Unexpected Friends (year 3)
When the day finally came, it was safe to say that none of the boys knew how to react. It was slightly embarrassing, as none of them had realised what was going on for the the majority of the day. They only knew something was happening because Remus was acting strange. When Professor Binns called on him during History of Magic James had to whisper the answer to him, and even then the boy didn’t answer. Just stared down at his desk, his skin pale, his orange eyes flickering like a cool breeze was trying to extinguish the fire in them.
That should’ve been their first clue. Orange eyes.
His hands shook when he opened the door for Lily, and more than once he was caught rubbing the long scar on his left arm that wasn’t visible through his uniform though the marauders knew it was there.
“Are you ok?” Peter finally asked ever so bluntly, at supper. Sirius kicked him underneath the table but Remus didn't even seem to notice.
He picked at his food silently for a moment before muttering, “Visiting my mum today.”
Peter’s spoon dropped from his hand clattered into his soup bowl splattering tomato soup over him and James.
Sirius cursed under his breath. “Shit, Lupin...Are you...ok? I should have remembered-”
Remus smiled down into his food, “Worried Black?”
“OF COURSE NOT!”
“Is there anything we can do to help?” James asked nervously, “Maybe we could…”
“It’s alright Potter. I’m just tired.”
“Oh god.” Peter started to mutter, “Is that normal? Are you ok? Do you always get tired before- before visiting your mum? Do you have to go to Madam Pomfrey? Are you going to eat us? Are you eating enough? Do you need food? WHY AREN’T YOU EATING?”
Remus set down his fork, and closed his eyes. “Holy shit, Peter. Shut up.”
The others blinked at him, before continuing to eat in silence. As much as James wanted to reassure him, there wasn’t much he could do. Besides quiet was probably what Remus needed most right now.
“Hey, Remus…” A voice said ruining that plan. All four of them looked up to see Gideon walking over. Remus opened his eyes slowly but when he saw who it was he sat up straighter and immediately turned about three shades redder.
“Hey!”
Gideon smiled at the marauders, “Erm...I was wondering if you would like to go to the library after supper, Remus. With me.”
“Oh…” Remus seemed to sink down into his seat, “I…”
Sirius chimed in, leaning forward, “He can’t! He’s going to visit his mum!”
“Oh..” Gideon blushed, “Right. Ok. Sorry for bothering.”
“You’re not bothering.” Remus assured quickly.
Sirius’s expression said something else.
Gideon looked between them uncomfortably, “Right. Anyway. Sorry. Um...have fun, visiting your mum.”
“He will,” Sirius said, “Bye.”
As soon as Gideon left Remus rounded on the black haired boy, “Why were you so hostile towards Gid!”
“Gid?”
Remus blushed, “He said I could call him that…”
“Nevermind. I wasn’t being hostile.”
“Yeah you were!”
“No I wasn’t!”
“Both of you stop.” James sighed, “Sirius you were being hostile. Remus don’t yell at him.”
Remus fumed, “Don’t tell me what to do, Potter.”
James shrugged simply, “I’m going to ignore that tone because you’re having that time of month-”
“What did you just say to me?”
Peter snorted, “That makes him sound like a girl-”
“PETER!-”
“AH I’M SORRY-! I’M SORRY REMUS-”
“Better?”
It was about an hour later, and the marauders were sitting in the common room by the fireplace, Peter holding an icepack to his arm, and Sirius scowling with his arms crossed and his nose in the air.
Remus took a long sip of tea. “...Yes.”
James sighed with relief. “Good grief, I thought I could never get you to calm down.”
“I’m always calm.”
James laughed, “Well you’re welcome for the tea.”
Remus took another long sip. “...Thank you.”
Sirius wouldn’t meet anyone’s eyes, “Don’t you have to leave soon?”
There was a pause as James and Peter looked at him in shock before turning to Remus. Remus didn’t say anything, but when he set down his teacup the others could see his hands shaking. Remus looked out towards the window, where, despite the hour, the sky was still a bright blue.
“Quite keen on getting rid of me, aren’t you Black?”
Sirius blushed and grunted, “No. Just...Don’t want you to be late I suppose.”
