Chapter 2
Katara sat up with a start. “Aang?”
She had barely blinked, he was out of his sleeping bag and moving. He was using airbending to get dressed and shield himself from her. She pulled down the zipper on her own sleeping bag, throwing a hand over her mouth to hide the yawn. “Did you have another nightmare?”
“Not now, Katara,” Aang said as he grabbed his staff and without a glance dived from the cliff.
Then when, Aang? Katara thought to herself. She knew he was making the habit of running away. She had no idea how to stop him when she couldn’t even stop herself from doing the same thing. She wished he would at least talk to Sokka about what was causing the nightmares. Since they left the North Pole they hadn’t had a goodnight's sleep, and Aang’s nightmares only seemed to get worse.
All three of them had dark circles under their eyes. If she was honest, four of them. And the fourth one worried her as much as Aang’s nightmares. Prince Zuko wasn’t showing any signs of coming back. He was stable. According to all signs and her knowledge he should be fine. Why wasn’t he? Was this what the spirits wanted? To torture all of them? To kill him with starvation because fire wasn’t good enough of a punishment? Probably, Sokka would be delighted to know that.
Both Sokka and Aang asked her about her plans with him on a daily basis. Most of the time she wanted to scream. Honestly, she’d been screaming for days. It was just internally. Katara knew the sound was bound to burst out of her. She couldn’t talk to anyone about anything and she was slightly going mad.
The outpost was five days away, and they still had a day journey left ahead of them. Already long road seemed endless to Katara. She sighed, rubbing her eyes before looking around. They were camping on a cliff for the night. She saw Appa hadn’t moved from his spot, Momo spread-eagled on top of his stomach as she’d left him. Sokka sat against Appa’s tail. He was supposed to be watching Zuko, not that the prince did anything but lay perfectly still. Sokka let out a snore so loud the ground shook under her feet. He was probably fast asleep the moment he took over her shift. It had been his idea to keep the guard in the first place!
She took a deep breath as she turned towards the prince. He lay on his own sleeping bag. Katara thought it was only reasonable to get him one. It made a terrible bed as it was, they couldn’t let him sleep on the ground without anything. It’d caused so much commotion--to her utter embarrassment--she’d trapped Sokka in an ice cube. Just for a few seconds, before her sensibility took over her anger and frustration.
Perhaps why she’d lost the battle over his proximity to the campfire. She worried his unmoving state might have something to do with a lack of fire around him. She was sure Sokka’s handcuffs didn’t help. Katara had to admit her brother was kind of a genius, though. He had made cooling mittens that kept Zuko’s fingers at a low temperature.
Sokka was able to find materials that kept cold for a few hours, which was already more than she expected. She had to refreeze the mittens when it started to melt but that didn’t present a problem. She wasn’t going anywhere that long. She was ashamed to admit partially she was afraid Sokka or Aang might go a step too far and do something they all regretted. Aang’s words haunted her as Katara found herself looking after the prince like he was one of them.
What choice did she have? He wasn’t completely healed and she couldn’t heal him. Ever since she had used the water from the Spirit Oasis her healing power became unpredictable. The little progress she made with his wound didn’t seem worth it. She felt drained. She had decided to take a break from healing until her energy replenished. She needed time to heal. Mostly she couldn’t take Aang worrying about her or Sokka asking questions. That left her with checking on him and changing the dressing on his wound. It was part of her healing abilities and she needed that familiarity.
Zuko’s gloved hands were above the blanket to keep it away from the rest of his body. The whole makeshift prison was just two mittens attached with a metal bracelet, and a tray underneath to collect water. The bracelet kept his wrists secured in place, and had a clasp in case they needed to remove it. It mustn’t have been that long since she went to sleep because it was still frozen.
He had a layer of water resistant gloves to separate his skin from the direct contact with Sokka’s invention. She unlocked the clasp on the side and checked his inner gloves.
He isn’t that cold, she reassured herself.
