Running in Circles

Ellie wasn’t really sure what she was doing loitering outside your house like a creep.

Actually, scratch that. She knew exactly what she was doing here. Ellie wanted to talk to you, though she was admittedly a little unsure as to why or what she wanted to discuss. Perhaps she wanted to check that you really were ok after today’s fiasco, or even ask about why the fuck Joel was so on edge as of late (though Ellie was pretty sure she already knew the answer to that one).

“…I’d ask whether this person hurt you enough to make you hate where you are now, how far you’ve come and make you yearn to go back and change reality.”

Sighing, Ellie let her head fall back against the tin wall of your hut. Her conversation with you on Joel had left her feeling unsettled, and she hadn’t really had the chance to further talk to you about it.

Trust was not something easily given nor earned these days but… You were so easy to talk to, and cut right to the root of the problem that Ellie was so stubbornly trying to avoid.

There weren’t really any other adults Ellie trusted or interacted with outside of Joel, Tommy and Maria. Joel was a no-go for obvious reasons, Tommy would just snitch to Joel and Maria… Well, as much as Ellie respected Maria it wasn’t exactly like they were buddy-buddy. So that left you.

Yes, Ellie had only known you for a total of three days and she could already hear the lecture Joel would give her if he knew, but still, it wasn’t exactly like she had many other viable options. Besides, Ellie liked you and screw Joel anyhow.

Hence why Ellie was lurking outside your house waiting for you to return from the mess hall… Only you never came.

The minutes had ticked by slowly, but by now it was fully dark, the street lamps having finally flickered on.

A crunch of footsteps alerted Ellie and only caused her to frown as Jesse rounded the corner.

“Oh.” Was the eloquent greeting.

Ellie snorted, “Hello to you too.”

Jesse blinked, still looking a little dumbstruck. “What are you doing on the ground? It’s snowing, your ass is gonna be wet.”

“Huh.” Ellie hadn’t thought of that. Standing up, Ellie ignored the wet patch on the back of her jeans. “I was waiting for (Y/N), but she hasn’t shown up…”

“Maybe her and Joel are finally fucking.”

“Fuckin’- gross! Don’t say that, Jesus.” Ellie scrunched her nose up at the suggestion.

“No, it’s Jesse.”

Ellie rolled her eyes at the other’s antics. “You have a terrible sense of humour.”

“Says the girl that relies on books to tell jokes.”

“Oi! You leave Will Livingston outta this!”

Shaking his head, Jesse watched Ellie quietly for a moment.

“What? Stop being a creep,” Ellie snarked, fidgeting under the scrutiny.

“You’re worried.” Jesse pointed out, barrelling onwards before Ellie could refute. The fucker. “Why don’t we go ask Joel, hm?”

Ellie paused, she did want to make sure you were ok but if Jesse’s prediction was even in the vicinity of being correct then Ellie really didn’t want to be anywhere near you… But it was seriously getting dark and you seemed to be a magnet for trouble if the last three days were anything to go by.

“Fine, but any weird noises and I’m ditching.”

Jesse barked out a surprised laugh at that. “Fair enough.”

“YOU DID WHAT?!”

Joel winced, shuffling as if he wanted to retreat back inside. Ellie was fuming as she gaped at a sheepish Joel.

“Why didn’t you walk her back to her house!? Or at least the mess hall! Did your dino brain finally give up on you!? What were you thinking!!?”

“Ellie…” Dina lay a placating hand on Ellie’s shoulder, having bumped into her and Jesse on their way to Joel’s.

“No, Dina!” Ellie shrugged her off, whirling back on Joel who shied away at her ire. “Seriously, Joel, what the fuck!?”

Joel wasn’t thinking – quite obviously – but he felt admitting that right now probably wasn’t the best idea. Last think he expected was Ellie knocking on his door with Jesse and Dina, let alone ending up having a one-sided screaming match with him at quarter-to midnight.

“Ellie!” Jesse snapped. “Yelling at Joel won’t solve the issue, we’re wasting time here when we should be out finding (Y/N).”

That caught Ellie’s attention, her shoulders sagging in defeat.

