Maybe i'm not
Nonon knocked on Satsuki’s door and heard her call Nonon in. “Sorry I’m late.” Nonon looked at the clock by the door to see that it read three fifteen. “I already told you back at the coffee shop that it would be fine”
Satsuki and Nonon shared a small hug and Satsuki looked at Nonon’s outfit. “You look good.” Nonon tried to keep her blush hidden but the slight pink came out regardless. “Why thank you, I’m glad you like it, tells me I made the right choice.” Satsuki looked Into Nonon’s eyes for a second before turning away to walk into the kitchen.
“Would you like something to drink?” Nonon thought for a few moments. “I’ll take tea if you’re making it.” Satsuki made a noise to acknowledge that she’d heard Nonon came out shortly with two cups. “I had some going just in case.” Nonon smiled as she took the cup from Satsuki. “Always one to think three steps ahead aren’t you.” It was more of a statement than a question but it had gotten the intended smile from Satsuki regardless. “I’m glad you think so Nonon.”
“I don’t just think so Satsuki, I know so.” Nonon smiled as she took a sip from her cup. “Thank you, so… onto the reason you're here” Satsuki’s features changed from happy and confident to worried and nervous in an instant. Nonon set her cup down. “Shall we head to your room, I’ll need to go through your wardrobe if i’m to know what i’m dealing with.”
Satsuki simply nodded and set her cup down next to Nonon’s. They both stood up and walked to Satsuki’s room. Nonon opened Satsuki’s closet and her eyes nearly burst from their sockets. “This closed it almost half the size of your room!!” Satsuki was clearly trying to contain her amusement but failed as she let out a chuckle. “I do have a lot of clothes Nonon, they had to go somewhere” Nonon was still in disbelief but shook her head and walked into the large closet.
“What kind of date are you having? If I may ask” Nonon heard Satsuki say something, but it was too quiet for her to understand. “What? I didn’t hear you” Satsuki let out a slight groan. “I’m going to be cooking, my date is coming here” Nonon blinked a few times in surprise. “Wow, must be quite the woman if you’re going to cook for her.”
Satsuki let out a noise of surprise. “How did you know my date was a woman, I don’t remember telling you this.” Nonon facepalmed when she realized what she let slip. “Ryuko called me and accidentally told me.” Nonon was about to ask if Satsuki had told her sister about her date when Satsuki let out a quite angry noise which ended abruptly.
“W-what else did my sister tell you about my date tonight.” Nonon was a little surprised by how nervous Satsuki’s voice had gotten. “Nothing, once I started asking about it, she made an excuse about not wanting to spill anything else and hung up.” Nonon kept looking through the clothes but she was confused by the way Satsuki’s tone changed from calm, to angry, to extremely nervous.
“So, if you don’t mind telling me, what is this woman like?” Nonon didn’t know what kind of answer she was hoping for but she felt that she needed to know what kind of person had gotten a date with Satsuki. “Well, she’s beautiful, the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.” Nonon nearly laughed at that Someone more beautiful than Satsuki. Impossible.
Nonon wiped the water from her eyes before they could become tears and took a deep breath to try and calm herself. She had blocked out most of what Satsuki had been saying. She didn’t want to, since she had been the one to ask the question but she just couldn’t listen anymore. Hearing Satsuki describe this woman with a slightly dreamy tone in her voice was heartbreaking.
When Nonon realized Satsuki had finished she knew she had to say something. “She sure sounds like quite the woman.” There was a slight pause and Nonon got nervous that she was asked a question when Satsuki had stopped talking instead of it just being the end of Satsuki’s description of her date. Nonon breathed a slight sigh of relief when Sastuki finally spoke. “She Sure is.”
Nonon finally walked out of the closet with a few combinations of clothing and laid them onto Satsuki’s bed thirty minutes later. “Alright, pick the one you like the best, try in on, and i’ll tell you if it looks good on you. Satsuki nodded and grabbed the first choice and walked into her closet, closing the door behind her. Nonon laid back onto the bed and stared at the ceiling.
