The Last Sparks of Denial
Vander sighed, scrubbing his hands down his face tiredly.
He glanced at Vi, curled up peacefully on the sheets of her hospital bed and blissfully asleep before flicking his eyes back down towards his phone.
I don’t want to see her anymore, Vi had said.
Vander knew that wasn’t true. He knew that deep down, there had to be some part of Vi that still wanted Caitlyn around. That still missed Caitlyn.
But Vi was stubborn. If she said she didn’t want to see her, she didn’t want to see her. Even Vander wouldn’t be able to talk her out of it.
The progress Caitlyn had single-handedly made on the gap was impressive, but it was also a half-built bridge now burnt. Her confession about their past had broken all trust that they had built over the past two weeks. Now, Caitlyn was pretty much right back where she started.
Vander didn’t blame her. How could he? The poor girl’s heart was in shambles as it had been for weeks, and she hadn’t had the opportunity to repair it. She’d been too focused on bringing Vi’s memory back. It had been slow, slow work, but she had made it far enough that Vi didn’t glare at her or spit out slurs anymore.
That was, until the confession that took place just this afternoon.
Vander leaned back on the sofa, eyes flicking over the texts he’d sent Caitlyn.
She doesn’t really wanna see you right now.
I suggest you don’t come tomorrow.
Goodnight, kiddo. Have a good rest.
The last line was almost laughably painful. Who the hell followed up “your girlfriend doesnt wanna see you” with “have a good rest”?
His fingers hovered over the keyboard, uncertainty hanging in the air.
Secretly, he worried about Caitlyn more than he worried about Vi. Of course, Vi was his daughter, but the sheer pain and weight he knew Caitlyn was carrying was just too much for one person to bear. He didn’t even know if she had anyone to talk to. Well, she had Vi, but that was before shit hit the fan.
Now, her primary source of joy and happiness and love had forgotten about her. The salt in the wound? Caitlyn had been so close to making the first breakthrough… and then everything went down the drain.
Vander took a shaky breath, brow furrowing.
There was nothing he could do about it, even if he wanted to. This was something only Caitlyn could show Vi.
And it was unbearable.
~~~
Caitlyn blinked, bleary eyes barely registering the time on her clock.
4.35 am.
Music was playing from her phone, right where she’d left it running four hours ago. She had been listening to a heartbreak playlist and contemplating the whole situation with Vi when she must have fallen asleep from the sheer exhaustion of it all.
Not that sleep made her feel any less tired.
Caitlyn sighed, listening to Taylor Swift belt out the lyrics to The Archer.
I’ve been the archer, I’ve been the prey…
Who could ever leave me, darling, but who could stay?
She never thought she’d find a song so relatable.
Or the fact that Vi loved Taylor Swift would become so unbearably painful.
Caitlyn forced herself to sit up in bed and flick on the night-light, the soft yellow hue doing little to chase away the darkness creeping around her mind. She grabbed her phone, paused the song, and then froze as she focused on her lockscreen — a picture of her and Vi, frozen in time, back when things were… easier.
She forced her fingers to open the message from Vander so she didn’t stare at the photo until she turned to stone.
She doesn’t really wanna see you right now.
I suggest you don’t come tomorrow.
Goodnight, kiddo. Have a good rest.
Great.
Caitlyn bit her lip, the gnawing emptiness and heartbreak painfully predictable.
Apparently, it was her new normal now, since she’d made a decision she had to live with for the rest of her life.
Swallowing down the bitter lump in her throat, Caitlyn swung her legs over the side of the bed, the cold wood floor a stark contrast to the warmth of her blanket. She pushed herself up, her legs unsteady as though gravity had suddenly become too much.
Her body moved through her house toward the kitchen, movements mechanical.
Vi doesn’t want to see you. That’s fine. You don’t want to see her either.
The thought felt hollow, though, like she was just telling herself to stop caring.
Caitlyn reached for the coffee, her hand shaking slightly as she poured it into her mug. Her breath hitched as she felt her chest tighten. She squeezed her eyes shut, willing herself to stop the tears, but they came anyway — tears she didn’t even know she still had left.
It wasn’t new to be rejected by her. It wasn’t unfamiliar.
But if that was the case, then why did it hurt so much?
~~~
Vi glanced at the clock, half-listening to Dr. Kiramman give her a run-down of her condition.
“Your physical condition is generally quite good, so I expect a full recovery. Just… be careful with your head and… y’know, be mindful of your body’s limits.”
“Mhm.”
She knew she should be listening, but she had slightly bigger issues to worry about at the moment — like the fact that it was nearly nine at night and Caitlyn had yet to make an appearance today.
Besides, Vander was there. Whatever Vi missed, he was sure to hammer into her later on.
