Chapter 18
"You heard what the governor said and her word is final, now come on back to your unit!" Vera ordered the prisoner who'd taken it upon herself to protest outside the office door after being told she couldn't have whatever silly requests she seemed to have put forth to Joan.
Some of these prisoners I really wonder about.
Do they not understand the concept of a governor and the fact that her word is final, regardless of how many times they protest and kick off.
Bloody hell.
God help us all working in corrections.
The re enforcement and back up hadn't been lost on the ever listening ears of Joan Ferguson.
She'd very much heard the fact her deputy had just defended her and her decision in front of a prisoner.
Having managed to find a little time to squeeze in a lunchtime in between the various goings on in the prison today, Vera sat in the now empty staff room, the rest of the staff now back on duty, these of course taking their lunch hours at the exact time, no missing food and lunches for them.
Well I say lunchtime, it's way past that but for me it's lunchtime.
With the sandwiches she'd prepared the night before in front of her on the table wrapped neatly in cling film, an apple by their side, Vera thumbed through the newspaper that someone had brought with them and left this morning, her eyes staying on the pages, opening the clear food wrapper and taking one half of the sandwich, the bread crammed with salad and ham, replacing it back where it came from, she carried on reading, her mind then drifting, drifting to Joan.
That name.
That woman.
That entity.
Such a complex collection of everything.
I'm so glad she didn't leave straight away the other night after our meal, she even took her flowers home, said she'd find a nice place for them in her house.
She's displaying her flowers from me in her home.
The word displaying I like, she's not hiding them.
We even shared a goodnight kiss, ok it wasn't what some might consider a full on snog, up against the wall and all that but I don't care, it was just right, just right for us.
What, did I just say that us?
Us.
Joan and I.
Is that possible to think in terms of.
Well let's consider the facts.
We've spent time together.
Been to each other's houses.
Had dinner together.
Been close in terms of hugs and physical contact.
And from what I've found out about her she's not been used to physical contact with anyone at any time.
But she seems to like it with me.
Settles when I hold her.
Has been asleep in my arms.
Now that I liked a lot.
I enjoyed it.
Enjoyed her.
She looked so peaceful, so content.
Not to mention stunning, I was able to look at her, properly look at her, her features, down to her eyelashes.
God how does she not know how beautiful she is.
Yes she can be what's the word...infuriating, that works, but oh she's so much more too.
Strong, sensitive, vulnerable, beautiful, funny, complicated, oh so many other different things I could go on and on.
She's just her.
Just Joan.
And she's got me sat here thinking about her.
No that's a lie, I think about her all the time.
I can't stop thinking about her.
And that I can say I've never done before.
About anyone.
Definitely not another woman.
But now I do.
About her.
Just her.
I want her.
I want Joan Ferguson.
I know I have to be patient.
Patient with her but I will be, I'll try my best to be.
To try to understand.
To be there.
Because I want her.
Vera Bennett wants Joan Ferguson.
"Sierra one to sierra two".
The sound of the radio breaking her out of her own thoughts.
"Go ahead sierra one".
"Ms Bennett could you come to my office please?".
"Of course governor" releasing the button on the radio, replacing it back in her utility belt, quickly eating the rest of her sandwich, making her way out of the staffroom and to the office.
Now what I have done.
What has she found that I may have done wrong.
I can't recall anything off the top of my head.
Let's just go and find out.
She might surprise me.
Maybe.
"Come in" the tones floating through the air from behind the door of the office.
"You wanted to see me governor?" stepping into the room.
"Yes, please come in and shut the door, take a seat" motioning to the chairs in front of her desk, turning to face the younger woman, a glance out of the window and then back to Vera, who was now sat straight in front of her.
"How are things going today?".
"They're going well thank you, not much to report so far, nothing past the usual goings on that we get here on a day to day basis, the odd mouthing off from a couple of prisoners, but that was swiftly dealt with by me and a couple of the other officers, apart from that nothing else to report or bring to your attention" smiling softly at the face that looked directly at hers.
Joan gave a little nod in confirmation at hearing her answer.
"Very good Vera, erm...before when the prisoner you'd brought to me had left the office, I heard her outside protesting about my decision..." watching the woman across from her listening intently.
"Yes Joan.." waiting for the rest of what she was going to say.
"Then you re enforced my decision, told her what I said was final".
"I did yes because it is, and I am, as your deputy always happy to back you up" her answer firm and honest.
Joan studied the woman in front of her.
No one else in her life had done this, backed her up, quite the opposite.
They'd belittled her.
Betrayed her.
Abandoned her.
Told her she was always wrong.
It wasn't good enough, as she wasn't.
"Thank you Vera for your support, it is appreciated" and it was, the dark haired woman fixing her eyes with Vera's, making sure the sentiment got across.
Vera smiled happily.
"I know it is, just as I appreciate that that you give me".
Now it was Joan's turn to give her a smile, her eyes creasing at the corner of those brown eyes.
God I love it when she smiles like that.
A proper smile.
She smiles with her eyes.
Such glorious eyes.
Joan's eyes.
"That'll be all for now I think, thank you" getting up off the chair and straightening her uniform Vera headed for the door, her hand about to push the handle down, her attention being drawn back to look at the woman sat behind the desk as Joan said her name.
"Yes?" releasing the door handle to turn back round.
"I...I was just wondering.." fidgeting with the pen in her hand, turning to look out of the office window for a moment, gathering herself enough to finish what she was trying to say, her mind wrestling with itself.
How do I ask her after last time.
Last time when I messed it up.
What if she says no.
Rejects me.
Doesn't want to bother with me, then what?
But what if she doesn't.
She hasn't ever rejected me yet even when I felt certain she would.
She's done the opposite, she's accepted my offers despite of everything.
Despite of what I've done.
Despite of who I am.
"Erm...drinks, food, tonight after work, with me maybe..if you'd like..." hands still fidgeting anxiously with the pen, nostrils slightly flared but not in anger, eyes flickering over Vera's face, awaiting an answer.
Vera's lips curved into a smile at the offer, her teeth being revealed as she did so.
"I'd love to" watching the tension lessen from Joan's face at her answer, affording a smile of her own, back to the door she turned leaving the governor's office, heading down the corridor and thinking of what she'd just experienced.
She'd asked me out.
Not outright, but in her own way.
Even though the last time we went out that happened, she's asked me again.
She's taken a risk.
A risk that I wouldn't say no.
That I wouldn't reject her and her offer.
Because to reject one thing like this is to reject Joan herself.
And that's what she's used to.
What has happened to her all her life, from being a little girl.
She's taken a risk in asking me.
And what does taking that type of risk for Joan mean, it means a she's given me a certain amount of trust.
Trust that I'd say yes, that I'd accept her offer.
I've gained a bit of trust.
Gained a bit more trust from Joan Ferguson.
And this is one thing she definitely doesn't give out lightly, if at all.
But she's chosen to give some to me.
And I intend not to waste this.
Not at all.