Running in Circles

Joel was frustrated.

It hadn’t escaped the alpha’s notice that you were avoiding him and he just couldn’t figure out why.

He thought back to your drunken endeavor and wondered if you remembered something he didn’t, but he couldn’t be sure, so he was just going to have to ask.

The alpha had tried talking to Dina, but the beta claimed to know as much as him with a shrug of her shoulders.

Honestly, Joel was getting to the point where he was starting to get pissed.

Trudging through the snow, Joel made his way to your place – intent on getting answers… for the sixth time.

Every time the alpha tried to get you to just open the damn door, you would go eerily quiet – as if you weren’t home.

Joel sighed.

He had thought that things were going well. Maybe that drinking game wasn’t the best of ideas; but either way, Joel was pretty sure that there was nothing that he could’ve said to scare you off. Even if he had told you about Ellie, he was sure that it wouldn’t cause such a cold shoulder.

Not too soon, Joel found himself standing in front of your door, fist raised, ready to knock.

Taking in a deep breath, he rapped his knuckles on the wood three times and waited. When there was no response he spoke up.

“(y/n)…? It’s me,”

There was no answer.

Joel waited for a little longer, but when it seemed evident that you weren’t going to open the door he turned around.

Only to be bodily pulled back into your abode.

You were crouched on the sofa. Thoughts running a mile an hour and guilt slowly eating away at you.

A half-eaten plate of food was perched on the coffee table in front of you, and your sketchbook was wide open as you gazed down at a drawing of Ellie’s tattoo.

Sighing, you closed the book and went back to place it on the shelf.

You weren’t sure what to do about the Joel-problem (as you so smartly dubbed it). The problem was that you just couldn’t seem to wrap your head around the fact that Joel had wound up killing your three remaining pack members. Another issue was that, despite that, you still loved Joel.

Though when Joel had basically saved Ellie, you two were strangers. You’d somewhat hesitantly came to accept the fact that back then, you were both different people and that, that shouldn’t affect your relationship now.

Sighing, you flopped back down onto the couch.

The thing is, you didn’t want to tell Joel – but he deserved to know, as much as your dead pack mates deserved the right to be remembered. It was just something that you were going to have to pull through, and unfortunately talking seemed to be the only answer.

You’d tried to drag your feet to Joel’s place, but every time you put your hand on the door handle, you froze. Anxiety would drape itself across your shoulders like a cape and apprehension would settle deep within your chest. You didn’t want to lose what you had… but you also couldn’t just continue how things were.

There was a knock on the door and you tensed.

“(y/n)…it’s me,”

The baritone voice of Joel rang through the room.

You felt yourself starting to sweat, your nerves getting the better of you.

Goddammit! Didn’t I just decide I’d have to do this at some point regardless?

The sound of rustling registered and you realised that Joel was going to leave. You felt your omega whine at the prospect and before you knew it you had thrown open the door, grabbed Joel’s wrist, and violently tugged him inside.

Then your actions caught up to your brain… Wonderful.

The two of you stood staring at each other. Joel looked surprised, relieved, and wary all at once and you… well, you weren’t too sure what to feel.

“Hi,” you mumbled softly, averting your eyes

“Hey,”

God, you missed that voice. If only this situation wasn’t so awkward.

You could feel your shoulders gradually tensing under Joel’s gaze. This was a horrible idea, you deducted.

“How are you?” you asked, straining to sound vaguely cheerful as you turned around and headed to the kitchen to make something. You weren’t sure what, but you just needed something to do.

“I think I should be asking you that,” Joel’s voice was tight with apprehension and when you glanced back at the alpha, his posture was forcefully calm – caution oozed from his presence.

“I’ve been better,” was the answer you settled on as you turned back to the kitchen and pulled some flour and sugar off of the shelf.

“I can believe that,” Joel said as he shuffled further into the house and sat on one of the stools in front of the kitchen bench.

You hummed as you traveled to the fridge and pulled out some butter, eggs, and milk.

“You still going to that family event?”

You paused.

You had forgotten about that. It was tomorrow too.

“They have alcohol, so I guess so,” you shrugged as you grabbed some measuring cups and proceeded to weigh all of your ingredients.

“I don’t think that’s a very good idea,” Joel said.

Your eyes flicked up to his and you could see the anxiety pooling in them. Guilt pawed at your chest.

