I'm coming out
The party was sitting in Mike’s basement and eating popcorn when Max stormed down the stairs, collapsed onto the couch and shouted, “I’m gay!”
“Cool,” Lucas said through a mouthful of popcorn, “Can we start the campaign now?”
“What’s gay?” El asked Will and Jonathan as they drove home that night.
“Uhhh…” Will froze and tried to think of a good explanation that didn’t involve him gesturing towards himself or screaming, “me!”
“It’s when a boy only likes other boys or a girl only likes other girls,” Jonathan replied.
“Oh,” El said and then went quiet, making her signature I’m thinking face.
Later that night, when he was sketching in his room, she suddenly appeared at the foot of his bed and said, “Will.”
He jumped and then stuffed the drawing of Mike down his shirt, because that was the first place he could think to put it. His excuse was that “it’s not finished”, but the truth was that he was paranoid someone would look at it and realize that he… well, some things that he wasn’t ready to share yet.
“What?” he asked after a minute, “You’ve gotta stop sneaking up on me like that!”
“Sorry. But, Jonathan said Max only likes girls. If she doesn’t like boys, then why does she spend time with you and Mike and Lucas and Dustin?”
Will laughed a little bit before responding, “No. Jonathan meant like-like. You know, when you have a crush on someone and your palms get sweaty around them and your heart squeezes a little when they smile.”
“I know what that is!” she exclaimed and her face broke into a wide grin.
Will hoped she didn’t like Mike, then asked himself why do you care? She can like Mike if she wants to. Not like he’s your property.
When El left his room, he pulled his drawing out and sighed.
There was something about… no, everything about Mike Wheeler that made it ridiculously hard to pretend. Crazy together he’d promised, but… Will didn’t know how crazy he meant.
I want the world to know
Will, El and Max are at the video store together when it happens. They’re looking for a specific movie Dustin had been screaming at them to get from his walkie talkie. Will doesn’t exactly understand why they can’t just watch Ghostbusters again (he may or may not be biased, since Mike squeezes his hand during the scary parts), but Dustin’s being really loud, so he figures it won’t hurt to get him what he wants.
“Here’s the…” Max starts, holding it up.
Then, Troy swaggers over and says, “Hey, Mayfield, do you wanna go on a…?”
“No,” she interrupts and tries to push past him, but he’s blocking her path, crowding into her space.
“What? You some kind of…” he starts, but doesn’t get a chance to finish his sentence because he gets launched back into a shelf.
“The hell?!” Troy shrieks and Will turns to see El with a bloody nose, her face tight in concentration.
“Go away,” she growls and flicks her hand so that he’s sent falling to the ground.
“You know what? Screw you and your little freak girlfriend.”
“I said,” El grits her teeth, “go away.”
A part of Will that gets reminded too much of his dad when Troy sneers relishes the fear in the boy’s eyes as he gets up and runs. Max is still standing there, frozen like Will’s never seen her. She’s always been the one running into fights, fists clenched and eyes blazing, but here she is, looking terrified.
“Max?” he asks and puts a hand on her arm.
When she turns to look at him, he sees tears in her blue eyes.
“Max,” Will says again and then tells El, “get Steve.”
“What’s wrong?” El asks, reaching towards Max.
“El,” he says and she sprints to the front where Steve and his friend are ringing people up.
“I hate this,” Max whispers once she’s turned the corner.
“I know,” he replies and that’s the first time he’s ever acknowledged it, but it’s true. He hates that he can’t hold hands with someone he loves, can’t indulge in every single silly cliche that he watches in romance movies, can’t even tell the love of his life how he feels because he doesn’t want to lose the only good thing he has.
But, he doesn’t hate it when he sees Mike give him that soft smile and thinks maybe… He doesn’t hate it, no matter how hard he tries.