Remus smiled slightly, though he didn’t look happy. After a moment he spoke, but instead of snapping at Sirius he just said, “Wish I could see the stars right now. Fucking hate summer.”
James laughed uneasily, “Should we….come with you? To…”
He stopped, as none of them actually knew where Remus transformed.
“No.” Remus got up, “See you...soon.”
And with that he left.
“How can he be so calm?” Sirius jumped up from his chair as soon as Remus had gone. “He’s literally about to- YOU KNOW WHAT!”
“You seemed pretty calm a minute ago.”
“THAT’S JUST BECAUSE I DIDN’T WANT TO UPSET HIM!”
“He didn’t seem very calm to me…” Peter muttered, “He seemed sad.”
“HE’S ALWAYS LIKE THAT AROUND THIS TIME!”
James sighed, “We can’t do anything about that Sirius.”
“WE HAVE TO! DO YOU KNOW HOW STRESSFUL IT IS TO WATCH YOUR BEST FRIEND PRETEND LIKE HE’S GOING ON VACATION EVERY TIME HE NEARLY OFFS HIMSELF!”
“...I thought I was your best friend.”
Sirius blushed again, “Of course you are. It’s different with Remus.”
“Aren’t you two in a fight or something?” Peter asked, “You’re always snapping at him.”
“AM NOT!”
“Oh.” Peter rolled his eyes, “Guess you’re snapping at me too. Nevermind.”
“NO I’M NOT- oh.”
_ _ _ _
Remus thought he had known stress in his days but that was before he arrived back at Gryffindor tower after the full moon with three growing boys pouncing on him before he even had the chance to say hi.
“HOLY-” Remus put up his arms in a futile attempt to project himself from a balling James Potter, a hyper Peter Pettigrew and….an angrily affectionate Sirius Black?
“Lupin I missed you so much!” James leaned into Remus completely ignoring the fact that the taller boy was stumbling backwards into the portrait hole.
“I wasn’t gone for that long-”
“Holy crap Remus are you ok?” Peter clung to his torso, glaring up at him with huge eyes.
“Um? Yes?” Remus frantically tried to push him away, “What-”
“Remus fuck you!”
Remus slumped his shoulders, “Really Sirius?”
“You better not be hurt you salty piece of shit!” Sirius yelled causing heads to turn.
Remus finally managed to push his friends away, “Jesus christ, I’m fine!”
He raised his arms showing off his perfectly intact body, “Stop crying James and look at me. I’m fine!”
“I’M NOT CRYING. YOU’RE CRYING.”
“Don’t you have...quidditch or something?” Remus rolled his eyes, trying to hide the warmth he felt at his friend's greeting. Had they really missed him this much? He didn’t think they would worry about him once they found out about his lycanthropy. He had expected there to be more...disgust. And less of whatever this was.
“Don’t you have a book to read or something?” James retorted in the same tone, high fiving Peter, who looked oddly proud.
“What are you lot causing a commotion about?” Dorcas and Marlene sighed, from across the common room. “We’re trying to write about the difference between a Storm Brew and a Stomp Brew.”
“Yeah, shut up.” An older student agreed. “Why are you always so loud?”
Remus blushed but James and Sirius just grinned, “You love us Flint. If we weren’t loud then you lovelys wouldn’t be able to hear us.”
The older student, Flint, just rolled his eyes and leaned closer into his book, “I won’t be able to stand this everytime Lupin comes back from visiting his mum.”
“You just missed him Flint.”
“I will jinx you Black.”
_ _ _ _
As if that hadn’t been enough the marauders continued to be surprisingly and annoyingly caring towards Remus, pestering him for the rest of the day. During classes they kept glancing his way and shooting him thumbs up, and during supper when he shakily sat down in his seat, they all started forcefully pilling food onto his plate, pouring him a drink, and...fanning him for some odd reason?
“Make way everybody! Make way!” James yelled, “EVERYBODY MAKE FUCKING WAY!”
“Merlin's beard Potter let us eat.” Marlene clasped her hands on her ears.
“We’re literally just sitting here.” Dorcas agreed, “How are we supposed to make way?”
