They Were up to No Good

“So…” Sirius started somewhat awkwardly, “How’s life?”

Regulus scrunched his nose up in disgust, “Shit.”

“Ah, same as always then.” Sirius replied lightly, trying and failing to lighten the mood with some humour. The two boys were sitting outside underneath a tree, close to the greenhouses. A bit to their right, the remaining marauders were sitting in the shade of their own tree, Remus reading a book and James and Peter rolling up pieces of grass and throwing them at him. Sirius longed to be over there with his friends instead, but he suppressed that desire as much as he could, telling himself that he liked spending time with Regulus. 

“Here.” Sirius ripped a chunk of bread off of the loaf he had brought outside and handed it to his younger brother. Regulus took it reluctantly. 

It had been Remus’s idea- and quite a good one at that. He had suggested that this year the Black brother’s meet up every few weeks to maintain their 'brotherly bond', although Sirius wasn’t quite sure it was working. Perhaps they were closer now than they would be if they weren’t meeting up at all but it still felt oddly distancing. 

“You still hanging out with Snivellus then?” Sirius asked after a while. 

“Unfortunately,” Regulus answered, his fingers picking apart the bread that Sirius had given him. 

Sirius almost grinned at that, “You know I used this really funny spell to push him down the sta-”

“Push him down the stairs of the third floor a few days ago? Yeah I know.”

“Was it funny?” Sirius asked, “I thought it was funny.”

Regulus shrugged, “I wasn’t there.”

“Right.”

Sirius watched as James wrestled Remus to the ground and the two of them play fought for a moment, Remus eventually getting up and speed walking away from the black haired boy who ran after him with his arms wide open. 

“You’re watching him like you miss him.” Regulus said after a moment, and Sirius ripped his eyes away from the marauders. 

“Huh?” He met his younger brother’s pale green eyes, “Miss who?”

“Lupin.” Regulus’s eyes narrowed, “You’re watching him as if you haven’t seen him in ages.” He turned away, “You can go talk to him if you’d rather.”

“No.” Sirius pursed his lips, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Regulus almost smiled for a second, and although Sirius didn’t want to admit it the sight was almost scary. “I heard a rumour.”

“What?”

“I heard a rumour the other day. I heard that the marauders were falling apart.”

“What are you talking about?”

Regulus’s eyes seemed to burn into his own, “It was just a rumour.”

“Who said that?” Sirius could feel himself leaning forward, “What exactly did they say?”

Regulus shrugged and finally looked away, “Just that the marauders seemed less...active. Remus is studying more, James is playing more quidditch, Peter befriended that new girl, and you…” 

“What about me?”

Regulus examined his nails, “Just that you spend time fooling around with girls.”

“What?” Sirius felt insulted, “That’s not even true.”

“All the girls like you though.”

“That’s not my fault!”

Regulus ripped the last piece of his bread up, crumbs falling to the ground and disappearing into the grass. “It was just a rumour, Sirius.” 

"Fine..." Sirius sighed, looking out over the field, “...Do you think the marauders are falling apart, Reg?”

Regulus looked down at his lap, a slight tilt to the corner of his lips, “Do you really think I’m the right person to ask about that?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re acting like our own relationship didn’t fall apart ages ago.”

For a while they didn’t talk. 

“Do you have a girlfriend?” Regulus asked finally. The two of them had been sitting in the grass in silence for the past twenty minutes and now that Regulus spoke Sirius almost wished he hadn’t. 

“A girlfriend?”

“Yeah.” Regulus seemed distracted. Far away. Though he always seemed like that these days. “That girl you always spend time with, instead of being with the others.”

Sirius frowned, “Who?”

“That girl.”

“What girl?”

“I don’t know!” Regulu’s eyes seemed to focus for a moment, “Black hair, brown skin, tall-”

“Right, right, right,” Sirius interrupted, “You mean Marlene.”

“Yes.”

They sat in silence. 

“Is she your girlfriend then?”

“Marlene? No.” 

“Oh.” Regulus’s face changed for the first time in a while, into a look of confusion. “Someone else then.” 

“Huh? No.”

“But...You fancy someone. If it’s not Marlene, who is it? Could it be the red haired girl? Small, green eyes, slightly annoying-”

“No.” Sirius interrupted once again, “I don’t fancy anyone.”

“Yes you do.” Regulus said matter of factly. 

