"No one can help me."
CHAPTER NINE
"No one can help me."
The usual life that bubbled throughout the tower was dull in the following hours of the Titans' return. Not only had they taken a huge loss, but their new addition was less than enthusiastic about this whole situation. Who could blame her? Poor Tara had officially entered the lowest part of her short life so far.
With no ability to contact her mother and father yet, no friends to fall back on that she felt she could trust, and not even able to sleep in her own bedroom, the darkness was creeping in like a demon, consuming all that was bright.
She had locked herself in this stranger's room, once she had figured out how, and refused any of the Titan’s comforting words from just beyond the veil. What was the point in trusting these people? She didn't know them. To her, they were the cause of all this pain.
Especially .. Him .
Beast Boy had been waiting outside her room for over an hour. While the others decided to give up and wait for Cyborg to return, the shapeshifter remained, unwilling to abandon Tara even if she was most furious with him. His skin was slowly beginning to return to normal, or at least his version of it, and his powers were also regaining their potency. As he played around with his half transformations he was blindsided by the sudden voice that spoke up beside him, startling him from his thoughts.
“Do I even want to know what you’re doing?” Raven stood above Beast Boy with a faint hint of exasperation in her raspy voice. The green teenager jerked his body to stand clumsily with a nervous chuckle.
“Rea! How did you know I’d be here?” he asked, scratching the back of his head thoroughly.
She rolled her eyes playfully, “A monkey could figure that out. What I can't understand is why you’re here.”
Beast Boy settled down and sighed, casting his eyes to gaze at the girl’s door. “I can’t just abandon her,” he replied. Raven breathed a mild gasp.
His expression of painful longing killed her. She clicked her tongue bitterly and snatched her indigo cloak in between her fingers, suddenly enveloping Beast Boy inside her dark magic. His startled yelp was cut off as the raven embodiment of her magic teleported them to her sacred room.
Beast Boy melodramatically gasped a deep dive of air and toppled onto the floor, hugging himself as the cold of her sudden gust of magic left him freezing. “Geez, Rea! Whaja do that for??” he chattered.
Without delay, Raven snatched him by the collar and forced him to stand, “AHH! I’msorryIateyou’relastpeiceofcakeitwasjustsogoodIcouldn’tstopmyself-” vomiting words, Beast Boy apologized for everything he could think of that could have pissed her off, which he was prone to do, however, her edgy cry cut him off.
“Just shut up!” The candle in her room was snuffed out, enveloping them in the darkness.
“Whoa.. okay, okay.” he eased his hands up to rest over her trembling phalanges. It snapped her out of her outburst and she promptly took her grasp away, curtly turning.
“...I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine, but maybe you could fill me in here a little? Did I do something to upset you?”
“..You’re such an idiot.” Raven bit her lip attempting to keep her emotions at bay. “Why are you so determined? After everything she had put you through, why do you continue to give her your all? I just .. don’t understand why you keep torturing yourself.”
“..Raven..” Beast Boy shifted unsurely. “As I said, I can’t abandon her.”
“Why? I have seen what she’s done to you, I’ve dried your tears, heard your torment, and yet you still go after her! Why?!”
“..I just want to help her.”
“Why?”
“I-I don’t know?? Because she needs me? Because she’s without any memories, is all alone in the world, and helpless?! She needs me!”
“All you’ve done since you found her is try and help, but she has done nothing for you in return! In fact, she’s hurt you!”
“I don’t care! She can hate me when this is all said and done! I have to fix this! It’s my responsibility!”
“Yours?? She was the one that betrayed us and wound up in that stone prison to begin with! How is her amnesia after being resurrected having anything to do with you?!”
“Because it’s all my FAULT!!” screaming, Beast Boy hunched, balling his fists constructively. Raven’s face fell as he continued. “It’s my fault she first left the tower and went to Slade for help! It’s my fault she betrayed us because I didn’t follow through with my promise. Not to mention when the truth of her betrayal came out, I was blinded by my broken heart and rage that I couldn’t see what was happening. I couldn’t see she was terrified and desperate for me to help pull her out of the abyss she was falling into, but I just threw her in without any regard to her at all!!” gasping unsteadily, Beast Boy felt the heat of anger enticing beads of sweat over his forehead. Raven was stunned to silence. She hadn’t seen him so angry like that in a long time.
“So, that’s it then. It sounds like you resent Terra, and now that she’s back, you feel like it’s your responsibility to fix her, but it’s not. She is her own person. You want to fix her for yourself. You think if you do, you won’t feel the guilt of her betrayal weighing on you.”
