Chapter II
'Love, the other day you asked me what it's like not to speak. I'm sorry, but I don't know how to explain it. I believe it's something that needs to be experienced, so tonight I'll be stealing away one of your senses and then afterwards you can tell me what it's like.'
Lexa waits patiently for Clarke to finish reading the note. She watches Clarke's ocean blue eyes trace the words from side to side until she reaches the last word. She watches Clarke trace the words one more time before looking back up with a questioning look, a raised eyebrow.
Lexa raises an eyebrow of her own challenging Clarke to take the bait.
"Alright, I'll bite. Which one of my five senses are you stealing?" Clarke asks and Lexa answers with a shrug and one of those innocent smiles that always pulls Clarke in.
"Alright, fine. But tell me, is this casually fancy enough for you?" Clarke says seductively as she runs a presenting hand down along her figure and twirls one time for Lexa.
And yes, Lexa very much likes the black jeans and the blue silk button-up Clarke has chosen. She answers Clarke by hooking an index finger in one front pocket to pull her closer, to steal a kiss from her lips.
*
They leave the apartment hand in hand, fingers entwined and they stroll down the street that leads them downtown until they stand in front of the concert hall.
"A night with the Philharmonics?" Clarke sees the poster on the board. "Are you taking me to a concert and then not letting me hear anything?" Clarke pouts and for a second Lexa almost forgets why they're there. She lifts Clarke's pouty face with a finger under her chin and kisses Clarke softly, never breaking eye contact.
Lexa shakes her head to answer Clarke's questions.
"Lee-eexa," Clarke whines and Lexa looks at her with an amused smirk. Maybe Lexa likes to surprise Clarke and keep things a secret from her on purpose just to make Clarke this whiny mess of pure anticipation. As much as Clarke loves surprises, she's just as impatient waiting for them.
"Okay, fine." Clarke gives up. She's not actually mad, she's excited and can't wait to find out what the surprise is.
Lexa takes Clarke's hand and guides her inside the concert hall. The entry room is a majestic hall of pillars and a massive chandelier in the high ceiling. Clarke stops in her track to take it all in, it looks like something out of a movie, Clarke thinks, and the joy on her face has Lexa melting a little.
Lexa guides her up the marble stairs to find their seat in a VIP balcony which they have all to themselves. From there, Clarke can look down on the whole venue, taking in the architectural masterpiece with curious eyes and her mouth half agape.
"I've never been in here before," Clarke tells Lexa. "It's so beautiful. I want to draw it," she says and looks at Lexa with a big grin on her face.
Lexa almost hates herself a little for what she's about to do, but reminds herself that she can always bring Clarke back here.
"So, VIP balcony?" Clarke raises an eyebrow and Lexa takes out her notebook.
'Being the child of Indra and Gustus woods has its perks'
Lexa holds up another prepared note for Clarke to read.
'Take a last look at your surroundings. I'm stealing your sight'
As Clarke looks back at Lexa, she is pulling out a blue piece of silk and she gives Clarke one of those looks that either means 'are you okay?' or 'are you ready?' and a nod from Clarke means that Lexa can proceed. Lexa leans forward to gently place the silk over Clarke's eyes and tie it behind her head. She then traces her fingers along Clarke's jaw and then Clarke is grinning and Lexa can't help herself as she leans forward a bit farther to place a kiss on Clarke's lips.
"I don't suppose this is why I'm here, but you're putting dirty thoughts in my head," Clarke smirks and Lexa blushes but Clarke can't see that.
The blindfold means that Lexa's only means of communication is touch and she only just realizes that. She did not think this through. She's feels oddly alone until Clarke fumbles for her hand to entwine their fingers. For the rest of the night, if one woman squeezes the others' hand the other responds with a squeeze of their own.
Lexa spends most of the concert watching Clarke. She's done this exercise a million times herself. Listening to music with a blindfold over the eyes means that the brain creates its own images instead. It's not exactly the same as losing the ability to speak because whereas the sight is actually one of the five senses, the ability to talk is not. But when it comes to ways of communicating, being able to talk is just as important as being able to see. For a long time, it was hard for Lexa not to be able to sing anymore and just for a night, it's going to be hard for Clarke not to be able to draw the images this experience will conjure up in her mind. It's almost the same, but not quite.
When the orchestra below them starts playing, Clarke's mind explodes. She spends the first ten minutes getting used to the blindfold. She wants to be able to see the musicians move with their instruments, she wants to see their facial expressions and her eyes hurt because they expect images but they aren't getting any. She wants to watch Lexa take it all in because she knows music makes Lexa feel alive and because she wants to observe that said life dance in her eyes.
She eventually decides to close her eyes behind the blindfold and then something happens. The string section are different shades of blue, the horn section are many versions of red and the percussion section are spots of yellow creating art upon the canvas that is her paralyzed mind. The more she gives in to just listening to the music, the more her mind clears and the combination of the three primary colors start evolving. Into shapes. Into patterns. Into new colors. Into stories. Like waves rippling through the surface of water. Like rays of light reflecting off water. Like flowers growing from the earth. Like the warmth she feels in her heart when she's the reason Lexa smiles. Like the mornings they stay in bed until their stomachs growl and demand food. Like the pain she still feels when she thinks about loss.