“It’s alright, I don’t need...way.” Remus muttered blushing, “Shut up, James.”
“THE BOY NEEDS SPACE!” James yelled.
“I don’t- I don’t need space. I’m fine.” Remus continued to assure everybody, noticing how Lily looked suspiciously like she was trying really hard not to laugh.
“Mr. Potter, sit down!” Ms McGonogall yelled from the table at the front of the room. Remus hadn’t even noticed James was standing but now as the boy heard McGonogall addressing him he turned towards her voice, almost hitting Remus in the process. “Mr. Black don’t you start too-” Sirius got up grinning, and stood next to James. The two of them locked eyes with McGonogall who started walking towards them in long angry strides, “Sit down both of you-” Slowly, almost spitefully, they lowered themselves, not on the chairs but instead- “NOT ON THE TABLE YOU TWO- NO- NOT- MR. POTTER! MR BLACK!”
Cackling, the two of them jumped up, “Were we not supposed to sit Minnie?” Sirius asked, “I thought you told us to sit?”
“Mr. Black are you asking for detention?”
“Depends.” Sirius winked, “Will you be there?”
Now as everyone in the Great hall was watching there was a collective oohing and ahhing.
“Twenty points from Gryffindor!”
“Forty!” James yelled. “Fifty! No- make it sixty!”
“Only sixty?” Sirius did a little spin, “Double it why don’t you?”
“DETENTION BOTH OF YOU! STOP THIS NOW!”
“Alright Minnie but only for you.” James sighed and got off of the table, extending a hand to help Sirius down, with a sickening squish sound his foot connected Peter’s plate. Instead of looking disgusted James simply lifted his foot from the plate and brought it to eye level. “You’ve barely eaten Minnie. Would you like some?”
The great hall exploded with sound, and although nobody knew just how many points were lost that day, Remus couldn’t help but feel like James and Sirius were the only people in the school who could get away with losing house points without everybody hating them for weeks.
“Having a good first day back?” James asked breathlessly, taking Remus’s plate from him and promptly taking a bite out of his ham.
“Splendid.” Remus said dryly.
Sirius grinned, sliding the plate away from James and taking a bite out of Remus’s food himself. “Glad to hear it, Rem.”
Remus sighed, forcing himself to look away from Sirius as he licked the sauce from his lips.
“I don’t know what just happened and how a simple supper got to this point but-” Remus took a deep breath, “I hope that whatever serotonin you got from that was worth it.”
“What’s serotonin?” Peter asked, burying his fork into Remus’s dish.
James leaned in, “Something Remus doesn’t get.”
“That’s not-” Remus stopped himself, “Whatever.”
“Awwww have we insulted you Lupin?”
“No. Let me eat.” Remus grabbed his plate back from Peter, “Did you guys seriously finish my garlic bread?”
“We couldn’t risk you having garlic Rem, it might be bad for your condition.” James said seriously.
“I’M NOT A VAMPIRE. Sirius is the vampire!”
“I’M NOT A VAMPIRE EITHER!” Sirius shouted, “IT’S NOT MY FAULT I’M PALE AND HAVE BLACK HAIR!”
“Shhh…” Peter smiled, “It’s alright you two- OW SIRIUS!”
Remus rolled his eyes, but he knew that it wasn’t an actual reflection of his inner thoughts. Although his friends could be a lot he had missed them, and it was great to be back.
_ _ _ _
Remus had gotten detention with the marauders quite a few times over the past two years, and so he was used to being told off by teachers even when he hadn’t done anything personally. That was just one of those things that came with being a marauder. One thing that he was not used to, though, was purposely being dragged into trouble by a fellow marauder. That was about to change.
Remus was trying to remember how to spell the word Vivisepulture in the middle of a History of Magic class when a crumpled piece of paper hit his shoulder. Surprised he picked it up, noticing James staring at him expectantly. It read, “When I give the signal, explode the dungbombs”. Now Remus was used to these sorts of commands, but something about this had felt...off. Just as he was about to give James a questioning look, a hand grabbed the paper from his and he looked up to see Professor Binns reading the note.
“You will be doing no such thing Mr Lupin. You can join Mr. Potter in Detention!”
