Relationships (year 3)
A few days later, Regulus saw Elise again. She was standing alone in the back of the charms room near the window and when he entered she turned around to look straight at him. For a moment she just stood there, her face expression blank, and he stood completely still not sure what she was thinking. But then, her expression never once flickering, she bent down, curving her back, and mimed holding a cane and Regulus realised she was pretending to be an old hunchback using a cane to support themself.
What the fuck?
Old man, He could almost hear her voice in his head which was especially weird since he’d never actually heard her voice.
“Do you know her?” Mulciber asked, nudging Regulus. Regulus blinked and ripped his attention away from her where she was now miming stroking a long beard.
He shook his head, “She's mocking me.”
If Mulciber noticed that Regulus was talking again he didn’t mention it. Instead, he growled, “That bitch. She dares mock someone like you! She’s just a Hufflepuff- probably a mudblood by the looks of it.”
“You can tell from looking?”
“You can always tell, Black.”
“Oh.” Personally, Regluls hadn’t seen anything wrong about her but now that the other boy had pointed it out he couldn’t look at her without feeling a cold tingling in his gut. He shouldn’t be around mudbloods.
“Let’s go teach her not to mock her superiors-“
“Whoa,” without really thinking Regulus stretched out a hand to stop Mulciber, “let’s not.”
“What?” The taller boy rounded on him dangerously, “Why wouldn’t we?”
“Just-“ Regulus hesitated, “my parents don’t want me talking to...mudbloods.”
“I’m sure they wouldn’t mind if you're just showing someone their place-!”
“No,” Regulus said firmly.
“Fucking hell Black you need to grow some balls.”
Regulus flinched, “Just stop, ok?” Mulciber frowned, his massive eyebrows twitching and his fists clenching, “Fine.”
And miraculously he did.
Regulus didn’t know whether it was because the other respected him or because he actually saw them as friends or maybe even something else but he couldn’t help but feel grateful.
“So you talk again.” Severus sat down next to him, at the Slytherin table, during supper.
Regulus got out a piece of parchment and a quill and wrote something down.
Not to you.
It was true that Regulus could talk again- the lump in his throat, the nausea he felt when he tried to speak had finally melted away, but not saying anything was still a lot easier. Especially when it was just Snape he was communicating wiht.
“Well fuck you too.” Severus didn’t seem to care though and just crumpled up the note. “If you’re not going to talk then I might as well tell you something.”
Please don’t. Regulus wrote down. Severus saw this but ignored it.
“Lily hasn’t talked to me in....a few weeks.”
Regulus sighed, here we go again.
“It just...I thought during the summer more of her attention would be on me but instead, she invited Marlene and Dorcas to her house.”
Mudblood, Regulus' brain immediately filled in when he heard the names. He tried to push that thought away. Girls like spending time with other girls you dipshit , he wrote down on a new piece of paper but Severus had already continued talking.
“-And she was always writing letters! Apparently, she’d been writing to Sirius as well, by the way, don’t know when on earth they became friends but here we fucking are.”
Regulus tried not to look surprised. Sirius had been getting in trouble left and right at home and yet he still wrote and received letters? Why would he risk it? Regulus tried to think of anyone he would risk that for. Anyone that he wanted to hear from so badly that he would write letters to them even if it meant punishment.
Somehow there seemed to be no one on this planet he would spend days in the basement for. He couldn’t possibly imagine being that close to anyone. “-Anyway,” Severus continued, “whenever I tried to talk to her she would be busy doing something else. Apparently, she doesn’t even hate the marauders that much anymore.”
Regulus sighed, no one hated the marauders. Maybe he didn't either.
“I miss first year..” Severus admitted glumly, “At least back then she talked to me.”
Regulus rested his head in his hands. When would this man stop?
“Second year two I suppose. Anything is better than this.”
That’s because she didn’t have friend’s those two years, Regulus thought to himself. As if he could read his mind Severus said, “Sure, she may not have been too happy...but at least she talked to me you know! I mean I could make her feel better! I was the only friend she needed.”
That’s creepy.
A sigh. “You’re probably not even listening.”
That’s because you suck.
“Is it bad that I almost wish she hadn’t befriended those Gryffindors?”
Yes .
Severus sighed again, “Well...thanks for being here for me.”
I’m not.
“By the way…” Regulus lifted his head at the change in Severus’s tone, “Who was that girl that was mocking you? The one you protected from fatass number one? He told me about it.”
Regulus grunted, and put his head back in his hands.
“Is she your girlfriend?”
