Introducing Mary McDonald (year 3)
It took him a few days but eventually, Sirius managed to fall back into his usual self. Maybe it was being around the marauders again. Maybe it was being back in classes, or back at his dorm, and maybe, maybe it was even the way Lily seemed to think that just because he’d asked her to write him letters over the summer they were suddenly best friends. But whatever it was Sirius remembered now.
He remembered how to talk, and how to act, and how to move his face muscles.
There was one thing he couldn’t seem to remember how to do though no matter how much he tried, and that was sleep. You would think it would be the easiest thing to do. All you had to do was lay down, close your eyes, and let your mind do the rest, but he couldn’t seem to bring himself to relax for long enough, to put down his guard long enough, to really fall asleep. A part of him was always on alert.
He stayed up every night. His eyes fixed on a candle that he set down on his nightstand, matches and his wand gripped tightly in his hands, his tongue poised to whisper Lumos if the candle happened to burn out. It was quite pathetic, he knew it was, but he couldn’t stay in the dark.
Sirius had apparently also become less observant through his lack of sleep though, as he had missed an important piece of information- Gryffindor had a new third year student. When James mentioned that someone had transferred from IIvermorny that very morning before breakfast, Sirius perked up, “What’s he like?”
“She.” James corrected, “She’s alright I guess. I haven’t really talked to her yet, only seen her. She’s not as pretty as Evans.”
“Ugh,” Sirius’s face had fallen at the realisation of the new student being a girl, “As if we needed more girls! Evans has been so fucking annoying lately.”
“Weren’t you writing to her over the summer?” Peter smirked.
“Yeah, so what Pete? I wrote to you too. Maybe I just like having annoying friends.”
“Are you calling Lily your friend or insulting her?” Remus asked, knitting his eyebrows.
“Yeah!” James agreed, “What were you two writing about anyway? Did she mention me? Did you mention me?”
Sirius ignored James for a moment watching as Peter struggled to tie his shoes, “Other way dumbass.”
He turned back to James, “Neither of us mentioned you. What’s the new girl's name, anyway?”
“Hm? Oh, Mary.” James answered absentmindedly, “McDonald. But about Lily-”
“Like the fast food place?” Peter asked, snickering, and getting up from his crouching position.
Sirius bonked him on the head, and Peter crumpled back to the floor.
“Whatever you do,” Remus sighed pulling on his sweater, “don't mention that around her…”
“Mary McDonald.” The girl introduced herself nodding at the four boys at breakfast, her brown wavy hair pulled into a messy bun and small silver hoop earrings hanging from her ears.
The marauders blinked at her, and then at each other, and Sirius could tell they were all thinking the same thing.
Don’t do it, he thought, don’t do it, don’t do it-
“Like the fast food place?” They chorused in harmony.
Lily slapped James and Sirius behind the head and kicked Peter and Remus underneath the table, “Shut up!” She hissed before turning back to the new girl. “Ignore them. I would like to say they’re not always like this but they are.”
Mary just smiled easily, “It’s alright- already heard of the infamous Marauders and I can’t say I’m surprised. I am surprised you brits even know what McDonalds is though.”
“Just because we’re not fat doesn’t mean we don’t know about it.” Sirius said, casually.
“Sirius!” Remus snapped his cheeks turning pink, “Don’t be rude.”
Sirius shrugged, but stopped nevertheless.
“How’d you get sorted?” Marlene asked leaning forward in her seat, “Did you get to decide where to go?”
“I got sorted by the sorting hat just like everyone else,” Mary explained, “It was quite pathetic. Just me, the old hat, the old knutter you refer to as your headmaster, and my mom all in his office together.”
“ Mom .” Sirius said quietly, snickering to himself.
Remus slapped his arm, “That’s how Americans say it.”
“I know I’m not stupid-”
“Really? Then stop acting it-”
“What’s up with them?” Mary asked the girls, eyeing Remus and Sirius.
“What do you mean?” James asked, shifting his arm, as Remus leaned into him trying to dodge the piece of bread Sirius had thrown at him.
“They’re always like that.” Lily rolled her eyes. “Bickering like an old married couple. An aggressive old married couple.”
“Hey!” Remus and Sirius turned to her, at the same time.
“Who are you calling old?”
“Who are you calling aggressive?”
Marlene sighed, “Let’s go show Mary the charms classroom. The marauders obviously need a moment to wake up.”
The girls all got up in a practised manner.