Joel decided to take the moment of silence from Ellie’s onslaught to speak up and act like an adult. Fucking finally.

“Let’s split up across town to look for her – ask anyone you can so that the town knows and hopefully we can avoid anyone trying anything unsavoury if under town inspection that way.” The three nodded, as Joel reached back and shrugged on his jacket hanging by the coat rack. Thankfully he had yet to change into his pyjamas. “Meet back here at half-past one, so if we have found her we can be sure that no one is still running around like a headless chook.”

Joel received three curt nods as he stepped across the threshold and closed the front door behind himself.

Ellie sighed as she darted off towards her assigned area. Fuck, half of her wishes she had walked up to the porch to weird noises coming from Joel’s house, just to save her from the worry rather than her peace of mind.

Hugging his jacket closer, the cold had settled for the night, the wind biting in its chill and Jesse was really hoping someone would find you soon so he can go back to his hut and sit with a mug of boiling water between his hands to help warm him up.

Jesse was scouting out the neighbourhood near Joel’s house. It was quiet out this way, not many folks liked setting up near Jackson’s graveyard – many thought it was bad luck, which Jesse figured was fair enough, but it left the place… still, eerily quiet.

There was a scuffle of feet on snow, a few lowered voices and harsh whispered, laboured panting. Jesse’s brows knit together, his feet changing direction as he headed towards the dimly lit alleyway.

As he got closer the metallic stench of blood wafted through the air. Jesse felt his stomach churn. Something wasn’t right, and if the sweet tang of citrus was anything to go by Jesse suspected you were waiting behind the brick alley.

Keeping his steps light to try and muffle his approach, he felt nausea crawl up his throat at the sickening scent of panic that clogged his airways. Pushing aside his rising bile, Jesse rounded the corner and—

“HEY!” Jesse barked, feeling his hackle raise at the sight of you, at the overwhelming scent of fear, sadness and loss.  

 Though he couldn’t see you at first, a few had stepped aside in shock to get a better view of his sudden intrusion and revealed your mangled, heaving chest – chunks and strips of skin lay scattered across the ground, staining the snowy ground red. Jesse was no stranger to carnage but this… this was something else.

“What’re you doing!?” He shouted, enraged, as he quickly made his way over.

“None of ya business,” One of them replied, both her hands were heavily bandaged and Jesse couldn’t tell if the blood staining the cloth was the Alpha’s own or yours.  

“Then leave,” Jesse growled, feeling his back straightening in an instinctive display of dominance. Jesse knew he wasn’t very tall, but he was broad, and everyone at Jackson could recognise him. It was the perks of being in charge of patrols, and that was no small amount of power.  

The Alpha woman snarled at him, flashing her teeth at the challenge.

“Stand down!” Someone snapped behind her.

“But-”

“Stand. Down” The woman huffed at this but said nothing more as she moved to the side.

Jesse was greeted with the sight of Elijah – being in charge of a lot of patrols got him well acquainted with most of the people involved , including this sketchy bastard.

Elijah’s knife was still buried under your skin, half way through carving down the middle of your ribs.

“Leave,” Jesse said warningly, scooting his foot back and taking on a fighting stance, a growl building up in his throat. “Now.”

The red headed man only chuckled, “Sure thing boss.”

“Wha-”

“Shut it,” Elijah turned on his companion, “We ain’t wanna deal with this group.”

Wise choice, Jesse thought as he watched Elijah roughly jerk his buried knife out of your chest before skirting around him.

Jesse made sure to watch all of the little group to leave before letting his guard down.

Blood coated almost every inch of your bare chest – skin hang limply in some places and some patches rested near you. Some areas where deeper than others.

“Fuck!” Jesse breathed, watching your barely rising chest, “Holy shit! (Y/n), are you okay? Can you hear me!?” Shaking your shoulders was tempting, but he didn’t want to aggravate your injuries any further.

Shuffling closer, Jesse went to reach out to check your pulse before your eyes blinked open. You still held that dazed look, but no recognition crossed your face. Instead, you seemed to zoom into the blood around you before practically throwing yourself away from him, without so much as flinching.

“NO!” You cried as you attempted to scuttle away, some of the bone of your ribs visible with your heavy breathing.