And Clarke has absolutely no words to describe what's going on in her mind.
None.
When the concert is over, Lexa leans in to kiss Clarke on the cheek before she unties the silk. There's a vulnerability in Clarke's eyes that Lexa hasn't seen before and she wants to know what's going on in Clarke's head but she doesn't know how to ask her that.
Clarke wants to tell Lexa about her experience, but she doesn't know how to begin. Instead she pulls Lexa in to a kiss that's violent and gentle and desperate and slow.
"Don't throw the silk away," Clarke whispers next to her ear before she rises from her seat leaving a flustered Lexa behind. Lexa carefully places the silk back in her pocket before catching up with Clarke.
It's not yet late enough for the stars to appear on Clarke's favorite canvas, but it doesn't matter, because all Clarke sees is the explosion of colors in her mind. She spends the walk home thinking about the message Lexa is trying to convey with this experience.
*
"Do you see colors too?" Clarke timidly asks as they walk up to the apartment building.
Lexa shakes her head and pulls out her notebook.
'Music brings me emotions. It can make me sad even if I'm happy. The images I get are not visual like yours, but more of a state of mind, if that makes sense?'
Clarke understands the part about emotions, but not the idea of images not being visual. It's one of the many wonders of Lexa, her mind works so differently and it amazes Clarke immensely.
"I don't have an answer for you, but I think I finally understand why you need to process things, because... Wow, my head is overloading right now." Clarke says and Lexa grins at her because that was exactly the response she was hoping for with her little experiment.
"Also, please take me to a concert again sometime? I'd like to experience it with my eyes too." Clarke smiles and Lexa kisses her cheek in agreement.
When they enter the apartment, they find Raven sitting on the floor in the hallway, her back up against the wall, her head tilted back and her eyes shut tight and Clarke knows that she's in pain. Like, real excruciating pain.
"Rae..." Clarke whispers as she kneels next to Raven on the floor. She cups Raven's cheek because it usually works on Raven, but this time Raven just clenches her jaw. "Okay, we're gonna help you up, okay? Me and Lexa. Couch or bed, Rae?"
But Raven doesn't answer.
"Rae! Couch?" and Raven shakes her head.
"Okay, bed it is. Lex, I need you to take this side. We need to support her so she doesn't use her leg, okay?" Lexa nods and follows Clarke's instructions. She's worried because she doesn't know what's going on but it seems Clarke does and she's a nurse, so Raven is in good hands.
They work as a team lifting Raven up in a standing position. Clarke is on Raven's bad side making sure she doesn't use her bad leg. They tumble down the hallway towards Raven's bedroom and Raven grinds her teeth not to scream her pain out and Lexa wishes she could transfer some of the pain to herself, so badly.
Once Raven is lying on her bed, Clarke starts to unbuckle the brace. She notices that Raven already tried but must have given up in the process.
"Lex, there's a black plastic container in the top left cabinet in the kitchen. Can you get it for me and also a glass of water, please."
While Lexa goes to the kitchen Clarke starts to massage Raven's leg. "What happened Rae... How long have you been sitting there... We're gonna fix you," Clarke says, mostly muttering words to herself, her words are broken and full of guilt and of promises to make things better.
Lexa returns with water and the black container seconds later. "Thank you Lex, they're really strong painkillers... It's gonna take a while before they work. Could you text Anya and let her know what's up?"
And yeah, that's something Lexa can do. She writes Clarke a note before she walks back into the kitchen to prepare a few sandwiches and a pot of tea.
'I'll tell Anya. I'll make sure there's food if you need any and let me know if there's anything I can do?'
*
It's about an hour later when Clarke enters the kitchen and walks determinedly directly into the waiting arms of safety. Lexa's hugs are like medicine for the soul and it's the only thing Clarke needs right now.
Clarke's body is heavy against Lexa's. Lexa places kisses to Clarke's temple and she rubs circles on her back trying to release some of the tension in Clarke's body. Clarke buries her face in the crook of Lexa's neck and Lexa feels the warm tears slowly soak her shirt.
Clarke cries silently. She's not really sad. She's just emotionally drained and she cries because she needs to let go of some of that to be able to let more in because she knows this isn't over.
They stand like that until Clarke takes a deep breath and sighs. "Thank you, Lex. I needed that."
Lexa thumbs away the tears still on Clarke's cheek and she kisses each cheek before leaving a kiss on her forehead. Her lips stay on her forehead until Clarke places her hands flat against Lexa's collarbone.
"Thank you for taking me to the concert. It was an amazing experience. You're too good to me." Clarke says and Lexa smiles in return.
Lexa reaches for her notebook on the counter.
'I'm glad you liked it. You deserve only the best. I told Anya about Raven, she said she'll be here within the hour'
Clarke nods silently and slides her arms around Lexa's neck to steal another one of those hugs that heals her soul. It's been a long and eventful night and it's been emotionally draining. They stay up waiting for Anya and Lexa makes sure Clarke eats something before she goes to bed. It's past midnight before they fall asleep, Lexa spooning Clarke and leaving soft kisses on her neck until Clarke's body drifts off to sleep in her arms.