Eclipse

Thou, sun, art half as happy as we,

In that the world's contracted thus.

Thine age asks ease, and since thy duties be

To warm the world, that's done in warming us.

Shine here to us, and thou art everywhere;

This bed thy center is, these walls, thy sphere.

 

-- John Donne: The Sun Rising (fragment)

Late May

“You’re showing.” Her hand moving gently across Carol’s belly, Therese confirmed what Carol had suspected for a few days. The bump was subtle but still distinguishable to a trained eye, to someone who had taken the time to learn the curves and the contours of the body in question.  

“Yes.” Carol’s smile was pleased yet slightly self-conscious. So far the baby had been hardly more than an inkling, a seed that had been planted, but now it was making itself known far more tangibly. She was happy about it, but apprehensive of Therese’s thoughts, of if and how the changes in her would affect what had only just begun.

“We need to get you bigger clothes,” Therese grinned. “Your breasts are … umm … well, rather remarkable, and I don’t think you’ll be comfortable in those jeans for long either.”

Amused, Carol gave Therese a queer look. “My breasts are remarkable? Meaning they’re huge, is that it?” she asked curiously.

“It is a seriously good thing,” Therese hastened to explain. “You look amazing. These changes are friggin’ awesome,” she rambled on.

“So was there something wrong with the way I looked before?” Carol asked, teasing her shamelessly.

“No. No! Of course not,” Therese exclaimed in her defense. Glancing at Carol put her mind at ease though. “Oh … fuck you,“ she laughed, having noticed the smirk on Carol’s face. “Here I am trying to compliment you, and all you do is give me hard time.” Defiant, Therese rolled gently on top of Carol and demanded full surrender.

“We have so little time for just the two of us,” Carol spoke, enjoying her helpless state. The words she uttered painted the truth she had been harboring since the weekend in Scotch Plains. How it was possible to be both elated by what was happening inside of her and terrified by its weight on the relationship still at its early stages she didn’t know. “I wish we’d have more.”

The look on Therese’s face told Carol she must have also thought about it, and it kept her silent for a while. “I know, and I won’t deny feeling the same way,” Therese said. “But this is what is happening and what is us. What will be us.” She paused to sweep aside the reckless hairs from Carol’s temples. “Ours won’t be the first shotgun wedding,” she quipped, winking at Carol.         

“Shotgun wedding?!?” Carol’s eyes flared of amused disbelief. “God, how awfully romantic you make it sound like … “ Scoffing, she couldn’t help but roll her eyes at Therese.

“No, hear me out. I’m serious.” Therese did look grave all of a sudden. “I’m in it with you.” She made sure Carol quit chuckling. “I intend to be in it with you. If you let me.” Holding her breath, Carol stared at the sharp green eyes so focused on hers. “This baby is a fact of my life as much as it is yours. If you haven’t figured it out yet, you need to. Very soon.”   

Carol acquiesced to nod, overwhelmed by Therese’s conviction. She knew what she wanted, and that one thing was presently pinning her down onto the mattress.  

It was then when Carol thought about it for the first time.

After the weekend in Scotch Plains, it had no longer been a question if and when Carol and Therese would get together. It had become a question of how to be apart at all, even if they hadn’t addressed it directly. Therese had followed Carol to Manhattan, the Jeep tailing the Audi all the way to Carol’s home. The Jeep had remained parked in Carol’s driveway for several days, time having lost all relevance within the walls its round headlights had insistently gawked at.

“Am I making you neglect your studies?” Carol had asked on the fourth day.  

“You are making me very happy.” Therese’s reply had been sweet and definitely evasive.

“Therese … “ Carol had said, trying to maintain her concentration despite Therese’s attempt to interfere with it the best she could. “You’re off to a promising start, and I don’t want you to spoil it.”

“I’d say this is a promising start … “ Therese had murmured, focusing on the distraction she had hoped to spoil Carol with.

“Therese … “ Carol had gasped, all too aware of her own pending weakness. “What would your study advisor say if she were here right now?”

Therese’s reply had been a resounding giggle. “I’m hoping she’d avert her eyes and leave the room.” She had grown more serious though, having seen Carol quirk her eyebrow. “You’re right … and I hate it,” she had admitted. “I just don’t want to let go of you. Not just yet.” She had looked stubborn and unwilling to co-operate, which Carol had found endearing.

“Planning to let go of me?” Carol had questioned, smiling. “I’m afraid it’s not going to be that easy, since I intend to accompany you to Poughkeepsie.” Scrutinizing, she had gazed at Therese. “If that’s all right with you?”