“What the hell, no I don’t! How would you know?”

Regulus looked affronted, “I can just tell.” 

“You’re telling incorrectly.” 

Regulus made a small sound, before bending down and ripping out pieces of grass again. “....Do you want a girlfriend then?”

Sirius’s first instinct was to say no but then he remembered that strange feeling he got when Remus wasn’t around and when he knew that Remus was hanging out with Gideon instead of him and suddenly he heard himself say, “I guess maybe it would be nice to have someone there when I’m lonely...”

Regulus didn’t say anything but when Sirius looked up he saw his brother nodding. 

“So...” Sirius lightened his voice to a teasing tone, “What’s your deal with girlfriends right now anyway, huh? Is my little brother starting to get horny?”

Regulus blushed, and glared at Sirius, “No! Gross, Sirius!” 

Sirius laughed, and for just a split second he felt a feeling of intense deja vu so extreme that he wanted to curl up in a ball and cherish it as long as it lasted. 

For a moment the two of them locked eyes and Sirius could tell that his brother was thinking the same thing as him- that these split moments in time were exactly that. Just short moments, in which the two of them could forget everything that had happened, everything that had caused them to distance over the years.  

“I...I should probably get going,” Regulus said. 

And that was it. 

That night Sirius crawled into Remus’s bed once again. 

Remus wasn’t surprised, or if he was he didn’t let it show, as he just shoved his blanket back, and patted the spot next to him the way he always did. 

It was a bad night. Something was in the air- something thick and dangerous that made it hard to breath and hard to see and hard to feel anything at all. 

It reminded Sirius of his nights in the basement, and although the candle by his own bedside table was still lit, he was too far away from it now for it to really make a difference, and he couldn’t ask Remus to light a candle of his own. That would be ridiculous. 

“Are you ok?” Remus whispered, and Sirius shuddered, at the sound of his voice. That was real. He wasn’t alone. 

“No.” Sirius replied honestly, “Not really.”

Remus shifted next to him, and he wished he could see the other boy, but it was too dark. Something felt bad. Something felt horribly bad, in the pit of Sirius’s stomach like a monster trying to escape, by clawing its way through his inner intestines. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Remus’s voice asked. 

Sirius did. He wanted to talk to Remus. He had wanted to talk to Remus since they’d gotten back from the summer holidays. In fact, he’d wanted to before that as well. During the summer, and before that. He missed the days when he and Remus could talk and it felt easy and uncomplicated and light, and he didn’t have to worry about saying something weird, or Remus leaving him to go talk to Gideon instead, and he could just be himself and he knew Remus was being himself. But it felt different now. 

“Hey…” Remus whispered and he felt a hand on his own, “What’s wrong?”

It felt different now. Remus’s hand. But at the same time it felt exactly like it had always felt. Soft, nimble, and fucking cold. 

“I…” Sirius found it hard to talk, but he desperately needed to get the words out, “I want to talk...but….I can’t…”

The hand on top of his tightened, and Remus leaned in closer, “Yes you can. I know it can be hard but I’ll listen.”

Sirius had missed Remus so much it was surreal. How could someone miss a person they spent every day with?

“It’s about...the summer.” 

There was an intake of breath, “Go on.”

And so Sirius told him. He told him about the basement, and the curses, and jinxes, the way Reg had helped him once and then never again. The way that every day he spent in the dark, waiting for something to happen, and all this to end, and how it never did.

“Remus…” Sirius hated the way his voice cracked, but he had to ask it, because he had to know, he had to know the true answer, “Why didn’t you write to me?”

And with that Remus’s hand left his.

“...I guess I just didn’t have anything to say.”

_ _ _ _

“What’s up with you guys?”

Sirius ignored James, picking up his broom and starting to sweep back and forth- their punishment for setting Snivellus’s robes on fire. Not that he had been wearing them while they did so- but apparently it was still harmful and couldn’t be categorized as a “prank.” 

“Lover’s quarrel again?” James leaned on his broom, “Come on what is it, between you and Rem?”

“Not in the mood, James.”

James sighed and shrugged, “Well whatever it is you should make up before this evening.”

“Why?”

James glanced at him, “What do you mean why? Did you forget again?”

Sirius blinked for a moment before groaning, “Ah….fuck.”

James looked disappointed, “Yeah no shit. It’s the full moon tonight Sirius you prat.”

