Running in Circles

The next two weeks had passed in some semblance of normalcy… Well as normal as it could get when you were locked up in your own house.

“Can’t I just go outside?” You whined as Joel pottered around the kitchen in the early morning.

It had been 12 days since your encounter with Elijah, and you had done your very best not to think about it – shoving those thoughts into a box, then shoving the box into the very corner of your mind.

For the first week you had been rather ill. You were sleeping for majority of those days and your memory of them was a little hazy. The blood loss had finally caught up to you and you remember feeling like you’d been dragged to hell and back. Your chest ached, your fever made it impossible to decide whether you were hot or cold and you simply couldn’t get comfortable as it would pull or push at your tender flesh, forcing you to resign to sleeping on your back.

After that week, you had felt much better. Walking around and doing some art when you were feeling up to it. Otherwise, most of your time was spent reading in the comfort of your bed.

You’d been moved back to your own abode after a week of unintentionally leaving Joel to sleep on the couch as you took up residence in his bed at his assistance. 

But now, you were feeling completely fine – well, that was probably a little bit of a stretch, but you were well; yet the little group that had taken you in, had decided you weren’t allowed out. It was boring and you had nothing to really entertain yourself with other than having to change your bandages morning and night.

“You know you’re not allowed outside,” Joel sighed – getting mildly irritated over having to remind you of that fact every 5 minutes.

You groaned before dramatically flopping back onto your bed. Your chest aching a little in protest, some of the scabbing had started to fall off, leaving angry red scars in its wake. At least you’d managed to get the stitches out of your side from your previous wound.

“I’m going to die of boredom!” You were fully aware that you, a grown ass woman, were acting like a three year old.

When you had gotten no reply, you repositioned yourself so you could watch Joel move around the kitchen, “What ya doing?”

“Making pancakes,” Joel stated.

You perked up at the response. Clambering out of bed, you decided to get changed and readdress your bandages.

As you shuffled around, Joel eyed you as you collected some clothes, fresh bandages and gauze.

“I won’t need any help, relax,” Your comment had caused Joel’s cheeks to tinge pink before he quickly turned away. You chuckled, having realised not too long ago that it was rather easy to get such reactions from Joel if you knew how, and you were certainly taking full advantage of that new-found knowledge as your new form of entertainment whenever Joel came around to check up on you in-between patrols. You appreciated the company, despite continuously reassuring Joel that you were fine.

You shuffled into the bathroom, gently tugging off your shirt in the process. You stared at your mangled flesh in the mirror. Anxiety, anger, sadness and a whole mix of confusing emotions flooded you at the sight.

You had never been one to care too much for your skin – only really paying attention to it if you had gotten sunburn or something. But this…this, hurt. You wouldn’t say that you were entirely comfortable in your body – not enough to show it off like some used to, but you were never so insecure about your looks either. Sure, you had the odd scar here and there from your travels, but nothing like this.

It was like being branded. Constantly reminding you of another time, mistakes that could’ve been avoided and a different path life could’ve led you down.

Sighing, you flicked your eyes away before removing the rest of your clothing and then turning on the shower.

Stepping in, you felt your muscles immediately relax under the warm water. You had always enjoyed showers. Letting the water run down your skin and beat into you in an ever-changing rhythm.

Your chest stung as you let the water gently rinse any sweat and dirt away from craters that littered your skin. Stepping out and gently patting yourself dry, you ignored the monster in the mirror as you unravelled a new roll of gauze, hand bumping into a jar of herbs as you fumbled for the slave.

You eyed the green paste…It would be nice if you weren’t forced to wear your heart on your sleeve. 

Joel heard the door to the bathroom open and close once again – indicating that you were done cleaning up.

The Alpha never liked when you had to change your bandages. You would always exit like you had seen some sort of ghost.

This time though, there was no overwhelmingly strong scent accompanied by your presence. Frowning, Joel swiftly flipped over another pancake before looking your way.

His confused look had earnt a brief explanation. “Used some herbs and stuff to cover up my scent.”

