Chapter 9
“You didn’t kiss her?”
Anya stares at Lexa with this expression she has when she thinks that Lexa is being extra-stupid.
“You had dinner, you held hands and walked around the city and then you walked her home and did not kiss her?”
Lexa looks at her.
“Yes.”
“But why?”
Anya sounds frustrated and Lexa puts down her laptop.
“It would have been too fast.”
“Too fast? You’ve been texting for days, you got all dressed up and nervous …”
“No kissing on the first date.”
Anya stares at her in disbelief now.
“Are you kidding me? Since when do you believe in the American standards of dating?”
Lexa laughs.
“I don’t know … I didn’t want to jinx it.”
Anya shakes her head and sits down on the couch.
“You really have learned nothing from me, have you?”
Lexa sits down next to Anya.
“Believe me, An, this is different. I am positive that Clarke knows that I don’t just want to be friends. … I kissed her on the cheek and I lingered.”
“You ‘lingered’? What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
Anya turns her face to her.
“That I didn’t just give her a peck on the cheek, but I took my time to make sure she knows I like her?”
Now that she says it out loud Lexa realizes that it doesn’t sounds as convincing as it should. Maybe she should have just kissed Clarke? Oh God, what if Clarke thinks she didn’t want to kiss her? Holy shit, did she mess this up? She sits up straight.
Anya watches her cousin from going pale to sitting up rigid and grins.
“Let me guess? You just realized that your little gesture might not have been the right move?”
“But Anya, I swear … it felt like the right thing to do. I didn’t want to come on too strong …”
Anya shakes her head at her.
“Lexa, you better make sure the girl knows you more than just like her or I swear to God, I will kick your ass!”
Lexa takes three more seconds to think, then she jumps up and runs to the door.
“An, shut the door when you leave?”
“Lexa …?
“Can’t. Gotta go.”
She already has her hand on the door handle.
“Lexa!”
Anya’s voice is more urgent this time and Lexa stops to turn around.
“What?
“It’s freezing outside.”
“So?”
Anya is close to losing it.
“You’re in a t-shirt and socks.”
–---
“What do you mean she didn’t kiss you?”
Raven’s voice sounds a little distorted over the phone. She is somewhere doing NASA stuff, but she still called in to check on Clarke.
“Well, she gave me a kiss on the cheek …”
“On the cheek? What are you? Twelve?”
“Well, I guess I could have kissed her myself …”
Clarke throws a paint brush into a small empty bucket next to her. It’s the wrong bucket. This one is full of water and now there are water splashes mixed with green on the canvas. She sighs.
“Why the hell didn’t you?”
Raven sounds irritated.
“I don’t know?”
Clarke carefully dries the canvas with a piece of cloth.
“I didn’t want to rush it? She sent me a text though, saying that she enjoyed our evening a lot.”
“She did?”
There is a lot of distortion before Raven is back.
“But I guess that’s not enough, is it? You’re still obsessing about why Lexa didn’t kiss you … Even if you didn’t have the guts to kiss her yourself. That is so you, Griffin. Get out of your head! Right now!”
Even through the phone Clarke feels Raven’s disapproving look.
“But … what if she didn’t want to kiss me?”
She can’t help it. The feeling of insecurity is still there, like an old, unwelcome friend.
“Why the hell wouldn’t she? You’ve been texting like teenagers, you held hands, you had a great night. And you looked hot, Griffin! In this dress you look hotter than hot!”
Clarke smiles just a little bit.
“Thank you, Raven. Maybe you’re right. Maybe we were both too careful. I will call her tomorrow and …”
The door bell rings and Clarke looks up.
“Sorry, Rae, I have to go. There’s someone at the door.”
She terminates the call without a proper goodbye, even though she knows exactly how much Raven hates that, and gets up.
When she opens the door she is confronted with a very much out of breath version of Lexa. She has one hand on the door frame to steady herself while she tries to get her pulse to slow down.
“Lexa! Are you okay?”
Lexa nods, still too much out of breath to talk.
Clarke tilts her head.
“Did you run here?”
Another nod.
“Why?”
Lexa takes one more deep breath before she answers.
“I am sorry to barge in on you like this.” She has to catch her breath again. “I had a little conversation with my cousin and it made me realize that I forgot about something.”
Clarke looks at her.
“Okay? And what would that be?”
There is something about Lexa’s eyes that makes Clarke freeze. She can’t decide if it is their color that looks a lot like the one she has been painting with only a minute ago or the fact that they are focused on her lips. Now that Lexa’s breath is more even Clarke realizes that hers has sped up. She bites her lower lip and Lexa reacts to that by getting closer.
“I am sorry … I should have done this yesterday. I don’t know why I didn’t …”
Lexa’s voice sounds hoarse and low. Her face is inches from Clarke’s and Clarke slowly blinks.
“Should have done what?”
Her own voice is barely a whisper.
Lexa’s lips are so close to hers now that it tickles when she gives her answer.
“Kiss you.”
The kiss is softer than she had imagined. It is careful and slow and perfect. Clarke closes her eyes. Lexa is making sure she’s not overstepping any boundaries in the beginning, but when Clarke leans in so does she. Her heartbeat speeds up again when Clarke’s tongue is tickling her lips and she opens them enough to deepen the kiss.
Neither of them knows how long they’ve been standing there, in the hallway, in front of Clarke’s apartment, but when Lexa finally breaks the kiss the light in the hallway that runs on a timer is already out. They both smile.
“And here I was, worried you might not like me …”
Clarke has a smug grin on her face and Lexa can’t help, but stare at her.
“I am so sorry. I haven’t … done this sort of thing before.”
“What? Kissing women?”
Clarke laughs and Lexa blushes.
“No. First dates. … At least not with someone like you.”
“Someone like me? What does that mean?”
Clarke frowns just a little and Lexa is blushes some more.
“Someone I really like …”
“But you’ve been with … people? I mean, you dated Costia …”
“Yes, but that was … different.”
“Different how?”
Clarke realizes that they are still in the hallway, but she needs to know.
“Different, because … I like you.”
Lexa looks at her.
“Wait. That sounds wrong. What I mean is that I really like you and that is something that I haven’t felt before.”
Clarke still doesn’t seem to get her point and Lexa curses herself for being so bad with words.
She sighs and takes a deep breath.
“I have never been in love. Never. Like in my whole life. I know that sounds weird, but that’s what it is. I have been attracted people, women to be more exact, but I never ‘liked’ liked them.”
Clarke doesn’t say anything so Lexa keeps going.
“When I met you … something happened to me. I … felt something. I can’t explain and I don’t want to scare you.”
She looks at Clarke to check if she’s making her uncomfortable, but Clarke just looks at her with a hint of a smile on her lips.
“I’m just asking you to give me a chance. I might do stupid things like not kissing you even if I clearly want to, but I swear on all that’s holy that I don’t want to mess this up.”
She gives Clarke a sheepish smile.
“But hey, no pressure!”
Clarke doesn’t answer at first. She looks at Lexa, takes her in, the delicate face, the long chestnut colored hair and the slim body that is currently hidden under a black wool coat.
“You’re a riddle, Lexa Woods.”
She says it with a smile and sees Lexa’s expression change to something that might be confused with hope. Clarke smiles a little more, then she leans forward and lightly kisses her on the lips again.
“A riddle that I am determined to solve.”