“..I could never hate her..” he breathed heavily, “But I do feel responsible for her. I should’ve been there for her. I wasn’t; and even though I know she’s partly to blame, she doesn't remember anything. How can I be angry at her when she doesn't even realize all that's happened between us? Besides, I can't help but think if I had stood up for her the night Slade came to collect her, I could have prevented all of this. Despite myself, I feel liable,” he reached up and grabbed his chest over his heart, “I want to make things right, more than anything in the world. This might be my only chance.”
Raven softly turned her head to look away, but then stood tall and approached him. Along with her swift motion, her hood flapped behind her head, exposing her face. Without warning, Raven’s arms were embracing him tightly. He shivered, “You have been agonizing over this for too long. I want you to forgive yourself. I can't bear to see you do this to yourself..” Raven buried her face in the nap of his neck holding back her emotions.
Beast Boy hesitantly lifted his hands, then timidly squeezed them around her hourglass figure, sinking himself onto her. Her warmth was comforting to him.
“I’m sorry, Raven. I wish I could. I just can't until this is all over. Every moment I know that Slade is still alive.. That he’s out there plotting to do something horrible to her, that he defiled Terra’s sacrifice and is trying to possess her again for his own gain-- it makes me sick! I can't rest until he’s gone.”
“..We’re going to do everything we can to take him down,” she reassured, reaching up to gently stroke his hair.
“How?” his broken reply almost broke her as they pulled away to look into their respective eyes, “Terra was the one that defeated Slade the first time. Without her power to help us again.. I honestly don’t know what we’re going to do that hasn’t been different than before without her.”
“..I don’t know..”
None of them did. How could they take down one of the most dangerous and elusive adversaries they had ever had the displeasure of encountering? They had to come up with a plan, and a damn good one at that.
Raven briskly breathed a sigh and shoved Beast Boy gently away from her so she stood on her own. “You should go back to her.” walking past him to sit on her bed, Raven pulled her hood back over her face, snapped her fingers illuminating the candles to give him the light to see, then locked her eyes on the window overlooking the moonlit city. “She might need you.”
“..Yeah, you’re right.” Beast Boy, with soft uncertainty, passed glances from her to the exit. He decided it was best to go ahead and leave as she asked, but as he neared the door he paused, turning to look at her once again, this time smiling. “You know.. you can always talk to me about her too.."
with a soft flush dusting her purple cheeks she curtly threw up her nose, "Yeah, like I'd take advice from the dork that ate my last slice of cake."
"Awwww, come on, Rea! Don't do me like that!" whining, Beast Boy pouted before laughing. After a moment, he warmly grinned at her, "Thank you, Raven. It means a lot knowing you are looking out for me and how you’ve always got my back. I’ll make it right.. for the both of us!” he remarked, throwing a thumbs up with an outstretched tongue. "Besides, I know there's some stuff you need to get off your chest too."
Raven said nothing. She only nodded once and watched with heavy eyes as he exited her room. Once the silence hit her ears she felt the sudden stab of loneliness chill her to the bone. She rubbed her arms together and flopped back in her bed with a silent squeal as an image of the past squeezed her heart.
“ Stupid!”
….
As Beast Boy trailed the halls, lost in his tense thoughts, he kept reliving those moments with Raven. The way her eyes trembled and her voice shook without any of her calm grace was alarming to him. He had never really seen her that frazzled before. Had he really worried her to that degree? There must have been more to it he wasn't seeing.
His troubled mind was forced back to reality as the sound of a door opening surprised him to stop in his tracks. The elusive girl he had been desperate to see stepped out with her head hanging low in defeat. Her hair was a tangled frizz as she weakly leaned against the door frame.
Beast Boy immediately stood to attention and came to her. He was unsure of what to do. Should he talk to her? He didn’t want to set her off and he wanted to handle it delicately. However, before his indecisive brain could think up anything definitive, she decided for him.
Tara meekly plopped her head on his chest. Beast Boy's entire body felt a burst of flame rage from his belly and spread throughout his body in less than a second. Ignoring it, he latched his arms around her, snuffing the light between them.
Tara sobbed into his shirt, alone, broken, and terrified of the future. She was strong. She wanted to be brave in the face of uncertainty, but for now, what she needed was a comforting shoulder to cry on and a matching ear to listen. Beast Boy, while the person she ultimately blamed, was both of those things, and at the end of the day, he was what she ironically clung to after everything.
…
Another hour or so had passed. By now, Tara had regained most of her composure. Sitting with her in this stale room was Beast Boy. “..Are you okay?” the fear of being alone was what drove her to let him in, but even knowing that it was all he could think to say as he stroked her hair, soothing her.
“..I really am her?”
“..We did a DNA test, just to be sure.” her weary eyes looked up to gaze into his. He looked happy but cautious, “It was a perfect match.”
