The Kissing Theory

The morning started normally enough.

Well.

As normal as it could be when Elphaba spent the entire night spiraling over the fact that today—today—was the last time she’d be kissing Glinda.

Which was fine.

It was.

It was a scientific experiment, after all.

Nothing more.

Nothing less.

And if Elphaba felt an inexplicable twist in her stomach every time she remembered that Glinda would soon be kissing Fiyero instead—well.

That was a problem for later.

Because right now, she had to survive the morning.

Which was a challenge in itself, because Glinda was being annoyingly radiant.

She twirled around the room, humming to herself, completely oblivious to Elphaba’s inner turmoil.

Her hair was especially bouncy. Her lips were especially glossy.

And Elphaba—

Elphaba was especially doomed.

“Good morning, Elphie!” Glinda chirped, throwing herself onto Elphaba’s bed without an ounce of shame.

Elphaba grunted in response, glaring at the ceiling as if it had personally wronged her.

Glinda giggled. “Someone’s grumpy.”

“I didn’t sleep well,” Elphaba muttered.

Glinda gasped. “Oh no! Nightmares?”

Elphaba hesitated.

Would it be considered a nightmare if all she had dreamed about was—

Nope.

Not finishing that thought.

“Something like that,” she said instead.

Glinda hummed thoughtfully, reaching out to play with Elphaba’s sleeve.

Elphaba froze.

Glinda had no idea what she was doing to her.

It was cruel.

“Maybe you need a nap,” Glinda mused. “Wouldn’t want you falling asleep during our last practice.”

Elphaba’s breath hitched.

She forced herself to stay neutral. “Oh, so you still want to do that?”

Glinda blinked at her, confused. “Of course! You didn’t think I’d just skip the final session, did you?”

Elphaba definitely had hoped for that.

“I just figured you’d be too busy getting ready,” she said flatly.

Glinda laughed. “I can multitask, Elphie.”

Elphaba pressed her lips together.

There was no escaping this, was there?

Glinda beamed at her, then dramatically rolled off the bed and onto her feet.

“Alright,” she declared, stretching, “time to get gorgeous for my date.”

Elphaba scowled.

She didn’t know why, but hearing the word date made her want to set something on fire.

Preferably Fiyero.

Unfortunately, setting him on fire was frowned upon.

So she settled for scowling at the wall instead.

She tried to focus on her book while Glinda did her makeup.

She tried to ignore the sound of Glinda softly humming.

She tried to act like this was a normal day.

But then—

“Oops!”

Elphaba looked up.

Glinda was staring at herself in the mirror, pouting.

“My lip gloss isn’t even,” she whined.

Elphaba rolled her eyes. “Tragic.”

Glinda huffed.

Then—

Like a goddess of mischief—

She turned to Elphaba.

“Well,” she said, voice innocent, “I suppose now is a good time for our final lesson.”

Elphaba’s stomach dropped.

Oh, no.

Before she could protest, Glinda was already crawling onto the bed, settling right in front of her.

Elphaba tensed.

“Alright,” Glinda said, matter-of-factly, “I’ve mastered the basics, but now I need to work on depth.”

Elphaba blinked. “Depth.”

Glinda nodded, pursing her lips. “Tongue.”

Elphaba made a horrible choking sound.

Glinda giggled. “Oh, come on, Elphie. You’ve made it this far. Just one last session.”

Elphaba let out a slow breath.

This was fine.

She just had to get through one last time.

She could handle it.

So she nodded.

Glinda grinned. “Great!”

And then she kissed her.

It was different.

Immediately different.

Glinda was bolder.

More confident.

Her hands were firm on Elphaba’s arms, her lips soft and demanding, and then—

Then, Elphaba felt the wet slide of Glinda’s tongue.

A shiver ran down her spine.

She tried to stay calm, to keep it as academic as possible—

But something inside her snapped.

If this was the last time, then—

She was going to make it worth it.

She tilted her head, deepening the kiss, and—

Glinda moaned.

Elphaba’s entire body locked up.

That—

That was a dangerous sound.

She should pull away.

She should.

But she didn’t.

Instead—

She kissed Glinda harder.

Glinda gasped against her mouth, fingers digging into Elphaba’s arms, and—

Elphaba accidentally bit her lip.

Glinda gasped again.

Then—

“Oh,” she whispered, voice breathless, “that was—hot.”

Elphaba’s brain short-circuited.

Glinda let out a tiny, needy sound, pressing closer, almost climbing into her lap—

And then—

She froze.

Elphaba froze too.

A second of silence.

Then—

“Oh,” Glinda whispered.

Elphaba swallowed. “Oh.”

Slowly—very slowly—Glinda pulled back.

They stared at each other.

Elphaba’s breath was shaky.

Glinda’s lips were swollen.

And neither of them spoke.

Then—

With a tiny, nervous laugh, Glinda brushed her hair back, clearing her throat.

“Well,” she said, trying to sound casual, “that was… educational.”

