Long Long Time

When Sirius Black was 15 years old, he made a choice. He left. Leaving was the right thing to do. He knows this, but it doesn’t stop him from doubting himself. If Sirius Black had not left, he would be dead. That is a fact. If that house, that family, hadn’t killed him themselves, he would’ve done it for them.

Sirius cannot remember a time where love didn’t hurt. For as long as he can remember, love has always been intertwined with pain. He was raised by a family whose only love language was violence. He grew up surrounded by blood, fear, and dark magic. He grew up with two parents who expressed their love through beatings. Two parents who taught Sirius from an early age that not all types of love is good.

He grew up with a little brother incapable of understanding the wrongness of what they were taught. He grew up with a little brother who would beg for their mother to hurt him, because it proved to him that she still loved him. A little brother he so desperately tried to shield from it all. Sirius was Regulus’s armour, but there is only so much he could do. They cannot escape their mother’s blood. They cannot escape what they’re made up of.  

The night Sirius left he begged Regulus to go with him. He begged for his brother to choose him, to not surrender, to fight, for once in his life. But his brother was never like him. His brother embraced the violence, embraced the pain, embraced the love he was given. Regulus craved the pain because it made him feel loved. Sirius rejected it because it confirmed all the horrible things he already thought of himself. And Sirius fought back. Every. Single. Time. He refused to let them win, while Regulus just…accepted it. He always said it was easier this way. Easier to just take it.

“It’s not like it won’t happen anyways Sirius, its inevitable. I don’t understand why you can’t see that,” Regulus had said that very last night, shaking his head in disappointment after Sirius had received another beating at the hands of their dear parents. Sirius was pretty sure he had broken several bones, all because he didn’t eat his fucking potatoes. His father had broken several bones in his 15-year-old son’s body because he didn’t eat a few potatoes.

“I won’t let them win, Reggie. I won’t play their game, I refuse to let them change me,” Sirius had said, voice pleading, begging his brother to understand. “If we don’t fight back, they will win, Reggie. You understand that right?”

“Would it really be so bad?” Regulus whispered while cleaning up the blood dripping down his brother’s face.

“Yes, Reggie! We can’t let them win. If we don’t fight back, we will turn into them. Is that what you want? To have people fear you? To have your own children fear you?” he replied, tone desperate.

“But isn’t it inevitable that we become them? It is in our blood, Sirius” Regulus replied, and for the first time in his life, Sirius had not recognised the little boy sitting in front of him, looking at him with dead eyes.

“No, Reggie. We have power over our own fates. We have choices, and I am begging you to not choose them,” Sirius said with a gentle voice, tears forming in his eyes. There is nothing Sirius would not do for his brother, as he’s proved over the years. Regulus is dearer to him than anything in this world. Sirius is nothing if he is not Regulus’s brother.

Seeing his baby brother looking so…defeated, at fourteen years old-, that is a feeling no one can describe.

“You have your whole life ahead of you, Reggie. You have options. We can get out, I swear it.”

His brother just shrugged, looking resigned.

Regulus wouldn’t meet his eyes, simply focusing all his attention on one of the many wounds covering Sirius’s body and face. Something has happened, he thought while looking at his brother. Someone hurt him. He is different now, more withdrawn. How did he not notice this before? He had failed Regulus, once again.  

“What happened, Reggie?” Sirius ask, heart racing.

“Nothing happened Sirius, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Regulus responded quickly, never once stopping his cleaning of Sirius’s wounds. But Sirius knows Regulus. He could tell when he lied, he always could. His brother never had the best of poker faces, at least not with him. So the stiffening in Reggie’s shoulders was all the confirmation Sirius needed.

“Don’t lie to me Reggie. Something happened, didn’t it? Someone did something to you. Tell me.”

“Its fine Sirius stop fussing.”

Dread filled Sirius; every inch of his body full of it. Something really bad happened, he could tell by Regulus’s body language, the way he wouldn’t meet his eyes, and how his normally confident and playful tone was nowhere to be found. But what? Why would he not tell Sirius?

“Reggie-“he started, but was immediately interrupted by his door flying open, and a familiar face filling up the door…

Bellatrix? What is she doing here?

“Ever heard of knocking?” Sirius had said with a sarcastic voice. There is nothing the Blacks hate more than sarcasm, something Sirius finds to be quite hilarious. The most powerful wizarding family in the world will have a stroke if they detect even a hint of sarcasm.  

