Change
It was a quiet night. Quiet was rare for them. Carmilla Karnstein was laying on the floor, back rested against the couch, her fingers brushing through long, brown hair.
''What's on your mind, Carm?'' Laura asked, pulling Carmilla out of her reverie.
The black haired girl smiled gently at her girlfriend, then sighed.
''My mother used to do this when I was little'' she said, looking at her fingers running through Laura's hair. ''She would kiss my cheek and slide her fingers through my locks until I woke up.''
Laura looked up to see the sad, faraway smile etched upon her lover's face.
''Tell me about it.'' she said lightly. ''If you want. About when and where and how. About what you remember..''
Laura waited silently, listening to Carmilla's heartbeat. It was still odd, but God did it make her happy hearing it. It was a song she never wanted to end.
Carmilla cleared her throat and locked her eyes on Laura's. '' I don't remember much from back then'' she started ''but I can tell you what happened then, and what happened after.'' She trailed off. When Laura nodded, she took a deep breath.
Inhale. Exhale. One year later and she was still surprised by it. Inhale. Exhale.
''Some of it you already know, but what better place to start then at the beginning.'' She smiled to herself before continuing. '' As you know, I was born in Styria, Austria in 1680 as Countess Mircalla Karnstein. I don't think I've ever mentioned this, but my parent's name were Isaac and Elisabeth Karnstein. And God, were they happy to have a baby girl.''
Laura took a hold of Carmilla's hand and kissed it, beckoning her to go on.
''I did live a privileged life. My family was ancient and noble so money were never a problem. Nor was anything else. Whatever I wanted, my parent got me. Which was not very common in a time of war and death. I remember my mother taking me into town to buy dresses for ball's and extravagant parties. My father holding my hand and introducing me to everyone who was anyone at the time. I met artists and musicians, politicians and war heroes, young men hoping to be somebody, young women hoping for love. I had everything and I was happy.''
She let out a shaky laugh at the look of awe on Laura's face and leaned down to kiss her forehead. The younger woman waited patiently for her to continue.
''When I was 6, my father decided I were to be home schooled. I learned to write and read. I learned French and English. I learned history and literature. And I loved every second of it. By the time I was 15, men started courting me, wanting to spend time with me''
''Oh, don't give me that, Cupcake.'' she said when Laura started mocking her. ''These were different times. Everyone was at least engaged, if not married by 18. And so was I.''
Laura's mouth hanged open while she let the information stir in her brain. ''You were engaged?'' She asked in disbelief.
The raven haired girl laughed wholeheartedly at the look of shock on her girlfriends face.
''Yes, cupcake.'' she said, now smiling and shaking her head at her girlfriends pout. ''Baby, stop looking at me like I ruined your favorite toy. Are you seriously jealous right now over a 300 year old engagement?''
Laura jokingly slapped her thigh, her cheeks flushed red. ''Fine, you have a point. Does this fine gentlemen who stole your heart had a name?''
'' His name was Rudolf Vordenberg.'' she stated and heard Laura's intake of air.
''Vordenberg?'' Laura asked, confused. ''Like in, Baron Vordenberg?''
''The one and only, sweetheart. Rudolf is his great-great-grandfather.''
''Wow. I did not see that coming. This wouldn't have anything to do with why Vordenberg seemed to hate you beyond the creature of the night, evil undead vampire thing, would it?''
Carmilla looked sheepish and Laura rolled her eyes and sighed. ''What happened?''
'' When I was 17, my father introduced me to Rudolf Vordenberg, a trust fund young man who was soon to inherit the princely estates of his family, in Upper Styria. He was the picture perfect of a gentlemen. Good mannered, charming, and coming from money, he was everything my father wished for me. Against my better judgement and pleas, father gave him his blessing and three months later we were engaged to be married.''
''When my father called me in his office one day to ask me why I was so against marrying Rudolf, I fell silent. I knew, by that time, what I wanted. But how could I explain to my father that while I believed the man would be a good husband, he would not be able to make me happy as I know he wanted me to be. How could I say to my 17th century father that girls excited me and made my heart skip beats? So I said nothing.''