“You know what’s amazing?” Regulus shifted his head slightly but avoided eye contact, as he finally decided to speak, “My mother jinxes me when I look at her wrong, my father slaps me when I wear the wrong tie to my shirt, and the two of them locked me in a room for days on end with no food, yet-” He took a breath, raising his eyes to meet Severus’s, “Out of all the people on this planet I’ve never wanted to slap someone more than I’ve wanted to slap you. How do you do it?”
Severus’s face never once changed, “So is that a yes?”
“Don’t be surprised if I murder you.”
Severus shrugged, “I won’t be. You wouldn’t be the only Black trying to kill me. Did you know that your brother used a spell to trip me down the stairs of the third floor just yesterday?”
“Was it funny?”
“No!” Severus whined, “Fuck you!”
“Go cry about it you baby,” Regulus spat.
“Oh fuck off….” Severus said tiredly.
“You fuck off!”
Severus got up, and started to walk away. Frantically Regulus looked around, “What are you doing?”
“You told me to fuck off.”
“Don’t actually go, you smelly piece of trash! What am I supposed to do over here alone? What if someone talks to me?”
“That’s your problem, Black.” Severus continued to walk again.
“Wait!” Regulus scrambled away from his seat, “You really think I’m going to sit there alone when Mulciber could come in at any moment? Fuck no.”
“Fuck off you crybaby, how old are you anyway? Three?”
“Twelve you greasy piece of shit,” Regulus caught up to Severus, “Oh I’m sorry is my lack of human interaction a problem for you?”
“Fuck you.”
“FUCK YOU.”
“You know what, you annoying emo?” Severus turned a corner, “I hate you.”
Regulus ran after him, “I hate you more.”
“At least I’m not an angsty piece of shit that cries about the fact that my brother is cooler than me.”
They pushed open the common room door, “At least I’m not an ugly piece of shit that gets bullied by said brother and cries myself to sleep about the fact that the hot girl I’ve had a crush on for the past ten years will never love me.”
They walked up the stairs to their individual dorm rooms.
“...Fuck you Regulus seriously.”
“Yeah, yeah keep talking.” Regulus pushed open the door to his dorm, “See you tomorrow.”
“I hope you get a heart attack in your sleep,” Severus called after him.
“I hope you get brutally murdered,” Regulus called back.
Maybe it wasn’t too bad that he had started talking again after all. Telling Snape to fuck off was always a plus anyway.
_ _ _ _
When Sirius had been called into Minnie's office he had expected her to ask him to sit in a calm voice and offer him a biscuit. He had expected her to yell and give him detention for not paying attention in class yesterday. That was what usually happened anyway. He wasn’t sure which one was worse, to be honest.
The Professor he knew would look at him, accuse him of a prank and would send him out again.
But this Minnie somehow looked different. Her lips were in a firm line, her hair was glossed back into a tight bun and her eyes stared unblinkingly. Warily. She looked serious, no pun intended, but she also looked like she felt sorry for him.
After a few agonizing minutes of silence, she cleared her voice and said. “Sirius.”
He felt himself flinch automatically waiting for his dreadful last name. But it never came. “I know you must be wondering why I've called you here.”
He didn’t really, but now that she said it he felt like he should nod. So he did.
“Well, it turns out no one has volunteered to commentate on the next quidditch game, and I thought you would be the perfect fit.”
Well, that was certainly not what he was expecting. “...what about that Hufflepuff that always does it?”
“Olivia has fallen sick and has to spend a few weeks in the infirmary, Sirius.”
“Oh right.” There was another pause, as he processed this. “...Is she ok?”
“Yes, Sirius.”
“Ok.”
Again he paused awkwardly.
“Sirius?”
“Um why me, Professor? No offence but...I’m not exactly you’re best student. Why don’t you ask Evans or….Evans?”
“Well, I thought it might be a nice alternative to detention for not paying attention in my class.” Ah, there it was. The Minnie he knew was back.
“Right.” He bit his lip. This was not...ideal. What if Regulus saw him commentating and told his parents? Would they care? Would they be...unhappy about it?
Sirius straightened, “Well Minnie-” He was shot a disapproving look “I will do you that favour indeed. Don’t stress, my dear, I’ve got it under control.”
“It's not-”
"I don't usual do favours, like this for my lady friends but-"
"Sirius-"
"You're a special one."
Her nostrils flared, "Don't make me regret this, young man."
“I won't. Although you will owe me one!” She opened her mouth but Sirius cut her off as he walked out of the Professor's Study. “I won’t forget this!”
_ _ _ _
“You?” James asked as Sirius told them the news that evening. “And why would Minnie want you to do that?”
To be completely honest Sirius had been thinking the same thing but hearing it from James’s mouth was slightly insulting.
“Hey!” He frowned, “Maybe she finally realised she could use my immaculate sense of humour for good.”
“Right.” James suppressed a grin, “Where the hell is Lupin by the way? Have you seen him? Has he heard the news?”