Why was this so hard, you thought as you sighed to yourself and grabbed a wooden spoon.

It was silent for a while. Joel watched you make your way around the kitchen as you made cookies.

“So what have you been up to?” You asked – the silence was grating on your nerves.

“Trying to get a hold of you,” Joel said evenly.

You winced as you pushed the cookie tray into the oven, almost burning yourself in the process.

“Ah,” you replied articulately.

Joel sighed – a sound so defeated that it immediately drew your eyes to the alpha. He looked so tired.

“(y/n), cut the crap,” Joel’s voice was coloured with a pleading tone and you felt your shoulders drop.

“Okay…” you whispered as you stood there, looking at the floor and wringing your hands in front of you.

Joel hadn’t seen you so vulnerable – despite all that has happened. You looked so small. It just made the alpha worry even more.

“What’s wrong?” Joel questioned seriously.

You hesitated before answering.

“You told me about Ellie...” you trailed off and turned your head to look to the front door, unconsciously looking for an escape.

Joel regarded you for a moment.

“Okay…and?”

You swallowed thickly, feeling your throat tightening and your eyes prick with tears.

You shook your head.

Joel got up slowly, keeping his movement open and slow. Once the alpha was in front of you, he gently grabbed your shoulder before using his other hand to gently grasp your chin and catch your eyes.

“I can’t help you if I don’t know… or, well, remember in this case,” Joel said, casting you a small, lopsided grin.

You let out a wet laugh at Joel’s stupid attempt at lightening the mood. Taking a deep breath, you looked right into Joel’s hazel eyes and steeled yourself for whatever response you were to receive.

“I was there,” you rasped, watching Joel’s features with a critical eye and, upon receiving a confused frown, you continued, “when you rescued Ellie I was there.”

You gave the alpha a moment to let the information sink in. His eyes widening slightly, already knowing the implications. But you cut him off before he could speak.

“My pack had kind of had a falling out, so it was me and three others. We had only recently joined the Fireflies. We needed the supplies since we were no longer a big pack and wouldn’t be able to take care of just ourselves,” you watched as Joel constructed a carefully blank face as he listened to you, too bad his eyes gave away his anxiety.

“I was talking to Marlene. I just- I couldn’t let them go through with the surgery, no matter how many lives they would potentially save…” you took in a shaky breath, “one of my packmates had lost his child not too long before this – Marlene just said my omega was getting overly emotional” – you shrugged – “maybe it was, but I still didn’t agree with the surgery…It was then that we heard gunshots and- I needed to make sure the others were okay, because- I didn’t want to be alone Joel, I just couldn’t handle the thought…” you chocked off with a sob – tears falling quietly as you finally looked away from Joel.

You felt a hand brush across your cheek gently before tucking a stray lock of (h/c) behind your ear. Joel’s hand lingered before gently resting on the curve of your neck as he gently pulled you forward so your foreheads were touching.

You took in a shaky inhale of the alpha in front of you.

“I understand why you did it… I would’ve done the same. We were strangers then… and as much as it hurts I- I don’t want to lose this,” you sighed shakily.

The two of you stood silently, basking in each other’s presence before Joel spoke up.

“I…” your eyes finally flickered back to the alpha, only to find he wasn’t looking at you. Joel was wearing a complicated look as he gazed down at the tiled floor.

“I’m sorry… I really am (y/n), and- you know that I would’ve done the same thing over and over again if it was for Ellie but- I’m still sorry that it happened…” Joel sighed before meeting your gaze again, “but if you’ll forgive me I’d-I’d like to continue you courting you,”

You smiled shakily before nodding and wrapping your arms around the alpha’s neck as you pulled him down into a kiss.

It was languid and slow at first. The two of you pouring in your regret and understanding as your lips slid across each other.

It was then that Joel grabbed your bottom lip between his teeth and gave it a tug – causing you to gasp – before plunging his tongue between your parted lips.

Desire, desperation, and a burning passion filled the room and tinted your scents as they mingled together.

Joel pushed you into the kitchen bench, using his arms to cage you in. You smiled into the kiss before leaning back and sliding onto the bench.

The alpha chuckled as he came to stand between your legs and brought his hand up to cup you face as he gently tugged your head to the side and started to kiss along the expanse of your exposed skin, lapping across your scent glands and nibbling the pliant skin.

