Chapter 31
"I..I can't do this.." Vera mumbled sat in Joan's en suite leaned up against the bath, running a fever and having come into the bathroom to splash her face with water and wipe her face with a wet cloth, but it becoming a bit overwhelming and bringing her to be sat on the floor, head in her hands.
"Yes you can" Joan said, carefully moving some of the hair from her face.
"I...I can't!" turning to look up at Joan, her blue eyes wide and shining with unshed tears.
"Come now.." gathering Vera up in her arms, cradling her to her chest, placing gentle kisses on her forehead, the heat from the fever transferring to the older woman's lips.
"I can't imagine how hard all this is for you, but I know that you can get through it, I know you can because you're strong and I'm here, I'm going to look after you, properly look after you".
Vera closed her eyes at the kisses, listening to the soft and tender voice, that voice that seemed to help her relax, float into her ears and make her believe the words it was saying, something no one had ever done before.
There was nothing on this earth like the sound of Joan's voice.
Nothing.
So soothing.
So safe.
So Joan.
"Come on, let's get you back into bed, it's much more comfortable" rising to her feet and easily bringing Vera with her, holding her close as they moved from the bathroom and then back to bed, Joan helping Vera into bed, getting in herself and cradling the smaller woman against her body, gently stroking her hair, the motion helping Vera close her eyes and relax further into Joan, feeling her body relax and fall asleep, the thing that hadn't been easy coming over the past few hours.
Waking a few hours later, Vera squinted as her eyes adjusted to her surroundings, light now appearing under the curtains, guessing it must be at least dinnertime if not later, she being alone in bed, having remembered falling asleep with Joan.
Pulling back the duvet she swung her legs out of bed, rising to her feet, half asleep still padding to the bedroom door, rubbing her eyes and giving a soft yawn walking down the stairs, hearing soft music and rustling coming from the kitchen, the smell of cooking floating in the air.
Turning the corner Vera stopped, her eyes wandering around the sight before her.
Joan was at the cooker stirring something in a pan, the kitchen island had a number of plates on, each one with various foods on them, Joan's laptop was open on the kitchen table, a notepad and pen beside it.
"Vera.." Vera turning to see Joan looking towards her. "Are you alright?" lowering the heat under the pan and coming to stand in front of her, gently brushing her hair from her face, just like she had in the early hours of the morning in the bathroom.
Vera nodded. "Yeah, I just woke up and wondered where you were" she gave a sleepy smile, standing in the kitchen in her t shirt and short sleep set, her hair ruffled from sleep.
Leaning down Joan pressed a soft kiss to her forehead, running her hands down Vera's arms and holding her hands.
"I thought I'd let you sleep seen as you'd not had much last night, you looked very peaceful".
Smiling up at her Vera squeezed Joan's hands, pressing a kiss to her chin.
"Thank you, what are you making?".
"Oh well, I've been doing some research, researching foods and things that are helpful to help you fight back and get you stronger against your virus. I went out to get some ingredients and I've made things for you to try" leading Vera over to the work surface, showing the plates with food on.
Vera looked over them, not sure what some of them were, her eyes going to Joan to explain.
"It's says that vegetables and lots of them are important, along with not a lot of red meat and too many refined carbohydrates, lots of gluten too isn't looked upon very well too, so I've tried to find things that fit in with this".
One by one Joan explained what she'd made, Vera trying each one, giving her opinions of them and which she liked, Joan's face lighting up pleased on Vera liking what she'd made.
I might not be able to cure the virus myself but at least I can help this way.
I just want to help her feel better.
Take her pain and illness away, the fact I can't is really hard.
Really hard.
"Then there is this" passing Vera a glass with some rather green looking liquid, Vera screwing her face up at the colour and then the smell.
"What is that?".
"It's veggie juice, packed full of nutrients and vitamins. It's meant to be very good" watching the other woman smell it again and then take a sip and then pull a face, placing it back down on the work surface.
"No, no I can't drink that, it tastes awful. How anyone can find that good for them when it tastes like that, I will never know" sipping from a glass of water to rid her mouth of the taste.
Joan rolled her eyes at Vera's dislike of the juice and then her drinking water, the younger woman resting against the cupboards, her glass down next to the sink.
"How about you go and rest on the sofa, I can make you something to eat, get you a drink. Or maybe you'd like something else, something to read, some music, a programme you'd like to watch on the TV....or maybe I could go and get you something, something that I don't have here, something you'd like" her words coming out in a rush, different options flowing through her mind of what might help Vera.
"Stop...Joan, just stop!" the sudden raised voice bringing Joan's thoughts to a halt, the older woman's face surprised at Vera's tone.
"I...I just" not quite sure how to answer Vera's reply, looking down to her hands.
Watching Joan look down Vera sighed and closed her eyes.
I know she's only trying to help, but it's information overload.
My brain is frazzled by how I feel, adding this extra information it can't handle.
But I shouldn't shout at her.
It's not her fault, she's trying to help in her way.
She doesn't know what I want to do, what will help me so she's giving me things that she thinks might do.
Look at her.
Stood there like a scolded child.
A child that's been told off, been shouted at.
Scolded by a parent for nothing.
Scolded by me.
Opening her eyes again, Vera padded over to the older woman, taking her larger hands in hers, Joan looking at their hands together and then at Vera.
"I'm sorry" Vera whispered. "I sorry I shouted, it was wrong, I know you're only trying to help me and I shouldn't shout" looking straight into the older woman's eyes.
