Chapter 17
And the moment she does, she cant help but smile.
Lena Luthor smiles as she hears the door being unlocked. She smiles because she has the chance to tell Kara how she feels. She smiles because Kara will know how much she loves her. She smiles but the moment the door was opened, her smile falters. Her smile fades.
"Lena?" Alex asks. "What are you doing here?"
"Is..Is Kara here?" Lena says as she walks in her best friend's apartment, not waiting for an invitation from Alex. "I need to talk to her"
"Lena" Alex says with sadness in her voice.
And Lena should have known right there and then but she refuses to believe it. She ignores Alex and looks around for Kara. But the few clothes and the canvases Kara had painted were the only things left of her.
"Lena," Alex whispers. she wasn't really expecting Lena here. She wasn't expecting a broken Lena Luthor to tremble and cry in front of her. "Im... She... Kara left 2 hours ago"
It took Lena a minute to process everything. For it to really sink in. That it was too late, She falls apart and cries. She stares blankly at the canvas on the wall KAra painted. It features a woman walking at the beach, her hair blown by the wind. Something about it was dark. She stares at it and all she could think about was Kara leaving. She hates herself because if only she had told Kara how she feels last night, things would have been different.
Tell me to stay and I would. Give me a reason to stay, Lena.
Give me something. Anything. Lena, please.
Kara's words linger in her mind. Kara was practically pleading. She trembles, crying. She should have just told Kara how she feels. She should have told her. She should have given Kara something more than a 'i feel for you' response. And she hates herself because now, Kara had left thinking Lena doesn't love her. Kara's gone and she wasn't able to tell her how much she loves her. And Now she couldn't stop shaking. She couldn't stop crying. Because Kara's gone and it feels like her world is falling apart piece by piece.
"I.. I need.." Lena whimpers, feeling the excruciating pain in her heart that would probably never leave. "I need to go home"
Alex shakes her head. "Give me your keys. Youre not driving in that state. I'll drive"
But before they leave Kara's apartment, Alex pulls Lena in her arms, hugging her as she rubs her back. She tries to soothe and comfort her sister's best friend.
"Just Let it out, Lena. Just let it out..."
And the moment she does, she cant help but smile.
"Kara" Lucy says as her smile widens. For a moment there, she thought Kara wouldn't show. As hard as it is to admit, Lucy was scared that Kara would not want to leave with her. That she'd rather stay in National City. Because if that was the case, she wouldn't know what to do. She loves Kara but this is also something big for her. It's the job she had always dreamed of. But now that her girlfriend, Kara Danvers, is here right in front of her, she couldn't wish for more. Everything is simply perfect!
until it wasn't.
"Luce" She sees Kara smile. But that very smile causes her own to slowly fade. Because she knows. She sees those piercing blue eyes filled with sadness and it makes her heart ache. Because she had always known.
"Youre staying" It was barely a whisper. It wasn't a question. It was a statement because they both know what is about to happen. And Lucy is holding so dearly to her emotions, not allowing herself to cry. Because she wants to. She wants to let it out. but she wasn't going to make this any more difficult for her and Kara. "It's okay, Kar. It's okay. I understand"
"Luce..." Kara comes closer, tears filling her eyes. "Im.. Im sorry, Luce. I, I never wanted it to go this way. Please Believe me, Luce. i.."
"Sshh shhh." Lucy cups Kara's cheeks, wiping her tears away. "I know, Kar. I knew what I signed up for, remember? I asked you to try and just give me a chance. And You did. You did, Kar. That's all that matters. it's more than enough. "
"but I wanted to do this for you... I just..."
Because of course, Kara would want that even if it goes against her own happiness. Lucy Lane fell for Kara for a reason. And this is one. That's just how Kara is. Kara Danvers who would always prioritize other people's happiness before her own. So even if it hurts like hell, how could she be even mad at this beauty in front of her? How can she hold a grudge at someone who's as pure at heart as Kara?
"i know. Kara. I know." Lucy smiles as she holds Kara's hand. "You cant take all the blame. not when I've always known youre still in love with Lena. I just... I had this illusion of me and you and I badly wanted it to be real"
Kara squeezes Lucy's hand as tears fall from her eyes. "I want you to know it's not just about her. it's about Alex too. James. Winn. CatCo. I thought I would be able to give it all up. I wanted to give it up. For you. But-"
"You aren't ready to" Lucy finishes what Kara was trying to say. Lucy closes the gap between them, holding Kara's hand. "When you had that panic attack, I was so scared. That night, It hurt me that I wasn't able to make you feel safe. But She did. As much as it pains me, All you needed to be okay that night was Lena. So I backed away, knowing right then and there that it has always been Lena."
"Luce..."