Regulus had stood up from the place where he had been kneeling on the ground, and stepped away from Sirius and letting the bloodstained cloth he had been using to clean his wounds fall to the ground.

“Cousin,” Regulus had greeted Bellatrix with, voice cold and void of any emotion, nodding his head slightly before he had locked his gaze on the floor in front of him, distancing himself from Sirius as much as he could.

“Get up, Sirius. I am your cousin, and you will show me the respect I deserve,” Bellatrix spits out. Behind her Sirius could just barely make out a figure. His mother perhaps, he had thought.  

“I am showing you the respect you deserve, dear cousin. Which is none, if you didn’t gather that. I know the wheels don’t always spin all that fast up there,” Sirius said while tapping his head. (In hindsight this was not the correct thing to say, but Sirius isn’t quite sure he’d go as far as to say he regrets it.)

Before he knew it, he had collapsed on the floor, a pain indescribable filling him. Crucio. Hello, old friend. His parents outgrew the Crucio-curse a few years back. Pain isn’t as fun when you can’t see it apparently. Bellatrix on the other hand seemed to love it.

Crucio not only causes you physical pain, but it fucks with your head. It infiltrates your mind, to the point where Sirius was no longer sure he would ever be able to recover. That is the worst part, the losing of oneself. Sirius could not think properly, the pain was everywhere. Thinking is what had usually gotten him through the torture.

He would think about his friends; about James and his permanently crooked glasses and horrible humour, about Remus and his insane appetite and his ability to always make Sirius laugh, about Peter and his infectious smile and perfectly timed jokes. His friends have saved him more times than he can count. More times than they will ever know.

On the floor, for several hours, Sirius Black was tortured by his entire family. He was tortured with magic and curses, with fists, with knives, with words. In the few moments of clarity he had, he made a decision. This was the last time. He would never let any of them lay a hand on him again. He would run away, take whatever it takes.

He tried, he really did try, to bring Regulus with him. But Regulus, who had stood by and watched as his brother was the victim of inhumane things at the hands of their very own family, had said no. He had rejected him.

When Sirius Black left, he made a promise. He would come back for his little brother. He would come save him like he always did. He swore it. He was his little brother’s hero, his protector. He would be back for him. But Sirius Black is a liar.

Two months after he left, he was back at Kings Cross. For the first time in his life, Sirius was standing on the platform, about to start his 6^th year at Hogwarts, and he was free. He had done the impossible. Sirius Black escaped. He had made sure no one would ever lay a hand on him again.

Two months after he left, he saw his baby brother for the first time since that night. When Sirius’s eyes fell upon Regulus standing between their mother and father in his robes, head held high, eyes dead and cold, he felt a shame so gut-wrenching he was nauseous. What’s wrong with him? He was standing there, surrounded by the Potters, surrounded by love, and for a moment he had forgotten the broken promise he made. He had forgotten the little boy he left behind. He had forgotten the one thing he had sworn to always protect.

In that moment, Sirius could feel the world move on without him, as he stood there, frozen in place, staring at a brother who was no longer his. Sirius felt like the entire world just dropped from right under his feet. Regulus was so close, yet so far. Sirius could just walk up to him, but would it really be his brother he’d be walking up to?

As he looked at Regulus interact with Walburga and Orion, he came to the realisation that the brother he once knew better than his own two hands had left with Sirius that night. His brother had died the moment Sirius stepped foot outside of that house. It was too late. He had failed him. Oh Regulus. You turned into your worst fear.

Sirius felt like dying. He wanted to scream at Regulus. Just look at me, please. But Regulus would not as much as look in his direction, eyes firmly set on their parents, an unreadable expression on his face. His brother, his baby brother, had become someone he no longer recognised. He was staring at a stranger, whose favourite song he knows by heart. A stranger whose scent he could recognise anywhere. A stranger whose voice haunts him in his sleep. A stranger who he swore to save. What happened to the plans we made? he wanted to yell at Regulus. What happened to our happy ever after?

It has now been a year since Sirius last spoke to his brother. Once they arrived at Hogwarts, he had pulled him aside in a hopeless attempt to keep his promise. Regulus had looked at him with their mothers’ eyes and walked away.

Ever since that day, Sirius Black has been writing letters to his brother. Letters he will never receive. Letters addressed to the fire. Every time something big happens, he wants to tell Regulus. He wants to see his brother’s eyes light up when he laughs again. He wants to build a pillow fort and hide from their parents with him again. He wants to run around in the fields in Scotland with him again. He wants to sneak into Regulus’s room at night because he knows he gets nightmares again. He wants to be his big brother again, his protector. Why am I not wherever you are? 