“Yeah, I realised that dipshit.”

James sighed again, and Sirius was beginning to feel like he resembled a discouraged mother, “Merlin's wrinkly forehead, Sirius, you’re-” 

He cut off. 

Sirius stopped short, “What?” 

“Nothing.”

“I’m what, James?” Sirius dropped his broom to look at his friend, “What?”

“Nothing! Just-” James wouldn’t meet his eyes, “You’re acting...distracted lately, ok? Not like your usual self.”

“What do you mean?” Sirius asked angrily, “You’re the one at quidditch practise all the time!”

“..Huh?”

“And- And Peter’s the one who keeps hanging out with Mary McDonalds-”

“-McDonald.”

“-And Remus is the one who’s always gone somewhere with Gideon!”

Furious Sirius picked up his broom again, which had clatter a few feet away, “And you’re saying I’M the one acting strange?”

“Whoa,” James held up his hands placatingly, “Bloody tits, mate. Relax.”

“The marauders are falling apart.” Sirius said suddenly before he could stop himself, “That’s what they’re saying.”

James squinted at him, the sun making his eyes look a brighter brown- almost green color, and making it feel like he wasn't talking to James but rather an imposter. “What?”

Sirius didn’t say anything, just stared at his friend. 

“Is that what’s got your knickers in a twist?” James asked disbelievingly, “Really?”

Sirius frowned defensively, “You don’t care?”

“No, of course I do! I care about my friends. I care about the marauders. I don’t care about what people think- it doesn’t matter.”

Sirius looked away, “So you don’t think it’s true?”

“Of course not!” 

“Alright, well that clears it.” Sirius mumbled gripping his broom tighter, although it felt like it didn’t clear it at all. 

“Hey…” James stepped forward after a moment, “Do you think it’s true?”

“Doesn’t matter.” 

James laughed softly, “Sirius. The marauders aren’t falling apart. We’re forever remember? We promised it- ages ago. Nothing has changed.”

Sirius suddenly felt his face heat up, and his hands tremble. How could James say that when everything had changed? When James was never there anymore to confide in- always talking about Evans or spending time with his quidditch team. When Peter wasn’t there anymore to tease- always teasing girls instead, and having them tease him back as if it were some sort of secret game they had, when it used to have been his and Sirius’s thing. And how could James say nothing his changed when Remus’s eyes were brighter than ever, when his smile made your insides churn, when his hands were strong but also soft, and could fit perfectly around one’s hand, and when his attention was on someone else. Always and forever on someone else. How could James say nothing had changed when Sirius couldn’t talk to anyone about these emotions he was feeling? 

“I guess, it was just a stupid rumour.” Sirius whispered, “I don’t know why I believed it.”

_ _ _ _

“Do you think the marauders are falling apart, Rem?” Peter’s legs were swinging from side to side like little kids, as he sat on Remus’s desk waiting for him to get everything ready before leaving for the moon that evening. 

That’s what they called it now- leaving for the moon. As if he simply packed a suitcase and took a field trip into space. It had sort of a whimsical feeling to it- at least according to Peter. 

“Huh?” Remus stopped while folding a pair of socks. He wasn’t actually going to bring the socks, but Peter knew him well enough by now that he knew that Remus used every full moon as an opportunity to clean his side of the dorm up before leaving. “Why?”

“Apparently James said that Sirius said that there’s a rumour going around that the marauders are falling apart.”

“What does that even mean?” Remus asked, “We can’t fall apart. We’re just normal friends like everyone else.”

“Yes, but we’re popular.” Peter said proudly. 

Remus frowned, “I don’t feel popular.”

“Hm.” Peter admitted that the two of them were probably the least popular of the bunch but as long as they stayed with the other two he supposed it didn’t really matter. 

“Anyway,” Remus sighed heavily, “It’s just not true. It’s normal for people to have more than three friends.”

Peter nodded, “I think Sirius was kind of upset though.”

Remus didn’t say anything, and Peter watched as the hand putting the sock back in the drawer shook for a moment. 

“Sirius is always upset about something.” Remus said eventually, “That’s just the way he is.”

“I guess…”

“Besides, out of everyone he’s the one falling apart. Not the marauders- him.”