El comes back, gripping Steve’s hand and when he sees Max, his expression goes from annoyed to worried in about 0.2 seconds. Steve’s good about stuff like that- when Dustin’s freaking out or El’s crying or Will’s having a nightmare or Lucas is angry or Mike says the wrong thing, he’ll just pull them in for a hug. He knows the right things to say and the best music to play and he makes the best food.
It reminds Will of his mom sometimes, so that’s nice.
“What’s wrong?” Steve asks and Max’s face crumples.
Immediately, he pulls her into his chest and she grips his shirt as she sobs. El and Will look at each other, worried. Neither of them have ever seen her cry before, but El goes into action first, putting a hand on her back and rubbing small circles up and down, like their mom does.
Max hiccups, “I don’t want to be like this. I want to be normal,” and Will’s heart breaks a little bit.
How many times has he said that to the bathroom mirror, tears streaming down his face because he couldn’t stop thinking about what it would be like to kiss his best friend?
So, he rushes to her side, wraps his arms around her and Steve and hopes she knows what it means, even if he’s too afraid to say it.
“Steve!” Robin calls from across the store, her voice getting closer, “Where the hell did you put the Star Wars…” her voice cuts off and Will looks up to see her looking at the three of them clutching onto Steve like a lifeline.
“Is everything ok?”
“No,” Max whimpers and buries her face in Steve’s chest again.
Robin gently grabs her shoulders and turns her so they’re facing each other before asking, “You wanna talk about it?”
“I don’t… I want… I want so many things that I can’t have and I wish it wasn’t wrong to… to…”
Will thinks that Max can read his mind or that she’s seen his dreams, because these are the words that have echoed through his head since he first realized that boy shouldn't want to kiss other boys and that being a freak wasn’t… wasn’t a good thing
“Listen to me,” Robin says, her voice strong and fierce, “You are a wonderful human being, no matter who you love or how you do it. It doesn’t matter if you want to be with boys or girls or both. It’s not wrong. And anyone who gives you hell will get it right back from me.”
And if Will’s crying now too, that’s nobody’s business but his own.
“Thank you,” the redhead says and her voice breaks a little bit.
El reaches over to wipe the tears off her cheeks and Max gives her this soft, shy smile that makes Will realize he’s not the only one hopelessly in love with his best friend.
Got to let it show
El and Will are sitting in her room when she tells him. He’s working on yet another sketch of Mike, because somehow, she found the first thirty and he doesn’t care anymore and she’s reading a book that Nancy gave her called The Feminine Mystique.
“Me and Nancy were talking,” she starts. He doesn’t look up from his picture, just gives her an “uh-huh” and keeps drawing.
“I think I… might be… bisexual?”
At this, Will drops his pencil and looks straight at her. Maybe if she’s… then, she won’t care if he… but, he’s still not ready. The voices in his head say that El will hate him and he doesn’t want to lose the closest thing to a sister that he’s ever had.
“Ok,” he replies instead, trying to keep his voice even.
“Actually, I know I am, because I was thinking about wanting to kiss Max and in the movies, you always kiss the people you love, so I kissed her and…”
“Wait, what?!” Will interrupts her, “El! That’s… why didn’t you tell me?”
“I am telling you,” she says, making her signature Will Byers, you’re an idiot face.
“Well, yeah, but… sooner?”
“It happened today,” El mutters and Will realizes that’s why she was in Nancy’s room for so long instead of watching Star Wars with the party.
Well, at least it gave him a reason to sit extra close to Mike on the couch. “Saving a spot for El” was a really lame excuse, but the other boy believed it, so Will spent less time paying attention to the movie and more time trying to make sure his heart didn’t beat out of his chest.
It also explains why Max was bright red and extra fidgety (to the point where Lucas threw a pillow at her and Dustin shoved her off the couch).
“When?” he asks.
She grips her book a little tighter, “During our sleepover, before we came over to Mike’s house.”
“Did you…?” Will has to stop himself from asking “what was it like?”