Kara begins to speak but Lucy cuts her off. "Even when you were in denial. Even when you didn't know it, It was still her, Kara. And I knew that. Yet I didn't do anything."
Kara's crinkle appears, not really understanding Lucy. Her eyes filled with confusion. "I don't... What? What do you mean?"
"The painting." Lucy looks down at their hands, slowly intertwining their fingers together as she rests her forehead on Kara's. "The painting on your living room wall. The woman on that beach. It's her. isn't it? That was Lena you painted."
"What-" Kara was about to ask but she stops. Lucy can see the realization dawning upon her. Kara's eyes widen, leaving the blonde speechless.
"And you didn't even realize it." Lucy smiles, letting out a chuckle. "until now"
"I.. Im sorry, Luce." Kara whimpers.
Lucy slowly looks up, meeting the gaze of those piercing blue eyes. "I'm just glad I got to spend time with you, Kar. For a moment there, I was happy with the person I'm in love with even if its just for a short time. and I actually know how it felt like to be a part" Lucy puts her hand on Kara's chest, tapping her heart. "of this. I got to be a part of this even if it's just a tiniest bit. And that's pretty amazing, Kara."
"Luce..." Kara whispers. "I wanted it to be real too. If I could.... I would"
Lucy traces Kara's face. She holds her ex girl friend's face, pulling her for a passionate kiss one last time as a tear falls from Lucy's eyes. Kara kisses her back passionately like it was their last. because it is their last. They settle into an embrace, holding each other, feeling the warmth and radiating every bit of emotion.
Lucy feels her heart break into million of pieces. She wants to break down and cry but she won't. Even if she just really wants to let it all out. Kara in her arms right now hurts because she knows after this, she has to let her go. All she really wants is for Kara to be in her arms forever. She wants to pull Kara and bring her to Metropolis. She wants Kara to stay with her. Kara is in her arms right now and she doesn't want to ever let go. And she would not have if she hadn't seen Lena change. But Lena did. And Lucy could see how much the raven haired beauty loves Kara. She saw it with her eyes. The sacrifices Lena had made for Kara are testaments to that love. She saw how Lena was with her, how she looked at Kara. She knows because that's how she looks at Kara too. And She knows Lena could make Kara way happier than Lucy could do. And that's what Kara Danvers deserves. So despite wanting to hold the blonde a little bit longer, She lets Kara go. She has to.
"I know you would." Lucy whispers, still hugging the blonde. "Goodbye Kara."
Lucy stares at those piercing blue eyes one last time as Kara rests her forehead on hers.
"Luce." Kara cups Lucy's cheeks as she whispers with tenacity in her voice. And probably sadness too. Grief. "I love you."
Lucy smiles, holding Kara's hands on her face, pulling it down. "No you dont."
There was no bitterness in her voice. No grudge. It was gentle, as gentle as it could be.
"But thank you" Lucy adds, still smiling with sadness in her eyes. Longing. She squeezes Kara's hand before she lets her hand go. Before she lets Kara go completely. She turns and heads to the plane, not bothering to turn back. Because despite knowing she never had Kara's heart at the first place, it still hurts letting her go. It still hurts losing her even when Kara had never been hers to begin with.
it is only when she's in the plane and Kara's out of sight that she allowed herself to cry.
"Here" The girl beside her says, offering a handkerchief.
"Thanks" Lucy accepts the hanky, feeling grateful for the stranger beside her but somehow embarrassed she was caught crying too. "Im sorry..."
"It's okay. Im Susan by the way. Susan Vasquez." The stranger smiles, extending a hand to Lucy as she introduced herself.
And the moment she does, she cant help but smile.
Kara Danvers never thought this day would come. Or maybe she did. She was a little bit hesitant earlier. She had her doubts and fears. Her What Ifs. She wasn't really sure about her decisions. She had a dilemma and it was eating her up. She needed to face it not avoid it. She needed to put a stop to this push and pull cycle in her life. She needed everything to be stable for once in her life. So she made a decision, a decision she wasn't entirely sure of a first. But now, being here in this airport and seeing Lucy in front of her, she had never been more sure about something else. Now she knows. Now she's sure.
She's sure that this is the right thing to do because no matter what Lena feels for her, she has to end this with Lucy. It doesn't matter if Lena loves her or not. She has to let Lucy go. It's unfair to Lucy and it's unfair to herself if they continue being together. Because they both deserve someone who loves them with every beat of her heart. And yes, she loves Lucy. She cares for her. But not the way she loves Lena. Because as much as Kara wanted it to be Lucy, her heart apparently beats only for Lena Luthor.
So when Kara and Lucy finally breaks it off, Kara feels sad how it had come to this. It was never her intention to break it off with Lucy. She wanted it to last. But somehow she feels relieved too. Like a breath of fresh air.