Sometimes, Sirius feels like he made his brother up. That the Regulus he knew was simply a figment of his imagination, that he never really existed. The boy who was Sirius’s home for years no longer feels real. He misses who his brother was, not who he has become. It’s a strange thing, Sirius thinks, grieving someone who is still living.

Sirius hides his emotions behind anger. It has always been easier for him. Anger feels natural, anger feels justified. So, he is angry at Regulus now. He is angry that Regulus allowed them to win. He is angry that Regulus never fought back. He is angry because he felt Regulus slip through his fingers months before he left. He let him slip away from him. But he knows that all this anger was once love. He knows that all this anger is actually directed at himself. How can he blame Regulus for staying, when he left him with no other choice? In another life, I would’ve really liked growing up with you, he thinks while watching his brother across the great hall.

                                                                                                                  ***

“C’mon Moony, you must have one favourite,” Sirius says. He has been trying to get Remus to reveal his favourite song for about twenty minutes now. All their friends let out a unanimous sigh that Sirius thinks is quite unnecessary. He does not see the problem here, he just wants to know more about Remus. He always wants to know more about Remus. The tall boy is weirdly private when it comes to certain things, one of these things being music.

“I really don’t, Pads,” Remus replies awkwardly, scratching his neck while scanning the room for a possible escape route. Everyone’s attention has been on the two friends bantering back and forth for the past minutes now, and Remus is famously known for despising attention. Sirius cannot understand this, but he loves it when the introvert in Remus really blossoms. Which is why he does not give up, even though he can tell Remus is uncomfortable. In Sirius’s defence, Remus is always uncomfortable. It is kind of his thing.

“What do you think I’ll do with this top-secret information, Moons? Psychoanalyze you?” Sirius jokes, but a blush blooms across Remus’s cheeks, and he suspects his joke might not be that far from reality. Remus rarely blushes, but when he does, he looks absolutely adorable. Sirius loves it. He thinks Remus is being a bit dramatic about this (and this is coming from him, Sirius Orion Black). He doesn’t understand why he can’t just tell him what his favourite song is. Unless…

“Oh Merlin, it’s ABBA, isn’t it? Oh, great heavens, Moony, I thought you were better than this,” Sirius wails, clutching his heart dramatically while falling on his back onto his bed.

“Hey, do not disrespect ABBA! It’s not their fault you don’t appreciate joyfulness, you depressed wanker,” James says, sounding truly offended.

James has been in a great mood for the past week, and Sirius wants to know why. Every time he asks him; James just shrugs it off. It’s the first time in their lives where something is going on, and James has not told Sirius. He doesn’t like it.

“Merlin, I forgot about your diabolical taste in music.”

“My music taste is excellent, thank you very much. You on the other hand- “

“No, it is not ABBA, no offence James. Can we just move on?” Remus cuts in.

Sirius rolls his eyes, but he knows he won’t make any progress today. Remus is in a shit mood, probably because the full moon is only a few days away. But Sirius is not letting this go permanently, of course. Just for now. He sits up in his bed and settles on a new victim.

“James, you’ve been awfully cheery lately. Something you’d like to share with the class?”

Sirius sees James stiffen the slightest bit before putting on his signature smile and saying, “Minnie called me James the other day.”

Peter lets out a unironic gasp, before practically screaming, “WHAT.”

“That’s right lads, it seems her favorite has been decided, and his name is James Fleamont Potter,” James says smugly, while pointing both his thumbs at himself.

“I feel like I must die now, I thought me and Minnie had something special, you know?” Peter tells James, sounding completely sincere and devastated.

“You’re all aware that she’s been calling me Remus for years, right?” Remus says while looking at the boys in front of him like they are a bunch of children that someone dumped outside his door, and they are now (unwillingly) his responsibility.

That is not what Sirius meant (though he must admit he is a bit jealous), and James knows it. James is deliberately changing the topic. If he thinks Sirius can’t tell, he will honestly be offended. Sirius knows James better than he knows himself. Suddenly, an idea strikes him.

“You’re seeing someone,” Sirius announces. James has this intense incapability to be casual about things, and his mood lately has reminded Sirius a bit of the early Lily-obsession stages (which was truly a rough time for them all).

James immediately turns bright red, proving Sirius right. James cannot keep a secret for the life of him. I knew it.