Tara swallowed dryly and stood up from the bed, walking to the middle of the room, nervously wringing her hands. "So, it's really true.."
“..Listen,” Beast Boy stood up rubbing the back of his head timidly, “I know what it feels like to have your life change so drastically, so quickly. I understand the fear you’re undoubtedly feeling, but this could be a good thing.”
“‘A good thing’?” Tara twirled around unsteadily as she breathed in a shaky breath. “How is it that me being Terra is a good thing? How is it that the attack at the school that sent several people to the hospital, where you almost died, revealed that Slade is still after me, a good thing??”
“That's not what I-”
“Terra being alive is a horrible thing! She betrayed the Titans, almost killed you all, and after all this time Slade still wants to use her powers for evil!”
Beast Boy couldn’t help but think of his conversation with Raven at that moment. They had the same look in their eyes, he noticed. He took a deep breath to steady his resolve.
“But we will protect you.”
“Protect me?! Who is going to protect you?”
“..You’re worried about me?” he asked, a flicker of light in his eyes.
“..I’m worried about everyone.” she quickly responded, hugging herself as she turned away.
“..The reason why I think this could be a good thing, is because today,” Beast Boy put his hands on her shoulders as he stood behind her, “ I just found out that my best friend is alive. She's standing right in front of me and she has a fresh start.”
Tara turned around to face him shaking her head, “..This was my room.” she stated as they both looked around. “And I remember it..but only because you brought me here before, when you were showing me all those things to jog my memory.. but I feel just the same as I did then.” their eyes met, but the hopeful light dimmed in his eyes as she looked at him with coldness. “I feel nothing.”
Tara walked by, seemingly bringing a chilling sprite of wind with her as it shook him to the core. His breath trembled and he balled his fists unsurely. “Maybe.. maybe you don't feel anything.” he started unsurely, "But that’s okay, because I’ll still be here for you. All of us will.”
Tara closed her eyes. “The others? The Titans? The last time they saw me, I was destroying the city, I was a villain.”
“No. The last time they saw you, you were saving the city--” Beast Boy interrupted.
“Yeah! From myself! From the volcano I caused! All I did was stop the mess I made! Do you honestly think they would still care about me after everything I did to them and their precious city?”
“..They took you back in, didn’t they?”
“Only because they had no choice. If Slade gets to me and is able to reawaken whatever great power I happen to have, then it’s game over, right?”
“That isn’t the full reason. You don’t know, and even if you did have your memories back, you wouldn’t remember what I’m about to tell you. They all mourned you.” Tara froze as she felt the guilt storm her heart. “When you were petrified, Raven and Cyborg tried everything they could think of to save your life, and when they couldn't find a way, Raven shut herself in her room for weeks. She acts like nothing bothers her but she feels things deeply. And Cyborg? He wouldn’t laugh for a long time after that, and Starfire.. I could hear her crying every time I walked by her room.” his eyes glistened as he remembered. “Robin was the only one that was able to keep himself together, but it wasn’t by much. So, while you may not remember the friendship you had with us, just know that they aren’t doing this solely for the city. They are doing it so they don’t lose you again.”
“I wish I could understand, but when I look at you, I don't see the memories you see. I don’t see the life that's worth saving.”
There was a grudging silence between them.
Unable to control it, Beast Boy snapped away from her. He was trying, he really was. He wanted to help her, but her continuous denial of him was starting to wear him down. "You know, it isn't easy for us either. Having you back, but not really having you back, is like torture."
"I never asked to be put in this situation. I never asked for you to try and save me like a pathetic princess! My life was just. Fine. Before you interrupted it!" Pointing at him, Tara stomped her foot in rage.
The silence that followed dulled that flame immediately as the hurt showed in Beast Boy’s discolored eyes.
"..Beast Boy I-"
He had reached his limit as the word Raven had repeated suddenly fueled his fire seething in his stomach.
‘Why?’
And for a moment he questioned his resolve. What was he doing to himself? Why? If she was going to treat him this way, after EVERYTHING he had done to help, then why should he try? "Fine. You can believe that if you want, and if you want to ignore us and waste away in here until Slade is dealt with then that’s fine too." He balled his fists, pursuing the door.
He paused half step instantly feeling the regret. It was happening again, just like the night of her betrayal, but when he turned to swiftly apologize he was interrupted by her expression. That wasn’t the Terra he knew. She already blamed him for everything. Nothing he could say could persuade her otherwise. This time it was him asking for forgiveness and he could see in her eyes that she wasn’t ready to give him anything of the sort, even though he was going to in a heartbeat. He had never felt the difference between ‘Terra’ and ‘Tara’ more strongly than at that moment. That sobering thought caused Beast Boy to close his mouth and turn away from her dejectedly lowering his ears. When he left the room it was deathly silent.