Therese’s eyes had lit up. “Yes!” she had exclaimed, happily taken aback by Carol’s determination. “Of course!”

Carol had no intention of letting Therese slack off on her account. She wanted to be there for her now that the academic year was at its closure, and she needed to make sure that Therese would pull her own weight in this one issue that mattered in the long run.

Their spring was turning into a lovely summer as it inevitably does. The sun at its zenith, who can keep the light from flooding every corner of every room? Carol had wondered. But what happens if the door is opened too hastily to such bright luminance? Do we stay blinded by the overwhelming rays, unable to get past that first impression, the sensation of having been rendered defenseless by its relentless focus? We should not , she had decided for the both of them. And the eyes adjust to light surprisingly fast. Maybe too fast.

“I can’t sleep … “ Carol groaned one late evening in July. It had been a hot day, and the evening hadn’t offered much relief to her steady discomfort. Despite the air conditioning, she found lying in bed intolerable. Her constant fidgeting and moving around in search for a better position had succeeded in keeping Therese awake as well.

“We won’t sleep then.” Therese’s solution was practical, even if they were both tired and weary after a trying day. She propped a couple of pillows against the headboard and urged Carol lean against them while she turned the tv on. “Let’s hope we can catch a movie,“ Therese decided, flicking through channels.

   “ ... I want for my people security and happiness. I want to cultivate the arts of peace. The arts of life! I want peace, and peace I will have … “

“Great, it has only just begun!” Therese enthused.

“What is this?” Carol asked, yawning.

“ Queen Christina .” Therese was too busy to elaborate just yet.

“At least it has snow,” Carol noted, still bothered by her own inner heat.

“Shh … Garbo’s about to kiss her lady-in-waiting … “ Therese whispered. “A great moment in lesbian film history.” Her voice was almost reverent.

“Well, that was - oddly unsatisfying … “ Carol commented after the brief scene.

“It’s 1933, ” Therese laughed. “She kissed her on the lips. Cut her some slack, will ya?”

  “Snow again. Eternal snow.”

“Loving the cold weather … “ Carol murmured despite Therese’s feeble attempt to tickle her into silence.

 Chancellor: “There are rumors that your Majesty is planning a foreign marriage.”

Queen Christina: “They are baseless.”

Chancellor: “But your Majesty, you cannot die an old maid.”

Queen Christina : “I have no intention to, Chancellor. I shall die a bachelor!”

Therese stated the last line out loud along with Garbo to Carol’s amusement. “Something tells me you’ve seen this movie a couple of times … “ she chuckled.

“Yeah. A couple.” Therese grinned at Carol, wrapping her arm tighter around her.

  “One can feel nostalgia for places one has never seen.”

Carol leaned her head against Therese’s chest, thinking of what Garbo had just said. “How often do you think about your father?” she asked out of the blue.

“Sometimes. Usually when I happen to read something I know he had enjoyed.” Therese looked at Carol, curious to find out what had prompted the question in the first place.

“Do you miss him? Having him in your life?” Carol wanted to know.

“I don’t know. I’ve never had him in my life, so maybe the sense of loss I’ve felt at times is nothing more than some form of false nostalgia.”  

 Antonio: A great love has to be nourished, has to be...

Queen Christina: Great love?

Antonio: Don't you believe in its possibility?

Queen Christina: In its possibility, yes, but not in its existence. A great love, perfect love, is an illusion. It is the golden fable of which we all dream. But in ordinary life, it does not happen. In ordinary life, one must be content with less.

Antonio: So young and yet so disillusioned. Young man, you are cynical.

Queen Christina: Not at all. Merely realistic.

“He’s actually buying her handsome youth act,” Carol couldn’t help but comment, watching John Gilbert fawn over Garbo dressed in male attire.

“She is a beautiful boy, isn’t she?” Therese pointed out. Carol found her remark very funny for a reason. “What?”

“Nothing.” Carol preferred to keep her memory to herself.

“I have been memorizing this room. In the future, in my memory, I shall live a great deal in this room.”

Carol thought about the little room in the attic and the one they were presently in.

 - She'll be on the boat. If the tide is full and the wind is with us, we'll sail.

- And she'll go with us?

- Yes.

- Where to?

- The islands of the moon.

The movie ended, and it left them both in a rather wistful mood. Therese was the first to break its spell by getting up and fetching a book Carol hadn’t seen before.  

