Chapter 21
Look at her.
Look at how peaceful she looks.
So content.
So at ease.
So beautiful.
Lips slightly parted as she sleeps.
Breathing steady.
Not a flicker of tension on that face.
Oh that face.
Those eyebrows.
That nose.
Those lips.
Definitely those lips.
Kissable lips.
Her eyes.
Dark brown, big eyes.
That hold my attention.
So that I can't look anywhere else.
Draw me in.
Hypnotize me.
Those eyes that crinkle at the corners and close so the pupils are barely visible when she laughs.
Those eyes that have seen so much, so much bad stuff no doubt, things that can never been unseen only dealt with and moved on from.
I don't think she understands how stunning she actually is.
How beautiful she is.
She's sensitive, vulnerable, guarded, kind, scarred, frightened, fierce, nervous.
She's everything all roll into one human being.
Everything most people would find hard to understand.
Wouldn't even want to try to understand.
Haven't ever tried to understand so it seems.
And what a loss that is to them.
The loss of having her.
Having her by their side.
Losing the chance of spending time with her.
Their loss is my gain.
A big gain for me.
"Don't...don't hurt me, please" was the pleading request from Joan, still fast asleep but wriggling under the covers, her face scrunching up, a light film of sweat on her forehead.
"It's ok, it's alright, shhh, I'm here, I've got you" Vera soothed, gathering the older woman in her arms and holding her close, stroking her hair and then placing a kiss against it. "No one is going to hurt you" again stroking Joan's hair, the body in her arms relaxing at her actions, Joan then curled up into Vera more, settling in a spot with her head on Vera's chest, her breathing calm.
Vera smiled at how easily she seemed to be able to connect with the woman in her arms even though she was fast asleep, it was if Joan knew subconsciously that she was there and would keep her safe.
She trusted her to protect her.
Protect her in her most vulnerable state.
And I would do, I will do.
I won't let anyone hurt her.
Anyone.
Settling back in against the pillows Vera closed her eyes, quite happy to lay in and enjoy the atmosphere, the only sounds to be heard were those of her and Joan's breathing in sync, chests rising and falling together.
A short while later Vera was awake, back watching the woman led against her, Joan having shifted up her body more in sleep to now have her head on Vera's shoulder, still curled in tight to the smaller frame next to her.
"Hello you" Vera murmured softly on seeing the dark orbs being revealed from the sleepy eye lids of Joan.
The governor smiled sleepily, stretching her long limbs the length of the bed, returning them to their previous position of being snug against Vera.
"Hello" Joan replied, studying Vera's face, taking in her features, almost as if she'd never seen her before. "Have you been awake long?".
Vera shook her head smiling. "Not long no, how did you sleep?".
"Rather well thank you, much better than usual" not moving her gaze from Vera, it's true she always did sleep better when Vera was with her, she was what was the word....settled.
"I'm glad" tracing an index finger down Joan's cheek, then along her jaw.
Without a word Joan leant up, cupping Vera's face with a single hand, pressing her lips gently to those of her deputy for a long good morning kiss, feeling Vera's lips curve into a smile with their actions.
"Well that was a nice way to start the day" Vera said, her eyes sparkling, lips red from the kiss.
Joan's smile grew into a soft grin, one that reached all the way to her eyes at the comment. "Yes, I agree" Vera spotting the glint of happiness in her eyes.
"I was thinking, maybe, maybe we could do something or just spend some time together today, I understand if you didn't want to or had other plans or.." being stopped mid sentence by a hand covering hers, Joan's.
"I'd like that" the older woman replied softly, causing Vera to smile again.
Making her way downstairs after having a shower, Joan already in the kitchen and making what was the very distinct aroma of coffee, fresh coffee, none of that 'fake' coffee in Joan's house, apparently it wasn't worthy of being called coffee.
"Do I detect the aroma of coffee?" this comment enough to pull Joan's attention to the woman making her way towards the kitchen.