“Hey wait a minute,” James called after them, “I haven’t had the chance to tell Evans she looks hot yet!”
“She doesn’t care!” Marlene called back.
James chose to ignore that, “Evans you look hot!”
Lily flipped him off.
Satisfied, James turned back around to face them, and Sirius and Remus, who had taken a break from their squabbling to watch him make a fool of himself, exchanged a look.
“Eh,” James took a bite of his pancakes, “It was worth a shot.”
Remus shook his head, “Of course you would say that.”
The marauders had been back at Hogwarts for a few weeks and had been up to their usual pranks and banter in the hallways and now settled back into their usual pattern, all four of them were relatively content.
Remus especially, was happier than any of the boys had ever seen him before.
He would hum in the shower and laugh to himself while sipping his dorky (as Sirius kindly called it) tea in the morning. He would tell more sarcastic jokes and have a light in his eyes when people laughed at them, and every day he woke up with a sort of excitement that almost matched none other than James himself.
If the marauders wouldn’t know any better, they would think he was in love.
But Remus couldn’t be in love. Mr. I’m -just-not-really-interested-in-girls could not be in love. At least that's what Sirius told himself as he watched Remus laugh at something Lily said in Potions class.
“Wait a minute,” James whispered next to him through gritted teeth. “That looks a bit too friendly doesn’t it?”
Peter shrugged, “You don’t think-?”
“I swear to Merlin if Evans is the girl he's so head over heels for...I’m gonna kill him.” “Girl he’s so head over heels for?” Sirius asked, completely stunned at the remark. “What- you think Remus fancies someone?”
“It’s obvious.” James explained, “That’s why he’s so bloody happy all the time.”
“But he rejected Evans last year….”
“Maybe he finally realised how smoking hot she is!”
“...Somehow I doubt that.”
“You know what Sirius, you just don’t appreciate beauty,” James said haughtily.
“Maybe I’m just not as horny as you- OW!” Sirius rubbed his arm, which was red from where James had slapped it.
“And how’s your potion going?” Professor Slughorn asked the two, peering at them somewhat unhappily. Peter immediately turned around and pretended to be stirring his cauldron, and Marlene who had been partnered up with him frowned, slapping his hand away.
“Swimmingly,” Sirius answered Slughorn, leaning back against his desk.
“Splendidly.” James agreed.
In truth, they hadn’t actually started their potion yet but they knew they would be able to get it done on time with ease even if they started it just a few minutes before class was dismissed. Apparently Slughorn knew this too, and instead of telling them off he just sighed and walked on to the next group.
“Do you really think Remus fancies someone?” Sirius asked after a while, and James pursed his lips, looked over at Remus and then back at Sirius.
“Yeah,” He said, “I don’t think it’s Evans though. At first, I thought maybe but…Remus doesn’t seem like she would be his type.”
“Oh.” Somehow the thought of Remus liking someone was nagging Sirius. Remus. Remus Lupin. Remus fancied someone? Who could it be? How had Sirius never noticed Remus talking to girls before? Was it someone he knew? She must be pretty amazing if Remus likes her, Sirius found himself thinking almost bitterly.
“What?” James asked, “What are you thinking about?”
“Nothing…” Sirius bit his lips slightly, “Who do you think is his type? You said she doesn’t seem his type. What do you think his type would be?”
James frowned, “I don’t know. Probably, someone, he can study with, right?”
James laughed good naturedly but Sirius didn’t seem too sure. Would Remus like someone nerdy? Somehow Sirius had never thought of Remus with a girl before, and if anyone he had assumed it would be someone like Marlene who was sociable and funny and could get him out of his shell. Up until now though the only people who had ever really been able to get Remus out of his shell had been the marauders.
Or Sirius.
“Do you have any idea who he might like?”
“Remus?” James shrugged but something strange glinted in his eyes, “Nah.”
Sirius turned around again to glance at Remus who caught his eyes this time, standing up straighter and waving dorkily, his eyes widening as if seeing his friends was the most exciting thing, and the corner of his lips cracking open as if they shared a secret. Sirius looked away again, his face feeling oddly warm. “Are you really sure?” He asked James almost desperately.
James nodded, “I have no idea.”
_ _ _ _
After several back and forth letters between the two Remus knew Gideon a lot better.
He knew that his favourite colour was green.
He knew that he preferred autumn over any other season because of the colourful leaves.
He knew that he didn’t like sports but instead played several musical instruments including the trumpet and the cello.