Sokka wanted to make cooling socks as well. He had even drawn plans for it. She couldn’t tell what it was on the paper, but after his success with the mittens she was reluctant to doubt him. Katara thought they may really kill the prince if they kept his feet cold too; with every argument she won, she hoped Zuko didn’t make her regret her own existence when he opened the eyes.
She lifted his arms and pulled the blanket down. The wound had looked bad for the first two days, partially responsible for her sleepless nights. Now it was healing steadily. Katara thought he didn’t stand a chance getting out of this without adding another scar to his collection. Would he be thankful they saved his life? Would he straightly try to capture Aang? What would the prince think to know just how close he was to his enemy?
Sometimes she wondered if it was better for everyone if he stayed this way. She had briefly met him but like Sokka had said, it was hard to miss his stubbornness. He seemed to prevail no matter what. That sort of determination was rare. He had been hunting the avatar so long she was sure he wouldn’t be able to let it go.
“Prince Zuko?” she whispered, something she had found herself doing often. Too often. Nothing changed in him. She thought that statement applied to his spirit as well. No matter how much she wished the experience had changed him, deep down she knew the peaceful and innocent boy would be gone the moment he woke up. Why was she fighting for his life when she knew that? She pulled the blanket and straightened it around him before placing his hands back down.
Her knees trembled as another of Sokka’s snores thundered. Spirits! She whisper-yelled his name. He didn’t even twitch. How was Zuko not reacting to this? She crawled over and shook him until he turned on his side and stopped snoring. Katara sat back with a sigh. Her life was crazy since they found Aang. She’d never believe it could still get crazier.
She stroked Appa’s furr, relishing the silky texture under her palm. Hypnotized, Katara watching the flames dance as she listened to the prince breathe, while Sokka’s periodic snores kept her alert. She wanted to wait for Aang. Sometime in the night, Momo wandered over to her, curling up in her lap. He had first checked Aang’s sleeping bag. When he looked at her, her worries reflected in his eyes. Not much later, She saw a red streak in the air. Katara didn’t pause before jumping to her feet. She felt a weight leave her lap at the same time Momo shrieked. She looked back to make sure he was alright. “Sorry, Momo!”
Keeping Aang in her view Katara ran. She was out of breath when she reached the top of the cliff. Aang sat at the edge with his back to her, watching the sunrise. She walked closer to him, unsuccessfully hiding her heavy breathing. The world beneath them was so far away it just appeared color green with lines of blue and brown cutting through it. And no sign of clouds promised another hot day.
Katara waited for Aang to ask her to join him or to request her leave, but he was silent. She watched the colors of the valley become vibrant, sharpen into focus as the sun climbed over the horizon. Traveling on Appa’s back, she saw more sunrises and colors than she thought possible in a lifetime. She didn’t know how each time it still felt unique and as breathtaking as the one before.
She was still unused to sunlight beating down directly on her skin for prolonged periods. Most of the year she had a layer of armor between her and the sun. Katara loved snow and ice, and the feeling of water everywhere. Despite that, she came to like the constant warmth just as much. It felt full of life. Even the air buzzed with energy. Sokka was so adamant about his preference of the South Pole’s harsh weather, she hadn’t admitted to anyone she rather liked it.
Katara couldn’t wait for his invitation much longer. They would need to get moving if they wanted to reach the outpost without spending another night outside. She sat next to him and dangled her feet over the edge.
“We don’t have to talk about anything,” she spoke quietly as if not to disturb him, “Please, just stop running away. Stop pushing me away. I’m here, okay? Always.”
“It’s just nightmares, Katara.”
“When I said stop running away I didn’t mean to start lying to me, Aang.”
He didn’t say anything after that. Would he ever talk to her? Had she driven a wedge between them? How could she fix it? She didn’t think the silence was the answer but she had told him they didn’t have to talk, and if that’s what he needed that’s what she would do. Just be there for him.