“Then, I talked to Nancy because I was confused and she told me what bisexual meant and I think that’s me.”
“Ok,” he repeats and then reaches over to give her a hug because he doesn’t know what else to do and he’s afraid if he talks, everything he’s been shoving down for the past seven years is going to come streaming out of his mouth and she’s going to hate him.
Or, at least, if El doesn’t, everyone else will.
Later, they’re sitting at the dinner table and Jonathan is telling them about a new camera model that just came out. He’s been saving up all summer, after doing odd jobs wherever people need him and he’s finally got enough money to buy it.
El’s been quieter than usual. Instead of asking questions and nodding along, she’s pushing her mashed potatoes around her plate and staring straight at them.
“You ok?” Joyce asks, reaching over to put a hand on her arm.
“I’m bisexual,” she says in response.
“What’s that?” Hopper asks.
“It means I like boys and girls.”
“Oh, sweetie, you know we’ll always love and support you no matter what. Thank you for telling me,” Joyce replies and pulls El in for one of her bear hugs that Will loves.
He feels something in his chest- a mix between something blooming and something bursting and he wonders if maybe he could just open his mouth and let it all come out, but… no, he can’t. Something always stops him, the same thing that whispers to him how he’s a monster in the middle of the night and how he’ll never be good enough for anything or anyone.
He knows it’s right, so he doesn’t say anything, just reaches over to squeeze El’s hand.
“Damnit,” Hopper yells, banging his fists on the table. Joyce glares at him, reaching for her knife like she’s going to use it and Jonathan’s about ready to stand up, fists clenched.
“Now I have to supervise you with everyone!” he finishes and El starts laughing so hard that she chokes on her chicken and then everyone else is laughing too and Will feels surrounded by warmth and love and… Jonathan looks over and him and smiles, just a little bit. So, for the first time, Will lets himself hope.
There's a new me coming out
The first time he says it, it’s an accident. Will, Max and El are sitting on the couch together- El’s wrapped around Max and Max is still blushing, even though Hopper literally drove El over to Max’s house so that she could give her flowers and take her out to Enzo’s the day after she came out over dinner.
“I’m going to teach you everything I know about wooing women,” Hopper said and then Will’s mom nearly started crying because she was laughing so hard.
The night after their date, El snuck into his room and recounted every. Single. Detail. He would’ve fallen asleep (given it was one in the morning), but she kept elbowing him awake and hissing that he needed to pay attention, so now, he can recite the exact shape of all of Max’s freckles by heart.
It’s been about two months now and Will keeps catching himself wanting to blurt out, “Hey, I’m in love with Mike Wheeler!” everywhere he goes.
He thinks that if nobody’s bothered about Max and El, they wouldn’t be….
But, no. It’s not like that. He’s not brave like El or confident like Max. He’s just Will Byers: zombie boy, the freak, the monster. In any universe, accepted or otherwise, Mike Wheeler would never love him back. Not in the way he wants, anyways.
So, instead, he makes sure to avoid being alone with Mike, just in case he does something stupid (like kiss him. That would be very stupid and Will is an idiot around this boy).
At this point, he’s sat through thousands of Dustin’s mini-lectures about science, run about a hundred miles with Lucas who’s training for the cross country team and of course, has the regular movie nights with El and Max. He may be third wheeling, but he could also be ruining his friendship with the boy he cares about more than anything, so it could be worse.
At least that’s what he tells himself every time they start giggling or whispering, “I love you” during the romantic parts or trading kisses under the blankets.
“Princess Leia is so dreamy,” Max sighs now.
“I know,” El agrees, “Right, Will?”
He’s too busy staring at Han Solo to notice himself, so he just replies, “Han’s more my type.”
“Oh. Cool,” Max says and reaches over to grab some of the popcorn.
Then, later, when El lifts up her magazine with a picture of River Phoenix in it and asks, “What do you think?” he realizes that he’s accidentally outed himself.
