Chapter 1
03/14
emily prentiss: heyyy derek can i ask you a straight guy question
derek: #1, offended that you called me straight. #2, of course what’s up?
emily prentiss: okay so.
emily prentiss: basically I want to ask this girl out but i don’t want to seem like an ass
emily prentiss: cause honestly i want to tell her that her ass looks good in the pants she wore today
emily prentiss: BUT that’s gross and too straight guy esque right?
derek: i mean yeah
derek: just ask her to dinner! it’s not that hard!
derek: what’s her name anyways, anyone i know?
emily prentiss: top secret information idiot
derek: no fair :(
emily prentiss: if you figure it out i’ll tell you, deal?
derek: deal :)
03/14
spence: jayje
jj <3: spence
spence: how does someone ask out a probably straight guy without seeming like an ass
jj <3: hmmmmmm
jj <3: depends on the guy honestly
jj <3: who is it? how do you know he’s ‘probably’ straight?
spence: that’s a secret
spence: for now at least
jj <3: ugh fine
jj <3: maybe just ask him to dinner like a normal person?
spence: thats scary though :-(
jj <3: idk what to tell you buddy
jj <3: men are always scary
spence: says the lesbian
jj <3: HEY
spence: :-)
03/15
derek: any updates on your mystery girl?
emily prentiss: no bc i’m a coward
derek: jesus
derek: just tell me who it is i’ll tell her for you
emily prentiss: and risk her thinking that the derek morgan is asking her out? no thanks
derek: so she knows who i am? interesting...
emily prentiss: SHIT
emily prentiss: lets pretend i didn’t say that <3
derek: is it penelope? oh my god its penelope
derek: honestly i can kinda see it. the scary brooding brunette and the sweet bubbly blonde
derek: a match made in heaven
emily prentiss: although i adore ms penelope garcia, it isn’t her
derek: hmmm todd? seaver?
emily prentiss: you know sometimes it’s nice how oblivious you are :)
derek: mean
derek: WAIT
derek: OH MY GOD WHY WASN’T THIS MY FIRST GUESS
derek: jj????? really?????
emily prentiss: wtf do you mean really
derek: just
derek: i hate to say it but she’s literally the straightest person i know
emily prentiss: i know :( just my luck to fall for a straight girl
derek: who knows maybe she’s not
derek: i feel like spencer would know please hold
emily prentiss: holding
derek: he just replied “:-)” what the fuck does that mean
emily prentiss: wait what did you say
derek: “so jj is as straight as you right? asking for a friend (actually)”
emily prentiss: so the answer is yes
derek: i guess so :(
emily prentiss: wait wait wait
emily prentiss: why the :(
emily prentiss: DO YOU LIKE SPENCER LMFAOOOOOO
derek: why’s it funny :(
emily prentiss: it just is
emily prentiss: at least we can cry over straight people together
03/15
spence: *screenshot of conversation between derek morgan and spencer reid*
spence: why the hell is derek asking if you’re straight
spence: also as straight as me??? so is he asking if you’re gay????
jj <3: weirdddd
jj <3: love you derek but i’m a lesbian <3
jj <3: just send him a smiley face it’ll confuse him lol
spence: good idea
spence: can’t believe the man i’m in love with is in love with my gay best friend :( rip
jj <3: maybe he’s just curious
jj <3: it’s morgan he’s always weird
spence: true
jj <3: wait hold on
jj <3: derek’s the probably straight guy???? oh my god
spence: shit
spence: guess the secrets out
spence: just don’t tell garcia
jj <3: wait whyyyy :(
spence: she’ll either tell him or find info i really don’t want to know
jj <3: okay fair
3/20
derek: emily mf prentiss
derek: did you know that i can normally handle my liquor veryyyyyyyyyy well
emily prentiss: it’s 2am asshole what do you want
emily prentiss: are you drunk
derek: mayyyybe
derek: can you come pick me up :( can’t drive :(((((
emily prentiss: send me your location
emily prentiss: you owe me.
derek: :-)
3/20
derek: hiiiiii
spence: derek why are you texting me in the middle of the night
derek: i miss you :(
spence: i saw you 10 hours ago
spence: wait
spence: you’re drunk rn
spence: yeah this makes more sense
derek: am i not allowed to just text you? Rude
derek: maybe tho
spence: do you have a ride
derek: yessssss
derek: em is getting me <3 love of my life
spence: oh
spence: i didn’t know you two were
spence: good for you guys!!
derek: i’m too tired to understand you goodnight!!!!
3/20
spence: okay i know it’s almost 3 in the morning so ignore these
spence: but
spence: derek is in a relationship i think and i’m just really sad
spence: like obviously i had no chance but a small part of me always hoped? you know?
spence: i’m going back to bed ttyl
3/20
jj <3: oh my god spence :( i’m so sorry
jj <3: i’m picking you up today, there’s no way i’m letting you take the train
spence: no i’m okay i was being dramatic i’m fine
jj <3: nope i don’t wanna hear it
jj <3: i’ll be there in thirty
spence: ily
3/20
emily prentiss: wake up sleepy head
emily prentiss: we’re leaving in twenty
derek: why am i on your couch????
emily prentiss: you were wayyyyy too drunk last night
emily prentiss: unfortunately we still have to go to work so get your ass up off of my couch
emily prentiss: i’m almost done getting ready i’ll come out and make you some coffee in a sec
derek: yes ma'am
derek: WAIT WHY DID I TEXT SPENCER LAST NIGHT
derek: oh my god i’m an idiot never let me drink again
emily prentiss: not planning on it