Chapter 13
Dreams. They say that dreams are the manifestation of your deepest heart's desires, a manifestation of your subconscious. So when Kara dreams of a happy and perfect life with Lucy in Metropolis, she figures it's what she wants. But then she suddenly dreams of flying. She dreams of flying and soaring high to National City. High Enough that she could probably reach space. Then to her surprise, she falls. She dreams she's high up above and she stares over National City below her as she falls. Fear and panic crept on her and suddenly she couldn't breathe. She was falling and falling and she couldn't breathe.
"Kara? Kara? Wake up! Kara!" Lucy pats Kara's cheek, waking her up. "It's okay, Kar. It's just a dream."
Kara's eyes open. She sees Lucy in front of her, tugging her into her arms. She tells herself it was just a dream. Still, she couldn't breathe. She pulls away from Lucy, looking at her tapping her heart as she struggles breathing.
"hhf, Hff, huu" Kara tries to Inhale and exhale but the panic is overwhelming her.
"oh god, Kara" Panic is starting to get to Lucy as well. "Breathe, Breathe for me please. Inhale. Exhale. It was just a dream."
Kara tries to calm herself again but it was no use.
"Hhff, huff, huLee" Kara struggles, tears start to flow from her eyes. "Na. Hff, Leeh, hi, Naa. Hff, Le. Na"
It took a few more seconds for Lucy to realize what Kara was trying to say but when she finally did, She rushes to the other room, banging the door.
"Lucy? If you're here for round two, Lena's asle-" Winn asks, half asleep.
Lucy ignores Winn and pulls Lena from her bed, waking her up.
"what the He-" Lena starts to say but stops when she sees the fear in Lucy's eyes. Lucy didn't need to say anything. Lena immediately runs to the adjacent room. She holds Kara up who was struggling for air on the floor.
"Hey. Hey. Kara" She tilts Kara's chin, meeting the blonde's eyes. "Remember the drill?"
Kara nods, as she mimics Lena's actions.
"In. Out. Inhale. Exhale." Lena holds out both of her hands for Kara to squeeze. "That's it. Breathe."
Lena sees Winn and Lucy standing before them, their faces filled with worry and Panic.
"Winn, 3rd pocket on the left of my luggage." Lena says with a tone of urgency "Get Kara's inhaler"
Winn Obliges. Lena turns to Kara, urging her to breathe as she rubs Kara's back.
"There's only few dose left" Winn says, handing Lena the inhaler before he leaves "I'll ask the others if they have some"
"That will do" Lena takes it and gives it to Kara.
"hhff, huuu" Kara is still struggling but her breathing is getting better
"i'll go get some at the pharmacy downstairs" Lucy says, grabbing her coat, looking at Kara.
Kara nods. Lena rubs Kara's chest while the blonde is still squeezing her hand.
"Breathe. Steady breaths. That's it." Lena smiles, tucking Kara's messed up hair behind her. "Seee."
Lena helps Kara up from the floor, letting her sit on the bed. She fixes Kara's pillow behind her back as she puts a blanket on top of her legs.
Lena squeezes Kara's hand "You got it, sweetie. In time, you won't need me"
She kisses the top of her best friend's head before she turns her back and leaves, letting go of Kara's hand. But before Lena could fully let go, Kara was on her feet, Pulling her hand back to meet each other's gaze. Then as fast as Kara pulled Lena back, it was as fast as she gently pushes her to the wall. Kara's hand was on Lena's collar bone, trapping her as she rests her forehead on Lena's.
Kara closes her eyes, feeling every emotion all at once. Feelings for Lena that she'd tried so hard to keep buried.
"I'll always need you" Kara whispers as her and Lena's fingertips brush.
Lena was so sure she could hear her heart beat. Everything was happening too fast she had no time to react. So fast that she's letting Kara trap her, letting her hold her. because in reality, Lena wanted to be selfish enough to have this. She wanted this moment to last. Even just for a little bit longer. But she knows she can't be selfish. With Kara, she can't be. Not after everything.
