“You’re a monster. That doesn’t mean I have to be one too.”
She had tried, tried to not be a monster like her brother. She had helped Kara and the other heroes defeat him and stop her mother from destroying the city, but it wasn’t enough. It was never enough. Taking another swig of her scotch, she felt the liquid burn down her throat. Looking out at the city that hated her, she knew she deserved more. More pain for what she helped do. Kara had insisted things between them were good, but Lena knew. She could see the look in her eyes, the distrust and resentment for having to work with her. The happiness in her eyes when they won, knowing she would be able to cut Lena out of her life, not needing her anymore. Walking back into her apartment, she poured another glass, emptying the bottle that was full earlier that day. The only thing in her life that had never let her down.
‘Supergirl and her band of heroes helped bring the Luthors to justice, however, according to our sources Lena Luthor played no part in family’s plans, and worked to help thwart the-’
The news reporter was cut off after Lena threw her glass at the TV, shattering both. They had no clue what she helped them do. None of this would’ve happened if she wasn’t so broken. She was screwed up inside. So damaged. Nothing she would ever do could change what she had inside. She was a monster, even if the world never knew it. Sighing, she walked into the bathroom. It always came back to this. Opening the drawer, she took out the small blade, thinking back to the last time she did this. It was after she graduated college, and she returned to the Luthor Mansion.
She shook that thought from her head. No, she thought, this time I deserve it.
“I deserve this.” She whispered. Sitting on the side of her tub, she pulled her skirt up, seeing the thin white lines that were all across her thighs. The only way she could escape growing up, now a punishment for the horrible things she’s done.
“I deserve this.” Lena repeated, pushing the blade down, drawing a long thin line, sighing in relief as she felt the pain rush over her. The blood trickled out of the cut and ran down her legs. Again and again, she pressed the blade down and cut, each time going a little deeper. A little closer to ending it all, but she wouldn’t do that. No, she deserved this. This was her punishment, her own sentencing.
Across the city, Kara was doing her usual nightly rounds, checking for the heartbeats of all her loved ones. She felt a wave of relief wash over her as she heard each beat from each person, relaxing little by little. She almost finished going through everyone, then she checked on Lena. Growing concerned, she heard the brunette’s heart racing, erratic. Listening further, she heard the faint sound of tears, and the CEO cursing at herself. Flying to Lena’s apartment, she raced in, only to find the raven haired woman sitting on the bathroom floor, sobbing in a small pool of her own blood, still clutching the razor blade.
“Lena,” she breathed, the brunette not responding, just moving to make another cut. Kara grabbed her hand, the woman protesting, until she finally gave in, letting the blonde take the blade away.
“Just go away. I deserve this.” She whispered, not making eye contact. Kara just shook her head and reached for the first aid kit in the cabinet above the sink. Grabbing some gauze pads and alcohol, she began dabbing gently at the wounds, wiping the blood away, much to Lena's protesting.
“Stop, please, just go home.” She mumbled, trying to push Kara away, to no avail. “You deserve better than this.” Kara just shook her head again, continuing to clean Lena’s wounds. Lena just started sobbing harder. Kara stopped treating the cuts and wrapped her arms around the shaking brunette.
“It’s gonna be ok, I promise.” She said, holding the CEO close. Lena just continued to sob, shaking her head. This was what she deserved, the pain and the bleeding. What she didn’t deserve was the comfort the blonde was trying to give her.
“No, just go away. I hurt you, you shouldn't be here.” Lena said, trying to pry herself from the hero's arms. Kara just held her tighter, rubbing her back gently. She shook her head.
“No, I’m staying here. I’m not going anywhere, not again.” Kara said, cupping Lena’s cheek with her hand, making her look into her sky blue eyes. “I’m staying here, Lena. You’re not gonna convince me to leave.” She whispered. “Ok? You don’t deserve this.” She gestured to the cuts. “You deserve better.” She wiped away a few stray tears and went back to cleaning and dressing her cuts, Lena finally letting her without trying to pull away. She accepted the fact that the blonde wasn’t leaving. Maybe there was some hope for the two of them.
Ten minutes and a few tears later, Kara finished bandaging Lena’s legs. She picked up the now exhausted brunette and carried her into her bedroom. Using her superspeed she got her dressed in some sweatpants and a comfy shirt. Lifting her up again, she laid her down under the covers, tucking her in, making sure she was comfy. Kara leaned down and kissed Lena on her forehead, feeling the brunette begin to finally relax after almost an hour of her crying. Probably longer considering she was full on sobbing when Kara got to her apartment. Kara gently ran her hand through the CEO’s hair, the brunette beginning to drift off. Satisfied she was fine for right now, Kara went to go grab a blanket and camp out on the couch, when she was stopped by Lena.
“I don’t wanna be alone,” She whispered, “Please stay.” Kara nodded, crawling into the bed next to her. Lena snuggling into her chest, finding calm in the beating of the blonde’s heart. Kara wrapped her arms around her, and kissed her forehead again, gently. She knew Lena would sober up in the morning and regret letting her stay, but she knew they would figure this out together. It wouldn’t be fixed overnight, but this was a start.