“Oh no….” James moaned dramatically. Remus felt his face burn and when Sirius and Peter gave him a confused glance he wholeheartedly returned it.
“What was that about?” Remus asked that evening as the door closed behind him and Professor McGonogall left the room. His and James’s detention was to clean all the chalk boards the school possessed without using magic which may not have been particularly laborious but took a long time and was one of the most boring things Remus had ever done.
“I wasn’t actually going to release dungbombs.” James explained pushing up his glasses.
“Yeah, no shit.” Remus said, “That would’ve been way too obvious.”
“I just…” James ignored Remus’s tone, “I wanted to talk to you alone.”
“You didn’t have to get us detention in order to do so…” Remus murmured, picking up a spunge, he could tell where this conversation was going, and he wasn’t sure he liked it. “We could’ve gone to the library…”
“I wanted to just....make it clear that…er…” James cleared his throat awkwardly, “Right, I wanted to let you know...that I support you.”
Remus could feel himself starting to sweat, “Jesus, James please for the love of god and merlin please stop.”
“You need to hear this-”
“I can assure you I do not need to hear this-”
“-No you need to-” James insisted. “I support your...attraction...towards…the err...male…community-”
Remus brought his hands to his ears, “Stop it! Stop it!”
James continued nevertheless, “I still- platonically- love and appreciate you. As a friend. Platonically. And I always will.”
“Oh god,” Remus brought his hands down, “Are you done?”
“No.” James didn’t look satisfied, “I did some...research.”
“Please tell me you’re not serious.”
“I’m not. I’m James.”
“Oh god no.” Remus’s face started to heat up so much he was positive he was steaming. “Don’t start with that joke right now.
“I...read some books...during the summer...about...your condition. Not condition. You’re...romantic...er...tendencies. No, not tendencies. You’re...hm….sexuality.”
“Shut up. I will punch you. I will punch you James.”
“So...I have a question.”
“-Have you ever been punched by a werewolf? It’ll hurt.”
“Are you….er…”
“James-”
“Erm...gay...or...or something else….like...uh….bisexual?”
“Oh fucking….” Remus put his head in his hands. This could not be happening. James Potter could not be asking him about his sexuality right now. This had to be a joke, or a nightmare, or something. “I don’t...I don’t know. I don’t know.”
“...Ok.” To Remus’s surprise James seemed to be blushing a bit too. “I was just wondering I suppose.”
“Oh god.”
“Remus…” James seemed hesitant, “There was actually something else I wanted to talk about too.”
Remus looked at him pleadingly and took a deep breath, “James we don’t have to do this.”
“Yes we do,” James said firmly, “We do.”
“No...we don’t. Just….you know, and I know you know, and it’s fine, and we’re friends, and it’s fine.”
“No.”
“Ah god.”
James pushed up his glasses, “Remus. As much as I support your homosexuality I also support your lycanthropy.”
“Oh dear.” Remus rubbed his face in his hands, “Lower your voice, lower your voice, lower your voice.”
“No one can hear us. I….I wanted to let you know...that both of these….er….quirks-”
“-Quirks?”
“-Never once changed the way I view you.”
Remus blinked at his friend for a moment. He blushed and turned away, “Alright are you done?”
James frowned, “Yes. Well...no. Are you- You don’t believe me.”
It wasn’t a question. Remus shrugged, and wouldn’t meet his eyes, “It’s fine, ok? I get it. I’m not exactly….normal. And you don’t know how to deal with it. It’s fine.”
James seemed confused, “What? No! That’s not- you don’t get it at all!”
“It never once changed the way you view me, James?” Remus asked with a sly smile, “Really?”
“Yes.” James didn’t seem to know how to put his thoughts into words, “I never thought of you any differently...it made me think about...about myself. And….society.”
Remus snorted, “Society?”
“Yes, society.” James didn’t seem to mind Remus’s teasing tone, “And how there’s something wrong with it.”
Remus rolled his eyes, “Sure, whatever.”
“Remus. There is something desperately wrong with society if they could ever discriminate against someone like you. You understand that right?”