“Hey!” Jesse exclaimed, startled at your sudden movement, “It’s okay, you’re okay.” Jesse said softly, trying to calm you and himself down.

Silence… and then—

“Jesse?” You asked hesitantly, squinting in his general direction.

“Yeah…” Jesse’s shoulders sagged in relief, “Yeah, it’s me.”

He went to reach out towards you, only to cause you to flinch. “Fuck okay- umm…I’m going to grab your shoulders and help you on your feet…okay?” Jesse waited for a moment and after a while you gave him a little nod.

Slowly reaching out, the Alpha gently grabbed your shoulders, trying to avoid any skinless areas. He helped haul you up to your feet, muttering an apology at the cry of pain it drag forth from your lips, before trying to hook your arm around his shoulders. It was awkward, you were obviously in pain and your torso was completely exposed. Jesse averted his eyes, trying to offer you some semblance of dignity as he started to drag you forward, your feet stumbling underneath you.  

“Okay, Ellie’s place is near here,” Jesse commented, you were right on the outskirts of Joel’s neighbourhood and the new housing – there was a higher chance to run into people if Jesse went back to Joel’s and the walk to Ellie’s was easier anyhow. “We all went out looking for ya since you hadn’t arrived back at your place yet,” Jesse continued to ramble on – his nerves getting the better of him. “Well, actually Ellie was waiting for you – dunno why, but she was and was havin’ a whole mini freak-out over you not coming back before your bedtime or some shit and—”

You were silent the whole time, only the odd hiss or groan of pain indicative of your consciousness as you clumsily struggled to keep up with Jesse’s own snail-like pace.

It wasn’t until your scent registered and the faraway look in your eyes that Jesse finally went quiet, taking a moment to watch you out of the corner of his eye.

You looked so… sad. Like everything you had, had been ripped away and you were just a husk of a person. Jesse wondered if there was something else that had happened other than the skinning… Now that he thought back on it, he hadn’t heard you make any noise at all, even as he was approaching the group. It was concerning, especially since you weren’t entirely unconscious. That kind of pain… it isn’t one people can generally keep quiet from.

It didn’t take long for the two of you to reach Ellie’s place. Jesse quickly left you to lean against the wall as he picked the lock.

After throwing the door open and dragging you inside and sitting you on the bed he looked over your wounds.

Though your naked torso would normally make him blush, the mangled flesh had his full attention and… Well, there was absolutely nothing attractive about the current situation.

“Fuck,” He cursed. This was bad. Your wounds were still bleeding, he could see some of the bone and muscle of your ribs and everything was just… It was disgusting.

Jesse had to swallow back bile at the sight.

He looked you over – it didn’t seem that you’d go anywhere but he didn’t really want to risk it, especially if you had another freak-out or meltdown – your wounds were bad enough as they were.

Wracking his brain for an answer, he remembered that the other three were going to meet back up at Joel’s place at 1am. Jesse glanced at the clock on Ellie’s nightstand – 01:03. They should be there now.

He looked back to you… Jesse had never used his Alpha Voice – there was no reason to, it wasn’t very effective on other Alpha’s and only had minor effects on Beta’s. But…Better safe than sorry.

“St-stay…Stay still,” Jesse felt the command bubble up at the back of his throat, the thrumming sound of it unfamiliar to his own ears. Jesse decided he distinctly disliked the way your eyes glazed over at the command, but there was nothing else he could do at the moment.

Jesse fumbled to lock the door behind him before booking it back to Joel’s.

Ellie still couldn’t believe Joel hadn’t led you home. Fucking dumbass. She was fuming, her anger palpable in her scent and she was glad at Dina’s assistance to join her despite the fact it meant they were covering less ground. However, as the two continued to ask each and every person they came across, it wasn’t long until a town-wide search for you had begun (even if most people had never come across you before, it wasn’t like they wouldn’t know who the one omegan resident in Jackson was).

Anxiety was thrumming through Ellie’s veins. She felt jittery, unnerved by your continued disappearance. It had almost been an hour and still no sign of you.