"You wish me to supply you with an answer Vera?" raising her eyebrow in question to the other woman, this action alone causing a smile to appear on Vera's face, answering Joan's question instantly.
Halfway through her mug of coffee, sitting at the dining table across from Joan there was a growl, a stomach growl, Vera's stomach, the younger woman looking to the source of the noise as her cheeks tinged pink, dipping her head.
"Shall I make you some food, some well, breakfast I suppose you'd call it after being on a night shift" was the offer, the older woman pausing from drinking her coffee.
"I'm not sure what I feel like eating, erm...toast? Do you have bread?" her cheeks now returned to a somewhat more normal skin colour and not as red.
"Yes Vera, I have bread, even I have bread" starting to get up from her chair.
"It's ok I can do it, you sit there and enjoy your coffee...if...if I'm okay to do it?" cursing herself for how it sounded as soon as she'd said it, but also knowing she knew how Joan felt about being neat and tidy.
The older woman considered the question, the request, giving a nod of her head in permission, watching the younger woman rise from her chair and pad into the kitchen.
Continuing to sip at the dark liquid in her cup, dark eyes were raised intermittently to the woman in her kitchen, yes she had someone else in her kitchen, allowing someone else to cook, well if you called it this and touch the equipment in her kitchen.
Usually this kind of thing would be totally out of the question.
Totally and utterly out of the question.
No one goes into my kitchen and touches anything, let alone makes some food for themselves.
This is should be causing me to be feeling all manner of negative things.
Anxious things.
Uncomfortable things.
Things I couldn't sit by and feel.
Things that caused me to get up and get said person out of my kitchen, out of my space, away from me, so I can return the kitchen to how it should be.
How I see fit.
But I'm not.
I feel strangely calm.
Ok to sit here whilst she makes food.
Just to watch her.
The way she pads bare foot around the kitchen waiting for the toaster.
Twirling the knife around in her fingers.
That knife dwarfs her small hand.
Releasing her hand from around her cup, Joan silently pushed her chair out from under the table and got to her feet, padding over to the kitchen island and stopping, her eyes never once leaving the figure with her back towards her looking at the toaster.
The dark haired woman glanced around her, not that there was anyone else in the house with them, but it seeming to be a habit that she check for anyone or anything else in the immediate vicinity of her, in her immediate space and surroundings.
Confident they definitely were alone she continued her journey, brushing past the side of the kitchen island, her jumper catching the edge and making a slightly sound, this she was sure Vera had heard, but not giving any indication she had.
With slightly quicker breathing she slowed her footsteps, each one getting her closer to where she felt herself being pulled to.
And a pulling feeling it was.
Like a magnet.
Unable to help herself it seemed.
Right now in this moment she was moving.
Moving to where she felt she needed to be.
Where she wanted to be.
Where she felt she couldn't help but be.
Then she was there, at her target, her arms raising from her sides only slightly, they didn't need to come up too high.
Hands hovering over hips, shaking slightly, composing herself, another minute and then she was snaking her arms around Vera's waist, feeling the younger woman's back resting against her chest, one hand higher than the other on that toned, flat stomach of her deputy, her own tension slackening on feeling Vera's smaller arms on top of hers, feeling relaxed enough to close her eyes.
Vera rested back against the embrace, smiling, her head finding it's place next to Joan's, the taller woman's chin on Vera's shoulder, cheek against cheek, enjoying being held by Joan, her blue eyes closing at the sensation.
This is exactly what I had in mind.
What I wanted to do.
What I felt I wanted to do.
That I needed to do.
I couldn't not when I saw her back turned in the kitchen.
I couldn't not take this opportunity.
To reach out.
To hold her.
Cuddle her.
Have her close to me.
Needing her close to me.
Feel her body against mine.
Wrap her up in my arms.
Keep her safe.
Keep her close.
Feel her heartbeat against mine.
Where it belongs.