Remus’s eyes widened and his face felt like it was on fire. When he looked down he noticed his hands were pink too. “Jeez, James! Sure! I don’t know!”
James smiled, and then laughed, “Calm yourself Lupin, it’s not like I just confessed my undying love.”
“Ahh, I’m sorry.” Remus blinked a few times, and wiped his palms on his pants.
“Merlin's hairy eyebrow, Remus, If I knew how much you’d freak out over me simply acknowledging you as my friend I would’ve bought ice cubes, and a towel.”
“Shut up!” Remus wiggled his arms, uncomfortably, “I’m not freaking out.”
“Fan the boy!” James laughed and started fanning Remus with his hands, “He’s melting! Somebody help!”
Remus laughed too, as the miniscule amount of air James was managing to fan at him reached his skin, “Thanks.”
James stopped, and Remus realised he didn’t mean thanks for the fanning (it was quite useless after all) and he knew that they were both aware of what he actually meant. “Thanks for doing this.”
James smiled, “You know I’ll always be there for you, right?”
“...Until the day we die?”
James grinned, “Of course! And after that too.”
From someone else this may have sounded cheesy, but when James Potter said it, Remus couldn’t help but feel like he meant it, and that it was true.
“Good.” Remus smiled.
_ _ _ _
Somehow the whole world disappeared around Remus when he and Gideon were together. All Remus could think about was when he would get to see the other boy again, when he would be able to talk to him, when he would be able to touch his hand, or see him smile. It was strange to feel that longing for something or someone outside of the marauders. Up until this point Remus had devoted all of his loyalty to the three boys he shared a dorm with, and although he spent time with Lily and sometimes the other girls the marauders were something else. And Gideon was even more something else.
This was the reason why he said yes without hesitation when Gideon asked him to meet with his study group. Of course, the marauders mocked him about it for ages but Remus couldn’t help but feel curious.
“Hey, I’m Pippa.” As Remus was waiting in the empty Transfiguration room for the study group to appear a tall girl with curly blonde hair approached Remus and shook his hand warmly, “You must be Remus.”
“Er...yeah.” Remus nodded, “Nice to meet you.”
“The Prewetts and Viv went to get some study snacks.”
“Oh. Right.” Remus awkwardly sat down and opened one of his history of magic textbooks. He hadn't realised that study snacks were needed to study but now he felt stupid at his delayed reaction. He hoped that Gideon would be there soon. Not too long after that though three figures appeared by their side, and Gideon sat down next to Remus.
“You came.”
Remus blushed, not meeting Gideon's clear blue eyes, “Yeah of course.”
After that Remus started to go to Gideon’s study group meetings more often. Although a lot of the times by the day they actually met up Remus had already finished his homework he still looked forward to the meetings just because he would be able to see Gideon again.
He also started to grow quite fond of Gideon's friends Phillipa who went by Pippa and Vivienne who went by Viv, who was a short girl with dyed black hair, lipstick, and dark eyeliner, and admittedly scared Remus the first time he saw her but actually turned out to be quite sweet. Fabian, who had also intimidated Remus at first, was actually a lot of fun and reminded Remus a bit of a quieter, more cynical version of James, and the way he and Gideon seemed to understand each other without even having to say a single word reminded him of the way Sirius and James sometimes communicated.
When Remus was sitting at the table with this unlikely group of not-so-much-strangers anymore he felt like he...belonged. But not in the same way he belonged to the marauders.
He and the marauders were a whole. They always had been. With them, his genius mind and quick witty comebacks belonged and he could be himself but somehow, and he knew he could be, especially after talking to James. But somehow he still felt there was a part if him that the marauders couldn't...really understand.
But Gideon's friends did. When Pippa told Remus about her crush on one of her classmates but she wasn't sure if she was even into girls but that her hair smelled so good and she couldn’t stop thinking about her, he felt like she got him. For the first time, he felt like someone understood. Because of that undeniable….queer part of him. It was a part he was certain would never fit into the marauders.
_ _ _ _
Sirius had been bored out of his mind the past few weeks. He had barely been paying attention to classes and had been getting more detentions than usually.