“Hey, we should head back to Joel’s,” Dina murmured gently, guiding Ellie by the elbow into the aforementioned house’s general direction. “We were planning on meetin’ back up at 1 – maybe Jesse or Joel has had more luck.”

Ellie nodded numbly, walking back to Joel’s place and then having to endure watching the Alpha pace back and forth of his front porch as they waited for Jesse.

“I found her!” A shrill cry came down the road. Joel, Ellie and Dina turned to see Jesse drenched in blood.

“Fuck! Jesse are you okay!?” Dina asked worriedly, going up to check over her boyfriend. Ellie immediately missed the warmth of her by her side.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Jesse waved her off, “Blood’s not mine.”

Now that garnered everyone’s attention, everyone going stiff.

“Where is she?” Joel finally piped up. He hadn’t said a word since he’d met back up with her and Dina, and that was more nerve wracking than anything else in Ellie’s opinion.

“Ellie’s place… I- she was being skinned alive but she – it- they- I…” Jesse stumbled over his words trying to convey everything he had seen. It was… horrific. But he was more concerned over the fact that he hadn’t heard you make the faintest sound as your skin was being peeled off. Perhaps that was an odd thing to focus on.

“What!?” Ellie snapped sharply, “and you just left her there!?”

“She was commanded not to move.” Dina stiffened considerably at the admission. Everyone was uneasy really – Alpha commands were not taken lightly in Jackson. They were considered barbaric even in the old age.

“She got scared when she finally… came to and literally threw herself away from me,” Jesse quickly added, “I-I didn’t want to risk her aggravating her wounds more.”

Jesse’s mouth clicked shut as Joel clapped a hand on his shoulder. “You did good, kiddo.”

“We should hurry then,” Joel said sternly, before turning to Ellie, “Go alert Maria and Tommy.”

“Wha-”

“Now,” Joel growled. Growled. The sound made everyone jump. It was the most animalistic sound Ellie had ever heard from the Alpha and Ellie felt herself flinch away at the tone instinctively.

Ellie didn’t argue any further and instead turned to go find Tommy and Maria.

“Let’s go,” Joel ground out, pushing past Dina and Jesse who shared a look before they trailed behind warily.

Ellie sighed as she eyed Joel out of the corner of her eye; the Alpha was leaking pheromones all over the damn place and was fussing over you like a mother hen. Really he was such a mess.

After Ellie had managed to find Tommy and Maria, they had high tailed back to her place – with a shit ton of pain killers and bandages.

When Ellie had first seen the mangled flesh of your chest she almost had to step out of the room – the scent of blood was so powerful, fear flooding the room and some scraps of flesh still hung to your chest. Apparently Dina hadn’t faired any better – having to step outside to empty her guts. Wonderful.

It had taken 2 hours to get you completely patched up. Having to make sure you wouldn’t get any infection was a pain, but it was necessary.

Jesse had released his command on you but the moment he did you started thrashing around, screeching like a banshee, until Joel panicked and used his Voice to keep you still.

Everyone was surprised at that. Ellie had never seen Joel use his Voice before – honestly Joel seemed as surprised by the action as the others.

Nonetheless, after that, everyone got to work on patching you up. You, who kept mumbling. At first Ellie couldn’t make anything out, your sentences slurred and sloshed together in a muted jumble of words. But Ellie had caught on the continuous repeat of the word – well, name – ‘Mai’. Ellie thought that you were talking about one of the horses in the stables… but that didn’t exactly make any sense. Ellie had the distinct feeling that you’d talked to her about this Mai before, but couldn’t for the life of her remember when.

Either way, you were moved to Joel’s place after you were patched up.

Tommy had suggested the idea originally – his tone obviously teasing and suggestive, despite your condition. Shockingly, Joel had taken him seriously and straight up agreed. Today was full of surprises, that was for sure.

“Joel, relax. She’s not dying,” Tommy said, voice bordering on concern and amusement. “You’re making me nervous.”

The Alpha was sitting next to you, checking your pulse almost exactly every 2 minutes. He was obviously stressing over your condition – it was like Ellie could see the cogs in his head spinning so fast it’d make any normal person dizzy. Joel kept fidgeting with the glass of water he had set of for you, then seemingly drinking the water not of his own accord before panicking and rushing down stairs to fill the cup back up again.