The regret Tara had felt quickly shifted to anger, which turned into rage as she grabbed the closest thing she could and slung it across the room. The picture frame shattered and that rage turned into regret once again. She gasped, cupping her hands over her lips, staring at her mistake littered over the red carpet. Slowly she knelt down and picked away at the shards to grab the picture laying face down.
It was a selfie of all the Titans with her joyously laughing as she sat atop Cyborg’s shoulder while he made a peace sign. Starfire was floating to his right mimicking the peace sign. Standing below her was Raven politely smiling at the camera with Robin directly opposite of her. Beast Boy was gleefully staring up at Terra from his seat on the floor directly below Cyborg.
Terra herself adorned a black, long-sleeved, belly top with a bright, yellow T in the middle surrounded by a circle of the same color. She also had on yellow shorts, seemingly darker than the T, with a brown belt and boots to match. The back of the picture had writing on it. A date of approximately one year ago and a small escription.
‘First day! So glad to have you on the team!' ♡
She ran her delicate hand over the picture, a faint smile came on her lips as if this picture meant something to her, yet she had no memory of it. It was a fleeting feeling that she didn't understand, but it made her cradle the photo against her chest as she hung her head in sorrow. Maybe she should give this.. Them a chance. Her glossy eyes casted to the door as the silence of the room made her decision harder to make.
….
A day had passed since then.
Tara had continued to ignore the others and Beast Boy had decided that he would leave her alone and let her come to her own decision.
The sliding door snapped Beast Boy out of his troubled thoughts. His wayward eyes connected with Cyborg, now just returned from Titans East, who was the first to greet them.
"Yo!" He waved.
"Cyborg!" Beast Boy’s face beamed for a moment seeing his buddy back from the long journey safe and sound. Carefully he limped to his friend's side to greet him.
"How's your leg?" Cyborg asked.
"It still hurts, but not as bad as before. Thanks to Raven." Beast Boy responded with a grateful nod to her. “She’s been healing it every chance she gets.”
Raven nodded back with a smile of her own, pulling her hood down over her shoulders exposing her gray skin and violet locks to the light. “My magic can’t do much before I start to lose too much mana, but we’re getting there.”
"That’s great!.. So, how is she?" Cyborg rubbed his neck unsure if this was a subject they wanted to talk about.
Looking expectantly, the others softly demanded an answer with their eyes from the green changeling himself, he grimly sighed. "She's.. Not great."
"Hard to blame her. She's been put in a difficult situation." Robin sighed, leaning against the stove with crossed arms.
“Yeah.. and I think I might have made it worse. We had a little bit of a fight yesterday, so she’s not talking to me.”
The Titans, while surprised to hear that, stayed silent about it, sensing that their little friend didn't want to think about it anymore, however, Starfire anxiously stepped side to side until she couldn't hold it in any longer, "She truly does not have memory of us?"
"..None." The green one responded.
"Maybe it's better that way." The others turned to Robin, puzzled.
"Why?" Beast Boy hurriedly questioned. "I could try talking to her again, get her to use her power-"
“Beast Boy, her world as she knew it just ended. Everything she has ever known just got ripped from underneath her feet. The last thing she needs is a pep talk from you, the person that set this all in motion for her.” Robin said. “She just needs time.”
“..I know. I just wish I knew what else she needed.”
A few minutes before this conversation had begun, Tara had exited her room. She wanted to apologize to them, especially knowing how much this meant to everyone having her back even if she wasn't perfect. She thought it would be the right thing to do. Considering the Titans had also been protecting her, and Beast Boy did save her life, the least she could do was try.
As she neared the entrance to the living area she could hear faint talking from the other side of the door. She paused, listening cautiously.
"All of us understand what she's going through." Raven began. "But Robin is right. It's probably best to leave her be. If she remembers, that's great. If she doesn't, that's also okay. She has a lot of baggage, a lot happened to her. A fresh start might be the best thing for her."
"There's still one problem you all seem to be forgetting." Cyborg spoke up soberly, "Slade."
"That is true. Unable to use her powers, she will be defenseless." Worriedly clasping her hands together, Starfire bit her lip.
Tara slowly tiptoed to the door. Holding the button on the wall next to it to keep it shut, she pressed her ear to the frame hoping to catch more than a few jumbled words.
"You're right. We will protect her, but if the time came for her to use her powers, she wouldn't know how."
"Then we should train her," Cyborg interjected.
"..Train me?" Anxiously whispering to herself, Tara knitted her brows.
"Raven," Robin turned the half-demon herself, standing next to him, "You and Terra have similar control over your powers, right?"
