Chapter 3
'What was it like?' she asked sheepishly.
'What was what like, cupcake?' the older girl answered, her attention on the book in her lap.
'Nevermind,' replied Laura, pretending to read someting on her laptop.
Carmilla placed the book on the nightstand after making sure to fold one corner of the page.
'Where's your mind at, sweetheart?' She reached for the other girl's hand and kissed it gently.
'I tried to read about it. How it would feel, what you would have felt..but they were all humans and you were not..'
Carmilla set up and put her arms around her girlfriend.
'What is this about, love?' she asked kindly.
Laura did not look at Carmilla when she answered.
'I did not wanna ask and make you sad or angry. But it has been on my mind, all the pain you must've felt. Alone, in the dark, for so many years..' she trailed off when she felt Carmilla stiffening next to her.
'I'm sorry, Carm. I should have never brought it up. We don't have to talk about it. Sorry.'
The blonde did not look up from her lap. She was aware of Carmilla's every move as the older girl relaxed just slightly before speaking.
'It was the beggining of the end. I was still freshly fed when maman burried me. So for what I believe must've been the first few months I tried to escape. While I still had my strength I tried to find a way out.'
Laura dared to catch a glimpse of Carmilla, but the older girl's eyes were already on her.
'Is that one of the reasons you dislike the dark so much? she asked.
'One of them, yes. Do you want me to continue?'
The blonde nodded.
'I did not find a way out and eventually I lost count of the hours, days, months that passed. Time held no meaning. Silence and darkness ruled over my unmarked grave. I was scared. So afraid that I'll be spending my etternity there. Angry and alone. And above all, hungry.'
Carmilla felt Laura grip her hand tighter with every word.
' I would spend my time singing and reciting books and poems I thought were long forgotten. And I would talk to myself about destiny and hatred and fall, sadness and calvary, and the heavens towards which once I aspired to be part of. Eventually, all I was was tired. So I decided that an eternity in hell was well worth it over an eternity in that hole.''
Laura's grip on her girlfriend's arm tightened as she understood what Carmilla was saying.
'I tried. So hard. To rip myself apart, bite my own neck, bleed myself dry. But all I ever achieved was a fair amount of pain and hunger. So I waited. For a sign, for something, anything. But then I thought of Ell and the look she gave me upon finding out my true nature. And maybe this was just a punishment for that. For having tainted the poor girl with evil and unnatural. '
'And then the earth moved around me. It was like being awakened from a dream. For the first time in so long, I was aware of the sounds and people screaming above me. But how could I hear them? And then it happened again. The earth moved and I heard my coffin crack. All I had to do was push and I was free.'
'You are not evil or unnatural. Not now, as human, nor when you were a vampire. I remember seeing you for the first time. You looked beautiful, sitting on the chair at my desk, your black hair angrily hiding your face as you looked at your hands as though you had forgotten they existed prior to that moment. And when you revealed your teeth to me I understood that was no smile. And when I kissed you, you took my hand and whispered..'
'You reveal myself to me, and for you, alone, I live in the appaling world of this inferior heaven.' Carmilla finished the sentence.