Ellie had never quite seen Joel so… ruffled.

Joel didn’t respond to his brother. Tommy let out a long-suffering sigh.

“What’s wrong with him?” Dina whispered to Ellie – who just shrugged in response.

“It’s an Alpha thing,” Maria stated – earning a growl from Joel due to her voice being louder than he deemed appropriate. Maria just rolled her eyes before stepping out of the room – gesturing the girls to follow.

“What do you mean ‘it’s an Alpha thing’?” Dina pipped up, once the three had reached the kitchen.

“It’s sort of hard to explain,” Maria sighed as she filled the kettle, “but it’s basically where an Alpha goes all protective over their ‘mate’.”

“But they’re not mates?” Ellie frowned.

“Well, no. But his Alpha obviously doesn’t recognise that,” Maria fished out some cups, silently asking the girls if they wanted any tea – earning a nod from both. “It’s usually not this strong, but that’s probably because they’re compatible.”

Dina graciously accepted her cup of tea as Joel hurried into the kitchen, filling up the now-empty glass, before rushing back upstairs and almost running Jesse over as he strolled down the stairs in search of the girls who had disappeared during his trip to the bathroom.

“I know you always say that Joel’s a worry-wart, Ellie, but this is next level.” Jesse shook his head as he pulled up a chair. “And what’s this about being compatible? Are those two…?”

Dina nodded. “I don’t really know much about it, other than from books and… Well, who knows how much of that shit is true.”

The three turned to Maria expectantly. Passing Jesse her own untouched mug of tea, Maria busied herself with pouring another cuppa.  

“Compatibility usually comes between an Alpha and an Omega – it is rare for it to be with a Beta. Essentially, it is complementary or very appealing scents to one’s Alpha or Omega. It’s more of a primal thing – but in most cases, those who were compatible have a longer lasting relationship… or so I’ve heard – there’s a lot of superstition around the whole thing and honestly not much science done on the topic.” Maria sighed, running her fingers through her hair as she settled back in her chair. “Though it is rare to be compatible, it is understood to instinctually create a deeper bond between two people. Some are stronger than others, though mated pairs that are compatible are known to feel bonds much more clearly… though how much of that is fantasy I’m not sure.”

“So is that why Joel’s knickers are all in a twist?” Dina raised her brow, Ellie snorting at the choice of words.

Shaking her head, Maria fought a smile. “I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s the case with Joel and (Y/N). It usually results in their wolf’s thinking of each other as mates, even if they’re not mated. You could ask them and see if they ever had, but I doubt you’d get a straight answer.”

Dina hummed in thought, whilst Ellie remained silent – processing the new information.

“I think we should probably worry more about (y/n),” Dina said quietly, “She kept talking about someone called ‘Mai’.”

“I heard that too,” Maria added.

It was then that it clicked.

“Holy fuck…” Ellie breathed.

“What?” Dina prodded, a crease between her brows.

“I remember that name now! It was in her sketchbook!” Ellie exclaimed, “They must’ve been part of her pack!”

“Really!?” Dina looked excited by the idea… but then again, “Does that mean…?”

“I… I think that maybe they died… or something,” Ellie trailed off – uncertain.

“Well, let’s not dwell on it,” Maria said, placing her empty cup in the sink, “She’ll tell us if she wants to.”

“Yeah,” Dina sighed, “I hope so.”

There was a crash from upstairs and Joel soon stumbled downstairs again to fill up the once again empty glass.

Blood coated your hands as everyone stared at you – judged you. You shook as you stared down at Mai… Her  form lay in front of you, reminding you of empty promises and the sins you had committed. But you weren’t to receive any praise at hauling her body back to base. No, you were the one that had gotten her killed – killed her. But it wasn’t your fault! It was- it was –

You gasped as you lurched forward.

“Whoa there,” A steadying hand rested on your shoulder – but you barely noticed, too busy trying to breathe. Your hands fisted the sheets underneath you as you focused on the important task on inhaling and exhaling.

Panting, you looked to your side where Joel held out a glass of water to you.

