Chapter 5
Just open the door Vera and walk in.
This is the conversation she'd been having with herself for the last few seconds or was it minutes as she stood outside the restaurant she'd booked a table in for them to have dinner.
With another deep breath she gripped the handle and entered, the nerves in her stomach rising.
Never had she been this effected by going to eat dinner with someone. Ok yes there hadn't been that many people but this was madness.
The place she'd chosen was just out of town, not wanting to be right near Wentworth, she'd read reviews on it and they were all good, commenting on the lovely atmosphere and how good the food was. When she'd rang up she'd requested a quiet table if possible, a place they'd be tucked slightly away, able to talk and have nice conversation, that was the idea anyway.
Straightening up as she walked towards the waiter stood at the plinth at the front of the eating area she scanned the tables, her eyes finding and locking onto the figure she instantly recognised sitting at the table nestled into one of the quiet corners sipping a glass of wine.
Joan.
She took another sip of wine to try and steady this feeling rising from her legs, what was it, surely not.
Nerves.
Was she nervous.
Joan Ferguson nervous.
Yes if she was going to be honest.
Yes. She was nervous.
Another gulp of wine.
Her vision clearing as she lower the glass, being replaced by that of someone she'd know anywhere, heading towards the table.
Dressed in a knee length lilac floral print dress, a thin belt showing off her small waist, a white button up cardigan on top, her hair loose and wavy around her shoulders, finished off with natural make up, a pink tinged gloss on her lips, a handbag to match her dress and little kitten heels on her feet. She looked the complete opposite to how she looked at Wentworth.
Vera looked beautiful.
Joan couldn't help but smile at her dinner guest, her eyes not seeming able to be tore away.
Vera too was raking her eyes over the dark haired woman sat at the table, her long dark loose hair down her back and falling around her collar bones, framing that flawless face. She was wearing a off beige wrap around blouse that dropped into a slight v neck, just above bra level, dark fitted jeans, with black flat boots, a natural dust of make up on her face, a long necklace finishing her outfit.
My god she looks so good in her own clothes out of work.
Vera concentrate.
Sitting down she smiled at Joan.
"Evening Vera" breaking the ice between them.
"Hello Joan..." well that's the first greeting out of the way.
After exchanging a few more pleasantries and Vera ordering a drink, they then ordered their food when the server came over, the conversation slowing starting to pick up as they began to relax in each other's company.
Another few drinks came to the table followed not long after by two plates of food, both of them glancing at the others before picking up their cutlery and starting to eat, memories of the first dinner they'd shared together fresh in their minds, after a few mouthfuls of food to line their stomachs, the wine helping, conversation resumed, even more relaxed than before.
"....and after that I vowed never to go in there again" finished Vera giggling, causing a hearty laugh from the woman across from her, her eyes closing as she laughed, dimples appearing on her cheeks, leaning forward and holding her stomach, still laughing.
"Hey, you're not meant to laugh, you're meant to have sympathy because of my misfortune..." joked the lighter haired woman, grinning softly, this comment made Joan laugh again, tears pricking at her eyes, waving her hand in a gesture.
"Oh I can't...my stomach hurts" wiping the tears from her cheeks.
Vera took a sip from her glass, keeping her eyes on her companion.Being able to make and see Joan laugh was such a treat, the way her face lights up and the crinkles around them big brown eyes, the relaxation in her face and body, her hair falling even more forward to frame her face.
With her breathing slowing down as she calmed herself, Joan felt her cheeks tingle from laughing so much, now this was one feeling she'd not felt in years if ever. It was such a strange situation she found herself in, here she was sat across from her deputy having had dinner with her, drinking wine, her stomach aching from being made laugh that much, letting go in a public place, surrounded by other people but not being that bothered since her attention had been focused entirely on the younger woman who joined her tonight.
Is this what it felt like when people said about having a pleasant evening out, in good company and laughing until your stomach and cheeks hurt.
She was enjoying herself.
She felt comfortable.
Dare she say it she had pangs of happiness.
She did but what if Vera didn't. What if she wasn't having a nice time too.
Was she? Did she ask her? Did she say nothing?
Picking up her glass she put it to her lips, speaking softly. "Are you having a nice evening?" peeking over the rim of her glass, watching the other woman beam and nod.
"Yes I am, are you?" Replacing the glass Joan smiled back. "I am yes" hardly believing the answer she'd given.