Sirius tried to shrug nonchalantly but he felt that it probably came across as quite aggressive, “How am I supposed to know? He’s probably hanging out with that Gideon bloke.”
James and Peter exchanged a look, “What have you got against Gideon anyway?”
Sirius scowled at them, “Nothing.”
“Alright…”
“Nothing! Shut up!”
“Didn't say anything…-” Peter started.
“I-” Sirius realised suddenly how angry he was. “Forget it.”
Having to get out of the room before he yelled at his friends more, he ripped open the door and ran down the stairs to the common room.
“And what’s up with you?”
Startled, he turned and saw Marlene sitting on the sofa chair near the fireplace that was usually reserved for Remus.
“Don’t fucking scare me like that McKnickers.”
She smirked, “You’re the one throwing a temper tantrum babe.”
Sirius almost felt his face heat at that but he allowed himself to look away for a moment, to gain back his composure. “Where is your usual parade of girls?”
“My friends you mean.” She shrugged, “Lily and Dorcas are doing homework in the library and Mary is meeting with some bloke.”
“Wow, already?” Sirius lowered himself onto the couch to her right.
“Yup.” She grinned, “The boys are practically throwing themselves on her right now.”
“Oh.” Sirius pictured Mary in his mind. Sure, the new girl was...pretty. She had nice skin...and...her hair was nice...but she wasn’t really special. “I wouldn’t have expected that.” Sirius admitted, “I guess she’s not my type.”
Mary looked at him through the corner of her eye, and suddenly he realised the two of them were completely alone in the common room with only the crackling of the fire and the shadows of the book shelves.
She blinked slowly then angled her body to face him, “What do you think is your type then Black?”
Sirius didn’t know what to say.
“Someone who understands me I suppose…” He mumbled quietly before really realising he had said anything at all.
Marlene tilted her head upwards as if she was almost impressed and then she leaned away again. “Well, that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. You should’ve just said big boobs or something.”
Sirius rolled his eyes, “I was just trying to give you a girly answer, that’s all.”
“Alright.”
There was a silence. Although Sirius liked Marlene a lot -she was less annoying than Evans and more sociable than Dorcas- he had never really spent time with her alone before and he wasn’t sure what boys and girls discussed in moments like this.
“By the way,” Marlene reached into her pocket and pulled out what seemed to be a spare piece of parchment, “Remus left this for you. He said you would know what it was.”
Sirius took the parchment from her hands and felt the rough softness of the material beneath his fingertips. Oh, he knew. Although it only looked like a blank piece of parchment this probably meant that Remus finally figured out the spell on how to hide the true contents.
“What is it?”
Sirius stuffed it into his pocket, “A marauder thing.”
Marlene grinned, “Ah yes of course.”
Sirius grinned too, “What?”
“Well, everything is a marauder thing these days isn’t it? You blokes think you sound so cool when you say that don’t you?”
“Are you implying we don’t?”
“Sound cool? Yes.”
Sirius shrugged, “Plenty of people think we’re cool McKinners, we don’t need your opinion if we don’t like it.”
“Sure because having a nerdy name for your friend group is totally cool.”
Marlene grinned again, and although just a moment before Sirius hadn’t been sure what to say he felt completely safe around her. She wasn’t like Evans in the way that she wasn’t always pestering him and he didn’t feel the need to insult her every few seconds, and she wasn’t like Alice or Dorcas in the way where he always felt at a loss for words. It was almost like he was hanging out with one of the marauders. It felt easy.
“Wanna stay here with me for a bit?” Marlene asked, “I’m not going upstairs for a bit since no one’s in my dorm anyway...and it seems like you could use a bit of time away from the rest of your nerd group.”
Sirius hesitated before shrugging, “Sure...You might be right I suppose.”
She grinned, “I’m always right.”
Sirius laughed, and for a second he thought that the way she opened her book and propped it in between her thighs looked a bit like Remus.
“What?”
“Nothing, Marlene.”
“What?” A slow grin spread across her face, “What are you looking at?”
He shrugged, “I said nothing!”
Marlene laughed and pushed his arm, and he pushed her back, which continued until they were both almost falling off of the couch.
And as the two of them laughed Sirius completely forgot about the time right up until later that evening when he heard the door to the common room close and Remus walk right past him and Marlene, without saying hi.
_ _ _ _
After that incident, Sirius spent a lot of time with Marlene. He discovered that she was actually almost cool although he would never tell her that, and that even though he had never really paid attention to the way girls looked, she could be considered very pretty. And...well….quite hot. Even though she was the same age as him, she was a few centimetres taller than him, which he liked, and he thought it could almost be considered attractive the way she wore rings, many of them even, so that her whole hand was littered with gold, and silver, except for her fingernails which were painted a different colour every week.