Taking it shakily, you gulped it down in one shot.

“You’re okay,” His voice was gentle and so was the hand tracing patterns down your back.

Your chest throbbed, your skin felt like it was on fire and you let Joel quietly push you back down against the bed.

“What happened?” You rasped out – throat still terribly dry. Everything was a blend on pain and nausea and you honestly weren’t sure if you were going to throw up or pass out. You suspected Joel would prefer the latter.

Joel was quiet for a moment.

“That doesn’t matter right now. You’re safe and that counts.”

Suddenly everything hit you like a truck.

“Is Elijah okay!?” You practically shouted – wincing at the flare of pain from your chest.

“Who?”

“Elijah! H-h-he was with me before.”

“The… red head?” Joel’s voice was dangerous and cautious – face darkening into something ugly. But you weren’t paying attention, instead trying to fight the hand on your shoulder pushing you back into the mattress.

“Yes! Yes, that’s him! Is- is he okay?”

“What the fuck!?” Joel snapped – scent turning sour, “He just tried to fucking skin you alive and you’re worried about whether he’s okay!?”

“Yes I fucking am. You gotta problem with that?” You shot back – hackles rising at the indication that you wouldn’t be. You always cared, and no matter what anyone thought you cared about Mai too—

“Yes I bloody well do!” Joel shouted, rising from his chair. “He just tried to fucking murder you and you don’t seem to give a shit!”

“Well I fucking deserve to die!” You screamed back. There were little black dots starting to cloud the edges of your vision, the pain burning so hot you could barely feel it anymore.

“Why!?”

“Because I-” You abruptly cut yourself off. That’s right; Joel doesn’t know… You didn’t feel particularly ready to change that fact.  

“Why?” Joel prodded again, his tone gentler but still bitter. He’d settled back into his chair, but his body was pulled taut, ready to jump back up in a moment’s notice.

“None of your business.”

“Fine. Then who’s Mai?” You whipped your head around to look at Joel – surprise marking every feature in your face.

“Who?” You choked out, hoping you misheard him.

“Mai,” Joel said sternly, “You kept mumbling about them.”

“I-What… She-uh they – I mean… fuck,” You groaned as you slumped back in bed, eyes starting to water. Joel immediately deflated.

“Hey,” Joel said gently, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to… I just – I was just… mad.”

“It’s okay,” You croaked, “I just-…” You sighed, looking away from Joel, “She was part of my pack and well… I guess you could say I killed her.”

Joel patiently waited for you to continue.

“I don’t know, man… We were out scavenging for heat suppressants and I had to go with Mai because- well- I drew the short straw and had to go,” You ran your hand through your hair. “I couldn’t control my scent so we were supposed to scavenge through one of the cleared areas and then-” Your voice hitched as you tried to supress any sobs – god you were pathetic, “a hoard came through… Somehow we managed to escape and holed up in the second story of some house and waited for them to pass but- I… She didn’t tell me she was infected. Just…” You inhaled shakily, “I woke up the next day and she’d hung herself and I- I couldn’t… she never said anything. I mean she had kept talking to me like she was gonna fucking die but I just thought – I thought she was being overly emotional or some shit,” The tears had started streaming down your face a while ago – Joel watching you blankly, “if I’d just kept track of the heat suppressant supply – I wouldn’t have – she…”

A hand rested on your knee, quietly silencing you.

“It’s not your fault,” Joel’s eyes were soft and his face was so genuine. A small crease sat in between his brows – showing his concern, and his voice was gentle but firm.

You shook you head.

“You don’t understand…” You said – not wanting to believe that is wasn’t your fault, “Everything fell to shit cause of me.”

You heard rustling and when you looked back towards Joel, he was standing outside the bedroom doorway, picking up a framed photo from the dresser.

Upon handing it to you, you saw a much younger Joel and a teenage girl with blonde hair and a smile plastered across her face. They were at a soccer tournament of some sort – indicating that this was taken before the outbreak.

“Her name was Sarah,” Joel stated quietly, “She was an Omega like you…” The Alpha trailed off; eyes garnering a lost, faraway look.

You regarded Joel quietly, unsure what he was getting at or why he was sharing something so precious with you.