“I will be discharging you tomorrow afternoon, so I’d suggest asking someone to grab you some clothes from home. I’ll come by in the morning to give you a full physical, change whatever gauze or bandages need to be changed, remove stitches… basically, the final stuff you need the hospital for.”
“Okay…”
She heard Dr. Kiramman writing on his clipboard.
“That’s it for tonight, Vi. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”
She hummed and barely heard him shut the door.
“Earth to Vi!” Vander waved a hand in front of her impatiently, and Vi flinched. “What?”
“Did you hear anything he said?”
“Um…” Vi frowned. “No, not really.”
Vander sighed and folded his arms. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing,” Vi muttered quickly and looked away, her heart pounding.
“Vi…”
Her heart was pounding now, every thought tethered to Caitlyn. Where was she? Was she not coming? Was it because of the confession?
Her mind spiraled, and the more she thought about it, the more it didn’t make sense. Maybe Caitlyn had chosen not to come. Maybe it was some cruel joke, some twisted way of messing with her. But that didn’t explain why the idea of Caitlyn not showing up made her stomach twist with frustration. Why did it matter? Why did she care so damn much?
Why do you even care if she comes?
Vi bit her lip, fingers scratching at the sheets, her thoughts in turmoil.
She shouldn’t care. She shouldn’t.
But she did.
No matter how hard she tried to convince herself, Caitlyn’s presence was different. It had always been different. Caitlyn had been more than just some fleeting distraction, some one-time roommate. She’d become a safe space for Vi, someone who made her feel understood, someone who didn’t treat her like an outsider, someone who didn’t judge her for where she came from. She wasn’t just a friend. She was someone Vi could trust.
Vi swore under her breath, rubbing her face in frustration.
But then came the confession.
"Fuck the confession,” Vi muttered. The words tasted bitter on her tongue. It didn’t matter. She lied. She couldn’t forget that.
“Language,” Vander said, but Vi didn’t hear him.
Caitlyn had said they’d dated. Vi didn’t believe that — not for a second. It didn’t feel right. None of it felt right.
But then… why didn’t Caitlyn’s lie make her feel angry? Why didn’t it feel like she should hate her? Why did it still hurt so damn much?
Instead of “you lied to me, get out”, the confession had left Vi groping in the dark with “why did you lie to me?”
Vi’s breath hitched, and she clenched her fists in frustration, her nails digging into the sheets.
“I need to see her,” Vi whispered under her breath, as though speaking it aloud might make it real.
She didn’t have Caitlyn’s number. Didn’t even know how to reach her. And it made Vi feel helpless, exposed. She had no way of fixing things. No way of figuring out what had gone wrong.
But she couldn’t let Caitlyn slip away. She couldn’t afford losing the one person who made her feel seen.
Vi shook her head, trying to make sense of the turmoil bubbling inside her.
No, no, no, no… She clenched her fists tighter.
This wasn’t supposed to happen. She wasn’t supposed to want to see her again. Not after the confession. Not after everything that had been said. But there she was, heart pounding, feeling like she was losing something she couldn’t afford to lose.
“Vi…” Vander’s voice broke through her spiral.
Vi’s head snapped up abruptly, her voice cracking as she finally let her frustration spill over. “It doesn’t make sense!” she cried, her words coming out sharp and frantic. “She lied to me! She said we dated, Vander — she said we dated! Why the hell am I still so desperate to see her? It doesn’t make sense! Why? Why the hell do I still care? Why the fuck am I acting like this?”
She felt her chest heaving, breath sawing in and out of her lungs. The mess of words lay invisibly between them, the tension in the room fluctuating.
“If she makes you feel safe,” Vander said, words quiet, “then she makes you feel safe. Clearly, she means more to you than you’re willing to admit, Vi. I know you don’t tolerate dishonesty, so for her to be able to… lie, and yet you still want to see her… doesn’t that tell you something?”
"What?” Vi hissed, voice rough and sharp.
“Caitlyn means something to you. She’s special to you, even just as a friend. You can’t deny that.”
“No,” Vi said, shaking her head. “It can’t be.”
“It is,” Vander said. His voice was low and steady. “And you can’t push that away. You can’t push her away, not when that’s the weight she carries in your life.”
Vi sank back into her pillows, taking her time to process.
Caitlyn, someone special to her. Someone whom she needed. Someone who was much more important than she realised.
Caitlyn.
Vi’s breath caught in her throat, her fingers tightening around the sheets.
Her voice was much quieter when she spoke again.
“What do I do now?”
“She’ll come tomorrow,” Vander said, and the belief in his voice made Vi trust in that, despite the fact that there was no guarantee given her absence today. “Talk things out, get her number so you can keep in contact.”
“It can’t be,” Vi said. “She can’t be that special to me.”
The last sparks of denial were extinguished by the firmness and absolute certainty in Vander’s eyes. “She is.”