“I would dye my hair too,” She had admitted to him once, “A different colour every week. I would start with blue. Then red, pink, green, maybe purple.”
Sirius had studied her, “Why don’t you?”
“Against the dress code.”
To be honest, Sirius also liked the way that, although Marlene was on the Quidditch team she never rambled about it as much as James did.
On a particular Wednesday afternoon while Remus was studying with his study group, and James was helping Peter with his Transfiguration homework, Marlene and Sirius had been sitting on the couch together, her feet on top of his lap, in a very Marlene fashion. Even after he had told her repeatedly that her feet smelled horrible she had done nothing to move away, even doing the opposite and sticking her toes into his face, until he stopped.
“You excited about the upcoming quidditch game?”
Sirius glanced at her, “And why would I be?”
She smirked and pushed a black curl out of her face, “Because you could watch me?”
He pretended to gag but immediately regretted it when her foot was in his face.
“No but seriously.” She said, “Are you nervous or something?”
“What are you on about McKnickers?”
She narrowed her eyes, “Aren’t you going to be the new commentator?”
Suddenly Sirius tensed up, “Oh.”
“Did you really forget?”
“...no.”
Marlene grinned, her teeth gleaming white, “You really forgot huh. Dumbass.”
Sirius groaned and leaned back into the couch, “I don’t want to….”
“Oi, suck it up, Black. Just be your authentic self.”
“No one wants that.”
Marlene nodded, “You’re right, scratch that. You know the rules to Quidditch right?”
“Do I look like Peter? Of course, I know the rules to Quidditch, I’m not an idiot.”
“Yeah, yeah, shut up.” Marlene played with a ring on her finger, “As long as you know the rules, It’ll be fine. Just describe what’s happening.”
Sirius sighed, “Great, thanks. I’ll keep that in mind.”
She grinned, “Glad I could help.
“Hey, Sirius.”
Sirius looked up to see Remus standing in the middle of the common room, and for a moment he feared that his heart had stopped and that Marlene would be able to feel the way his fingers, which were resting on her feet, throbbed. It was just Remus. Just Remus.
“Oh hey, Remus.”
Remus’s eyes darted between him and Marlene uneasily and Sirius was suddenly very aware of how Marlene was almost on top of him. “Er...where did you put the ma- my spare piece of parchment?"
“Oh right.” Sirius straightened, clearing his throat. “It’s in the dorm on your nightstand.”
Remus nodded and there was an awkward pause in which Sirius felt like Remus was waiting for him to say something but he couldn't tell what, “Do you want to go….work on it...or?”
“Oh! Right!” Sirius wanted to hit himself- of course. He had completely forgotten that he and Remus were going to work on the map that day. “Don’t you have...er...study group...stuff?”
Remus fidgeted, “I was going to cancel so we could work on it together a bit. Don’t really…” He mumbled looking away, “Don’t really see much of you these days.”
Sirius watched in awe as Remus's cheeks flushed a soft pink, and Sirius wanted to reach his hands up and cup them around the pink spots, feeling the soft skin of his friends face beneath his palm. He wanted to see the reliefed smile that Remus would give him and he wanted to feel the way that Remus's eyes were on him and only him. But suddenly Sirius just felt angry.
It was ok for Remus to spend all of his time with someone else but as soon as Sirius did it Remus was all sad that they didn't see much of each other anymore? What about Gideon? What about all those times Sirius felt alone because Remus was with Gideon instead?
Whenever Sirius had felt lonely, whenever he had been alone in the dorm room thinking about what Remus and Gideon were doing in that moment, whenever he had turned in his bed to look over at Remus's in the dark, Remus had never done anything to soothe his solidarity. “Actually I was going to hang out with Marlene a bit.” Sirius said calmly, “You can go study.”
Remus’s entire face fell, and Sirius hated the way his gut burned in a satisfied way as if he had somehow won a battle when Remus hadn’t even been aware of the war.
“Ok.” Remus said in a small voice, “Well...Uh...I’ll...I’ll...see you...later. I’ll...yeah. Ok.”
And with that, he turned his back on Sirius, and the portrait hole closed, in a soft pitiful thump so quiet it was barely heard.
Sirius wished Remus had slammed the door instead.
“What was that about?” Marlene asked, and Sirius jumped at the sound of her voice, having completely forgotten that she was there at all.
“What do you mean?” he said, but his voice sounded hollow, and the pure second of joy he had felt at the sight of Remus’s face dropped was replaced with a pain three times as powerful. “I hope Remus has fun with Gideon.”
Marlene glanced at him, and lifted her feet off of his lap, “Ok, Sirius.”