Joel’s eyes trailed up to your neck where a green paste was drying on the skin around your neck. It hadn’t covered all of your scent glands – you obviously didn’t want to risk infecting your wounds, but it still did a pretty darn good job of concealing your scent.

“Never did that before,” Joel prodded gently.

You scoffed, “I ended up panicking and stabbing Jesse on my first day here, then managed to not wake up to my alarm the second time and have since then been confined to my room like a child. So, I either didn’t have time to or there was no point.”

Joel raised a brow at your outburst.

Despite not knowing each other for very long, you could practically read the other like an open book. It was rather annoying at times, but at least it meant Joel didn’t have to push for an explanation when you’d just hand it over yourself.

“I don’t like not having control over my scent,” You huffed, defensively crossing your arms over your chest.

“Fair enough,” Joel shrugged, thankfully letting the subject go, as you shuffled up to the kitchen bench. 

“Are the pancakes done yet?”

In response, Joel handed you a plate with a stack of pancakes on it, passing you the maple syrup and some fresh cream.

It was a rather slow morning from there on out. You and Joel ate in comfortable silence – the soft glow of the morning sun bathing the room.

 It wasn’t until you had gotten up to clean your dishes that Joel spoke up.

“If you want, I could ask Maria to give you something to do.”

You paused, thinking the offer over. Getting out and actually having something to do would be nice but…  

“What kind of work?” You inquired.

“Dunno. But I can find out,” Joel shrugged, “I do know that she’s working on planning this family event that’s s’pose to happen in a few weeks.”

You hummed. “That sounds fun.”

“You can come along, you know?”

You froze at the gentle question.

Every time someone brought up the idea of having to do anything that involved anyone outside of their little group, you had clammed up. Just the thought of being crowded around people was nerve-wrecking… Especially with the appearance of Elijah.

“Yeah,” You breathed out. “I know.”

Joel sighed, deciding to drop the subject. He’s tried to prod you about the topic before and had just ended up with you yelling at him and then slamming the door in his face. Joel wasn’t exactly great with this sort of stuff, but he didn’t particularly feel like pushing you again would have a different reaction.

Picking up his own empty plate and bringing it to the sink and coming to stand next to you, Joel silently watched you as you snatched his plate and continued to finishing the washing up.

The Alpha was trying to think of some way to help integrate you into the community – some way that was a little safer and less likely to blow up in their faces. You had been antsy lately, and despite your sensitive wounds, you could definitely do with getting out.

Joel pondered on the idea of taking you to the mess hall again to play the piano. It was then that he remembered your love for horses… but he wouldn’t be able to take you out… would he? With the fact that you could practically conceal your scent, it means that you shouldn’t attract the infected. But there in lied the problem of what would happen if you do.

The Alpha didn’t doubt that you could fight – the muscle that clung to your arms and thighs were a testament to that - but that would mean you could aggravate your wounds.

Joel hummed in thought.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Joel mumbled before moving away. “Come with me.”  

You frowned at the offer but didn’t question it, perking up once you realised Joel was leading outside.

“Joel,” Maria sighed, “Taking her out could be dangerous.”

“I know that, but she needs it.”

Maria regarded the other Alpha. Although she had agreed on letting (Y/N) help with the planning of the up-coming family event, she was not too fond of the idea of letting the Omega outside… but she could also see where Joel was coming from. Honestly, Maria was surprised you hadn’t attempted to escape your home yet, what with how fidgety you had become.

Maria pursed her lips before letting out a long sigh.

“Fine,” Joel’s shoulders relaxed at her agreement, “but, you are only takin’ her out for a ride around the walls – it’s safe there and the people posted on lookout can keep an eye on you two. Don’t forget that there has been an increase of infected around lately.”

“Yes ma’am,” Joel said lightly before turning back and making his way out the door.

Joel made his way outside where he had left you. You were leaning against the veranda of the town hall, nose dusted pink from the cold as you watched the bustle of Jackson. Joel made sure you could hear his approach.

“What took you so long?” You asked once you caught sight of the Alpha.

“We’re going for a ride,” Joel declared, looking rather proud of himself.

