Chapter 1
The wind is harsh and almost blows out her campfire she worked so hard on to get started. Her hair blows in her face, and for a minute she sees nothing. With her hands, she tries to get her hair out of her face, but in progress, she smears mud all over her face. When she can see, again she sees that her campfire is out. She cusses under her breath and closes her eyes.
Four months away from civilization, four months after she committed genocide, four moths long she was haunted by her demons. Nightmares keep her awake at night. Faces of people whom’s name she doesn’t even know swimming behind her eyelids. Somewhere deep down she knew majority wasn’t innocent, and there was no other choice. They were going to drill the bone marrow out of her people even if they die for it. That’s probably why it is almost never the adults that haunt her in her dreams but the children, the confused look on their face combined with pure agony when suddenly their bodies started to burn.
Her eyes flutter open when the first raindrop hits the tip of her nose. Soon enough it was pouring, luckily Clarke found in her first few weeks away from Camp Jaha a cave. She made camp for the cave at first light then Clarke would go hunting until late noon and come back to skin the animal she captured that day after she ate she would sit at her campfire and then try to sleep in the cave for a bit. Just like that she has spent 4 months doing the same routine every day. It grounded her somehow, to know what the day would bring. But lately the days are getting a lot colder, and it rains a lot more often. She knows it means winter is approaching. She can see it in the forest too, trees losing their leaves, frosted grass.
Now she is shivering in the cold with no campfire and mud all over her face. She rolls herself up in a ball and lays down as deep as she dares in the cave. When sometimes she doesn’t have a nightmare about the mountain, she dreams of a beautiful mansion full of handmade furniture, a big living room and an even larger kitchen where she makes breakfast for her two children. They would go to school in a peaceful world, and at night she would crawl into bed next to her lover’s warm body. She knows she can’t have that who would possibly love a monster like herself, could someone ever understand why she has so much blood on her hands, could they truly understand the choices she had to make? There is only one person she can think of, one person who could love her because they are a monster themselves, with as much blood as she on her hands perhaps even more. But that one person broke her trust when she needed them the most. Commander Leksa Kom Trikru. And the worst part is that Clarke believed that Lexa could be the one she would go home to every night. The second mother of her children, her lover. But she can’t forgive Lexa for what she did, not yet.
When she wakes up again, the sun wasn't yet risen, and she looks around what woke her. Right before her is a symbol drawn in the sand. It seems like an infinity symbol. She used to see them in books on the ark. But she is sure that she didn’t draw it. Outside is no one and her camp looks just like she had left it except, a whole bunch of leaves on a pile like it is covering something. Slowly she makes her way to it and brushes the leaves away. Under it is a chest and inside are new clothes, a sack of meat, a sword, a bow and arrows with a fitting quiver. She looks around there was no one else there, and there was no letter or note in the chest. Carefully she pulls out the bow and arrows before she used a stone knife but this is way more practical. Gently she laid it next to her on the ground and pulled out the sword. The handle is made of several marks that don't make any sense to her. Next were the clothes. There was a thick animal fur coat, three of what looked like sweaters, and two fitting jeans which were probably designed for the winter seeing the several layers of animal fur sewed onto them. She puts the clothes and sword back and carefully closes the chest.
She spends the rest of the morning carving a target in a nearby tree to practice shooting with a bow and arrow. She carefully places the arrow on the string and pulls back. She aims for the target and releases. The shaft hit the tree, but that tree is 30 feet to the right of the one with the target, she tries again this time the arrow doesn’t even hit a tree, again but this one goes straight in the ground too. After 20 tries or so she finally manages to hit the target, she does a little celebration dance before she tries again, this time again she hits the target further away than first but still in the target. Again and again, she tries to perfect her shooting with the bow, she knows for grounders this is easily done, but Clarke finds it harder than she thought. When she is finally satisfied with her work, she stuffs the bow and arrow back in the chest and drags the chest into her cave right next to her self-made bed which is just a blanket from animal fur.
It isn’t like she is going to spend the rest of her life hiding away from everyone in a cave, really she wants to go back to Camp Jaha, help maintain the peace and be with her friends. But every time she gets to the part of seeing her friends again she stops. She does want to see them in a way, wants to make sure they are okay, have fun with them and laugh, but on the other hand, she is afraid that as soon as she sees them the ghosts of mount weather will break her. Eventually, she has to go back and in a way she is ready to face it all, but she is scared. Afraid of the what if’s, the what if they think I’m a monster and don’t want me there, what if my friends hate me for what I did, What if it wasn’t worth it?
Morning comes soon and with even less energy then yesterday she starts the day. When she comes out of her cave, the ground under her feet is completely frozen and creaks when she walks on it. The sun reflecting in the ice of a lake nearby, several little animals are sliding over the ice, and suddenly she feels a gigantic wave of tranquility washing over her. She sits down on the frozen ground, but the cold does not register In her brain. She quietly watches the animals glide around the ice trying to gather food. She watches how a squirrel desperately attempts to receive a nut which is frozen to the ground. A rabbit whom’s hole is blocked by a bunch of sticks which fell from the trees, the frozen moss on a tree where a bird is trying to keep his children alive. These animals face their problems and try to fix it while she is hiding from them in a cave. She stands up and breaths in trough her nose, the cold air stinging in her nostrils. She is going back to Camp Jaha, today.
She opens the chest and retrieves a piece of meat from the sack and leaves the rest of meat for the animals behind, she then quickly changes her clothes next to her campfire and burns the old ones, the other new clothes she puts in the now empty sack. The bow and quiver she hangs on her back, and after a little bit of struggle she managed to put the sword in its scabbard and hangs that on her back too. She holsters her gun and breathes in again, the familiar feeling of the icy air greets her. With one last look around she turns away and walks towards Camp Jaha.
