Chapter 19
They'd both gone home to quickly shower and change after work, before heading to the bar in separate taxi's.
Joan had chosen a nice bar not too far out of town, but far enough they could be given an amount of privacy.
And we all know how much she values her privacy, especially on occasions like this.
Paying and thanking the driver, Vera immediately saw the tall figure waiting for her at the door, brown eyes instantly knowing it was her, raising her head to acknowledge the fact she'd seen her.
"Hello again" Vera smiled, standing in front of Joan.
"Hello" giving the other woman a small smile. "Shall we.." standing to the side to allow Vera in first.
Moving into the calm, but gently bustling wine bar, it obviously being one of the more exclusive ones just out of the city.
Bottles of wine lined the walls in wrap around metal holders, wooden tables and chairs in the middle of the space, with more comfy chairs with wooden tables outlining the room, a wrap around bar to the left, with a view through to the kitchen if you were to be seated on the high stools of the bar.
"I took the liberty to book us a quiet table in the corner, I hope that this meets with your approval" Joan said, as they were shown to said table.
"Very much so" taking the chair across from Joan.
After ordering some wine from the menu along with some food, they both took a mouthful from their glasses, eyes glancing to the other.
"This is nice" Vera said, replacing the glass on the table.
The dark haired woman mirrored her action. "Thank you, I've heard recommendations that it's a nice place so I thought it'd be suitable".
"More than suitable, it was a good choice Joan" another sip from her glass. "I'm so happy that you asked me, thank you" smiling her appreciation.
Look at that smile.
That smile that says she's happy to be here, to be here with me.
I'm grateful that she is.
So grateful.
"You're welcome" smiling as the waiter brought their food.
Vera making soft murmurs of approval, nodding to herself as she ate, this not going unnoticed at all by her companion, the sounds causing a fizzing in the lower belly of Joan, taking sips of wine between mouthful of foods.
That noise she's been making it shouldn't affect me but it does.
I didn't even notice it until that fizz in my stomach.
It was like I needed the sips of wine to extinguish it, or quell it a little at least.
With their plates cleared, the table opened up, the jug of water and the second bottle of wine they were sharing on it moved to the side, a clear path between the two of them so the view of the other wasn't obstructed.
"I..I find it difficult" started Joan, clearing her throat, fists clenching anxiously, eyes raising to peek a look at Vera, the deputy looking back at her.
Vera kept silent, she could clearly see Joan struggling, but her interruption wasn't going to help, if anything it would hinder the older woman.
Joan sighed, her brain clutching to find the right words and then say them out loud.
"Difficult to...to..express myself.." the wine helping to generate more saliva in her now acrid mouth.
Still Vera listened, not affected by the amount of time the dark haired governor was taking to speak, this not being lost on Joan, the expression on her younger companion remaining soft and understanding, giving Joan a soft, encouraging smile.
Pause again.
She's not bothered Joan, she's waiting, letting you speak, smiling.
Take your time.
She's listening, focused on you, interested.
Wanting to know.
"It's...I try..hard, it's just...very difficult" drinking the rest of her wine in one mouthful, refilling it and then taking sip from her glass of water, her heart thumping.
Now I've told her what will she say.
Will she run away.
Abandon me.
Belittle me.
Make fun.
Mock me.
Call me a freak.
"That's ok for you to feel this way, it's not a bad thing, not everyone finds it easy to express themselves and open up, but it can become easier over time. Thank you for telling me this, sharing this, it was very brave of you" reaching across the table to give her hand a reassuring squeeze.
Still here.
Praising me.
Encouraging me.
Accepting what I said.
Validating me.
Not abandoning me.
Joan squeezed the hand in hers, flashing a quick smile to the other woman, Vera's action seeming to settle her fleeting thoughts.
"Care for dessert?" Joan asked, their hands parting.
"Oh I might be able to be tempted, but only if you'll have one too?" waiting for the other woman's answer.
"Go on then" unable to help herself smile again at Vera.
What was all this smiling.
I've never smiled so much in my life.
Not since she's been around me.
My face doesn't know what's happened to it.
My cheek muscles are having a workout it seems.
Now here I am eating dessert.
I can't remember eating it even as a child, but I am now.
Because she wants one and wants me to and I want her to be happy.
Thinking about someone else.
Caring about them.
Me.
Yes me.
Not just thinking about me.
I'm thinking about someone else.
Her.
Dessert was ordered and quickly followed, then Joan was asking the waiter for their bill as Vera finished her wine.
"How much is it, I'll pay for my half.." she asked, looking to the dark haired woman across from her.
"Not at all, I'm paying for this.." watching Vera's hand move for the receipt on the little plate, Joan stopping her by placing her hand over the younger woman's, their eyes connecting, looking, fixed on the others.
"Please" Joan whispered, not moving their hands, or her eyes from Vera's.
How can I resist that tone, those eyes, the feel of her hand on mine, her skin touching my skin.
"Ok, but I'll get it next time, ok?" giving Joan a smile that let her know she definitely wanted to do this again, that she'd enjoyed it.
The older woman nodded almost instantly without even thinking about it, her body and mind seemingly already making their decision.
"Ok" smiling at the gesture, again their hands parting as the waiter rejoined them, Joan offering her card to him to pay.
"Thank you Joan" smiling happily at the older woman.
"You're welcome" she smiled back, unable to wander her eyes for the hundredth time that night over her dinner companion.
Making their way out of the bar they stopped and turned to look at each other, automatic smiles appearing on their faces.
"Shall I order the taxi now?" Joan taking her bag from her shoulder to get her phone, being stopped with Vera's hand over hers before she'd even unzipped it.
"Maybe we could walk back together, it's not raining or anything, weather isn't unpleasant.." she reasoned, leaving her hand over Joan's.
Joan looked to the night sky as if inspecting it, eyes floating down to the woman next to her.
"Very well" handbag back on her shoulder, walking beside Vera, trying to keep her stride steady so the smaller woman could keep up.
Making their way through the various avenues cutting out walking too long a way round on their journey home, Vera glanced around as they made their way down another one of these avenues, houses and cars on either side, jumping on hearing a scuffle followed by a clanking sound, yelping in fright moving quickly to the tall woman beside her and grabbing her arm, shuffling into her, frightened, causing them both to stop in their tracks, Vera's breathing quickening. A few minutes of tense waiting, mainly on Vera's part followed before a raccoon appeared from up the drive, scurrying away on seeing both women watching it.
Vera let her breath out at seeing the culprit, starting to loosen her arms from Joan's one arm.
"I'm sorry..sorry Joan.." suddenly feeling embarrassed and nervous at her frantic action for the sake of a raccoon.
She's nervous at what she's just done.
I can sense it.
Nervous for grabbing me, grabbing my arm.
But she felt that I'd protect her, keep her safe.
She trusts me to do that.
There's that word again.
Trust.
And she didn't hurt me, she's smaller than me, she couldn't hurt me, not in that way.
Saying nothing Joan put her hand on top of the arm of Vera's that remained around hers, looking down at her.
"It's alright, you..you can hold my arm if you like, if you feel safer" her voice quiet so only Vera could hear her.
She tightened her arm around Joan's, already feeling safer at being close to her, her legs falling in stride with Joan's slowed walking pace
"Thank you" Vera whispered as they walked, slyly glancing to catch a glimpse of the woman whose arm she held, her back straight, head up, long hair flowing and bouncing a bit with the light breeze, the long legs making short work of the pavement underneath them.
The comfortable silence continued as they both resumed walking, not awkward, not tense, not needing to be filled by words, the settled and calm atmosphere between them saying everything they needed it to.