“Wha- wait really!?” When Joel nodded, you quickly flung your arms around him in excitement… before freezing. Fuck.

Clearing his throat, Joel quickly brought you out of your internal panic and you nervously chuckled before releasing the Alpha, awkwardly patting him on the shoulder before rushing off in the direction of the stables.

Upon reaching the stables, the awkward silence was broken when Joel had asked you which horse you had wanted to ride.
“Levi,” Was your immediate answer.

Joel raised a brow at that.

“Really? He can be a bit of a handful.” You just waved the alpha off before zooming through the stables and tacking Levi up in a blink of an eye.

Joel chuckled at your enthusiasm before going and grabbing Hera from her stable.

After tacking up his horse, Joel hefted himself up into the saddle and made his way out only to find a rather giddy omega. Rolling his eyes at your excitement, Joel signalled the guards to open the gate.

Of course, the moment your horse had stepped outside of Jackson’s walls, you turned back to Joel with a cheeky grin.

“Race me!” You yelled out before kicking your horse into a gallop and taking off.

“Hey! (Y/N), wait!”

You laughed as you looked over your shoulder and caught a glimpse of the pure shock that adorned Joel’s face.

It wasn’t long until the Alpha caught up to you, looking mildly irritated but was hiding his enjoyment horribly.

You couldn’t help the smile that broke out on your face as you raced Joel through the trees, jumping over fallen branches and large rocks. It wasn’t until Joel called out your name that you turned your attention away, not realising the upcoming jump and being launched out of the saddle when Levi jumped over without hesitation.

“Shit!” Joel quickly pulled to a stop before dismounting and tried to jog through the thick snow.

The idiot only ended up falling, landing heavily on your stomach and winding you in the process.

“Jesus,” You wheezed through gasping breaths of laughter.

“Fuck, sorry!” Joel looked adorably worried as he propped himself up on his elbow to lessen the weight on you.

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” You laughed, the sound easing Joel’s frown.

It was then that the two of you noticed how close you were. Noses almost touching, breath intermingling and your lips mere inches apart. You leaned back a little in surprise, the snow cushioning your head, as your eyes searching Joel’s.

“Running off will get you hurt,” Joel murmured – eyes flittering across your face, taking in every detail.

“You sure about that, cowboy?” You teased, amusement glinting in your eyes as your lips pulled back into a soft smile. You felt giddy, happiness bubbling up behind your chest.

“Sure am,” The Alpha whispered, watching as your eyes flickered down to his lips before back up to his – a silent question permeating your gaze.  

Huffing out a laugh, Joel shifted and brought a hand up to cup your face which was lightly peppered with snow, the white flecks kissing your eyelashes and nose. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered before leaning in and capturing your lips.

Sighing, your eyes fluttered closed as you leaned into Joel, kissing him back slowly and sweetly.

Sliding his tongue across your bottom lip, Joel prodded you to deepen the kiss. Parting your lips, you felt Joel’s tongue languidly slide against your own. His thumb gently caressing your cheek as his beard brushed against your chin.

There was no rush, no burning lust or groping hands. Just the two of you, in the snow, exploring each other’s mouths as you lazily kissed one another.

The tranquil atmosphere caused you to relax and sigh into the kiss, making Joel hum in return.

Gently pulling back and breaking the kiss, Joel let you catch your breath; watching you with soft eyes. You smiled back before Joel got up and offered you his hand.

Taking it, you hauled yourself off the ground before going off to find Levi and making your way back to Jackson. Neither of you bothered to mount your horses again, just walking shoulder-to-shoulder as you made your way home. 

You hid a smile as Joel’s hand brushed against yours, before lacing your fingers together.

The next day you woke up to the smell of something…burning!?

Your eyes shot open and you stumbled out of bed trying to focus your blurry eyes. Blinking to adjust to the light, you saw… Ellie? Or was that Dina? You squinted at the figure.

“Oh your awake!”

Ok, that was definitely Ellie. What the fuck was she doing?

“What’re you doing?” You asked groggily, dragging your feet over to the kitchen as the thrumming adrenaline in your veins settled. You coughed, hand coming up to fan away the smoke polluting the air.