"I just want to look after you, to try and help you recover your strength and get better, I don't....I don't know what else to do, or what might help you feel a bit better or what you might like to do" she admitted, her voice with a slight sadness at not having the right answer to take Vera's illness away.
"Do you know what would help me, what I'd like to do?".
"Tell me" Joan replied.
"For you and me to have a duvet day".
Joan frowned at the suggestion, puzzled.
"A what day?".
Vera chuckled at Joan's confused expression.
"A duvet day, you don't know what one is?".
Joan shook her head.
A duvet day.
What on earth is one of those.
Does such a thing even exist or is it made up?
I've never heard of one before.
But I'll find out what such a thing is from her and it's what she'd like to do.
"A duvet day is when you get your duvet from the bed and sit on your sofa in pyjamas, watching TV or films, or listening to music, you have snacks and drinks, I like hot chocolate and mini marshmallows when I've done them in the past, you can have naps and just be all cosy and relaxed, you don't have to move from the house all day. That kind of thing you do" Vera explained, smiling as she described what it was, blue eyes looking at Joan.
"And this is what you'd like to do today?".
Still looking at Joan Vera nodded.
"Please, if that's ok?".
"Well...I've never even heard of this, let alone done it before, but I'm prepared to try it, especially with you" the sentiment of the other woman causing a wider smile from Vera, small arms going around Joan's waist as Vera hugged her.
"Thank you Joan" feeling the older woman hug her back and then kiss the top of her head.
"Now, you're going to get yourself settled on the sofa, I'll fetch the duvet from upstairs, then I'm going to nip out to get some hot chocolate and what are they again...mini marshmallows, maybe if we get hungry later I could make something, a...a homemade pizza or something else you'd like?".
"I'd like that" looking up at the governor.
Joan nodded. "Good, now come on, on the sofa and I'll fetch the duvet for us" kissing Vera's head again, parting from her and retrieving the duvet from upstairs.
A while later, with the few items from the shop Vera wanted purchased by Joan and brought home, the two women were cuddled up on the sofa, Joan led down length ways with Vera half led on her, the younger woman's hand flat on the older woman's upper chest, her head resting on her shoulder, watching the TV, the duvet tucked around them both.
"So how is this as far as...duvet days go?" having to remember the correct terminology for what they were actually doing.
"This is the best one I've ever had" smiling to herself as she slowly lifted her head to look at Joan. "Please could you pass me my hot chocolate?".
"Of course" easily reaching her long arm out to the coffee table and passing Vera her mug, the younger woman sat up slightly to take a sip of the warm drink, seeing Joan do the same with her own mug, having persuaded her to try it with her, managing also to get Joan to add a few marshmallows too.
Looking up from her drink she gave a giggle, this causing Joan to frown, confused.
"What's funny?".
"Y...you've got.." not bothering to finish her sentence, passing Joan her mug, the older woman putting them both back beside each other on the coffee table, the minute she'd regained her position, head against the pillow and Vera was leaning forward, gently gliding her tongue against and removing the hot chocolate moustache, this action causing a gentle sigh from Joan, Vera pulling back to look at her.
"You had a hot chocolate moustache" Vera smiled.
Joan raised an eyebrow, unable to stop herself smiling, looking back at Vera.
"That was a bit cheeky of you".
"I couldn't help it, you're just..just...beautiful and just you" her chin on Joan's chest, hands on her shoulders, laying on top of her, the compliment causing Joan to dip her eyes shyly, her cheeks with a blush to them.
Fingers linked at the small of Vera's back, Joan wandered her eyes over Vera's face, not saying a word for a few minutes.
"I know....I know, I know I can't begin to understand how you feel and how your illness effects you, but I know that I'll do all I can to look after you, if you need anything, anything at all then all you have to do is say and I'll get it for you, and if I can't myself then I'll find a way to get it. I'd....I'd do anything for you...anything" her words quiet but loving, having never said this kind of thing to anyone before, Vera being the first.
Moving her hands to Joan's cheeks, Vera brushed her thumbs against the fair and soft skin, exchanging a soft kiss with the older woman, her lips then moving to Joan's ear.
"You are the sweetest and I know with you by my side I can do anything and this is something I've never had before, oh yeah and I've never seen someone look as cute as you do with a hot chocolate moustache" smiling as she felt Joan's cheeks lift, knowing that this meant Joan was smiling even though she couldn't see her.
Before Vera lifted her head back, Joan's lips were near her ear.
"And I can honestly say I've never had a chocolate moustache for anyone else before, you're the only person I make the special exception for, because you're a special person" she said softly, kissing the shell of Vera's ear, it now being Joan's turn to feel Vera's cheek rise with a smile, the younger woman regaining her position of her head resting on Joan's shoulder, snuggling tightly on top of her, her fingers lazily stroking through Joan's hair a couple of times, after which her right hand found Joan's left and she linked their fingers, the entwined hands settling on Joan's chest, the older woman's free arm wrapping securely and protectively around Vera's back under the duvet as they led together.
If this is what these....duvet days consist of then I definitely want to do more of them with her.
If anyone else had asked me to do this kind of thing with them, the answer would have been a straight no.
Not a chance.
But not with her.
Never with her.
I meant what I said.
I'd do anything for her.
Absolutely anything.
I thought of my world as being work and my home.
Not anymore.
That's changed.
Now my world is her.
She's my whole world.
My everything.