"I'd say more than similar. Despite having totally different abilities, Terra and I channel our powers the same. Emotionally; more specifically through negative emotions."
"Negative?" Knitting his brows, Beast Boy frowned, not in favor of where she was going with this.
"When she betrayed us, she had never been more powerful than when her powers were fueled by rage and revenge. I have to feel nothing or else my power goes out of control, but my negative emotions are what give me my best strength. Maybe when Slade trained her that's how she learned to finally control her powers."
"I refuse to believe that she needs hate and revenge in order to control her power." Snapped the green hero.
"..Maybe." Robin replied, softly, "We'll try different methods, but this is all depending on if she even wants to train. This is just as much of her decision. We can't force her to do anything."
"The training wouldn't work anyway," Raven remarked.
"Why not?"
"Well, she has to accept herself, and she's clearly not ready for that." the witch replied flatly.
“We have to be patient and handle the situation delicately. If we rile her up the whole tower could be sucked into the sea with her powers.” Cyborg remarked.
The others, aside from Beast Boy, shared mumbles of agreement.
Unable to listen anymore, Tara stepped away from the door. Her heart was pounding from the dread and fear. How could she do something she didn't even know she was capable of? And from the sounds of it.. They feared her..
She didn't want to embrace anything about her so-called past, especially with it being something even her so-called ‘protectors’ were terrified of. This was more than just talking and trying to be their friend. This was a whole other level she couldn't take the chance in.
Biting her lip, Tara rushed to get back to her room. She pressed herself against the door. Painting from the panic and running. "..I have to get away from here.."
The frantic blonde sifted through the drawers of the room. A few clothes, some strange tools, a few hair bows, and crumpled papers were the only things she found in the dresser. The closet was pretty barren as well. Nothing useful had been left behind, if there was anything to begin with.
"I must have never been one for keeping things." She muttered after stepping out of the closet. “There has to be something that can help me escape!” frustrated, Tara groaned into her palms settling on the bed.
She laid there, staring at the ceiling. The star lights stared back at her with their glimmering emptiness. Tara shut her eyes, letting her mind wander, hoping to think of a way out.
She had to plan this carefully. Watch their every move until she had their routine down to a T… no pun intended. The Titans would be watching her every move too; she had to be inconspicuous. Not to mention, Beast Boy seemed to know Tara better than she knew herself. One wrong move would tip him off just like that. She knew he wouldn’t let her risk her safety.
As she scanned the room again, Her eyes landed upon a smaller nightstand beside the bed. A single draw beckoned her closer until her hand was touching the handle, pulling it open. For a moment she was startled as a shine from what resided blinded her.
When she dared to look again, she was met with that pesky, heart-shaped box.
'I made that for you. Remember, Terra?'
She gently picked it up in her hands. "That's right, he said that this was mine. Seems like it’s the last thing remaining from my past." She softly plucked the lid open and peaked inside.
The box was still empty aside from her reflection staring back at her. Only as she studied the reflection more, it gradually morphed into something she wasn't expecting. It was still her face, but her clothes were changed. Like the picture from earlier, she had her Titan uniform on and her expression was one of panic. She yelled, throwing the box away as a shattering sound echoed in her mind followed by a series of flash images, bringing her to her knees.
“I'm not going back; I can't.”
"What? Why can't you?"
"Because she's not your friend, she's my apprentice."
"Ahh!" With a scream, Tara flopped onto the floor clawing at her scalp as the pain tortured her. Several flashes of broken glass, Beast Boy's resentful face, Slade towering over her like a demon's shadow swallowing her whole all forced her to start hyperventilating.
"I'm so sorry! I didn't mean any for this to happen."
"Then why did you let it?"
"I don't know!!" Terra sharply gasped as the spring in her eyes overflowed from her lids, spilling over her cheeks, and the bridge of her nose. The sensation snapped her away from that horrid sequence.
She laid on the floor weakly breathing, her head throbbing with one final line echoed continuously as if from the deepest tunnel.
'Slade was right… You don't have any friends.'
"It was just like before.." She cupped her eyes as more tears enveloped her sight. The need to cry consumed young Tara.
It felt like that night she discovered Terra and just how similar they actually were. She saw images, heard voices, but this time it was clearer and the emotions she felt were definitely her own as if she was experiencing it all over again.
A memory. Her first full memory had been gained.
When Tara regained her composure, she pulled her resistant body to sit up. "..." Her orbs lazily focused on the box lying broken on the floor. She crawled to it and tried to fix the hinge with no luck. She looked at the mirror itself, discovering it was cracked down the middle halfing her face.
Two sides of the same coin. One side was breaking free, desperately clawing its way to the surface, longing for the light. The other pushing all of it away back into the abyss with lock and key.