“Uhh,” Ellie looked off to the side sheepishly, scratching the back of her neck. “I tried to cook…?”

Your eyes followed to where the young Alpha was looking, focusing in on a burnt slice of meat… or at least that’s what you thought it was. Jesus Christ, you knew intricate cooking skills weren’t really well-known anymore but you thought that surely Ellie’d know how to cook a slice of bacon.

You just stared at the charcoal clump of… inedible food, not entirely comprehending what your life was. The only thing that came to your mind was-

“Where’s Joel?” You asked. It wasn’t like you didn’t enjoy Ellie’s company, but Joel seemed to have reserved your company for the mornings. Thankfully, Ellie didn’t take any offence at your question.

“Apparently he had patrol,” Ellie shrugged, her eyes flitting away from yours.

Sighing, you levelled Ellie with a flat stare. “First off, that’s bullshit. Secondly, you are a horrible at lying.”

Ellie gawked at you, not believing you were able to see past her. You just rolled your eyes.

Being perceptive was always a trait you had carried since you were young, and you picked up pretty quickly that Ellie was always first to break eye contact when she lied.

“I don’t know,” Ellie huffed out, “Just asked me to look after you today…” more like begged, Ellie thought, frowning at the complicated emotions that scrunched up your face.

You pursed your lips. Well, that…hurt.

After your little moment together yesterday, you had noticed things had gotten a little awkward. You were internally panicking about not being ready for a relationship or any kind of commitment and Joel had gone awfully quiet, his face blank. Even though you weren’t too sure how to approach Joel afterwards, it still stung that he basically ditched you… But perhaps this was better than having to stumble through a painstakingly awkward conversation that would no doubt end in tears.

Rejection heard loud and clear, cowboy.

“Are…you okay?” Ellie asked, ducking her head slightly to get a better look at you.

“Hmm?” You shook yourself out of your stupor and slapped on a smile, “Yeah I’m fine…How about we go to the mess hall and grab something?”

Ellie looked immediately wary.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’d have to go at some point. Besides, I’ll be helping Maria organise a family event there,” You smiled at Ellie reassuringly.

“Okay,” Ellie gave you a baffled smile but nonetheless led you to the mess hall.

You knew, somewhere deep in the recess of your mind, that you were being stupid and just setting yourself up for pain. Self-sabotaging, as Mai used to so kindly remind you.

Still, you weren’t about to sit on your ass and wait for Joel to pull his head out of his own. The blatant rejection stung, but there was nothing you could do to change that. Better to just move on than dwell in the past.

Or so, that’s what you tried to convince yourself of as you shouldered past the Mess Hall doors.   

Joel was panicking.

The Alpha had barely gotten any sleep last night. After his kiss with you, he’d started to panic. He barely knew you for fuck’s sake!

Groaning in frustration, Joel shook his head. No, that was unfair to you. He knew a little of you, but barely enough to pass off as friends, let along…It was just hormones and being compatible and all that shit. Yeah…

Sighing, Joel brought his fist up to knock on the door in front of him. He needed a consultant.

There was some shuffling on the other side before the door was flung open and revealed the dishevelled figure of his brother.

“Joel?” Tommy questioned, squinting his eyes, trying to get them to focus. Joel ignored the scent of lust that clung to his brother, the way his pupils were blown wide.

“Yeah.”

“Damn, you look like shit,” Tommy’s brows furrowed at sight of Joel’s scraggly hair, bleary eyes accompanied with dark bags and the frown adorning his face. The Beta straightened up, concern starting to etch itself onto his features. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s about…(y/n),” Joel sighed, running his hand through his hair. “I took her out for a ride yesterday and well… we- uh had a moment…?”

Tommy’s lip twitched, obviously trying not to snicker at Joel acting like a starstruck high-schooler, but he couldn’t help but huff out a laugh at the fact that Joel came to him of all people.

“Geez, you really need more friends Joel,” – the comment earned a baleful glare from the Alpha – “seriously, coming to me of all people is just a horrible idea.”