“Had her when I was quite young, but she was… she was the most precious thing,” Joel sighed deeply – you noticed that his hands were shaking as you handed the photograph back. “On outbreak day we managed to flee to the highway… But an officer…” Joel trailed off, looking to the side.

It didn’t take much brain power to put together what had happened – you where there on outbreak day too. The military started to gun down anybody who hadn’t made it out immediately – infected or not.

“Hey,” Your voice was soft as you leant forward trying to capture Joel’s eyes, “That’s not your fault.”

Joel looked up towards you – face carefully blank, but you could see through the cracks. After all, you had used that same mask so many times yourself.

“Could say the same thing to you,” Joel mumbled quietly. Your lips twitched into a small smile at the barb.

“I can imagine it’s hard… to lead a life where she isn’t there but…at least her memories weren’t tainted by this hell hole.” You earned a chuckled from Joel – your own smile growing at the sound.

“You’re probably right,” Joel leaned back into his chair, “never thought about it that way; but even though she was a tough cookie, she couldn’t hurt a fly…” Joel paused, before snorting, “if they didn’t deserve it that is – threw a good punch at some girl at school once.”

You snickered.

“I can already see where she got that from,” You teased.

“I honestly dunno whether I should proud or offended by that,” You shrugged as a response and the two of you fell into a comfortable silence.

You felt acutely aware of the pain as you settled back properly against the pillows. Just as your eyes were finally starting to close as you drifted to sleep, Joel spoke up.

“You know it wasn’t your fault right?”

“Yeah,” You sighed, “but sometimes it sure feels like it.”

Perhaps there was nothing you could have done differently to change the course of events, but sometimes it was easier to believe it was all your fault because it made you feel like Mai’s death wasn’t so in vain.

Guilt but no shame… And remorse with no repentance.

What a pair you made.

You stood in the bathroom across from Joel’s bedroom. You flushed at that. You hadn’t even questioned who’s bed you were in, nor where you were. But to be fair, you were rather disorientated.

Sighing, you regarded yourself in the mirror. You weren’t wearing a top, but your torso was completely wrapped in rags and make-shift bandages. Your eyes were sunken-in and puffy, skin pallor. You suddenly seemed so small… It wasn’t a very welcomed thought.

It was time to re-address your wounds, and… you were nervous. You didn’t know what to expect – but from what your burning chest and the others had said, it wasn’t pretty.

“You ready?” Ellie asked as she shuffled into the small room, closing the door behind her.

Medical equipment littered the bathroom bench – slaves, clothes, bandages and more cluttering the space. This would be the first time you were actually somewhat conscious of your bandage change – the blood loss having caught up to you not long after you first woke up with Joel.

“Yeah,” You breathed, gently lifting your arms to give Ellie more access to your bandages which completely concealed your skin from sight. The movement stretched uncomfortably, but thankfully it wasn’t too painful.

“Here goes,” Ellie untied the knot at the back and started to unwrap.

The base of your throat was bright red and you could see the dried blood scabbing over. Breathing in deeply, you closed your eyes until Ellie had finished unwrapping you completely.

“Done,” Ellie murmured, hands hovering over your sides, unsure whether she should continue or not.

Swallowing harshly, you opened your eyes.

It was hideous.

Your skin was an angry red, scabbing over in places – bone barely visible in deeper areas. The flesh of your chest was uneven and bumpy, craters littering your marred skin. You felt tears prick your eyes.

Fuck, you thought.

Beauty was never a real priority in this life, but you hated the ugly being that stared back at you in the mirror. Hated the scars and the markings that would haunt you for years to come with the memory of a broken pack.

“It’s… it’s not that bad…?” Ellie practically whispered behind you – earning a wet laugh from you. Slapping your hand across your mouth, you breathed in shakily through your nose before looking away – Ellie took that as confirmation to continue.

After carefully cleaning out your stripped flesh and rebandaging, you stepped out of the bathroom, letting Ellie lead you back to Joel’s room and helping you gently back into the bed.

Once the door clicked shut behind her, you felt your chest heave painfully as a sob was wretched from you.

Remorse with no repentance…