She was thankful for Lucy. Their relationship may have not been enough but it was a happy one. Lucy had made Kara realize many things she hadn't even thought about. Like the painting on her living room wall. It hasn't even occurred to her that it was Lena. But Lucy was right. It was her. How the woman's body mirrored Lena's. How she made the woman's hair raven. When she made that painting, the idea is that the woman was lost. She doesn't know what to do. She was simply lost. And that's what Kara was. She was lost. And now she realized that her subconscious used Lena's image because maybe, just maybe, she'd find her way back. Her way back to Lena. To her Home. To her family. Because Lucy was right about one thing. Lena was all Kara needed to actually be okay. The safety Lena brings. The comfort of Home. The sense of familiarity. The thrill and adrenaline she feels whenever they're together. The Happiness and Sadness at the same time. It's like Lena is a whirlwind of feelings that Kara has all bottled up into one.
She wanted Lena to say she loves her. But she realized she was being unfair too. What if Lena was confused and just doesn't want to hurt Kara. What if she's not ready to admit her feelings yet. I Feel For You should have been enough for Kara to stay. It is enough. Because when Kara really thinks about it, something, anything, even just the littlest bit of feeling that Lena might have for her is enough.
She is going to stay. She is going to wait until Lena is ready. She waited for years. She has loved Lena for years by the sidelines. Yes, it was tiring but she's willing to do the same a little longer. Because what can she do? It's Lena.
it has always been Lena. her best friend. her soulmate. her first love. only love.
her LENA LUTHOR.
Lena's head aches from crying. maybe from stress too. She was thankful Alex is here with her. Somehow, it makes her feel better. Alex had been quiet all through out the ride from Kara's apartment to her penthouse. But Lena knows something is in Alex' mind. Lena knows she wanted to say something and is just holding back. Lena opens the door to her penthouse. The moment She and Alex enters she immediately turns to face Alex. She really wants to know what's on her mind considering it surely has to do something with Lena.
"Okay, spit it out!" Lena says with tenacity in her voice.
"What?"
"what you've been dying to ask me. What is it?"
"It's nothing, Lena. not my place to say"
"Alex. Just tell me!"
"Fine!" Alex sighs as she rolls her eyes. "You really wanna know? I just don't get you!"
"What do you mean?" Lena asks, clearly confused about Alex' sentiments.
"Kara told me what happened last night Lena. I told you remember! I told you whatever you decide to do she has to end up happy. So what was that last night? huh? You should not have told her anything if you were just gonna deny it after!"
"Alex-"
"No! I told you whatever happens next is on you right! My sister's heart isn't some game to play, Lena!"
"Alex, stop! Im not-" Lena is getting frustrated more and more. She wants to say something but Alex isn't letting her. Alex doesn't really get where she's coming from. Clearly, the older Danvers is upset about her sister leaving as well that Lena thinks she's taking it out on her. They both are taking it out on each other.
"like seriously, why dont you just freaking make up your mind! Why the hell would you say those stuff last night? and say nothing when Kara asks you! why show up in her place today!"
"Because..." Lena starts to interrupt.
"what would have happened if she was there huh? what would have you told her! i just dont get you Lena!"
"Because....." Lena was really frustrated at Alex right now. or maybe at herself.
Alex continues, not really hearing anything Lena says. "I mean like, WHY? it's unfair for Kara! Why Would you-"
"BECAUSE I LOVE HER, OKAY!" Lena raises her voice, leaving Alex speechless. "I'M IN LOVE WITH YOUR SISTER AND I-"
"you're what?" Lena hears Kara's voice. Kara who just got out of Lena's bedroom when she heard the shouting.
And that's when everything clicked. She notices what's behind Alex, just at the corner of the couch. It was Kara's suitcase. She looks at Alex who was grinning. That's why what Alex was saying never made sense to Lena. Alex knew she is in love with Kara yet she still kept asking why. Alex had seen notice the Kara's luggage the moment they entered the room. Lena realizes Alex wanted Kara to hear her say it. Alex wasn't looking at Lena anymore. She was staring behind Lena.
"Hey sis. didn't see you there." Alex says before she heads out the door. "I uh. I'll leave you two"
It was like time stopped for a moment. Like time just froze. Awhile ago, Lena was basically running towards KAra's apartment wanting to say so many things. Yet now that Kara is here, she couldnt move nor speak.
"Youre what?" Kara repeats taking few steps closer to where Lena is.
Lena slowly turns around, finally facing her best friend. She meets the gaze of those piercing blue eyes and for a moment there she feels like losing herself in those eyes.
"Kara." Lena whispers, not believing that Kara is here. The person she is madly in love with is here and right in front of her.
Kara stayed.
And Kara is here.