I didn’t think this was actually going to be this difficult. I guess I can only blame myself for that. I’m the one who asked about the woman, Satsuki was just answering the question. The way Satsuki described that woman though, how could I ever even hope to have had a chance. Nonon was only saved from her thoughts by Satsuki walking out of her closet.
Satsuki walked out in a white T-shirt and blue skinny jeans. Nonon was speechless for a second. Eventually Satsuki got a little worried. “How do I look, Nonon? I know I changed the jeans to skinny jeans but I thought they went better with the shirt.” Nonon nodded and finally found her voice. “No, you made a good call, you look… outstanding Satsuki.” Nonon tried to keep her voice sounding admirative.
“Thank you Nonon.” Satsuki was smiling which made Nonon feel a lot better. “No problem Satsuki. You just need to hope your date likes it” The face that Satsuki made seemed to be a mix of joy, fear, and hopefulness rolled into one. “Oh, i’m sure she will.” Nonon couldn’t quite tell what tone Satsuki’s voice had with that last statement. It sounded dreamy, and yet mischievous.
“Well, I’m sure you can figure out what shoes to wear with that outfit. I’d stay to help you cook but I'm sure you’d want this woman to survive your date” Satsuki couldn't help but chuckle at Nonon’s joke. “You aren’t that bad of a cook Nonon but I want to cook for her myself.” Nonon nodded but rolled her eyes. “If you say so Satsuki but I know it is.” Satsuki just smiled.
Anyway, I’ll let you get to it, text me if you need any last minute help with anything.” Nonon started collecting her things. “I’ll keep that in mind Nonon. Though I hope I won’t need to.” Satsuki seemed to have not intended to say the second part at first but Nonon just shrugged it off.
Nonon and Satsuki walked to the front door together. “I really hope your date goes well Satsuki. You deserve to have that kind of happiness in your life.” Nonon was a little surprised by how honest those first words were as she spoke them. “I do to Nonon, I really do, and thank you, I’m sure you’ll find someone special for you too.”
Nonon smiled and blushed a little as she walked out of Satsuki’s apartment. Then Nonon could have sworn she heard Satsuki add “Maybe sooner than you think” to the end of her statement, but she couldn’t be sure. Nor could she ask because the door closed behind her. Nonon sighed but walked to the elevators.
Then a little voice popped into her mind. Now is your last chance to turn around, knock on Satsuki’s door, and tell her how you feel before she’s lost to you forever. Nonon physically froze in the middle of the hallway and looked back to Satsuki’s door. Then she jerked her head back forwards and started walking towards the elevator again.
No, she deserves to be happy, this woman clearly makes her happy, she wouldn’t have spoken about her like that if she didn’t. Satisfied that her resolve was strong, Nonon reached for the elevator and pressed the down button. You could make her happy. She’s only turning to this woman because she doesn’t know you have feelings for her. Nonon’s eyes teared up as the elevator door opened. That’s not fair to Satsuki, going back and telling her how I feel could throw her into a state of confusion and pain. I won’t do that to her.
Her resolve steeled, Nonon stepped into the elevator and pressed the ground floor button. As the doors closed though, her hand involuntarily jumped out and stopped them. Or it could send both of you into a state of happiness for the rest of your lives. Knowing that her resolve was cracking, Nonon looked at Satsuki’s door again.
No, I can’t take that risk. I’d rather let my heart shatter into a million pieces everytime I see her with the other woman than hurt Satsuki for even one second. Nonon’s hand dropped back down to her side and the doors began closing again. When they closed, Nonon couldn’t hold back the tears anymore.
Nonon knew her eyes were puffy by the time she got to the ground floor. She wiped her eyes and held the sobs back as she walked out of the building and across the street to the parking garage she’d parked her car in. Only when she had gotten back into her car, did she let everything go again and just sat there and sobbed.