Tara seemed to be clinging to the key keeping it just out of reach. Why? If she just let herself remember; if she could let herself be who she was, then everything would be so much easier.
With this memory, She finally knew the answer.
Just as the grave reality struck her, she heard three knocks on her door. She snapped to attention and stared.
"Tara?"
"..I don't want to see you right now." A slightly alarmed response came from her. She cringed, shuffling the broken box under the bed.
Beast Boy shuffled tentatively, "I-I know.. I just think we should talk about this-"
"I said go away!" The door seemed to fly open as Tara forced herself to face him.
Beast Boy blinked, "Have you been crying?"
"Uh!" Stunned, all Tara could do was grunt.
"..I'm sorry." Beast Boy pouted, turning his hurt eyes away, ashamed. "I know this is hard for you… but if you let me, I promise I'll help you. That's all I want, honest."
"...I.. I don't know." Hugging herself, Tara shuffled back into the room. His face. It hurt to look. She hurt him. The memories she had uncovered slammed against her like a train. She shivered at the way he had looked at her.
"You need more time, I understand. I'll give you some space." Holding his hand up, Beast Boy stepped back with a tilt of his head. Tara watched him, that part of her kept under lock and key was screaming, pleading for him to stay, and that was why she couldn't let him. "But if you need me, I'm just down the hall." With that, he formed the best smile he could. "See ya."
She felt her stomach clench when she absently called out for him, like it was second nature to cling to him. "Beast Boy, wait."
He paused, turning halfway, "Yeah?" an edge of excitement filled his voice.
She put up a smile. "..Maybe you could show me around sometime?" Her hair covered her left eye falling gracefully from behind her ear. She promptly placed it back. “If I’m going to be a prisoner here.. I should probably know my way around.”
His hopeful grin turned to a cheerful smile. "I’d love that." With that he stumbled back around heading for his room.
"..." Tara stared at him until he was no longer in her range of sight, letting her half assed smile fall.
'You don't have any friends. '
"That isn't the Beast Boy I know. Maybe.. I can stay.."
I'm safe here.. right?
….
“Okay, maybe this wasn’t such a good idea,” Tara remarked uncomfortably as she and Beast Boy made their way down the stairs in the main living area.
Somehow, her ‘reluctant-to-call-him’ friend, had managed to convince her that she needed to get to know the rest of the team. Conveniently, they were all chilling in the living room relaxing in their downtime. They surely were not expecting the unwilling Tara to appear before them after a few days of silence.
When she entered, it was as if a spell had been cast. The other Titans had immediately dropped everything they were doing in favor of marveling at their new guest. All four of them were stunned to a stupid silence all because they hadn’t expected to see Tara out of her room so quickly and seemingly without much coercion. Their confused expression fell onto her chipper partner swaying back and forth on his heels with a satisfied grin spreading out his cheeks. A light hue of pink had flushed his newly healed skin as well, only puzzling the others more.
Tara blinked timidly, then lightly grasped onto Beast Boy’s sleeve. He snapped back to attention and loudly cleared his throat. “I thought it would be good if she got out of her room a bit, hope that's alright.”
After a shared glance amongst themselves, Robin was the first to respond. He nodded once and politely smiled, “Of course it is, but are you sure you’re ready for it? Acceptance so quickly after trauma is a little unheard of, no offense."
“I’m fine now,” Tara responded thoughtfully, lacing her hands behind her back. Her expression was too vague for Robin to analyze. While he wanted to be optimistic he knew all too well what trauma and anger could lead a person to do. For now, he chose to go along with it, hoping it was all in his head.
“Well, you’re always welcome to come down here,” he replied, turning back to the others who also voiced their opinions.
“Oh, yes! I do hope to do all the friendship activities with you once again!” Starfire burst from her seat at the semicircle couch and zipped to Tara, energetically snatched her hands.
With startled gasps and yelps, Tara was hosted into the air with the red-haired princess as she spun her around joyously. When Starfire released her, she fell into the grasp of the oversized jock himself, Cyborg, who wore the largest, cheesiest grin she had ever seen on anyone before.
“Hell yeah! We’ll play video games, watch TV, eat pizza and so much more! Just like old times!” he partly yelled in his excitement, seemingly blowing the air around him wildly into her hair. She nervously chuckled trying to keep up her appearance.
“Uh, yeah! Totally!” she said as he gently let her back on the floor. Tara distanced herself immediately, smoothing down her hair. Her eyes were then captured by the raven haired beauty who had remained silent this whole time, only observing with her hood shadowing most of her features. With crossed arms, she continued to stare. Tara puffed her cheeks feeling the need to say something. “What? Don’t you want to say anything?.”