“I think of my father, and I’m sad his life had to end so early on,” Therese said.  “He was, by all accounts, a wonderful man, and I’d like to think his genes have affected me favorably. Something of him lives on in me.” She looked at Carol, understanding not only what Carol’s question had been about but also what her reply might mean at this given time.

Therese focused on the book she had kept closed up till now. “This book always opens to this page … “ She handed it to Carol to read the underlined beginning of a poem.

 To see a World in a Grain of Sand

And a Heaven in a Wild Flower,

Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand

And Eternity in an hour.

“He was a loving man, an infuriating man at times - well, just a man.” Therese sighed. “I know all I can know about him by what my mother has told me, yet every time when my thoughts wander over to him, I tend to revert to these verses.”

“Were they of particular importance to him?” Carol asked, rereading the marked passage.

“That’s just it,” Therese said. “I have no idea. Rose will be the first to tell you he was no William Blake! But I’ve chosen to believe it to be so. I guess it’s important to me . He’s been dead for nearly three decades, and what is dead remains - dead .” She gazed at Carol, hoping her words would make sense.

“I see his handwriting, his scribbles, and I think of them as light from a dead star. He didn’t know I would be studying his notes any more than a star knows we are here to see its glow long after it’s gone. They are musings from the past, the bright glimpses of his intellect I’m grateful to have. Yet they tell so little if anything at all.” Therese slid down on the bed and stretched her limbs as if to better ground herself with what was underneath.        

“Blood is a loose tie, so lacking when we think of life and how we grow up to become who we are supposed to be,” she said. “The ideals I’ve chosen to attach to someone I’ve never met are, in the end, selfish and rightfully so. They have served their purpose and ultimately freed me to appreciate what’s real and accessible.” Therese pulled Carol in her arms and held her as close as she could. “Life is ephemeral. I choose to celebrate what I have, and I have so much. Right now.”     

Late July

“Do we need to take something else with us?” Therese was not only impatient to get going, she was fidgety as hell.

“I’ve got everything … Relax, please .” Carol tried not to smile too broadly at Therese’s constant hovering. Not that she wasn’t excited herself, but Therese’s input was just a bit excessive at the moment. “Umm … “ Carol grabbed her stomach, wrinkling her brow.

“What is it?” Therese asked nervously.

“It’s nothing, the baby’s just reminding me of its existence.” Carol had not yet gotten used to the tiny spitfire that had started moving around and twitching its limbs. “Let’s go so we won’t be late.”

Therese opened the door, and helped Carol into the car as if she were about to give birth any second. Still, they were only on their way to the ultrasound at the medical center.

It was the first time Therese saw the baby, although she had felt its kicks and seen the outlines of its bottom flex the skin of Carol’s belly for a few weeks now. Giger , Therese had nicknamed it according to Alien ’s creator. Wide-eyed and bewildered, she was now sitting next to Carol who had laid down onto the operating table. When the scan image formed on the screen, Therese squeezed Carol’s hand so fiercely, Carol wondered who was supporting whom during the examination.

“Everything appears to be normal, nothing out of the ordinary … “ Dr. Phillips explained as she went about moving the wand over Carol’s belly. Therese stared at the screen, unable to get her eyes off the fuzzy image of something resembling a plump, grey banana with a big head, arms and legs. “How are you doing otherwise?” the doctor asked.

“She’s only gained about ten pounds,” Therese blurted out. “And I’m not sure if she’s getting enough iron.” Stunned, Carol glanced at her but didn’t say a word. “She’s also started snoring … like a sawmill.” Hearing this, Carol’s eyebrows jumped up in astonishment.

“Red meat, poultry, legumes, put them on her menu.” Dr. Phillips aimed her words directly at Therese. “Spinach, prune juice, raisins … and there are several iron-fortified breakfast cereals around.” This time Carol stared at doctor Phillips, still speechless.

“She’s a picky eater these days,” Therese stated, still gawking at the black-and-white blur.            

“It’s the estrogen that affects the membranes in the nose and causes the snoring. Make her sleep on her side and remember to elevate her head just a bit, okay?” Dr. Phillips instructed Therese.

What. Is. This. Carol was both amused and somewhat perturbed by the way both her doctor and Therese chose to leave her out of the conversation. “Umm … “ she started out slowly.

“She’s a really restless sleeper,” Therese added, not noticing Carol’s opening.