Another bottle of wine was ordered to the table as still the conversation flowed, laughs and giggles permeating the air, various embarrassing work stories adding to these giggles, they discovered topics both of them liked that the other never knew, a deeper bond growing, catching glimpses of each other looking back across the table but then both of them in their mind dismissing it thinking it was just coincidence.
Joan ordered them vodka tonics, handing her cash to the waiter as they moved into the bar area, taking a seat in the corner as their drinks arrive.
"I'll not be a minute.." Vera murmured standing up, Joan frowned as she watched her get up, a sudden pang of fear flashed through her eyes that Vera spotted.
"W..What?".
"It's ok I'm just going to the bar, I'll be right back, I promise" having no idea why she'd said the last two words but after seeing the fear in Joan's eyes felt it warranted that little bit of reassurance.
A nod from Joan and Vera moved to the bar, causing the dark haired woman to relax back in her seat after hearing reassurance that she'd be coming back.
Jeez woman calm down, if she wants to get up she's allowed to, if she wanted to leave then she's allowed to do that too.
Leave.
A stomach twinge.
That twinge registered in Joan's head.
She didn't want her to leave.
Sure enough a few minutes later she did as she said, sitting back in her seat, her leg brushing the older woman's, both swallowing in tandem as they felt that familiar and now becoming common fizzle of electricity between them.
"Everything ok?" came the question from Joan as she picked up her glass. Vera nodded. "Everything's fine, just settled the food bill that's all".
"We should've gone halves at least for that.." parting her glass from her lips, watching Vera shake her head.
"Not at all, I asked you and it was my idea, so I pay" was the firm, but happy answer.
She paid for our dinner, that's not right, I should have put my half at least to it, if she'd have told me what she was doing I could have.
But she wasn't going to do that was she.
It was very kind of her though, no one has ever bought me dinner before.
"Thank you Vera that's very kind, next time it's..." stopping mid sentence at what she was saying.
I've said it again, just like I did when she had dinner at my house, saying about next time.
Come on Ferguson get a grip.
Next time, next time, she's probably not even thinking about a next time, after tonight it'll just be as it always has been, you work together and that's that, stop kidding yourself.
There's no way...her rapid train of thought being derailed by a voice teamed with a touch, the hand she'd rested on her knee had a hand on top of it....Vera's, it was Vera's voice too. "I'd like there to be a next time...if you would too" blue eyes looking over at her, smiling hopefully.
Them eyes, those blue eyes.
I seem to get lost in them.
They are so open, so kind, so blue, so welcoming.
Teamed with that face, open, soft, happy.
When I look into them I seem to lose where I am.
Back to the question Ferguson.
Joan paused, her mind weighing up what had been asked of her.
Did she be honest, admit the truth to the woman across from her, touching her.
Or did she lie, say the opposite of what she felt.
Again she looked at Vera. She couldn't lie it seemed to that face.
She nodded. "I...I would too" her voice quiet, but Vera heard it, the smile not moving, causing the corners of Joan's mouth to join in the smiles, relaxing again, Vera reluctantly letting go of Joan's hand to sit back in her chair as they continued their evening.
After a few more drinks and deciding to call it a night the waiter behind the bar called them a taxi, telling them it might be a bit of wait, not fussed it seemed by this they headed outside to wait for it in the car park. Vera glanced up at the woman next to her, her eyes taking in her features for the god knows how many times that night. God she's gorgeous.
Them big brown eyes, those neat eyebrows, oh so kissable lips. Her mind trying to imagine what it'd be like to kiss them, have them against hers, her hands getting to touch that shiny head of hair.
This causing a fizz in her stomach.
Vera enough of this, why are you thinking such things.
"Oh to kiss you..." came the sudden whisper from Vera, accidently saying her thoughts out loud, gasping and clamping her hand over her mouth as she realised what she said, her heart dropping through the floor as Joan turned to look down at her, hearing what she'd said.
Vera closed her eyes, her heart racing in fear at what she'd just said and what a mistake she'd made.
"What did you say?" Joan asked.
"N...Nothing...nothing..." scrabbling for any hole to appear in the tarmac beneath her feet to swallow her up.
Joan fully turned to face her, knowing what she'd heard her say.
She wants to kiss me, Vera Bennett said she wanted to kiss me.
"You said you want to kiss me, didn't you?" eyes staying on the small woman.