“I suppose I have nothing to say.” Raven calmly replied.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Exactly what I said, Terra.” They both shared a short scowl. Before anything could start, Beast Boy slithered into the fray with his usual bubbly laughter to lighten the mood.
“Tara! I want to show you the computer so that you can call your parents!” Beast Boy announced the blonde’s preferred title so as to communicate to the others that was how she wanted to be addressed.
While Tara wanted to speak for herself, the prospect of calling her parents was something that distracted her train of thought. Before Beast Boy pulled her along though, both girls stared the other down. While it wasn't menacing, there was a definite, unresolved tension the likes of which Tara didn’t understand, so she decided it wasn’t her problem and blew it off.
The Titans treated her differently, she noticed.
It was unnerving to her. On the one hand, she recognized they saw her as their friend, Terra, but that wasn't her anymore. Even if she did have her powers and one solid memory-- of which she hadn’t told anyone about, that fact wouldn't change she wanted nothing to do with them. It was becoming clearer with each passing day that she could never live up to what they wanted from her.
Closure.
On her way down to the living area, Tara bumped into the distracted cyborg who was scrolling down his rather large cell phone seemingly chatting with someone.
'Ah, so they do have those too.' She couldn't help but think as she noticed it.
"Ooh! My bad, Terra!"
".. It's fine." She begrudgingly responded, not wanting to snap at the miscommunication of her preferred name, but her facial expression was enough to give it away.
He hissed, shrinking back, then smiled apologetically, "Whoops! Forgot that you don't like that! Sorry!"
They were all the same.
Laughing at the table from a joke on TV, Robin and Starfire happily giggled. The show itself was a spoof of the Titan's adventures and it was a joy to watch and remember past battles.
"This episode is probably the best so far," Robin remarked as he turned to glance at his, what Tara presumed to be, girlfriend joyously smiling.
"Yes! The humor on your planet truly makes me feel happy."
"Even though most of it we have to explain." Raven slyly remarked as she sat on the far right of the couch reading dedicatedly on her book.
Tara sat on the opposite end of the couch, silently observing. The episode itself was a tale about eight super-powered boys– Cyborg, Robin and Beast Boy included– competing in an alternate dimension to win a game from the proclaimed "Master of Games".
"Who won the battle royal Anyway? After we got out, you girls were trapped there too." Robin remarked as he turned the volume down during the commercial.
"Terra did," Raven replied dryly, flipping another page.
"Yes, but Raven was the one that figured out how to break the spell!" Starfire promptly recalled. "They made such a good team!" Starfire clapped her hands. Raven shrank slightly, hiding her face with her book.
"Oh, really?" Robin, seemingly surprised when he glanced at Tara. "How'd you do it?"
The blonde's eyes widened momentarily as she lamely grunted in disbelief. "Uhm.."
"..Robin.." Star softly touched his shoulder and he grunted.
"Uh! Sorry!" He rubbed the back of his head slightly embarrassed.
Raven sighed sharply, shutting her book. "Seriously…" She muttered while Tara continued to stare, stupefied.
Maybe they were trying, but their weird attempts at being normal with her around were growing more and more anxiety-inducing to the point of even refusing to leave her safe haven of a room. Plus, it made her feel worse for her current predicament. She wanted to yell at them every time they would mess up but then she'd think of Beast Boy and how he wanted her to give this a chance. She was trying.. But it wasn't getting any easier.
By now, a week had passed.
Tara decided to stay out of the way most of this time once she realized how they viewed her. No more awkward encounters for her anymore. Feelings of wanting to escape were brewing in her head more often now, but with each day that passed, it was growing more difficult to keep her decision to leave them. They hadn't really mistreated her. If anything, they had been overly warm and welcoming. They were almost too nice.
It was what was to come that pushed her over the edge.
After returning back to the tower from a fight, victorious as usual, Cyborg cooked for them. Sitting at their table was like being a fish out of water. She only sat down when one of the others told her to. She decided if she had to be there, she would keep herself quiet, just observing them. Their hardy banter and sly jabs at each other only to laugh in the end bothered her. A solemn, quiet part of her wanted to join in the fun, like she belonged at this table with them all. She had to keep herself in check. Don't get attached. They don’t actually care. They want their old friend back, not who she is now, remember?
‘You don't have any friends.’ she grimaced to herself, folding her hands in her lap.
But was that true? After everything, they never once were deliberately rude. Well, except Raven.. they didn't seem to jive all that well, but even now she was at least tolerating her being at the table with them all. Things were somewhat pleasant.. She felt safe. Almost at home.
"So, Tara." Their fearless leader spoke up after swallowing the last of his greasy pizza.