“Oh.” Peter wasn’t quite sure where this was coming from, as it seemed that Remus and Sirius had made up, but when he was being honest with himself, it was hard to keep track of the two. They were always in some sort of fight or squabble after all, and over time James and Peter had just sort of learned to go with it. Though this past year it had felt worse than usual. Less like a game, and more like…

“Do you like Sirius?” Peter asked after a moment. 

“HUH?” Remus’s face went red, and he turned away, “NO! Why would you think that? I barely talk to him!”

Confused Peter nodded, “Yeah that’s exactly why I asked. If you don’t like him, obviously people are going to think the marauders are falling apart. I mean if you two aren’t even friends anymore…”

“Oh.” Remus’s breath came out in a long huff, “Right. You meant- You meant like as in...like. Like as a friend. Not...you know. Ok. Yeah.”

“Oh.” Peter echoed understanding dawning on him, “Yeah I meant as a friend. Why would I ask if you fancy Sirius? That’s stupid.”

Remus scoffed, “Yeah. That’s what I’m saying.”

“...Yeah.”

“Right,” Remus nodded, “Well...anyway...Of course I like Sirius. As a friend.”

“Ok...” Peter shrugged, “You guys just fight a lot these days. These past few weeks, actually. There seems to be...something in the air.”

“Oh.” Remus said in a small voice, turning away, “You think so?”

Peter didn’t know what to say, “To be honest I just kind of assumed you guys weren’t very close friends anymore…”

Remus was quiet for a moment and when he spoke it was in a sort of trembling voice “Do….does he think that? That we’re not friends anymore?”

“I dunno.”

“Oh…” Remus wouldn’t face him, “I thought...I never said….It wasn’t because...I don’t know…”

There was a pause, and Peter studied his friend, not really knowing what was going on in Remus’s head. 

“Well.” Peter jumped up, “You should get going- James and Sirius are probably already waiting at the infirmary for us!”

“Yeah.” Remus whispered. 

There was a minute of silence as they stood there, Peter waiting for Remus to start walking. “Will we go...or…?”

“Hey, Pete?” Remus interrupted suddenly in a voice so quiet Peter had to strain to hear it, “I don’t think I want to see Sirius right now.”

“Oh.” Peter said, “But we have to go to the Hospital wing.”

“Not right now.”

“Um...yes right now.”

For a moment they stood in silence again, and then slowly, Remus lowered himself to the ground, “Hey Pete?”

Peter continued to stand awkwardly, and now looked down at Remus’s form on the floor beneath him warily, “Yeah, Lupin?”

“I don’t think I can turn into a wolf today.”

“What does he mean?” James asked, his feet slapping the ground so hard, the footsteps echoed in the hallways as loud as drums. 

“I don’t know!” Peter scrambled to catch up to him, “He didn’t say anything more after that!”

“Fuck!” James pushed open the door to one of the hidden hallways on the third floor- a short cut to the gryffindor common room. “It’s not like he has much of a choice.”

“Yeah, I think he knows that much!” 

James pushed up his glasses nervously before shouting, “Jolliperous.” 

The fat lady rolled her eyes and the portrait hole swung open excruciatingly slowly. “REMUS?” James bellowed as soon as they entered the common room, “OI!” 

When no one answered, he made his way across the room and up the stairs in a few long strides, pushing the door to their dorm open, “Rem?”

Breathless, he, Peter and Sirius, who had been silent this whole time up until now, stood by the door watching as Remus….did nothing. 

The tall boy was sitting on the floor, just like Peter had described, back against the wall, legs folded, eyes glazed over. When they entered he didn’t look at them but they knew he was aware of their presence as he spoke, “...I can’t do it. Not today.”

“What?” James panted, “What do you mean?”

There was a pause, and Remus’s lips seemed to tremble. James looked around frustrated, “Remus, it’s getting late come on.”

Remus shook his head, “No.”

“What do you mean no? Remus!” 

James tapped his foot restlessly, wishing that either Peter or Sirius would say anything to help him out. Last year maybe Sirius would've said something. Probably Sirius would’ve been the one to burst in and give Remus some sort of pep talk and a smile and they would look at each other with that weird face they did and then everything would be fine. But right now, all Sirius was doing was stand behind James, his stance rigid and his expression blank. 

“Remus I know you don’t want to, but it’s late, ok? It’s already eight thirty and you’re supposed to be at the hospital wing and eight, which means usually you would already be there at seven thirty which means that Madam Pomfrey is probably worried. Let’s go.”