Elphaba blinked.

Educational.

Sure.

Glinda ran a hand down her skirt, smoothing out invisible wrinkles.

Then—

With one last glance at Elphaba—

She stood up.

“Well, thanks for the help, Elphie!” she chirped, voice just a little too high.

Elphaba just nodded.

Glinda turned toward the mirror, fixing her very messy hair.

Then—

With a wink—

She left.

Elphaba stared at the door.

Then—

Very slowly—

She fell back onto the bed, eyes wide, heart pounding.

What.

The.

Hell.

Her mind raced.

That had been too much.

That had been dangerous.

And worst of all—

The idea of Glinda kissing Fiyero now made her furious.

Which was ridiculous.

Because it wasn’t real.

This was never real.

So why did it feel like she had just lost something?

By the way, Glinda had been looking forward to this date all week.

She had picked out the perfect dress—something flirty, something that complimented her skin, something that screamed Glinda the Popular.

She had done her hair just right. Not too stiff, not too bouncy—just the right amount of effortless perfection.

Her makeup? Flawless.

And most importantly—she had prepared herself.

Because after all the practice she had done, there was no way she wouldn’t be the best kisser at Shiz.

She was ready.

But then…

Why wasn’t she excited?

Why did she feel—off?

As Fiyero pulled out her chair at the fancy little café in town, Glinda forced herself to smile.

Because this was fine.

She liked Fiyero.

He was charming, handsome, and—most importantly—he had chosen her.

She should be giddy.

And yet—

As he sat across from her, grinning his perfect princely grin, Glinda couldn’t help but feel like something was… missing.

The date itself was… fine.

Fiyero talked about himself. A lot.

Glinda nodded at all the right times, giggled when she was supposed to giggle, and twirled her hair around her fingers to look flirtatious.

It was all textbook perfect.

So why did she feel like she was acting?

Why did she feel so—detached?

But she kept smiling. Kept playing the role.

Because that’s what she was.

Glinda the Perfect.

And then—

As they left the café, strolling through the dimly lit streets, Fiyero suddenly slowed his steps.

And Glinda knew what was coming.

She knew.

Her heart sped up—but not in the way she expected.

Not in a good way.

She felt… nervous.

Not excited.

And then—

Fiyero turned to her, tilting his head slightly, flashing that charming smile.

“This was fun,” he said smoothly.

Glinda swallowed. “Yes! It was… very fun.”

His smile deepened.

And then—

He leaned in.

Glinda froze.

She should have leaned in too.

She should have felt butterflies.

Instead, she felt—nothing.

Except—

A strange, distant discomfort.

But she didn’t pull away.

Because that would be rude.

Because she had trained for this.

Because this was exactly what she had wanted.

So she let it happen.

His lips met hers, warm and soft.

But—

That was it.

It felt… empty.

Like kissing a theatrical prop instead of a person.

And worst of all—

Glinda didn’t feel confident.

She felt—uncertain.

Like she didn’t know what to do.

Which was absurd, because she had just spent days mastering every possible technique!

And yet—

The moment Fiyero’s hands moved to her waist, something inside her snapped.

She pulled back.

Not dramatically. Not rudely.

Just… enough.

And Fiyero didn’t seem to notice her hesitation.

He just smirked and tucked a curl behind her ear.

“I’ll see you around, yeah?”

Glinda nodded, forcing another perfect smile.

“Yes,” she said. “See you.”

Then she turned and walked away, her heart pounding, her thoughts scattered.

She should be thrilled.

So why did she feel like she had just failed?

Why did she feel like—

Like she hadn’t kissed him well?

And why was the only thing she could think about—

The way she had kissed Elphaba instead?

By the time she made it back to the dorm, she was frustrated.

Not at Fiyero.

Not really.

But at herself.

Because none of this made sense.

She had been so confident before!

With Elphaba, she had felt completely in control.

So why had she faltered when it mattered?

It didn’t make any sense.

And she hated when things didn’t make sense.

So, without a second thought, she stormed into the room.

Elphaba was sitting on her bed, reading a book, looking just as grumpy as usual.

She barely glanced up as Glinda entered.

But Glinda didn’t hesitate.

Didn’t stop to think.

She walked right up to Elphaba’s bed, placed her hands on her hips, and—

“I need to practice more.”

Elphaba’s book snapped shut.

She stared at Glinda, eyes wide.

“…What?”

Glinda huffed, plopping onto the bed beside her.

“I said,” she repeated, firmly, “I need to practice more.”

She turned to face Elphaba directly, her blue eyes burning.

“So,” she said, voice unwavering, “kiss me.”

Elphaba—

Froze.

Her mouth opened.

Then closed.

Then opened again.

But no words came out.

Just—

Complete and utter shock.

Glinda crossed her arms, tilting her head impatiently.

“Well?” she said.

But Elphaba—

Elphaba just stared.

And the only thing running through her mind was:

Oh no.