But, he can’t do anything about it now, so he says, “Yep. Very hot.”
“What’s hot?” she wonders at dinner that night and Hopper spits out his lasagna.
“Where’d you learn that word?”
El chews on her green beans as she responds, “Will said River Phoenix was hot.”
“Well, he is,” Jonathan agrees and Hopper looks back and forth between the three kids as Will prays please don’t kick me out, please don’t hate me, please don’t tell anyone.
“I’ll have to take your word for it,” he finally says.
Jonathan comes into his room later asking, “Hey, I made a mixtape, wanna listen?”
Will grins and nods, because he hasn’t spent quality time with his brother in what feels like forever and besides, Jonathan always has the best music. He’s getting tired of listening to the same three songs on repeat and thinking the same things every single time.
As they’re sitting and listening to ABBA, because apparently Jonathan likes ABBA now (Will suspects Steve Harrington, with the way his brother handled the mixtape like he was carrying a newborn baby and the chicken scratch on it that does not look like his own, neat handwriting), Will takes a deep breath.
“The love you gave me, nothing else can save me,” the stereo croons and when he closes his eyes, all he can see is Mike Wheeler staring back at him.
So he tells Jonathan that, with a quiet, “This song reminds me of Mike.”
“Ok,” Jonathan says, “I love you, Will.”
Then, his brother reaches over and messes with his hair, which makes Will squirm a little bit and he protests that “I’m not five, Jonathan!” He hears footsteps walking away down the hall and when Will peeks into his mom’s room later, he can see that she’s smiling.
The very next day, he’s trying to ignore Dustin and Lucas scheming and instead, focusing on the daydream he’s having of racing Mike down the beach at sunset (he’s never even been to the beach, but it’s nice to think about). But, then, Lucas waves a hand in his face and he blinks out of it, sighing and wishing he could go back.
“What do you think of Jennifer Hayes?” Dustin asks.
“Uhh… she’s nice, I guess.”
Lucas shrugs, “We’ll take it. You free Sunday at 6?”
“Why?” Will raises an eyebrow and looks between the two of them, who are for some reason, not arguing for once.
“We’re setting you up on a blind date!” Dustin exclaims and claps his hands.
Will rolls his eyes, “Unless that blind date is with Mike, I’m not going.”
Lucas and Dustin exchange a glance and then Lucas crows, “I knew it!”
“Damn it, Will,” Dustin curses, “Now I owe Lucas twenty bucks.”
“You… made bets about whether I was gay?” Will squeaks, still mortified that he outed himself for the third time.
“No, we made bets about whether you would admit your undying love for Mike when we attempted to set you up or if you’d just suffer through a few dates in silence before finally despairing and telling us,” Lucas corrects.
“I’m sorry?” the love of Will’s life himself says, standing in the doorway and Will thinks he’s either going to pass out or throw up or both at the same time.
Dustin grins and waves, “Hi, Mike!”
“Dustin!” Will hisses and Dustin frowns.
“What’s wrong with Mike? I thought you were in love with…”
“Dustin,” Lucas says slowly, “stop talking.”
Mike turns and walks back up the stairs and Will runs after him, because he always does and what the hell else is he supposed to do?
Of course, if everybody else was wonderful and accepting, Mike would be the one to be… not.
Of course sharing one of the most important parts of himself would make Will lose the most important person. His person. El had Max and Dustin and Lucas and everyone else, but Mike was Will’s and now… now, Will doesn’t know anymore.
He tries to stop the tears from coming, but they’ve been right there since the beginning of his life, so he’s sniffling and following the boy he loves out into the rain and thinking if this were a movie, we would kiss and everything would be alright. But, it isn’t a movie, so here he is, tears mixing with the rain, sobs getting muted by the thunder.
“Mike!” he shouts and the other boy turns around, blinking at him with those gorgeous brown eyes and (he’s so beautiful, it’s not fair…) then he screams over the rain, “I’m in love with you!”
