?" Anya asks back.
"You're awfully silent tonight." Raven argues and Anya made a promise to never keep secrets from Raven because of her trust issues, so she tells her.
"I'm looking out for Lexa. Bellamy makes her uncomfortable, like, I've never seen her this uncomfortable before. Does he have a thing for Clarke?"
"Uh... No?" Raven scrunches her eyebrows together.
"You sure? I mean, I know Clarke only has eyes for Lexa, I just... I don't like seeing her this way." Anya sighs and leans back against the kitchen counter.
"Shit, I don't know. He did once, but Clarke turned him down. Twice. But that was years ago. Don't worry babe, no one can take Clarke and Lexa's love away. It's too strong. Epic, even." Raven smiles and leans against Anya who pulls her in for a kiss.
*
"Rae, why don't you get your guitar? It's always a party when the three of you sing," Bellamy exclaims, looking at Clarke.
Raven looks to Lexa to make sure she's okay and while Lexa appreciates the gesture she also doesn't like to be reminded of what happened the last time Raven picked up a guitar at one of her dinner parties. Lexa decides that this is Raven's birthday party and she can handle the music as long as they don't play that song. As to make a point, she goes to pick up Raven's guitar for her.
It's the same repertoire tonight, except Lexa and Lincoln has started a game of backgammon instead of chess. Bellamy drinks his beer and sits back to enjoy the show. Anya wants to punch him in his face for the disrespectful ogling he gives Clarke when she isn't looking and she wants to hug Clarke for regularly checking in with Lexa, sending her winks and smiles across the table.
Raven eventually puts the guitar down and Bellamy dramatically pouts because "You haven't played The Dock Of The Bay yet".
Lexa freezes and Clarke immediately looks at her to make sure she's okay.
"Nope. I'm done." Raven says.
"Well, hand me the guitar, I'll play it." Bellamy offers and everyone in the room except Bellamy stops breathing for a second. As always, Anya takes care of her sister.
"Nope. Veto on that song, Bellamy. It's not happening." If looks could kill, at least one of Anya and Bellamy would be ten feet under now.
Lexa really doesn't like the tension in this room and in her twisted mind there are only two options for her right now. One, she flees the scene or two, she averts the potential crisis. And for a split second, she only cares about backing up Anya because Anya always backs her up. So she pulls out her notebook and scribbles a note. She rises from her seat to give Raven the note as she picks up the guitar.
'Happy birthday Raven!'
The note also contains a tiny drawing of a present wrapped in a bow and Raven smiles because Lexa's mutated stick man drawings are taking up all the space on their refrigerator door and this one, this one, needs to go on there too. On the top, even, and if she has to fight Clarke for the VIP spot, so be it.
Everyone stares at Lexa in awe as she stretches her hands and fingers a few times, takes a deep breath, seeks the strength she knows lies in Clarke's eyes and smiling when she finds it... and then she starts strumming.
And there are no words to explain how beautiful it is. Anya recognizes the piece because it's one of Lexa's original pieces. It's Anya's favorite, in fact. While Lexa favors the piano Anya favors the guitar, at least when Lexa plays it.
Clarke watches the emotions of the music wash over Lexa and it's too much to witness so she closes her eyes and listens. Like at the concert hall, her mind explodes in the many shades of blue that seems to be Clarke's connection to string instruments. Slowly, they morph into green shades too, the green of Lexa's eyes. And Clarke thinks that this is another one of those time pockets to keep safely locked up in her heart.
When the last note fades out, Lexa's eyes stay on the guitar in her hands until Raven says, "Thank you, Lexa. I think that's the best birthday present I've ever gotten."
Clarke rises from her seat and takes the guitar from Lexa and hands it to Anya. She then proceeds to pull Lexa out of her chair and cups her cheeks before pulling her into a soft kiss. "I love you," she murmurs against Lexa's lips and kisses her again.
Lexa sighs the tension out of her body and finally meets Clarke's eyes. She feels too many things she can't explain right now and Clarke knows.
"Go. It's okay. I'll be in to check on you later." Clarke assures her and Lexa nods and retreats back to Clarke's room where she curls up in a ball on Clarke's bed.
*
"So, you and Lexa..." Bellamy says, leaning against the doorway to the kitchen, his arms folded over his chest. Clarke had used a bit of cleaning up as an excuse to take a moment to herself.
"Yeah," Clarke grins as she dries her hands off in a handtowel.
"Is it serious?"
"It's a couple of months old, but yeah, it's serious." Clarke nods as her gaze drifts to Bellamy's. He looks a bit taken aback and it confuses Clarke a little.
"Okay. I'm happy for you..." he says, lifting and index finger to scratch his cheek.
"...but?" Clarke narrows her eyes.
"No but," he says holding his hands up in a defensive stance as he walks farther into the kitchen.
"Okay..." Clarke doesn't believe him, but she's not in a mood to play mind games with Bellamy, so she lets it slide, only, Bellamy didn't get that memo.
"It's just... I think you could do better." He licks his lip, it's something he does when he tries to calm himself down. When he wants to stay cool even though his mind wants to run wild.
"What does that even mean, Bellamy?" Clarke is angry now. "Lexa makes me more happy than I've been in a long time, in fact, she makes me even more happy than Finn did and I didn't think that was even possible but there you go. She's not good enough for me?"
If looks could kill...
"I... No, that's not what I meant. It just... She seems like she has some issues. And you deserve better than to-"
"What Bellamy? Clarke deserves better than what?" Raven slides into the kitchen, in between Clarke and Bellamy.
He looks at Raven with wide eyes and there's a spark of anger in them because he's not used to be undermined like that.
"She doesn't speak... She...-" Bellamy begins but Clarke interrupts him.
"I don't have to justify to you who I'm with and why. Lexa speaks more clear than anyone I've ever known and that's despite her not being vocal." Clarke is just about ready to punch him in the face when Octavia enters the kitchen.
"What's going on?" She asks with wide worried eyes.
"Bellamy was just leaving." Raven says, her threatening eyes never leaving his.
"Bell? What did you do..." Octavia says, fear in her voice.
"Nothing, O. It's fine. I'm leaving. I'm sorry. Happy birthday Rae." He shakes his head dismissively as he grabs his things and leaves the apartment.
There's an uncomfortable silence in the room and it's suffocating Clarke.
"I uh... I need a minute," she says, breaking the silence as she goes back to her room.
She finds Lexa asleep curled up in a ball on top of the sheets and she slides in behind her. Clarke pulls Lexa in to her as she kisses her shoulder.
"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. Don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise," she whispers, but Lexa is asleep and doesn't hear it.