“I- no that’s not- like…no?” is James’s cleaver answer. Top student here everyone.

“Holy shit, I fucking knew it. Why else would you have stopped your extremely embarrassing and way too public proposals to Lily!”

“I have never done that,” James weakly argues. All three marauders turn to look at him with arched brows.

“Fine, okay, they might have been a bit…over the top- at times,” James grumbles.

“You think?” Remus says at the same time as Peter snorts, “At times?”

“Let’s not change the topic now my dear comrades, we need to dig for details. So, who is she?” Sirius says intrigued.

She must be something if she’s managed to turn James’s attention away from Lily. Sirius feels like he should shake her hand or something, give her a proper thank you. Though he can’t ignore the slight stab of pain he feels. Why would James not tell him?

“I told you- there’s no one,” James says to the floor, face bright red, fingers fiddling with a loose string he must’ve picked up from the bed.

“Right, and grass is purple,” he shoots back. Why won’t James tell him?

“Sirius, let’s-,” Remus tries to interrupt, but Sirius is not having it. He doesn’t understand what’s going on here. Why won’t any of his friends talk to him anymore?

“No let’s not, Moony. James has a girlfriend, and he hasn’t told us about it. You don’t think that’s a bit odd?” he says, more aggressively than he intended to.

He knows he should stop. He knows he is taking this too far, but Sirius’s words shoot to kill when he’s mad. He knows this and he hates it. He hates how he is capable of deeply hurting the people he loves. He hates how he can use their weaknesses and insecurities against them. He hates that he’s even able to think such horrible thoughts, let alone speak them. He hates it, he hates it, he hates it. Yet he cannot help it. He always goes too far. He always steps over the line.

You do not escape from the Noble and most Ancient House of Black. Not truly. He is filled with this darkness that terrifies him, a darkness that they put there. It is always in him, lurking, waiting to be released. Sirius is so deeply afraid of his own mind. He is afraid of his own thoughts, his own capabilities. It is a horrible and isolating feeling. A feeling which he cannot escape. It is the only constant thing in his life, the feeling of fear. It consumes his every breath. Sirius Black is nothing without fear.

“I haven’t told you because there’s nothing to tell, Sirius,” James tries, still making eye contact with the floor.

Sirius can’t help but let out a cold laugh, and his insides tense with the familiarity of the sound. For every day that passes, Sirius grows more and more like his mother.

“Right and that’s why you can’t even fucking look at me,” he says agitatedly. He shakes his head, before getting up from his bed. “You know what I find really funny? Hilarious even? How you always preach honesty and openness, yet that never seems to count for you, or what James? Huh? Nothing to say now, do we? Shocker.”  

“Sirius-“Remus begins.

“No, fuck this,” he continues.

“Sirius can- “Remus tries again.

“No! A friendship is supposed to go both ways,” Sirius snaps.

“Sirius!” Remus yells, getting up from the bed he was sitting on too now.

The look in Remus’s eyes is enough to shut him up for a bit, and Remus grabs the opportunity with both hands. Literally. As in he grabs Sirius and drags him out of their dorm. He is momentarily distracted by Remus’s hands on him, before he remembers he’s supposed to be pissed.

They’re standing outside of their dorm at the top of the staircase when Sirius remembers they are kind of fighting. Are they fighting? Whatever, Sirius just needs to yell for a bit, so it is Remus’s own fault for putting himself in the line of fire, really.

“Let go Moony, I wasn’t finished!”

“Maybe not, but James certainly was,” Remus replies cooly. His tone isn’t quite judgmental- but more impatient. Like he is waiting for an explanation. Sirius is happy to provide one.  

“I’m just fucking sick of him always expecting me to tell him everything, while he never tells me anything! Every single time I have to drag shit out of him, it’s like he doesn’t even trust me. That’s not how friendships are supposed to work, Moony,” he says, a bit breathlessly. The words pour out of him, desperate to be heard. “Friends trust each other, they tell each other important things,” he continues.

Remus observes him for a while, eyes searching for something in Sirius’s. His gaze is intense and hypnotizing. He can’t look away. Remus’s dark brown eyes are locked on his, and Sirius feels all his anger dissipate. Remus has a tendency to do that. To calm him down, always, no matter what. Remus makes him feel…safe. It is not a feeling Sirius is very familiar with.

“Sirius,” the other boy says after a while. “James trusts you with his life.”

“I know that” Sirius says, feeling almost shy now. His gaze suddenly falls on the floor, and he decides to check out what James found so interesting about it earlier.