Opening her eyes to the sight in front of her, she went to shake her head, but not wanting to lie to Joan no matter how scared she was, she nodded confirming Joan's question, quickly saying.
"But...but I didn't mean to, I shouldn't have, shouldn't have said anything, I'm sorry, it's my mistake, it's my fault, I'm sorry Joan....I'm sorry..." starting to get upset, tears pooling in her eyes, continuing to say. "I'll walk home, get out of your way, I'm sorry, you'll only have to see me at work..." turning to walk away, being stopped by a hand gripping her upper arm and moving them away from the main entrance and to the side of the building out of the main view of the now nearly empty restaurant, but still getting the light from the car park.
Vera's breath hitched nervously in her throat, tear marks down her cheeks as she looked up to the figure now stood in front of her, eyes looking right down into hers.
She said she wants to kiss me.
No one has ever said that before about me.
Does she really want to or has she just made it up, something to say.
This is a position I've never been in before.
This thought enough to fire up nerves in the bottom of Joan's stomach.
"Did you mean it what you said just now?" swallowing the nervous lump in her throat.
Vera also swallowed not knowing what either answer she could give might do. Blue eyes searched brown ones, searched for any kind of clue as to whether this was a set up, some kind of trick to catch her out, get her in some kind of trouble, she saw none, no deception, no deceit, just the question, the question from the woman who caused them butterflies in her stomach.
The smaller woman nodded.
"Y..Yes..I did mean it".
Now it was Joan's turn to searched Vera's eyes, looking for any signs of lies, underhand tactics, any form of a set up, that she was doing and saying this for a certain reason than because she genuinely wanted to, Joan also found none of these things, just them trusting and truthful eyes that had her transfixed.
Now it was decision time.
Did she give her permission to.
Let Vera kiss her?
But what if she didn't like it, if Vera didn't like kissing Joan.
What if she disappointed Vera.
Hang on a minute since when had the tables turned that much, wasn't it meant to be the other way around.
I do want and have for a while wanted to know what'd be like to feel them lips against mine, that small body close to mine, small hands in my hair.
But I don't do all this emotional, getting close to people complicated thing.
Or I thought I didn't, before her. Before she came in and changed it.
Without thinking she uttered the words.
"D..Do it then..." Joan mumbled timidly, leaning down, wondering instantly if she should have, these thoughts evaporating into the night air as she felt hands on her cheeks, causing her to close her eyes, a soft set of lips being pressed to hers, the contact causing a gasp to stick in her throat, her hands slowly moving from by her sides, knowing instantly where they wanted to go and that was around the small waist of the woman in front of her, pulling Vera into her body, having this sudden urge to have her close against her, the contact causing a soft whimper of approval from the smaller woman, whose hands were now threaded into the dark locks she'd thought about touching for so long, her lips moving in time to those of Joan's, very carefully using her tongue against Joan's lower lip to see if she'd allow her access.
Joan gave a soft groan at the delicate touch of the other woman's tongue against her lip, her mouth opening and allowing the touch, their tongue's gently tickling one another, experiencing for the first time.
Oh my god what is happening, I've never felt like this before.
Never kissed someone like this before, let alone let them kiss me.
But here I am in a car park allowing this petite wonderful creature to do just that and I don't feel scared or want to run, I feel safe.
Feel wanted.
Still they kissed, Vera wrapping her arms around Joan's neck, loving the feeling of Joan's hair against her arms, lips against her lips, her body feeling safe and tingly in the strong arms of the other woman Joan pulled her flush against her body, enjoying the close contact, her arms easily holding the smaller woman, hands carefully resting on her over her clothes not wanting to hurt her, her lips and body basking in the warm feeling of being close to someone physically and having them close to you.
Soft moans and murmurs of approval rose up in the night air, in between the soft and gentle kisses, coming apart when both lungs ran out of oxygen, panting softly as they looked at one another, not moving from having their arms around the other.
Vera searched the dark brown orbs that were shining with what was that...happiness, approval. As Joan searched the blue orbs staring right at her, they had that sparkle in she'd recently become more familiar with.
Seeing the sparkle Joan smiled shyly, knowing what they just done, suddenly feeling vulnerable. The blue eyes spotted this look immediately, returning the smile.
"It's ok Joan, you don't have to be shy" her voice soft and reassuring.
Hearing the words filling her ears Joan relaxed, the look in her eyes telling Vera she'd enjoyed it too, more than any words could at that very moment, their gazes being parted by the sound of a car horn from the car park.