Tears were rolling down Laura's cheeks. She squeezed the older girl's hand, who smiled woefully at her.
''You won't like what comes next. Are you sure you want me to continue, sweetheart?'' Carmilla asked.
Her girlfriend pulled her face down to her own and kissed her before nodding.
''My parents and Rudolf threw a ball in honor of my 18th birthday. And it was beautiful. Rare tapestries adorned the walls, beautiful flowers concealed the musicians's balcony and the countless lights made an effective background for the wonderful gowns and their wearers. I waltzed the night away.''
She smiled at a faraway memory.
''It was well after midnight when I made my way outside to get some air and catch my breath. Little did I know it would be my last. I was in the back yard of my parents house, heading towards the little gazebo when I heard footsteps behind me. I turned to see the face of a young man I did not recognize inches from my own. And then he was gone, and I had fallen on my knees, pain etched in every fiber of my body as I pulled the knife out of my chest and looked down at my blood stained dress. The last thing I saw before dying was the beautiful face of a woman smiling down at me.''
Laura had buried her face in Carmilla's chest and was sobbing quietly. ''I'm sorry, Carm. It's just hard to imagine your life taken away from you. To know that you died alone and in pain..'' Laura trailed off.
''It's okay, sweetheart. It was a long time ago.'' Carmilla said honestly.
''I woke up in a locked room, confused and scared. I was sure I had died but I couldn't remember much apart from the pain. But something was different. I was hungry in a way I didn't know before. I don't know how much time had passed since I woke up till the moment Rudolf came into the room. Enough for me to notice the changes. The way breathing was just habit and not a necessity anymore. The way my body didn't seem to grow tired and fragile even when my mind did. I could smell everything and distinguish them, I could hear everything as well. And when he came in, I knew what I was craving when my throat burned at the smell of the blood underneath his skin.''
''He was cautious. He told me he had snuck my body and hid me away. He told me what he thought I was. And I believed him. I asked how many hours since I died. He said he is not sure. He couldn't return to me after he had brought me there and that was months ago. Needless to say, I lost my temper. He said he had done it out of love for me. But it didn't matter. I was not listening anymore. I was not Mircalla anymore. I was a vampire.''
Carmilla took a deep breath and kissed Laura. ''You asked why Vordenberg hated me. This is why. Blinded by rage for Rudolf, who tried to stop me from living that room, fully intending to keep me there for as long possible but not realizing I was stronger and faster than him and ruled by unsated hunger I went on a killing spree. That night, every one of Rudolf Vordenberg's loved ones and family were nothing but a satisfying meal and a tribute for my revenge. I didn't kill Rudolf though.''
Laura shivered at her words. She knew Carmilla had killed many people. It was different hearing it from the girl. She didn't notice her girlfriend watching her intently, until the raven haired beauty pulled her hand out of Laura's and she looked up to see why.
''Hey, what's wrong?'' Laura asked, getting a hold of Carmilla's hand again and kissing it.
''Nothing. I just..I just thought after hearing that that..''
''That what?'' Laura asked, confused.
''That you'd be scared or want some space..'' Carmilla looked at the ground.
''I don't know what you're talking about. It makes me sad to think of all the thing you had to do just to survive. But I am not scared of you. The girl I fell in love with was a vampire, and she was annoying and short tempered and sometimes scary, yes. But she was kind and caring and funny and selfless. You may not be a vampire anymore, Carm, but you were and I fell for you anyway.''
When Carmilla still seem unconvinced, she sighed and continued. ''This is why I want to know your story. So when I look you in the eyes and say that I love you, you won't doubt it. You won't wonder if I still did if I knew all the bad things you had done. Because I do, Carm. I love you with all I have.''
Carmilla nodded. Laura squeezed her hand and laid her head back in Carmilla's lap, smiling when fingers ghosted across her cheek before resuming their brushing of brown hair.
''I was not alone for long. Two days later, the same woman I remembered seeing before dying found me. Her name was Lilita Morgan. And she announced that my life was about to change.''