Chapter 4
Kara remembered the first time she ever dated. She was 14, and she was with a guy named James. Kara wanted to say that she loved James. They were together for a year, and in that year, Kara made so many memories that could never be forgotten. It wasn’t a bad experience, not by a long shot. He was her best friend. They laughed and cried together. Stuck with each other through the bad jokes and the first few dates and the awkward silence that filled the atmosphere until it wasn’t weird anymore. Kara felt more like herself around James, (which is just maybe why she had to let him go,) and that was more than she felt around anyone before, aside from Alex and Winn. They made moments together. They were together.
And these thoughts bring a smile to Kara’s lips, but deeper within, a twinge of contradiction. Because while Kara felt good while she was James, she didn’t feel right (if that makes any sense.) She came to that realization in the middle of their sophomore year. Kara was 15, James was 16, and though he was older than her, perhaps he was too young to understand. It was a bitter breakup, and Kara doesn’t like to remember the bitterness. She had liked to think about her future at the time (she would so much freer.) She had liked to think that it would be worth the pain and the tears and the look of hurt on James’ face (“James, I'm doing this for you. Trust me.”)
But if breaking up with James was what was best for the both of them, (it had to be,) then she was still patiently waiting for rainbow after the storm. Nothing was working out for Kara. She was much too quiet, and even when she did speak, the majority of the sentence was filled with repeated, messy syllables, due to a nasty stutter she had acquired as a bad habit years ago. She blushed fiercely at any human being she interacted with- male or female- and she has apologized to trash cans on numerous occasions. While people were nice to her, nobody wanted to be her friend. Socializing wasn’t Kara’s forte, and she thought that she was okay with that, until her breakup with James left a hole in her heart, a bigger hole than Winn or Alex or her parents or even her cat could fill (alongside the fact that maybe Kara didn't actually know what- or who- she wanted yet.)
Kara often spent her free time sketching. Sketches of anything she could see, or anything that occupied her thoughts. With that being said, her sketchbook was mostly full of drawings of her cat, the trees outside, and a dead ladybug that lay on the corner of her desk. Kara didn’t have the heart to throw her away. She even named it; Maudry. Kara didn’t really think anything else was entirely worthy of her time, she did have roughly 7.6 lbs of schoolwork to complete every night. She put partial blame on her clumsiness (falling was a pretty normal occurrence in Kara’s life) on the fact that she was top heavy due to her many textbooks.
So when she took a spill today, she didn’t expect anything other than what happens every other time she falls. But this girl (!) shows up out of nowhere (certainly not an unwelcome intervention) and messes everything up. And by messes, Kara doesn’t mean that she ruined anything. She means that this girl made her heart jump. Just once. A skipped beat that anyone else would have not given any thought to. But Kara overthinks. About everything. Anything. And she wishes she could stop thinking about Lena because it was making her confused about why her relationship with James didn’t work. What was it that James couldn’t give to Kara when she truly had everything the relationship needed (but did it have everything that she truly wanted?) Kara wishes she could stop thinking about Lena’s half smile. It was always with the left side of her mouth. And she wished that she could forget that Lena’s favorite ice cream flavor is mint chocolate chip, because that’s a really useless piece of information to store in one’s brain.
But it’s hard to stop thinking about someone when they’re walking only a few inches away from you, and the smell of the slightest fragrance of strawberries is tickling your nose, so you're concentrating on trying not to sneeze.
“Listen, I’m really sorry about today” (the sneeze sensation ceased) “I certainly never imagined that I would initiate a friendship via kicking them in the head.” Lena chuckled a bit.
“Y-you think we’re gonna be friends?” Oh. Real friendly, Kara. 10/10 will get you friends every time. “I mean, not that I don’t wanna be friends with you. You’re awesome, really. I love ice cream. And you!” O H M Y G O D. “I-I mean, I love you because you got me ice cream! Not because “I love you” love you, because that would be awkward because we just met.” Kara slammed her mouth shut. That’s enough social for today.
Lena quirked the left side of her mouth (noted) in a half smile.
“If buying you ice cream is what buys your love and friendship for me, then I think we can do this again tomorrow. And the day after. And so on. Honestly, I feel so horrible about what happened.”
“Oh no, really it’s fine. I actually have an extra pair at home, because extra pairs evidently come in handy.” Kara gestured at her bare face, devoid of glasses.
“Hey, do you have a phone? I know we’re neighbors and all, but we can start off with just texting if you want.” Lena held up her phone, as if to assure Kara that she really meant it.
“O-oh! Yeah, I do actually. Here.” Kara handed Lena her phone. She couldn’t help but notice how Lena’s eyes lingered on Kara’s screensaver for just a moment before putting her number into Kara’s contacts. She didn’t know why though, it was only a picture of her cat. When Lena handed Kara her phone in return, she noticed Lena’s own background. A picture of her, with some boy. They didn’t really look alike. And Kara noticed something different about Lena. Her smile. It was full (and beautiful) and radiated genuine happiness. Kara likes genuine happiness and all (so why did she feel off about the picture?) It was like something wasn’t settling with her right, and she couldn’t tell what it was. Kara blinked, and brought the phone closer to her face, because she couldn’t really see the numbers clearly. As she typed the numbers carefully, her tongue poked out a tiny bit (she didn’t notice Lena’s half smile at the small action.)
It wasn’t until Kara got home when she felt a faint buzz in the pocket of her jeans. She pulled it out, reading the text preview on the lockscreen from a contact named ‘Lena :)’. Kara never used any emoticons for any of her contacts. Nobody was that special. And she was about to change Lena’s name, but something about the full smile on the smiley face emoticon stopped her. It was a weird connection, but it made Kara think of Lena’s screensaver. A picture of a girl with a full heart (there was that feeling again.) So Kara kept it. Maybe she’ll make an exception. Maybe it was time to start thinking that certain people are a little bit special. Kara realized that she hadn’t actually read the text yet.
Lena :): I had a fun time today. If kicking people in the head is what gives me an excuse to eat ice cream, then I’ll consider getting a job as a….head kicker.
Kara snorted, and tapped out her response.
Kara: I’m glad that I’ve finally met you after 4 years of living like 13 feet away from you. Your big scary looking house probably isn’t as scary with you in it.
Kara: Was that a weird thing to say? Texting is hard because I can’t see the look of disdain on people’s faces when I say something weird.
Lena :): That’s probably a weird thing to say. But it’s a good thing I’m just me. You don’t have to care too much.
Aw.
Kara: Hey! I bet I wouldn’t want you any other way.
Lena :): We’ll have to go on more adventures and then find out if you still think that’s the case.
Kara: Try me.
Lena :): Will do.
It was a meaningless phrase. Nothing but an obvious response to Kara’s text (so why did she blush so fiercely?) Kara scooted over to her desk, where her pet dead ladybug resided. Speaking of pets, where’s Bucky? Kara decided that he was currently unimportant, because she had newfound inspiration. She flipped through pages of rough sketches of Bucky and a few oddly detailed sketches of Maudry the Ladybug, until she reached an empty page. Clean, fresh, and untouched. A space to make her own (does it really belong to her when all she can think about is someone else?) She begins. There’s no color on the paper, but that’s irrelevant when she can clearly see the piercing green eyes behind her own eyelids.
It wasn’t until she had just begun the infamous half smile (her hand gliding delicately over the paper to capture the slight wrinkles that appeared at the corner of her mouth) when she heard the familiar buzz of her phone once more. Her lips tugged up into a smile of their own when she saw who the text was from.
Lena :): Hey...is this your cat?