But Remus was off somewhere with Gideon all the time and it was bugging Sirius and James would NOT shut up about Lily and if Peter asked about his brother and whether they were in a fight one more time Sirius was sure he would explode.
He was sitting in transfiguration class while thinking about how that morning Remus had laughed at something with Gideon and had refused to tell Sirius what they were laughing about, and he was getting that pain in his stomach again and without realising it his fists were clenching. Sirius thought it might be jealousy, that feeling, but that wouldn't really make sense now would it? He was simply annoyed that the marauders were falling apart and he was the only one that didn't have someone to run too. Even Peter seemed to hit it off with that new girl. Sirius let out a deep sigh and laid his head down on the table. He continued to feel sorry for himself.
He was so lost in thoughts that he did not notice McGonagall come up behind him until she said his name very loudly. Very closely to his ear.
“SIRIUS BLACK.” Something about the way she said made Sirius feel panic. And he was back in the basement. Black. Black, Black. He was a Black. Sirius Black. He head was spinning and he vaguely noticed that McGonagall was still talking but he didn't hear her. He heard every single horrible thing his family had said to him. Black. Black. Black. Sirius Black. He registered that his breathing was becoming irregular and that the Professor had stopped talking now. Black. He was a Black. His family hated him. He hated being a Black. Hated it. He took a deep breath and hear Remus’ voice. Three in three out. Three in Three our. 1...2...3 and 1….2….3. Sirius was breathing again and managed to somewhat shake of the feeling of the basement.
“I apologize. I’ll pay attention.” That was the only thing he managed to say. To his surprise, she let it go and continued the class. He took another deep breath and sat up a bit straighter. He could feel the eyes of the others on him but chose to ignore them. He didn’t have to explain himself. He didn't want to.
That night Sirius was lying awake in bed listening to the even breaths of his sleeping dormmates. Or two of them anyway. Just then he heard footsteps approaching. They stopped in front of his bed and hesitated. He heard them turn back around and stop again. Start stop. Start stop.
“Sirius? You up?"
Remus. Sirius thought about just letting him go. Pretending to be asleep.
Start.
“Yeah, I’m up.” He whispered into the darkness. The curtain to his bed opened gingerly and Remus climbed into bed with him. He felt the familiar weight dip his mattress till Remus was right next to him.
“Hey." Remus seemed unsure of what mood he would find Sirius in. He looked at Sirius with so much….effection that Sirius could feel the tears coming up. James felt like home but Remus? Remus felt safer than home, Remus felt like a rainy day in the common room. Remus felt like the first snow of the year. Remus felt right. So different from James and Peter yet so right.
In a friendship way of course.
“Hey mate.” Sirius tried to use a light upbeat tone but it came out a cracked whisper.
“I couldn’t sleep and I noticed you weren’t sleeping. I wanted to let you know that you don’t have to talk about what happened in transfiguration today. I saw how you calmed yourself down. I know you don’t want to talk about what happened last summer. And I want you to know that's ok. I’m here if you do need to get it off your chest but I’m here if you don't as well. I know we don’t say it much but I really appreciate you and I wanted you to know that.” Remus said all of this in a quick ramble.
That was unexpected. Sirius had been expecting an interrogation about this afternoon, not….whatever that was. Before he could stop himself he hugged Remus tightly. For a second he was scared the other boy wouldn’t hug him back but he did, and it was as firm and genuine as always.
"I'm sorry." Sirius said quietly, "I know I've been..." He struggled to find a word, "Difficult lately."
Remus blinked at him and Sirius couldn't help but think that Remus's eyes seemed to glow in the dark.
Before Remus could reply anything Sirius spoke again, "You know you're eyes change colour around the full moon."
Remus blushed, and looked away, "They do?"
Sirius was too tired to feel embarrassed, "Yeah. They're a sort of...orange. Like fire. Or warmth."
"Oh." Remus breathed.
They held eye contact as Sirius continued to observe the flames in Remus's irises. He could continue to stare until the day he died, and he would never get bored.
Finally Remus looked away again.
“Hey, Remus?” Sirius whispered after a few minutes. “Do you....do you mind....could you tell me about the stars?”
There was a split second of hesitation but then Remus gave him a shy smile and then he did.