you left lollipop stains on your way out (part one)
She never wanted to hurt anyone, she thinks as she loads the gun and takes the silencer. She never wanted a lot of things, but it's not as if she ever had a choice.
If she did, she wouldn't be making all the wrong ones.
//
(Wheein smiles when her father comes home early that day. He had an office job, and as her mother had told her, office jobs held her father captive in cubicles until after dinner time.
Her mother, a self-employed architect, was already setting the table with dinner.
"Dad!" Wheein yelps out in excitement. She throws herself at her father, a small body filled with enough force to knock an elephant out, maybe.
He laughs and pretends to be unsteady on his feet. "Wow! You've gotten so strong, princess." He lifts her. Wheein thinks that if she tried hard enough, she could touch the stars that evening.
"I don't want to be a princess," she grumbles. Not that there was anything wrong with princesses; it was just-
"Okay, okay," her father concedes. "Anyway, why don't we go eat dinner with mama? The food smells good, right?"
She sticks her tongue out, because — duh — mom makes the best food. "Of course!" She wriggles out of his grasp and heads for her mother.)
//
The first time Jung Wheein kills someone, it was — she wants to say it was an accident, but again, she wants a lot of things (hint: she never wins) — not an accident. The first time she watches someone go from a beating heart to a still stone was completely intentional.
She was fifteen.
She had to, didn't she?
He was a serial rapist, rich, and the son of a powerful government official. He'd eluded capture for so long. The Academy had to do something, because who else would?
Wheein had just aced her exams, because, well, of course, it was easy to her. Everything was too easy. Everything was easy when you couldn't—(not now, don't think about that now).
So, Wheein aces her exams, and the teachers hand her a gun, a location, and a death sentence.
Wheein can't make her choices, but she can shoot a gun — is the best at it at her age, really — so she does what she does best: she shoots. She kills.
He was in his bedroom, naked, jacking off to some illegal porn video when she found him. She had climbed through the side of the house; it wasn't an infiltration job, too little people around for her to go unnoticed, it was a hit and run.
She aims the gun at him, and at first, she thinks about coming out of her hiding place. Of scaring him. A part of her wants him to know that death was a woman he could have harmed in another life.
She doesn't. She's a professional.
It's quick, painless (almost), and quiet. He dies, and she stares at him for several seconds. Watches him twitch one last time, watches the confusion sewn in every expression his face makes before it goes still.
She turns, and jumps.
She doesn't feel anything.
//
("I have a surprise," Mom tells her on her seventh birthday.
"Yes!" Wheein says, thinking of the lego playset she'd pointed out a week ago.
"But before I give it, you have to promise me that you can be responsible," her mom continues with a stern expression.
Wheein nods so fast she suffers from a little whiplash.
"Okay. Papa bring it here," mom calls out.
Her dad walks into her room carrying a little tuff of fur. A small head pops out, and green eyes meet hers. She sees only black fur and glowing green eyes.
A gentle meow leaves the kitten's lips.
"Here," her father says. "Say hello to Lollipop!"
Wheein screeches in joy. "I love you guys!" She hugs Lollipop, thoughts of lego long forgotten.)
//
It wasn't always like this, Wheein wants to tell Hyejin when Hyejin asks her what her life was before the Academy. Hyejin had grown up in the system. Never had a family to call her own. Her whole world was the Academy, and its people, and ideals. She knew little of anything else.
"Different," Wheein says with a teasing tone.
Hyejin barks out a laugh, and punches her on the shoulder. It actually hurts, but she says nothing.
"I'm serious," Hyejin says with a small pout.
So am I, she almost says. Instead, she says, "I know." She pauses. "Well, I was young, so I don't remember much." The lie tastes bad on her palette, a flavor she's gotten used to but never liked.
Hyejin doesn't buy it, knows Wheein too well to even believe an inkling of it.
She lets it go, though.
"Okay, whatever you say."
//
(She cries when Lollipop scratches her. It stings, which, in theory, she should have expected, but she never expected Lollipop to scratch her. All Wheein wanted to do was give it a bath.
She calls out her parents' names alternately, repetitively, until her mom barges into the bathroom, a haphazard expression on her face balancing between confusion and concern, a frying pan in her hand as a makeshift weapon.
"What happened?" Her mom yells. "Stay away from my daughter! For God's sake, she's only seven—"
Her mom stops when she assesses the situation and sees that, indeed, there is no intruder harming her child.
"Lollipop scratched me!" Wheein cries out, while Lollipop — having been startled by mom's entrance — ran out of the bathroom.
"Oh," her mom says with a small gentle smile. She kneels down beside Wheein, and holds out her hand. "Show me your arm."
Wheein shows it, and her mother makes an 'ah' expression. She leaves for a while with a promise of 'I will be right back, just wait here', and of course she comes back, because her mother always comes back.
She has an disinfectant and a bandaid, and something else, but Wheein couldn't see what it was. Mom made her wash her arm first with water only ["Wheein, the soap will sting for no reason; plus, this is commercial soap, and it might do more harm than good." Afterwards, her mother puts the disinfectant on the wound, with Wheein gritting her teeth jn pain, and then covers it up with a bandaid.
Wheein sniffles as she wipes her eyes. She doesn't notice her mother holding out something in front of her. "Here, feel better soon."
It's a lollipop.
It makes her feel better, if only a little.)
//
It hurts less now, Wheein notes when she breaks her arm sparring with the martial arts ace student in the academy. Kang Seulgi almost looks apologetic when she holds a hand out to help Wheein up, but her victorious smile speaks otherwise.
The smile is wiped off Seulgi's face when she notes Wheein's grimace. "Your arm," she comments.
Wheein stares at it for a moment, notes the jaunty angle, as well as the swelling. It's blue and red, and a million other shades and colors of purple and pain. She stands, using her right hand to push herself up.
Seulgi eyes her with something akin to fear or discomfort in her eyes. She can already read the question painted in her eyes: are you okay?
Wheein throws her a smile. "You continue training, Seulgi-yah. Jennie or Bomi will probably come in some time from now. I'll head off and have this checked." She turns and leaves, ignoring the pointed look Seulgi must be burning into her back.
//