“I don’t think you do. Is that what this whole thing is about? Do you think we don’t trust you?”

Sirius can feel Remus staring at him, so he decides to fixate intently on this spot on the floor that looks a bit out of place. Yes, the shape is a bit rounder in this area, isn’t it? Wonder how that happened. Maybe it’s on purpose-

“Sirius,” Remus repeats, his hands finding their way to Sirius’s shoulders. “Talk to me. Please.”

And that right there, ladies and gentlemen, is all it takes to break Sirius Black.

He looks up from the floor and cranes his neck so he can see Remus properly, and goodness gracious does he regret this. Remus Lupin is making fucking puppy eyes at him and Sirius can’t help but groan. His groan causes a small smile to spread across Remus’s lips, which honestly just makes the situation worse, and Sirius lets out yet another groan.

“C’mon, lets get out of here,” Remus suddenly says, grabbing Sirius’s hand. And honestly, who is he to reject that brilliant offer?

Remus leads him out of the castle, and they start walking around the grounds in a comfortable silence. But Sirius is not exactly a quiet person, so it does not take more than a few minutes before he decides to open his big mouth and share his thoughts with the other boy.

“Do you think I’d beat you in a fight?” he asks Remus.

Remus stops walking and Sirius turns around to face him. Remus looks him up and down before snorting out, “Yeah, no way.”

Sirius lets out a dramatic gasp. “Excuse you, I could so take you.”

“No offence Sirius, but you’re like 5’5. You’re not much of a threat there, little man,” Remus replies, before continuing to walk.

Sirius stands still for a few seconds, processing what Remus just had the audacity to say to him, before he runs after his friend.

“I will have you know height is not all that matters! I am much stronger than you. I work out daily, ask James!”

Remus lets out a deep sigh. “Sirius, I am a werewolf. Remember that little detail?” he says while arching a brow at Sirius.

Sirius may have forgotten that little detail, but he will not back down.

“Yes Remus, your dysfunctional back is so frightening.”

“Hey! Me and my dysfunctional back could still take your tiny self,” Remus laughs.

“Its okay Remus, you can admit defeat. My insane biceps scare you, and that is a perfectly normal reaction,” Sirius says solemnly.

This causes Remus to let out a full-blown cackle, and the sound is breathtakingly beautiful.

Still smiling, Remus shakes his head, before once again slowing down his walk, and pulling on Sirius’s arm, so that they’re both standing still.

Remus looks at Sirius for a beat, before saying “Will you talk to me now?”

Sirius stiffens, his smile faltering, but he quickly recovers. “Haven’t we been talking?” he says in a light and joking tone.

Remus sends him a disapproving look.

“You know that’s not what I mean, Pads. Why do you think we don’t trust you?”

Sometimes, Sirius can’t help but hate Remus. He hates how observant he is. He hates how he can read Sirius in a way no one has ever been able to before. He hates that he can see right through him.

Shrugging, Sirius says trying to keep his tone light, though he is not as successful as he’d wish, “It’s not like I don’t think you trust me at all or anything.”

“But you think we trust you less than we trust each other?” And as always, Remus knows exactly what Sirius is thinking.

“How the fuck do you do that?” he asks, genuinely wondering if Remus can read minds or something. Is that a werewolf thing?

“Do what?” Remus blinks at him, clearly confused. Confusion looks adorable on him. Sirius can’t help but smile.

“Read my mind. It is getting creepy at this point.”

“I- I don’t… I’m sorry? I’m not really sure what I’m supposed to say here really,” Remus replies awkwardly.  

“Stop looking like I just offered to suck your dick or something,” Sirius laughs, and Remus turns bright red. It is a wonderful sight, one that only makes Sirius laugh harder.

“Oh, shut up, you obnoxious fuck,” Remus says while lightly punching his shoulder, face still bright red. “You haven’t answered me though; don’t think I didn’t notice your pathetic attempt at switching topics.”

“Not pathetic now, was it? Worked pretty well, if your bright red face is anything to go by,” Sirius jokes.

“Sirius,” Remus says sternly.

“Remus.”

“Answer my question.”

“Or what?”

“Really, Sirius? How old are you?”

Rolling his eyes, Sirius looks down at the grass, kicking the ground.  

After a few moments he shrugs a bit before telling Remus; “I don’t blame you or anything. I wouldn’t trust me either. It’s fine, really, not your fault you got stuck with a Black.” He tries his best to sound nonchalant about it, but he hears his own voice quiver the slightest bit. Because Remus is Remus, he notices too.  