She walks and walks in what she thinks is the right direction, but after a while, she isn’t so sure, her legs are starting to hurt, and the constant creaking of the frozen ground beneath her boots are starting to get on her nerves. She takes a few left turns a few right, she walks with no aim, but her surroundings remain frozen trees, and she still has no idea where Camp Jaha is. She stands still for a minute with her hands on her knees. Her condition was not what it once was.
All of the sudden she hears the creaking of someone walking on frozen leaves and sticks again, no actually she hears two pairs of footsteps, swiftly she looks around to spot the persons who belong to the footsteps but sees no one. She listens intensively and hears soft talking.
“You believe the queen is right about this?” There is a short pause “You doubt the queen?” “I think we could better join the coalition then join with this natrona If they want Wanheda and the rest of skaikru they can go fight them themselves” they stop walking, “You think Klark Kom Skaikru is the wanheda?” “Sha, She brought down the mountain something the queen should never do” he pauses “I doubt her reign” “You should not doubt the queen” She hears a loud thud and only one set of footsteps continues.
Wanheda, she knows enough trigedasleng to know what it means, Commander of death. Her breath stings in her lungs, and her heart beats faster. When her father used to ask her what she wanted to become she said mermaid and later she wanted to be a doctor. But never did she want to become the commander of death. A tear escapes her eye and rolls sadly down her cheek she does nothing to wipe it away. Soon enough she is bailing, but she does not wipe the tears away, she lets them stay there on her cheeks clear for anyone to see that this is not what she wants. After a while, she squares her shoulders and resolutely decides to change plans and walk to Polis, the grounder capital, instead. She tries to follow the man she heard before quietly, but it is harder than she thought with all the frozen leaves and sticks. Carefully she follows him for two days until she can finally see a big tower, it stands out above the trees with a big flickering flame on top. She pulls the hood of her coat over her head and resultantly walks up to the tower where she believes the commander of the 12 clans resides.
How closer she comes to the tower the more, she notices how big the tower is. The architect in her was amazed at how long this tower has been standing upright, thousands of little windows decorate the tower, the moss on the base of the tower is frozen and gives off a cold, hard feeling. There are two guards at the door of the tower, and she expects there are at least 50 guards on the first few levels. She walks up to them and rights her spine.
“I’m here to see Heda” She stares into the darkness which is the man’s eyes. Suddenly something seems to connect in his mind, he bows and quickly gestures for her to follow him while another guard takes his place. They walk over to something which looks like a sort of elevator and gets in, the man shouts something to people beneath them, and with a shock, they come loose from the ground, and they are rising. While they are rising Clarke catches glimpses of the other levels of the tower. She sees a group of kids with an old man, a maid with a set of folded clothes, and a few soldiers. After a few minutes they reach the top level, she follows the guard trough a maze of halls and doors until they reach two big wooden doors which are guarded by six guards, three on each side. One of them silently opens the doors and seems to announce something to the people inside then he steps aside, and Clarke gets a good view of the inside of the room.
The first thing she noticed is the big throne in the center of the room with additional little wooden chairs. To the side is a young man with long brown hair and sparkly deep green eyes talking to Indra. Indra is looking as stoic as ever, not even acknowledging her presence. The young man, however, looks at her with a little bit of amusement and something else what she can’t seem to place.
A bit further is a long blonde haired girl with a maid outfit talking to Lexa. Lexa, something ignites in her, and if she is honest, she knows it isn't hatred. Lexa wears her traditional commander outfit with shoulder guard, and everything. Her long brown hair is braided back with a few loose strains of hair hanging over her shoulders. The green of her eyes stands out against the black warpaint. The moment their eyes meet she almost swears she sees her feelings reflected in Lexa’s eyes only for a second and then it’s gone, and Clarke isn’t sure if it was there.
Awkwardly she cleared her throat and shuffled with her feet, “Leave us” Lexa’s voice was exactly like she remembers it, clear, commanding but an edge with love and compassion. The guards were the first to leave the room, and she could hear their armor blather while they walked. They were followed by Indra who shot Lexa a look before she left, the last to go was the young man but before he left he whispered something in Lexa’s ear which caused a blush to creep her cheeks. Her eyebrow raised at this, who is this man that he can make Lexa blush and who would whisper in her ear. She could feel a slight sting of jealousy for the man to act with Lexa so casually.
“Clarke” Lexa’s voice changed from commanding to little and vulnerable, Lexa takes a step forwards. The closer she gets the more heat radiated from Clarke’s skin. Again Clarke clears her throat to get her thoughts straight, but Lexa’s presence is making it hard for her to think. “Um, I came, I heard” she stuttered “People call me Wanheda” Something changed in Lexa’s eyes, something darker unlocked. “It means commander of death, why are they calling me that?” She asked staring straight back into Lexa’s eyes. “Because you slew the mountain, you did something no commander could do for decades.” Clarke turns her back to Lexa “Yeah well I bear the burdens” she muttered under her breath, but seemingly Lexa heard it anyway, not that she said anything, the fact that she didn’t say anything spoke louder. After a while, Lexa said “Clarke, there is a threat” She faces Lexa “Threat?” She almost says it laughingly “Care to explain?” Lexa walks to the throne her large red stash sweeping behind her, in the most elegant way, of course, she is elegant too Lexa sits down on the throne and watches her with a pressing look.
“Someone is planning a war” Her face falls, and her heart stops beating for a second, after everything she did, before she can say anything Lexa continues “And we can’t win.”