The taxi.
Reluctantly their arms loosened and released the other woman, but not before Joan reached down, eyes still forward and gave Vera's hand a squeeze, the small woman smiling at the gesture, both of them moving to either side of the car and getting in, Vera giving her address to the driver, Joan saying she'd like to walk home when the taxi dropped them off seen as it wasn't too far away.
The driver drove off after dropping both women off, walking up Vera's drive side by side, a comfortable silence as she reached into her handbag for her front door key, putting it in the lock and then turning back to Joan, looking up into her eyes.
"Here we are then.." not knowing what else to say.
A customary nod from Joan teamed with a smile.
"Well, thank you for a nice evening Joan, I've had a lovely time..." her smile growing as she looked into the dark brown eyes of the governor.
"Thank you Vera, I've enjoyed myself immensely" the smile conveying the fact her words were true, she had enjoyed herself, leaning down and placing a light kiss on the cheek of her deputy, her nose brushing Vera's ear, causing a shiver down the petite woman's spine, the contact causing Joan's stomach to tingle, it radiating down her legs, pooling in her feet.
"Please let me know when you get home, just so I know you're safe?".
"I will" turning on her heels, striding down the drive, half turning her head for one last glance at the woman stood at the door, smiling shyly, facing back forwards and vanishing into the dark of the night.
Shutting and locking the door behind her, Joan moved through to her kitchen after hanging her coat up and putting her keys in the bowl and flicking a couple of the spot lights on, taking her phone out of her pocket, opening up her messages to Vera, with lightly shaking hands typing out a new one.
I've just got home. Thank you again for a lovely evening, I wasn't expecting what happened waiting for the taxi, it surprised me a lot to say the least, but not in a bad way. Joan.
Holding her breath for a few minutes she re read what she'd sent, her mind replaying the nights events as she poured a glass of water, turned the lights off and headed upstairs into her bedroom, placing the glass and her phone on the bedside drawer.
Changing out of her clothes she hung them up, pulling on her pyjamas, before shuffling under the covers, her mind glancing at the space beside trying to picture Vera in with her, close to her like she had been tonight.
Would she lie beside me or want to be held?
Have my arms around her?
Lay on me, or me on her.
Her small frame cuddled tight against me like tonight, feeling the warmth radiate between us.
A buzz from her phone to signal a message.
Picking it up, squinting at the glare from the screen she opened it to read what had been sent.
Vera.
I'm glad you're home safely. Thank you for a lovely evening, I really enjoyed myself and I too wasn't expecting what happened tonight, but I'm glad it did. Hope you sleep well tonight. V.
V.
Not Vera.
V.
And she was glad that what happened tonight. She was glad she kissed me.
Glad.
Typing back she wrote.
Sleep well Vera. Joan.
Putting her phone back on the side she repeated that message over in her head, her hand moving to her lips, tracing her fingertips there, the place right where Vera's lips had been.
They were soft, gentle, just like those hands were in her hair, not pulling or rough but gentle.
She'd cupped my face, held it like it was a piece of porcelain that required this type of treatment, like I deserved this kind of treatment, the thought of the kiss again causing a tingle between her thighs, this as well as a warm hum in her body.
Ok she'd kissed you and seemed to enjoy it but that's just once, she might change her opinion in the morning or when you get back to work, you're older than her, she's younger and fresher, not been exposed to as much as you, why would she want you in the same way you're finding yourself more often than not these days wanting to be close to you.
Laying in bed with these thoughts running through her mind, Joan's eyes closed as she realised she had been thinking about Vera more and more since that dinner, feeling a sense of loss when she left her office after a shift and the sense of worry when she'd gone to pay the bill tonight, worrying she might be leaving to go home, cutting their dinner short.
Joan sighed at her thoughts, a light churning in her stomach at having these feelings, strange feelings she wasn't used to, didn't know what to do with, how to express them, how to or if at all act on them, how did you act on such feelings and what if they weren't fully reciprocated by the other party then what?
She shook her head, willing herself to stop the analysing and go to sleep.
Sleep, another foreign concept these days, especially after crazy working days at Wentworth, coming back here to her home alone, eating alone, going to bed alone.
Alone.
She liked alone though, was used to being alone, always has been alone, or at least she thought she was until a certain deputy had started creeping into her thoughts, her mind.....could she have possibly opened a crack in the prison that had kept her heart locked up out of bounds for anyone at all too?