“Huh,” is all the other boy says and at first, Will thinks he didn’t hear him. But, as Mike walks away, he realizes and it hurts so badly, he thinks he’s going to collapse. Instead, he just walks back inside and falls into Dustin and Lucas, crying hard enough that he can’t see anything and wondering why Mike doesn’t love him.
I have to shout that I'm coming out
A couple nights later, after Will pretends to be sick so he doesn’t have to go to d&d and face Mike again, El comes home smirking. When he asks her what’s going on, she just grins at him and mimes zipping her lips, then throwing away the key.
Then, she sprawls out on his bed and starts talking about how in love she is with Max.
All Will can do is nod along and think it’s not fair, even though he loves El with all his heart and he’s happy for her, he really is. He just thought that maybe after the demogorgon and the mind flayer and the crazy together, maybe, he could get something special and good and…
But, he’s Will Byers, not some character in a movie, so all he gets is a broken heart and a best friend who left him crying in the rain.
He doesn’t know who he is without Mike Wheeler and maybe that’s part of the problem.
Will goes to bed that night and dreams about empty promises and thunderstorms and he wakes up with tear stains soaked through his pillow again. He’ll have to eventually tell his mom why he keeps going through so many pillow cases.
“Will!” his brother staggers into the room and gestures towards the door, where someone’s knocking, “it’s for you.”
At first he thinks he’s dreaming as he stumbles out of bed, wipes the sleep out of his eyes and opens the door to find a soaking wet Mike Wheeler breathing hard and staring at him like he’s some kind of angel or revelation or something.
“I love you too,” the other boy pants and Will just blinks at him for a moment before he processes everything and almost starts laughing out loud.
Then, Mike’s shivering under the blanket El brought out for him, Jonathan’s making hot chocolate and everyone’s trying to explain what the hell happened over the past few hours that Will had been moping in bed and crying over old sketches of Mike.
“So, I was talking to Max, Dustin, Lucas and El and I was thinking about everything you said and after careful reflection, I…”
El interrupts Mike, “Stop it. What happened was that we were playing D&D, then he got this weird look on his face, said ‘huh, I’m gay’, then Max threw a pillow at him and we had a pillow fight.”
“We broke my mom’s favorite lamp,” Mike adds, grinning a little bit.
Will’s a little jealous that Mike could just say it right after realizing, but that’s one of the reasons that he loves this boy so much. He’s brave and he doesn’t care what anyone else thinks and it’s so brilliant to watch.
“You’re brilliant,” he says aloud and smiles to himself as Mike blushes a little bit.
“Then,” Jonathan adds, coming back into the room with hot cocoa, “he showed up here in the middle of the night and screamed at my window about how you’re his true north and all the stars in his sky or some bullshit…”
“Excuse me?! It was an eloquent, symbolic poem about how much I love him,” Mike snaps.
“Oh, my bad. That. Anyway, Then I opened the window and told him he had the wrong room.”
“Mike Wheeler, you dramatic little bitch,” Hopper says from the doorway, crossing his arms and making his don’t mess with me, I’m the sheriff face.
Mike jumps about two feet in the air before clearing his throat and saying, “Uhhh, thanks, Hopper.”
“I want to hear it,” Will tells Mike later, once they’ve gotten the standard “three inches” lecture.
Mike mouthed it along with the chief, making Will laugh so hard his stomach hurt and Joyce came into the room, thinking someone was dying because the two boys were cackling so much. Then, Will got to introduce Mike to her as his boyfriend, Jonathan and El gave the you hurt him and we kill you speech and here they are now, sitting on Will’s bed and smiling at each other.
“It’s not that good,” Mike tells him, but Will just laughs and replies that anything that comes out of his mouth is beautiful.
“Will Byers,” the black haired boy says and Will blinks before remembering this is real.
So, he leans in and kisses because he can and he wants to and he’s here and… and everything is exactly how it’s supposed to be.