Her eyes snapped to look into his eyeless mask. "Yeah?" She hadn't been expecting him to come out and address her like that, it unnerved her.
"The others and I have been talking."
"..About what?" Pieces of her bangs fell in her eyes before she forced them behind her ear.
Beast Boy paused midway through his veggie style pizza and slowly rested it back on his plate, totally oblivious. "Yeah, what?" He puzzled.
"Well," Cyborg began as they all shared a glance. "We were hoping you would consider training with us to use your powers."
"We would teach you how to control it." Starfire added with a hopeful edge to her sweet voice.
"Oh. Well, uhm.. I don't think I-"
"Listen, we don't want to force you to do anything," Robin interjected, "But I want to be honest with you. We haven't found any trace of Slade, or the creature that tried to take Beast Boy’s powers. We're concerned that we might have something bigger than what we know coming for us. It would help a lot if you could learn to control your ability again so that--"
"W-wait. Do you want to use me? Like a tool??" Tara abruptly stood from her seat, her eyes widened from disbelief.
The home was broken. She should've known. Everything seemed to be temporary for her.
All the walls that had threatened to be shattered built themselves up again ten times the strength of before in an instant.
"What? No, that isn't--" Robin reached out only for Tara to briskly turn away.
"That's what it sure sounds like!"
"Tara, you know that isn't what they meant." The green changeling promptly stood up to bat as he quickly made his way to the fleeing blonde. He grasped hold of her wrist, stopping her in place.
Tara growled, snapping her insecure expression on him, "Did you know about this?!" He could clearly see the distrust swallowing her eyes, it caught his breath in his throat.
"Huh? No! I mean we had talked about it, but never agreed to anything--" For a moment her eyes flashed yellow and the island trembled.
Immediately the Titans jumped to their feet. Their positions indicated they intended to fight, however, it was just instinct for them when something terrible started to happen, it didn't help at all. When Tara laid eyes to this her hair swirled as the fear multiplied and her powers grew in size. Now her hands even flickered the distinct color of yellow.
"Terra stop!" Raven bellowed, teleporting to her in an instant with her dark magic circles.
"Don't call me that, witch!" Now focusing her attention on Raven she stood toe to toe with the sorcerous, sneering.
"You need to calm down." Like a stern mother, Raven glared at Tara refusing to back down, all the while the state the tower was in worsened as items fell from the shelves and some pots shattered.
"Terra, please.." Starfire begged, quickly darting her eyes seeing the lights flickering.
Tara took one look at them all. Their faces, their body language, and flashes of other people flooded her mind. Strangers she didn't recall were scolding her, shouting at her in fear and veto.
'Get out of here!'
'Freak!!'
'You'll kill us all!'
'Go back where you came from, you monster! We never needed you to begin with!'
It was fuzzy, but she remembered. This wasn't the first time she had seen the fear in people's eyes of what she was. Even her schoolmates graced her with the same treatment, betraying everything she had ever known. Their words scolded her with venom dripping off their lips.
But, despite it all, there was one person that wasn't looking for a fight or argument or someone to blame. He gently squeezed her wrist pulling her down one step into his space. Trusting her with everything he had, even if it could get him hurt. His green eyes weren't filled with animosity or terror, they were soft and genuine. It stupefied her. The shock distracted her and allowed the power building up inside to fizzle out. Her eyes faded to their normal blue hues and her hair stopped swirling, brimming down over her back.
The world suddenly spun and she lost her grip on consciousness for a moment, fainting. Beast Boy caught her, helping her stand. "Are you okay?" He asked tenderly.
"..." she was speechless. The others sighed in relief. “Why are you doing this?” she uttered, her orbs shaking.
The question confused Beast Boy to silence.
"The tower’s fine." Spoke Cyborg as he glanced at his arm. He touched a few spots turning back on the lights. The humming of the electricity settling snapped Tara out of her thoughts. She pulled herself up and pushed away from the beast boy. Unable to look anyone in the eyes she slowly backed up the stairs towards the door.
"Don't you understand, this is why you need to learn to control your powers!" Raven motioned to the wreck the tremors had left their living room.
"...I.." Panic coursed her blood, her heart jumped beats, her body trembled. The fear, the anxiety, the shame all came rushing back to her. "I.." Unable to form words she continued to back walk the stairs. The faces of her peers, the people she had tried helping all those years ago, phased in and out of her vision, amplifying the torment.
"Tara, let us help you." Robin briskly rushed to the stairs sensing her distress.
“..No one can help me,” she mumbled. Shuddering, Tara made it to the top of the stairway, triggering the door to open. Without a moment of hesitation, Tara whirled on her feet, fleeing.
Her choice had been made for her.
She would leave the tower. For good.