She leaned forward to check if sHe could see the bottom. In places like this she sometimes pondered what life was like for non-benders. Would she fear the edge of the cliff if she didn’t have her bending to save her? Even if she fell from this height she was still safe. She could feel under their feet the river crashing on the banks. It was so loud it felt like the river was already answering her call. She’d be fine one way or another.
She was lost in her thoughts when Aang spoke, “I’m fighting and losing in my nightmares.”
“Fighting with the Fire Lord?”
“Sometimes. Sometimes I’m fighting Zuko. Sometimes myself. Sometimes Sokka knocks me out with his boomerang, please don’t tell him that.” He rubbed his head. “I’m fighting, I’m always fighting. What if I destroy everything even more rather than restore?”
She fell back on the grass, staring at the sky. She didn’t worry about him destroying anything. Aang had a lot to learn, but she believed in him. She only worried he might destroy himself in the process of saving everyone. Did he think fighting was his destiny and all that he was? She willed back her tears and shoved the thoughts to the darkest corners of her brain. She set up to look at him. He needed a reminder of who he was and she would keep reminding him until the Fire Lord’s palace if it’s what it took.
“Do you think if you weren’t the avatar, you would still try to restore the balance?”
“Of course,” he replied without a thought.
“Because that’s who you are. Fighting is necessary at the moment, but it’s not all there is. We are inspired to put our hopes in you not because you can fight but because you willingly fight for us. Love and kindness, Aang, that’s what defines you.”
“You really think so?” he asked, voice low and shy.
“Yes, I do. I believe in you because you have the biggest heart, not because you are the greatest bender.”
“You think I’m the greatest bender?” He perked up.
Katara’s heart almost broke at the childish grin on his face. He was so young and he had so much weight to carry. She wished she could give Aang the normal childhood he craved. It was just not a luxury any of them could afford until war was over. She doubted even after that they would know what normal was.
“Us fighting doesn’t make anything easier, does it?” she asked, the sound barely audible.
“Why is he here, Katara?”
She should have known he would directly get to the point. Both of them were right, she was the one who needed to have the answer this time. Why was he here? Why was he still here? Honestly? She had been avoiding that question with great success. Katara didn’t know why her heart was in her throat when she said, “You are right. This has gone long enough. Once we reach the outpost we’ll hand him over to General Fong.”
“Even if he doesn’t wake?”
“Yes.” She gulped. Stop being an idiot, Katara.
“Why do you treat him like he is one of us?”
Her first instinct was to push him off the cliff. She knew that wouldn’t stop the questions, that’s why she hadn’t done it yet. It was a fair question. It just wasn’t in her nature to immediately accept someone questioning her so often. She brought both her knees up and rested her chin on it. The sun still hung low on the sky, making a slow progress upwards.
Why was Katara treating him like one of them? Why was he still with them? Why couldn't she imagine looking over and not seeing Zuko’s face? Even his stupid ponytail? Why did everything make her want to scream or cry?
She was silent for a long time, mulling everything over. In the end she neither told her friend the truth nor lied. “I’ve told you I helped Gran Gran with her patients all the time. She always reminded me that as a healer it was my obligation to walk the neutral line. I was to save life not judge it.” Katara laughed without much humor. “While she taught me that, her actions didn’t always show it. She judged plenty of people, making it hard for me to listen only to her words and not her actions. Judging people comes easier to me, but I know that’s not right. He is vulnerable and I can help while he is incapable of taking care of himself. I know it’s crazy but I feel obligated to see this through. That’s why he is still here. And I’m not treating him like one of us, I’m treating him just like I’d treat any person. If I didn’t I’d feel rotten and I don’t want to.”
After that neither one of them spoke.
The silence was comfortable, as if the wedge between them had shrunk. She would do everything to restore balance in their team and that meant letting the prince go. Ignoring the panic building inside her, Katara stood and stepped towards the campsite. “Come on. Sokka will be awake. I’m sure he is as hungry as your stomach.”
Aang’s stomach grumbled in agreement, red coloring his cheeks. “I could definitely eat.”