“A pillow between the legs can help out in finding a comfortable position,” the doctor elaborated. “Adjust the temperature in the bedroom, keep it cool. And I would suggest you make the moment of falling asleep as pleasurable as possible … sex is good.”

“Ahem … HELLO!” Carol interrupted, not willing to let the conversation meander any further. Both Therese and Dr. Phillips seemed only just now to awaken to her presence.      

“You started your pregnancy underweight so you’ll have to gain more,” Dr. Phillips spoke without missing a beat. Nodding somberly, Therese confirmed every single word Carol’s physician had stated.

“I know that … and I will,” Carol acknowledged, flustered. She had so much to say but presently she couldn’t think how to get it all out.

“Your body needs more iron because of the expanding blood volume, baby’s growth and the placenta,” Dr. Phillips stressed adamantly. “Have you read the leaflets I gave you? The study material?” She looked concerned.

“She hasn’t, but I have,” Therese quipped in-between. Dr. Phillips wore a visible frown.

“I have, too!” Carol hastened to object. The doctor didn’t seem all too convinced though.  

“No, you haven’t … “ Therese muttered under her breath, but it didn’t go unnoticed by either of the two women.

“Well, luckily your partner has,” Dr. Phillips smiled. “So you’d better listen to Therese and start paying attention.”

For fuck’s sake … Carol’s mind was whirling with snarky comebacks all of which she nevertheless deemed inappropriate.

“You’re well over halfway through your pregnancy, Carol, and you two may also want to start thinking about signing up for a childbirth class,” Dr. Phillips elaborated. “But now that we’re here, how about we take a 4D scan peek at the baby?”

No longer brooding, Carol looked at Therese who was equally delighted by the opportunity. “Can we find out the gender as well?” Carol asked her doctor who confirmed its possibility. They were dying to know it in advance.

“A perfect little girl.”

Dr. Phillips’ assessment was unnecessary, for they could both see it for themselves. Despite the waxy, yellow overtones of the 4D imagery, “Giger” became miraculously alive and real in Carol’s womb. Yawning, she looked relaxed, her tiny fingers performing intricate movements as if she were silently counting them in her solitude. Carol thought about the citrus and other similar parallels her doctor had drawn over the weeks of her expecting, and a part of her was almost surprised not to see herself literally bearing ‘fruit’. The girl’s eyes were closed but the features around them seemed charmingly sullen to her.    

Therese leaned forward to see each detail, the expression on her face reflecting astonishment and barely contained wonder. When Dr. Phillips gave them the recording of the scan, she held onto the disc so tightly Carol was afraid the plastic DVD cover would crack under her fingers.

Mid August, 2017

Therese sat huddled over the kitchen island covered with printouts, maps and magazines. The copious amounts of paper almost sliding onto the floor were a distressing sight for Carol who had had a hard time enough adjusting to the renovation job Bob had seen through with the help of Jack, Dannie and Phil.

The men had spent what had seemed an eternity to Carol scraping off the unwanted wallpaper, covering the surfaces with joint compound and sanding them smooth afterwards. The paint job that had followed had been a gentle chore compared to the installations Bob had deemed necessary. The amount of dust brought about by the work had been staggering, the kind that not only invaded one’s clothes and skin but also remained stubbornly lodged in corners and crevices of the rooms.

Despite the discomfort, Carol had no complaints. She liked what they had come up with, even the old marble countertops having been replaced with red oak wood. “It’s nicer to fool around on a wooden surface,” Bob had pointed out, admiring his own handiwork. “Keep ‘em oiled, and they’ll last a lifetime.”

The entire house looked more vibrant, more organic, even though her feeling better about it had everything to do with Therese being there. She looked at Therese preoccupied with her various documents and enjoyed the sight.

Therese had officially moved in two weeks ago, her room in the commune having been packed in neat boxes soon after her academic year had come to an end. They hadn’t really talked about living together, it had just happened, and if it hadn’t been for the baby, it might not have taken place just yet.

The guest room had been turned into a nursery, the mauve walls repainted and the overall look decorated with a specific design Therese had stealthily put in place. She had worked on her creation for several days, prohibiting Carol from entering the room before it was ready.

Then one late evening she had taken Carol to the room with her eyes closed and only after turning off the lights, Therese had allowed Carol to see what she had done.  The ceiling had sparkled with countless glow-in-the-dark stars forming constellations and galaxies of wonder. Speechless, Carol had stood under their glitter, unable to express what it was that stirred her heart that very moment.

And it was then when Carol thought about it for the second time.