“Oh Sirius, you dumb fuck,” Remus says before stepping forward, wrapping his arms around him, and Sirius feels himself fucking tear up. How pathetic can one person be? His friend hugs him and he’s going to cry about it?

He can hear his mother’s voice in the back of his mind. Blacks don’t cry, Sirius. It is beneath us. He hates it. He hates how his mother still has control over him, he hates that she’s still in his head. He hates that she is tied to him, that she is in his blood. It makes him feel…filthy. He is so tired of it. Sometimes, he wonders who he would be if he was raised in a different home. Sirius finds himself grieving the person he could’ve become, the person he should’ve become, and all the different people he never got the chance to be.

“You are not your family Sirius. I trust you with my fucking life, okay? Don’t you ever doubt that” Remus tells him, tightening his hold around Sirius.

And Sirius wants to believe him, he so desperately wants to believe Remus. But he knows, his mother made sure he always knew, that he cannot outrun his blood. Sirius might be able to reject his father, but he cannot escape his mother’s blood. His mother is him. That’s what his friends don’t understand. Sirius has always been his mother’s son. Where Walburga stops and Sirius starts is impossible to pinpoint, because they are so deeply intertwined with one another.  

So instead of disagreeing, Sirius just hugs Remus back. He allows himself to pretend, to try and forget. He allows himself this one moment of ignorant bliss. Remus is one of the first people to show him that love doesn’t always hurt. Remus has never hurt him, not with words or actions. Remus has never once raised his voice at him, not even before a full moon, not even when Sirius has deliberately tried to piss him off, not even when Sirius has yelled at him. Never.

Remus is the calm to Sirius’s storm. He is the light guiding Sirius through the dark. Without Remus, Sirius isn’t sure where he’d be. Or who he’d be. The tall, scarred boy holding him here, in the middle of the school grounds where anyone can see, without shame, saved his life.

“Thank you, Remus. Truly,” he whispers into his chest.

“Nothing to thank me for, Sirius,” Remus replies right away, resting his chin on top of Sirius’s head.

Oh, Remus, he thinks. I have everything to thank you for.

“I should talk to James, shouldn’t I?” Sirius whispers a few minutes later.

“Yes, Sirius, you should,” Remus tells him, calm as ever, still no hint of judgment in his voice. Sirius could kiss his feet for it.

“I took it too far, didn’t I? Like I always fucking do…” he says, pulling away from Remus, and shaking his head.

He feels so ashamed, so…dirty. Sirius always does it, he always steps over the line. He always fucks up, and he is so tired of hurting the people he loves. It reminds him too much of the house and the people he’s trying to escape.

“Yes, you did,” Remus nods. “But James will forgive you Sirius, you know he will,” he continues.

“I hate that I do that. That I’m capable of doing that. What the fuck is wrong with me?” Sirius says, unintentionally raising his voice at Remus.  

“Nothing is wrong with you, Sirius. Your communication skills might not be top tier but that’s nothing we can’t fix,” Remus replies jokingly, stepping closer to Sirius and throwing an arm around his shoulder.

“I don’t know how to fix it,” Sirius says, gazing up at the other boy.

Remus just smiles softly at him. “You are not supposed to know how to fix it on your own, Pads. That’s what friends are for.”

“Imagine if your fan club found out what a fucking softie you are,” Sirius replies.

“I am not a softie and there is no fan club.”

“Who are you trying to convince here, Moony? You literally have people follow you in the hallway. The whole dark and mysterious thing works wonders.”

Remus just grimaces and shakes his head, and Sirius laughs at the expression on his face.

“I am severely uncomfortable right now.”

Sirius gives him a look before saying, “What? Remus Lupin is…uncomfortable? This is revolutionary information!”

Remus removes his arm from where it was resting around Sirius’s shoulders, and shoves him away, mumbling something under his breath. Sirius laughs back at him.

His conversation with James is a bit awkward for everyone involved. Sirius won’t tell James why he reacted the way he did, and James won’t tell Sirius what’s going on, so they’ve made very little progress. But they’re not fighting anymore so at least that’s something?

Sirius does not love this new development. He and James are inseparable. They share everything with each other, with no filter. They always have. But for now, Sirius will pretend like James isn’t keeping secrets from him, and James will pretend like Sirius doesn’t know he’s keeping secrets from him. It is a delicate dance, one doomed to end in disaster, but for now they are good.