You sighed contently as you let Joel litter marks across your skin. Your omega was pawing at your consciousness and you knew that you wouldn’t have much control for much longer – not while you were in a heat daze.

Your hands trailed across Joel’s toned front, coming down to rest at the top of his jeans before you slid your hands under the pesky top.

The alpha’s skin contracted and shivered as your cold hands worked their way across his torso, exploring every muscle and crevice.

It wasn’t soon till you were panting and whined as you tugged on Joel’s shirt, wanting it off.

The alpha stopped his ministrations in order to quickly slip your top off before sliding his own off and throwing them both away.

You drew Joel back into a kiss and the alpha ran his hands from your abdomen, across your breasts until he hit fresh scars.

Flinching back, you looked down at the expanse of your chest – covered in red-tinted skin, uneven and shriveled.

You had forgotten about the ugly sight.

“Hey,” Joel called softly, grasping your chin and tilting it back towards him. He locked lips with you and continued to gently run his hands across the scarring.

Slowly but surely, you relaxed into the alpha’s touch and started to kiss back fervently. You felt Joel’s lips pull back into a smile as he swiftly unhooked your bra and slipped it off, hands coming up to fondle the soft mounds of flesh.

You moaned, panting as you pulled back.

“Bed,” you rasped, hooking your arms around Joel’s neck as the alpha grabbed your thighs and walked the two of you to the bed tucked into the corner of the room.

The alpha deposited you onto the bed before undoing his belt and slipping off his trousers. You followed suit, slipping off your jeans and underwear before Joel sat beside you and pulled you into his lap so you were straddling him. You gasped at the clothed bulge that rubbed itself between your folds before grinding down, eliciting a guttural groan from Joel who latched onto your neck as he fiddled with your nipples.

Not too soon, you found yourself on your back as Joel curled the finger that had breached your walls, and his mouth played with your right breast and his other hand kept your hips stilled. You moaned loudly as Joel slipped in another finger and scissored your tight walls.

You writhed on the bed as you tried to push yourself down deeper onto those fingers.

Whining, you pawed at the alpha as he managed to fit three fingers inside your entrance.

“Fuck, you’re tight,” Joel panted as he stretched your walls.

“Been awhil- Ah!” You threw your head back against the mattress, arching your back and grinding yourself deeper onto those skillful fingers as ecstasy rushed through your veins.

Joel smirked. He’s found your sweet spot.

The alpha continued to tease that oh so sensitive bundle of nerves, content to watch the omega before him, break open with pleasure.

Joel leaned down and gave you a peck on the lips before smiling.

“Ready?”

You nodded hazily at the alpha, your omega crying out in pleasure as Joel’s member lined itself up with your walls.

Pushing forward, Joel felt your slick walls contract, trying to greedily pull the alpha deeper, closer, further.

Panting, Joel shallowly thrust into your heat, moaning as he managed to fully sheathe himself.

The two of you took a moment to adjust and catch your breath, before Joel slowly pulled out and, once you had started to whimper at the loss, slammed back in.

You gasped as your body rattled with the force of the pace Joel had set, a mantra of the alpha’s name on your tongue.

The sound of skin slapping skin echoed throughout the room as the two of you panted.

You smiled up at Joel, grabbing his neck to bring him down into a messy kiss.

“Fuck,” the alpha groaned as he buried his face in your neck, hips snapping faster and faster.

“J-joel” you gasped, desperately trying to meet the alpha at every thrust.

“Gonna cum,” Joel mumbled into your skin.

You felt the base of Joel’s knot start to inflate, catching on your rim and steadily forcing the alpha to slow his thrusts.

Boiling seed exploded through your walls and the two of you groaned before collapsing back onto the bed, careful not to pull at the knot.

You cuddled up to Joel, tucking your head under his chin, earning a chuckle from the alpha.

“What so funn’?,” you slurred.

“Nothing,” the alpha hummed, using his finger to comb through your sweat-soaked hair.

The alpha paused.

“You uh- you’re on contraception right?” Joel asked nervously.

You snorted.

“Got emergency pill,” you mumbled, “take it in the mornin’,”

“Okay,” Joel said as he pressed a kiss to the top of your head.

“G’night,” you muttered as you wound your arms around the alpha.

“Night,” Joel replied softly