“So are we going to aim at the greatest duration or at the greatest totality?” Therese asked, interrupting Carol’s train of thought. The smile on her face was mischievous.

“If I didn’t know what you’re talking about, this would lead to a very interesting conversation.” The map Therese was studying at the moment was a dead giveaway to Carol.

“You don’t find the total solar eclipse interesting?” Therese asked, pretending to be totally oblivious of her own innuendo.  

Carol dismissed the question with a slight shrug and a smile. “I’m going to let you decide, although there’s something to be said for stamina.”   

Therese grinned at Carol’s remark. “I’m happy to agree with you.” She pointed a spot on the map. “This is where we’ll be heading: 37º 34’ 4.3” North latitude, 89º 06’ 10.0” West longitude.”

“Illinois?” Carol traced the location on the map with her finger.

“Yup. The point of the longest eclipse, 2 minutes and 41.6 seconds, just southeast of Carbondale, at 1:20 p.m. on the August 21.” Therese had done her research well indeed. “Now we’ll just have to hope for clear skies … “

Pensive, Carol furrowed her brow. “What if it’s cloudy?”

Therese had an answer ready, of course. “We’ll hop on the Jeep and drive east or west to get rid of the clouds. Everything will be fine as long as we’ll stay within the path of totality.”

“Sounds positively Blakean - the path of totality!” Carol chuckled. “‘The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom’, huh?”  

“Well, then you’ll probably remember what else he said?” Therese said. “‘You never know what is enough unless you know what is more than enough’.” She winked at Carol. “The solar eclipse is overwhelming, and it is more than enough, but it has to be total. Otherwise it’s like bad sex - it kinda starts okay and seems to be getting there, but, alas, it fails to impress.”

“Now we can’t have that, can we?” Carol laughed, finding the parallel very typically Therese.

“We most certainly can’t,” Therese pontificated humorously. “It’s all or nothing.”

Therese wanted to photograph the eclipse, that was a given, but she had been thoughtful enough to foresee Carol’s needs, too.  “I got you something.” She gave Carol a gift box with a pair of binoculars in it. “Now you’re all set to see the eclipse, the best way there is.” The binoculars came with special solar filters needed for the partial phases, she explained Carol. “When the totality hits, you need to take them off to really enjoy it, and you need to remember it yourself, since I will be busy with the camera.” Carol promised to take care of herself.

The weeks preceding their departure for Illinois, Therese had gone over her checklist again and again. She had decided the exposures she was going to use in advance as well as pre-focused her camera using the full moon as her target practice. Fresh batteries, solar filters, sun shades and whatnot had been amply stocked along with the jotted down lists of things to remember before and during their trip. Most of the time Therese seemed deep in thought, memorizing the sequence of her actions during the peak experience. Everything was tested ad nauseam .

When it was finally the time they were about to leave Manhattan, Therese stopped in the middle of her last minute preparations. She appeared a bit embarrassed. “Are you okay with this?” she asked Carol quietly. “I’ve been so preoccupied with this, I haven’t even thought of asking if you’re up to going … “ Slowly, she set her camera bag on the kitchen island. “It’s not like we have to .”  

Carol heard Therese and saw the sudden confusion in her eyes. She remembered Abby asking her, if she was looking forward to sleeping in a tent in some overcrowded campsite in the midst of late August heat. The roles are cast very early on , Carol had mused. The one who gets her wish, the other who yields all too easily; the one whose temper takes centerstage, the other who hides in passive aggression . She wanted to recognize what was important to Therese, and this was essential indeed - beyond a shadow of a doubt.

Carol’s reply to Abby had been somewhat wry but determined. Yes, she was looking forward to getting uncomfortable on a thin camping mattress and being bitten by countless mosquitoes. Yes, she was looking forward to hours and hours of driving in the Jeep and stopping in drab diners along the way to eat less-than-inspired grub that was sure to give her heartburn.

Yes, she was looking forward to it more than she had looked forward to anything in her recent memory, because it meant so much to Therese. Because it meant they would be gazing straight at the sun together just like they had marvelled at the moon that one memorable night.

“I once asked you to keep an open mind, having just told you that we won’t be seeing each other,” Carol smiled at Therese. “Later on, when I thought you hesitated, you said ‘you wouldn’t miss it for the world’ … “ The fingers of her right hand brought out the silver pendant from under her shirt. “I wouldn’t miss this with you for the world, and I even get to keep my eyes open.”  

