Screw Friends

After the hike, it was dinnertime, and the team was sitting together in a conference room watching the US men play. Everyone who went on the hike was a little late, but people moved over, and made room so everyone could sit in front of the TV. There was chick fil a catering on the counters, and waters for everyone to grab. There were a couple of pillows and blankets scattered for people to lay on, and there was only one blanket and pillow left. Tobin and Christen immediately looked at each other, wondering who was going to say it first.

“Do you wanna sha-” Tobin started.

And Christen finished, “-re with me?” They both giggled, and sat next to each other.

Not going to lie, they both really wanted to snuggle. And it wasn’t like they couldn’t, they had held hands, flirted, ect. But there was something that was keeping them from each other, and Christen couldn’t put a finger on it.

Maybe she doesn’t like me anymore? Did I do something wrong? Probably too clingy. Or maybe she’s just not into me and wants to be friends? Am I staring at her too much?

After thinking about it, Christen siked herself out. She decided to leave Tobin alone, and go be by herself. Plus, a little her time wouldn’t hurt. On the other hand, Tobin was thinking something totally different.

When do I hold her hand? Should I hold her hand? And how am I supposed to snuggle with her without everyone noticing? Ugh I just want to smell her hair, and her perfume..

Tobin wasn’t even able to focus on the sport that she dedicated her life to, because of Christen. She snuck multiple glances at Christen, just to get a sight of the tanned, beauty that sat next to her. She must’ve been looking too long when Christen whispered in her ear, that she was going to go up and rest. Tobin mentally scolded herself.

God Tobin, stop being such a stalker. You scared the poor girl away.

Christen was just too nervous to sit next to Tobin for the next hour, so she headed to the elevator, with tears in her eyes, and trudged to the common room on their floor to rest and watch some TV. She was just so overwhelmed with everything, and needed someone to talk to. But Tobin was really the only one she was close enough to talk to about this. She could talk to Ashlyn, but Christen just wasn’t sure. And even though she was in a hotel with her team, coaches, and a phone to call her sisters, she felt so alone. Christen started to cry, and kept crying until she was shaking. Her sobs drowned out her team cheering on the floor below, and the knocks on the door of a housekeeper, asking if everything was alright. She cried until everything was quiet again, and she kept crying. She cried for herself, for Tobin, and for them. For whatever they were. She kept crying until she heard Ashlyn’s voice.

“Christen?”

The door opened, and Ashlyn walked over to where Christen was lying. The sofa she was on was tear stained, and wet, and Ashlyn had been there. She felt for Christen, and knew all she needed was a hug, or someone to hold her. She stroked Christen’s hair soothingly, and whispered,

“Who do you want? Me or Tobin?”

Christen cried a little more, “T-tobin. Please.”

Ashlyn texted Tobin, and stayed with Christen until she got there. She told Tobin what happened, and left. Tobin looked at the girl before her. This was the same girl she knew and had a crush on, but she was broken. Tobin had been there, she had seen herself like this. Broken and needing someone. And that’s where people made mistakes. But Christen was worth a mistake.

So, Tobin scooped Christen up, and carried her to their room. Christen was still shaking, so she helped her out of her clothes, and put some pjs on her. She washed her face, and helped her brush her teeth, wiping away the tears running down Christen’s face. She tucked Christen into bed, and looked down at the broken girl. Tobin’s heart wrenched at the sight of Christen like this, and she would do anything to fix her.

“Do you need anything else, Chris?’ Tobin asked, while she stroked the girl’s curly locks.

Christen nodded. “S-stay with me tonight.”

“Well, this is our room so I’ll just be in my be-”

“No. Sleep with me. Pl-ease.” Christen managed to choke out.