Kara leans in closer. Their lips just a few centimeters away from each other that they could actually feel each other's breath. Their lips linger like that for a while but never actually touching as their foreheads rest on each other's.
Kara sighs as a tear fall from her watery piercing blue eyes. "I, We can't. Lucy"
Lena slowly lets go of Kara's hand, trying to find the strength to let Kara go and hide the heartbreak. "Lucy."
"I'm so sorry, i didnt know what I was thinking. Lucy..." Kara whispers, slowly taking a step back, "And Veronica."
"Yes. Veronica" Lena nods as she starts walking through the door. "Goodnight, Kara"
"Goodnight, Lena" Kara whispers with an ache in her heart. How could have everything become so complicated?
She stares at the space Lena left behind for a few minutes until someone interrupts her.
"umm" Winn Coughs, standing by the door frame.
"Hey Winn. where's Lucy?" Kara asks without really looking up to face Winn.
"She texted she's on the way back from the convenient store. She brought some Ice cream for you to feel better."
Kara laughs slyly.
"What?" Winn crosses his arms on his chest, leaning on the door as he raises his eyebrows with curiosity.
"Ice cream." Kara smiles, staring at nothing in particular. "It's a Lena - Kara thing"
"You're in love with her again, aren't you?"
Kara looks up and stares at Winn this time, meeting his gaze. "I think I never really stopped, Winn."
Because if Kara thinks about it, who was she kidding? She never really stopped loving Lena. She tried. God knows she tried. But can you really 'unlove' someone when you started loving her with no conditions at the first place. How can Kara convince herself not to love Lena when they've been closer than ever. They haven't even talked about Veronica or anyone else. When they're together, it feels like... it's just them. And everything else is out of the equation. everything else doesn't matter. That's why Kara knows she has to leave now more than ever. Before it's too late to save herself from the quicksand that is Lena Luthor.
"I'm tired Winn. I'm exhausted. I can't do this with Lena anymore." Kara tilts her head up to stop the tears from falling from her eyes. "I have to leave to finally move on from her. And I have to be honest with Lucy about all this. I need to move away, Winn"
"She loves you Kara."
Kara tucks her legs in her arm as she shakes her head, looking down with sadness in her eyes as she's about to admit the ugly truth. "It's always Veronica, Winn. It's always gonna be Veronica."
Winn hated seeing Kara like this. He hated to see Lena's heart breaking too when it shouldn't have at the first place. Screw what Lena says. She can get mad him or thank him. But he knew the truth and it may not be his truth to tell but Kara still deserves it.
"Veronica..." Winn Scoffs. "Veronica whom Lena hasn't seen for awhile. when I said Lena loves you I mean she is in love with you"
and with that, Kara looks up meeting his gaze, confusion evident in those piercing blue eyes.
"They broke up a few months ago, Kara." Winn walks towards Kara. He hugs the blonde and kisses her cheek before he leaves. "Now it's up to you what to do with that information."
Honestly, Kara didn't know what to do with that information. But everything is starting to make sense now. Her dream was starting to make sense. She pictured the perfect life with Lucy but perfection wasn't what her heart desires. What she desires most is the feeling she gets whenever she's with Lena. The butterflies in the stomach, the giddiness, the anxiousness, happiness, even sadness. Because it's only with Lena wherein she experiences All those feelings and emotions all at once. She dreamed of flying home of National City. But it wasn't National City she was flying home to. It was Lena. And when she was flying high, she was actually getting what she desired. but she was afraid. She was afraid of falling for Lena even more. Because Lena had hurt her in the past and falling for her best friend even more is openly giving Lena the power to hurt her once again and this scares Kara. This terrifies her because it's true.
Because the moment she opened her eyes and reality set in, even then, All she needed to breathe was Lena.