Again all Remus did was shake his head, “I can’t. I- I can’t James. I- I’m going to die.”

For a second James just blinked at him. 

“No.” 

He turned and looked at Peter who was white as a sheet, and Sirius who once again looked like his brain had completely shut down. Useless twat. 

“No, Remus. You’re fine ok? I know you’re tired, but you’ve done this a hundred times before.”

James grabbed Remus’s arm, and pulled him up into a standing position. Remus swayed slightly but stayed standing. 

This was bad, this was really bad. What was going on? Why today of all days? Why now? 

“Remus…” James grabbed the boy's shoulders, knowing he had to say something but not knowing what to say, the feeling discomforting and alien in his gut, “Why…? ….Nevermind just...you can do this ok? Ok, Remus?” 

Remus’s eyes found his, and it took everything in James to keep his breathing steady, and his hands from shaking as piercing yellow eyes met his. 

Those weren’t the eyes of a human. 

Before he could stop himself a shaky breath escaped his lips, “I….”

Merlin...Desperately, James turned to Peter, “Get Madam Pomfrey- Or Minnie I don’t care just-” He let go of Remus’s shoulders and pounded his fist against the wall- why were his friends acting so useless? 

“What are they going to do about this?” Peter cried, “Nevermind that- They don’t even know that WE know!”

“I-” James didn’t know what to do, why did he have to lead them? Why couldn’t someone else do something, “I don’t know Peter! I- Just- It doesn’t matter-”

“We’ll get in trouble-”

“DO YOU SERIOUSLY CARE ABOUT THAT RIGHT NOW?”

As soon as Peter left the room, James turned towards Remus once again, “Come on, mate.” 

James picked up Remus’s arm as softly as he could, with the frustration coursing through his veins, and slung his friend's arms around his shoulders, “You can walk right?”

Remus didn’t say anything but his feet moved when James’s did, and that was good enough. 

“A bit panicked huh?” James said light heartedly, though when they passed the window in the dorm, all he could see was the moon. 

The moon. 

Right there.

Bright white light seeping through the open window, its ominous glow giving the surroundings of the room a fairytale fade. 

James picked up his pace. What if Remus transformed right then and there? Would James be able to help him? Would he be able to save Sirius? Would Remus- the wolf- would the wolf attack them? What if Sirius got hurt, or Remus- or what if Remus felt responsible for something happening? 

James took a deep breath but he could feel his heart rattling in his ribcage, in a way that suggested that he wasn’t nearly as calm as he was trying to be. Focus, focus, focus. 

I can’t do this. I can’t do this. I can’t help Remus. 

“I can’t do this.” 

James let go of Remus, who surprisingly stayed still. James stumbled towards the closest wall, and leaned his forehead against the cool rock feeling tears well up in his eyes. I can’t do this. 

He couldn’t help his friend. 

He didn’t know why Remus had uttered those words just moments before but right now he knew it was true for himself. He couldn’t help. Remus had to go to Madam Pomfrey, and transform in his usual spot, and do what he usually did, and then James could do what he was best at. The next day, or two days later, or three or four he could be there for his friend. He could provide chocolate, or tea, or a hug, or a lame joke but that was all he could do. Shit. He pushed his forehead into the rock, shit, shit, shit. Why couldn’t someone do something? Why did it have to be him? He wasn’t special, he wasn’t-  

“Remus…” 

James tensed up having completely forgotten a third person was there. When he looked up he saw Sirius, in the same position he had been in before, with his hands on Remus’s shoulders, and his eyes glaring into those animalistic yellow pits that could swallow you whole. Though when Sirius looked into them, he didn’t hesitate, he didn’t shudder, he didn’t even blink. Instead, he leaned forward and rested his forehead against Remus’s and suddenly when Remus looked at him James could see a spark of recognition that had been missing just moments before. 

“I’ll be there the whole time.” He heard Sirius mutter, and although James didn't know what he meant because it couldn’t actually be true Remus seemed to understand. 

“Sirius,” It was the first time Remus had spoken since leaving their dorm, and when James squinted he thought he could see a glint of orange in his eyes, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the stars last summer.”

“He didn’t tell us.” 

That was the first thing any of them said when Professor McGonogall confronted them. It was only nine PM but it felt like they’d been up all night, and when James looked up at his teacher all he saw was the blur of a person. He didn’t know exactly how long Minnie had been scolding them for, or what exactly she was saying but he knew that the whole time they were sitting there talking Remus was in the shrieking shack, scared out of his mind convinced he was going to die. 