Tobin nodded and crawled into bed next to Christen. The faced each other, and every time Christen looked at Tobin, she cried. But she never told Tobin to leave. So, Tobin stroked her hair, and drew circles on her hands until Christen was able to stop crying. Tobin took a huge breath, and a huge risk. She carefully snuggled closer into Christen, wrapping her arm around Christen‘s torso. Christen reached up to Tobin’s hand, and held it. That invisible wall between them had finally been broken, and they could both feel it as smiles crept onto their faces. Tobin nudged her head into Christen’s neck. Christen turned her head and started to sleepily explain herself, but Tobin stopped her.

“Tell me in the morning, just go to sleep.”

Christen nodded, grateful that the tears on her face were dried.

They woke up at the sound of their alarm, and started to get ready for training as if nothing had happened. Once they were ready, the put their bags together, and were out the door. It was silent as they got onto the elevator, and Tobin was tempted to break the silence.

“You can talk to me if you want, you know.”

Christen nodded. “I know. It just might be something you don’t want to hear.”

Tobin turned towards Christen and looked her in the eyes. “I don’t care, Christen. I’ll listen anyway.”

“Okay. Quick lunch after training? I’ll tell you then.” Tobin nodded, and gave Christen’s hand a squeeze before they walked into the breakfast room.

When they first walked in, Ashlyn shot a look at Tobin, asking if she was okay. Tobin just nodded and went to sit with Allie, Alex and Kelly, where christen was headed. They sat next to each other, and were silent most of the breakfast, tired and overwhelmed from the night before. Alex and Allie shot Tobin multiple questioning looks, and Tobin just shrugged. She was too tired to care.

Training was pretty quick, the team just did a few small sided scrimmages and technique work. The girls went to go take a shower, and came out and got dressed. They were both wearing pretty casual clothing, but each one looked each other up and down just the same. The walk to the car was silent, and so was the drive to lunch. They were so overwhelmed, there was nothing really to talk about until lunch.

Once they ordered, and got their seats, they just looked at each other for a while. Tobin was searching Christen’s eyes, and she couldn't find anything to explain what happened last night. So she just asked.

“So, about last night..” Tobin questioned, trying to look at Christen’s eyes, which were now focused on the ground.

“Uh, right.”

What do I tell her? That I thought she didn’t like me so I cried like a baby in front of her? God this is so stupid. I should just go.

Christen shook her head. “It’s just so stupid Tobin. I’m just going to go.” She got up to leave and started walking back to the hotel.

Tobin was so shocked, and didn’t do anything. When she finally realized what was happening, she paid the check and dashed after Christen. She was in an alleyway when she finally caught up.

“Christen! Wait!” Tobin yelled.

Christen shook her head and kept walking.

“Christen! Christen. STOP!” Tobin yelled again, and this time Christen stopped.

“God Tobin! Just leave me alone! I’m so tired of this playful, flirting or whatever this is! I don’t know what you’re feeling, and I just don’t know what you want! But, I know how this works. You play with my heart, and then leave it! Go find some other girl, who’s better than me, prettier than me, more successful than me, it happens every. Damn. Time! I know how this ends, and it’s you married to some other girl. So why am I even wasting my time Tobin?! Tell me why!”

Christen yelled, her eyes filling with tears. Tobin just stood there with an angry, sad look on her face.

She whispered loud enough for Christen to hear her, “Really? Are you kidding?”

“No.” Christen said, voice shaking.

Tobin shook her head, tears rolling down her face. “You really don’t know me at all. You haven’t noticed all the things I’ve done for you? I’ve tried so hard to make you feel at home here, and you’re saying all of it was a waste? God, Christen! Open your eyes!”

Christen felt small now. She was recalling all the times Tobin introduced her to the team, told her how good she was, told her how a drill worked, etc.

“And I really thought I was falling for you, Christen. But I guess not.”

Tobin started to walk back to the hotel, and Christen called after her. But she kept walking, as she left the broken girl behind her. She turned around one more time.

In a whisper she said, “Christen, I just don’t know how to make you happy. I’ve done so much. What have I gotten in return? Not a lot.” Tobin turned around, and kept walking.

Christen broke down a little more, and sat down in the alley.

Right then, she made a promise to herself.

I’m going to make it up to her.