When Therese looked at her, no further words were needed. To see and to be seen, to understand and to be understood was all and more - it was more than enough.   

August 21, 2017

It was an early morning of nervous fluttering, of checking the weather forecast while trying to get over the insufficient sleep. Of gathering the things Carol hardly recognized but Therese needed absolutely. Of looking at the skies every so often as if afraid the sun would execute its disappearance against all expectations. The alarm had been set for six, and when it had jolted Carol awake, she had bravely fought against the crankiness her weariness so easily invited around.   

They weren’t camping out after all, and Carol was grateful for that. At the last minute, Therese had been able to secure a bed and breakfast in Makanda, Illinois, a small village of about 500 people. All they needed to do now was to set up their gear at a suitable field or a clearing, at some place unblocked by too prominent scenic features or too prone to sudden changes in weather by steep ground formations. Carol suspected it would take them several hours to find a location Therese would deem fit. Yes, she had her hat and the sunscreen, nothing to worry about, Carol calmed Therese. Even the binoculars. And the solar filters. Sheesh .

After all the fretting and weighing different options, Carol was surprised that they reached their final destination well in advance. Despite her anxiousness, Therese had done her homework and the place they ended up at was not only ideal for the sun gazing but also less populated than many other spots within the city limits. Still, a lot of people were around, Carbondale alone doubling its 25,000 inhabitants for the rare spectacle.  

The sun was up at its usual place, radiating heat of the high noon. The air was clear and the sky blue as far as the eye could travel, and knowing it made Therese hum an indistinct tune while setting up her camera and telescope on the tripod. When Carol saw other people approach, she wished them away, and maybe it was her sharp stare that made them heed to a polite distance as if a barrier, a safe zone, was being built between them and the rest of the population.  

It all began so unobtrusively, it seemed almost sacrilegious to Carol. There was no sign of the moon in the sky, it being so close to the sun it was as invisible as the stars during the day. Still, something had started to shave the sun away, a big black hole gradually overpowering what had been bright and glorious just a few moments before.

Carol heard the clicks of Therese’s camera all the way through the phases of the eclipse, but when the totality hit, she no longer heard them. In fact, she didn’t hear anything at all. No singing of the birds, no conversation, not even the wind though the temperature had dropped due to the obvious reason.

The sky didn’t go black as Carol had expected, its blue deepened and it became saturated and alien, resembling a twilight of some distant time and place neither one of them had ever expected to witness. The wreath of light around the rim of the moon cast a metallic, matte hue on their skin. When Carol glanced at Therese, her face was a mask of silver foreign to this world, to their era. The grass under Carol’s feet appeared to be made of blades of steel and platinum, yet it allowed her to walk over to Therese, to close the gap once and for all. It could have been them meeting centuries ago, Carol mused, taking her hand in hers. The abandoned shutter swung slowly in the light breeze, but if it made a sound bumping against the tripod, Carol didn’t register it.

Everything was odd, psychedelic, the eerie time machine of the greedy moon denying them of any familiarity with their warped surroundings. The moon had thinned itself into a sly lens cap, a black disk that ate away the energy, the core of all existence. They could not gaze at it without connecting with what must have been the fear ancient people when the sun had been turned into a hole in the sky. Only the corona fought against its extinction, the tiny ring of fire giving off slithery sparks.

It was easy to forget everything, to lose track of time and the sense of oneself, when something taken for granted ceased to exist. The heart beat faster, the scared little bird captured inside its bony cage. The stars were there, yet Carol couldn’t extract her eyes from the main event any more than a passerby can look away from a fatal accident. Two minutes of knowing what the world’s end must feel like is a long time, and she longed to have the colors return, to pump blood into what had become frail and devastated. The moon’s shadow rolling over, looming gigantic all too near, Carol took comfort in the warmth of Therese’s hand. Carol felt a squeeze, and it wasn’t fearful at all.

Then the Baily’s beads, the instant when the moon’s rugged surface allowed the sun’s light shine through in some places but not in others, came to their rescue, signaling the end of the totality. Relieved, they had recognized the diamond ring when only one reckless bead had lit up the lunar silhouette. It had trumpeted the steady revival of the triumphant sun no mortal could any longer gaze at with the naked eye. Instead they gazed at each other, overwhelmed by the enormity of the experience and disarmed by its awesome beauty.

Carol kissed Therese while the world came back alive, and it was on that very moment when she thought about it for the third time. Since it was right and strong and true, she didn’t keep it to herself. Carol told Therese that she loved her.