That was where he transformed every month, according to Madam Pomfrey- The Shrieking Shack. 

Not that it mattered. In all honesty, he could be transforming in a luxury hotel and it wouldn’t make a difference. Still, James felt exhausted, like someone was torturing his closest friend right in front of him and forcing him to watch. 

Maybe that would be better though, maybe in that case, at least his friend would be able to see him and perhaps feel some sense of calm or safety knowing that James was there. That wasn’t the case though. 

Remus was alone. 

“Professor…” James couldn’t remember the last time he had actually called Minnie that, but in his fatigue, he forgot to go with his usual nickname, “Could we just go, please?” 

His voice felt weak, and thin even to him, and by the way, his teacher was looking down at him he knew that it probably sounded even worse from the outside. “We’ll do the detention and stuff, just…” 

Shit, he wanted to cry. Stop. Stop. Stop. 

He didn’t know why this was so damn exhausting but he knew that he was about to break down right here in front of his friends and his teacher and he didn’t want that. He had always liked taking care of people; he had taken care of Peter ever since he could remember, as the two lived so close to each other. He gave Peter food when his mum forgot to pack him lunch, he lent Peter socks when his mum didn’t buy him enough clothes. James took care of Sirius; he made him do his homework when the detentions were building up too much, he brought him candles when he saw the unspoken fear of the dark in his eyes, and he listened when he couldn’t keep the tears in any longer. James always thought he took care of Remus too; wrote notes for him in class when he missed it because of the full moon, reminded him to eat lunch when he was too busy studying, reassured him when his hands started to shake and his face paled. But James was wrong. He hadn’t taken care of Remus because it was too difficult. If he was a good friend he would’ve found a way to help Remus, and today when he tried to help, when he was finally confronted with the dangers of his friends lycanthropy he was useless. 

He didn’t remember Minnie’s response but the next thing he knew he was back in his dorm, and the absence of Peter’s snores made it obvious that he wasn’t the only one laying awake in the dark. 

What had happened today? 

Why had Remus decided today of all days he couldn’t do it? And why had James been rendered useless the one time he was actually needed? 

And how come, Sirius had been able to snap Remus out of whatever the hell that was when James couldn’t? 

“James?” 

Sirius hadn’t come to his bed like this in a long time, but when the other boy appeared by his side, he couldn’t say he was surprised. 

“We can’t keep letting this happen.” 

James almost wished Sirius hadn’t said that because it seemed to trigger something inside of him, “We won’t.”

And although it felt a little awkward James grabbed Sirius's arm, “From now on Remus won’t spend full moons alone anymore. I won’t be a bad friend anymore.”

“A bad-?”

“The marauders aren’t falling apart, Sirius, the marauders have just begun.” Without realising it, his nails had started to dig into his friends skin, “Those rumours aren’t true, and anyone who believes they are will have to face me.” His hand tightened, “No matter what.”

Sirius tried to pull away but James’s grip tightened even more, “I don’t care if I have to blow a damned planet from the sky. If I have to destroy every dark wizard that crosses my path, I don’t care. I-” 

Suddenly he released Sirius’s arm. His fingertips came away sticky. 

“James…” Sirius breathed, “What’s going on?”

James’s head felt like a void at that moment. What….on earth….?

“It’s ok....” Sirius whispered, “To not be ok.”

James took a shaky breath and wiped his hands on his pyjamas hoping the blood wouldn’t stain, “I'm sorry.” 

“Are you-”

“Sirius.” James’s hands shook as he felt the blood dry on his hands, “I’m….so...angry.” 

“I know.” Sirius breathed, and it was a strange feeling because they both knew that something was wrong but neither knew what it was. 

“I don’t...like this…”

“I...know,” Sirius whispered again. This was completely wrong- it should be the other way around. James had never seen himself as an angry person, and he couldn’t remember the last time he lost his temper. In fact, it was always Sirius who had to be calmed, but today…Was this what Sirius felt like when he got angry? 

“Remus will be ok, James.”

James didn’t know what to say to that. 

“I failed him.”

“No,” Sirius said, “You’re a good friend, James.”

James didn't say anything. 

"You're a good friend, ok?"

He wasn't. But he would be.