Arson
Maxine Caulfield was going insane.
Perhaps insane was a strong word. She tried to convince herself it was a strong word, anyway. Tried to think, very firmly, that she was just being dramatic. The everyone in this campus had been through burnout at some point or another - probably far worse then she had. It hardly made her a special snowflake because she was coping so poorly.
Well, that’s what she tried to tell herself, anyway.
But it never quite felt like the truth.
Yes, Maxine Caulfield was going insane.
It felt good to think the words.
Maxine Caulfield is depressed.
Maxine Caulfield can’t handle the expectations.
Maxine Caulfield is afraid she can’t keep this up.
Maxine Caulfield is a closet lesbian.
Oh, did it feel good to think the words, even if she could never say them - and knew that she would just convince herself later, when she was less weak, that everyone else was going through something - probably something worse. People didn’t want to be burdened by her problems.
She was depressed? What about everyone else - everyone else, who had to do the same work and wasn’t constantly worrying about themselves? Everyone who wasn’t such a pushover. Everyone who could handle the expectations, who could keep this up.
She was just weak.
She’d have to make it through by pretending to have the strength that she didn’t.
Yes, Maxine Caulfield was going insane.
“Maxine!”
But she preferred Max.
She weakly lifted her head (when had she put it in her hands?) and turned to Victoria, who was stepping into her dorm like she owned the place. She smiled her best, fakest smile at the girl before turning back to her assignment, with a soft,
“Max. Always Max, Victoria.”
She heard the girl collapse on her bed and begin to inspect the room.
“Urgh - what a dump, Maxine. You really shouldn’t lower yourself to these standards - you’re one of us now, we can hardly have a Vortex Club Member slumming it like this!”
“I’m only in the club because you insisted on it.” She answered, voice still quiet and weak - as always. “I didn’t want in, Victoria. I don’t like your friends all that much.”
“Why not? You like me - we’re hardly any different.” The blonde insisted - as always.
“Yes, you are. You have a soul.” She whispered under her breath.
“What’s that?”
“Nothing.” She answered instantly. “I just don’t like doing what your friends like, that’s all. I mean, you like photography, so we have common ground there, but…”
The girl scoffed, sauntering over to a chair next to her desk so she could look at Max while she talked. Max subconsciously sunk in on herself a little when Victoria looked at her, eyes glued to her screen.
“Please. We do not. I like photography. You have a gift.” The girl said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world and she was an idiot for not realizing it. “Don’t even claim we have similar interests. We’re on totally different levels, Maxine.”
THAT is why you and your friends are different. She thought but couldn’t bring herself to say. You would compliment me like that, admit I’m better - even if I’m not. They wouldn’t.
“Plus, if that’s the case, then you better start explaining why you were grinning so much when we trashed Jefferson’s office.” Victoria said, peering at her as if she had just caught her in a trap.
Because you enjoyed yourself so much, and didn’t have to worry about me.
“...Yeah, I guess.” She whispered. “But I don’t wanna do that again, Victoria. We could get in some serious trouble.”
Victoria rolled her eyes.
“Please. As if. We’re members of Vortex! We aren’t getting busted anytime soon, Maxine.”
“Max.” She whispered again, though she knew it was futile.
Her phone buzzed.
Instantly, just a little tension left her shoulders, and the whole world suddenly seemed a touch brighter.
She grabbed it and pretended to check who it was, before giving Victoria an apologetic smile.
“I gotta take this.” She whispered.
She just barely caught the flicker of disappointment in Victoria’s eyes before she stood smoothly, looking totally unaffected.
“Right. I’ll get outta your hair.”
She winced slightly.
“Er - Victoria?”
The girl glanced at her as she grabbed her windbreaker (jackets, apparently, are for the lower class).
“You wanna… get some coffee in a little bit? I’ve gotta have some fuel to finish this paper.”
And Victoria smiled at her. Max was just barely able to catch the little dimples at the edges of it - the only flaw in Victoria’s perfectly groomed features. She sometimes wished she could catch the girl without all the make-up and posturing, just once.
She diverted her mind from that train of thought - doomed as it was.
“Sure, Maxine.”
“Max.” She tried one more time, but Victoria went out the door without acknowledging her.
She sighed, and checked the message.
The tiniest smile tugged at her lips when it was from Punk Girl.
dork? you got some time?
She held the phone properly and typed back, the tiny smile not leaving her face.
Yes.
cool. because stoner friend/guardian angel is out for the count, and im bored af
She rolled her eyes at the childish reason, sitting on her bed and not even noticing that she felt lighter then she had in a while.
Ah, so I’m your toy for the afternoon?
The second she sent it, she winced - knowing it could be misconstrued more then a few ways. Before she had time to properly second-guess herself, however, her phone buzzed again.
if youre okay with that, dork
I am. She typed back quickly, letting out a relieved breath.
well, i suppose i should ask what youre doing, in case you do have something else and youre just pretending to have time so you can text and slack off
She glanced up at her half-finished project and winced.
...She was sure she could get it done after she and Victoria had coffee.
Nope, nothing. I was trying to go to sleep, but
She sent the text while wondering exactly how to phrase her reason without making it seem pathetic.
She barely even considered telling the truth about how hard it was to sleep, with the constant feeling that she should be working.
And the nightmares.
I had a bit too much coffee, so goodbye to that plan. She typed instead.
i know the feeling, gurl.
She grinned, and started to type a bit faster.
That was a spelling error. You best fix it.
oh come on! ‘gurl’ is a popular slang term and you know it!
No, ‘gurl’ is a misspelling. Correct yourself.
*****************girl*****************
She snickered a little under her breath.
Thank you. Though you need only use one asterix in the future.
smartass
She let out a full on ha! at that, and almost startled herself with how genuine it was.
Thank you!
I am smart, and I do have a great ass.
do you now?
She blinked a little at the neutral tone.
No, I do not.
That was sarcasm. I’m scrawny and white, so…
mhm
She blinked again at the message, wondering if she might have offended the girl somehow.
well, im busy committing arson
Max had an odd moment where she wasn’t sure whether to be amused or worried.
Uh - really?
...kinda?
You can’t answer ‘kinda’ to a yes or no question. She answered quickly, a little concern starting to seep into her bones.
just a little!
its a small fire, i promise
oh my god youre going to fucking die She tapped out as fast as she could, the tension that had left her when the conversation started hitting her again full-force.
please tell me you arent gonna fuckin die
ill be fine!
THAT ISNT REASSURING
seriously, i will! ive done loads of arson, im a punk, remember?
what about that is supposed to reassure me?!?!?
i dunno! doesnt someone saying theyve done something before make them less likely to die doing it?
i dont think that applies to arson
well, i promise ill be ok, alright?
For some reason, Max did feel a tiny bit reassured by that.
What, *exactly*, are you doing?
just
yknow
burning down a living room
okay i am no longer reassured
please tell me there isnt anyone in it, at least
there isnt anyone in it
thank god
did you really think i was gonna murder someone?
Well, you are about to burn something down!!
Can you blame me?!?
theyre assholes, ok? total dicks
i just wanna make sure they dont mess with stoner friend anymore
theyre harassing her
She paused, staring at the words and wondering just how much she could trust this stranger.
She decided, thinking even while she did that she was an idiot.
Okay.
I believe you.
thanks
ill try not to burn theyre shit too bad, ok?
and dont hurt yourself she answered as quickly as she could.
and i wont hurt myself
She sighed. She wasn’t sure if it was out of relief or exasperation.