Joel grumbled, “Don’t think I know that?”

The Beta observed his brother for a short moment – it was best not to push Joel on this topic. Instead an idea popped into his mind.

“You look like you need a drink!”

“Couldn’t’ve said it better myself,” Joel said dryly.

Tommy chuckled, before awkwardly shuffling his feet, hand coming up to scratch at the nape of his neck. “I’m, uh… Just gonna get changed. Then we can go, a’ight?”

Joel snorted, waving his brother off. “Yeah, yeah, just don’t take too long.”

Tommy cringed at the tone of voice, ducking back into the house and being sure to check himself over in the mirror for any noticeable love-bites. Maria just sent Tommy a smug look at the one dark bruise that settled right underneath his left earlobe, ignoring his griping.

Jesus, Tommy already knew this talk about you with Joel would be embarrassing – he didn’t need to add in Joel’s knowing looks and prodding quips about his own love life to the mix.

“See ya, Maria!” Joel hollered from the front door as Tommy finally reappeared.

“Interrupt me again, Miller, and I’ll break your nose! Again!” Maria yelled back, sounding thoroughly amused.

Tommy flushed bright red as Joel grimaced at the memory.

“Was more worried about my goddamned eyes,” Joel grumbled under his breath.

Tommy’s hands flew up to cover his face, ears tinging pink.

So much for avoiding his own embarrassment. 

Joel clapped him on the back. “Hence why I now knock.”

“Fuckin’ hell,” Tommy groaned. “Can we go move on to your embarrassing problem now?”

That shut up Joel at least.

Whisky in hand, Joel sighed.

“I still don’t see what the big deal is,” Tommy said lightly, taking a sip of his brandy as he watched Joel from the corner of his eye after managing to pry the whole situation out of the man. “I say, you should just try and test the waters out – see if that’s where you wanna go with her.”

Letting out another sigh, Joel slumped further into his seat using his glass to shield his lower face. It did nothing to hide his frown though.

“I swear to god, if I hear you sigh one more time I will drag you to Maria to sort this shit out,”

The threat caused Joel to let out a low growl. Joel knew that Maria will likely know all the details of his love life from Tommy by the end of the day, but that didn’t mean Joel wanted to talk to her about it. Jesus Christ, one awkward conversation with Maria on the topic of sex was enough.

“Well, what do you want to do then!?” Tommy said exasperatedly, brows twitching.

Joel pouted, “I don’t know.”

“Fuck’s sake,” Tommy muttered under his breath before turning to fully face his brother, “if your so worried about it then just pretend nothing happened – she’ll either go along with it, take it as a rejection or she’ll throw a fit about it.”

Joel shot Tommy a glare, utterly done with his brother. “Yeah, like that’s not gonna blow up in my face.”

“I told you that I was a bad idea when it came for love advice.”

“Well who else was I gonna ask? Seth?”

Tommy snorted at the suggestion, shaking his head. “Yeah ok, fair point. But it’s not like you don’t help around the town – you really should have more friends at this point. ”

Joel shook his head as sipped at his drink. “I don’t need no body.”

Tommy grumbled under his breath but didn’t push it. He knew Joel wouldn’t budge on this – a topic of conversation that they’d been skirting around for the last four years. 

Joel huffed, swinging back the rest of his drink, eyes surveying the surrounding crowd before—

“Jesus Joel! Are you ok?”

Joel continued to sputter and cough, choking on his own drink as Tommy’s hand roughly whacked him on the back.

Fuck, Joel thought, why are you here!?

“What was that all about?” Tommy asked as Joel finally found his breath again. It was then that he followed Joel’s eyesight and landed on Ellie accompanied by… You.

“The fuck are those two doing here?” Joel wheezed. Tommy just raised his brow, catching on to the fact that Joel must’ve left you in Ellie’s care. It was the morning as well, so it was likely the two of you had come in search of food since—

“Did you seriously forget that Ellie can’t cook for shit?”

“Fuck.”

Tommy shook his head. Sometimes he wondered how Joel was the older sibling when he was still so thick-headed.