And he knew that his favourite animal was a cat.
Remus wasn't too sure on the last one, but he let it slide.
“Cat’s are great.” James said when Remus told him this, “They’re cute and fluffy, and warm and soft.”
“Yeah, I suppose.” Remus said, “I may just be a dog person.”
“You?” James answered, pushing up his glasses, “I wouldn’t have guessed that.”
“Dogs scare me.” Peter piped up having just joined them at the lunch table. “The big ones especially.”
“Really?” Remus asked, “Those are the best ones! I love big dogs. You can hug them!”
“That sounds like a concern. Are you not getting enough hugs at home Lupin?” Peter teased.
“Anyway,” James took a large bite of rice, “You and Gideon seem to be spending some time together.”
Remus immediately felt himself starting to blush, “A little.”
“You wrote a lot over the holidays too right?”
“...A little.”
James hummed, with a smug smile on his face. “Cool.”
“Hm.” Remus narrowed his eyes at the other boy.
"I like Gideon." Peter piped in, "He's nice."
Before Remus could say something, Sirius came over and sat down next to James whining, “Can someone please remove Evans from me? She’s been on my back ever since school started again.”
“It’s called being friends,” Remus said. “Friends like to hang out with each other.”
Sirius grunted and reached for the pumpkin juice, but everybody knew he only complained about Lily for show, “As if you have any friends, Loony.”
“Admit it, you’re in love,” Peter grinned.
“I would never replace you, Pete.”
Peter fanned himself playfully.
James squinted at them, “Sirius doesn't fancy Lily.”
It almost sounded like a demand though.
Sirius sighed loudly, “Relax, Potter. If I ever experience an ounce of attraction towards that witch, I give you full permission to slap me until I snap out of it. Merlin knows I would need it.”
James grunted, but he seemed satisfied enough.
“What were you talking about?” Sirius asked, looking around.
“Nothing much,” James said, setting down his spoon, “Just the fact that Remus has become pretty close to Gideon Prewett.”
“Huh. He’s cool I suppose.”
“They wrote letters during the summer,” Peter said, “Gideon likes cats.”
Remus continued to blush profusely, hoping that Peter would shut up.
“Cats?” Sirius shrugged, “I’m more of a dog person, I guess.” He knit his eyebrows, “Didn’t you say you were busy over the summer?”
Remus shrugged hesitantly, his eyes focused on his plate.
James looked up suddenly, “Busy with what?”
“Remus said he was busy helping out on his grandparent’s farm. And that’s why he didn’t write many letters.”
Remus wouldn’t meet anyone's eyes, “I was busy.”
“But you managed to write to Gideon?”
“I wrote to you too didn’t I?”
“Yeah like three times-” Sirius said, starting to look annoyed.
“Whoa, whoa-” James put his hands up, “Relax. What’s going on?”
“Nothing,” Remus said quickly.
“Nothing?” Sirius asked. He looked down at his plate, and then back up at James and Peter, “Did he write to you?”
Peter looked at James uncomfortably, but James didn’t seem to know what to do either.
“Did he?” Sirius asked again, “Did you seriously write to everyone except me?”
“No!” Remus cried, “What’s the big deal? It’s not like you could write back anyway!”
“That’s because of my mum! Do you think I didn’t want to respond?”
“No! I knew you wanted to but that didn’t change the fact that you didn’t! I’m sorry ok? We’re here now aren’t we?”
James and Peter looked between the two of them as if they were watching a tennis match.
“Aren’t we, Sirius?” Remus repeated, less angry this time.
There was a long pause in which the two of them maintained eye contact.
“...Yeah, whatever.”
Sirius got up and left.
_ _ _ _
In truth, Remus had tried to write to Sirius a couple of times over the summer, but it had been strangely difficult. With a new letter from Gideon coming in every week or so, it had felt weird to focus on anything other than the thrill Remus got when he ripped open the envelope and unfolded the letter. It was true that Remus and his parents had gone to his grandparents' house to help with the farm, which explained Remus’s tan and slight gain in muscle but it hadn’t been true that he didn’t have time to write. In fact, most of his time there was spent writing.
He would write about the chickens, the cows, the stray cats, the way the sun set and cast long shadows of the small wooden house, and the way the grass tickled not only his ankles but also his calves.
Sometimes he had pretended he would be writing to Sirius.
It helped the words come out of his brain and flow into the paper when he pictured the black haired boy's attentive gaze, and small smile, and the way he would wink when Remus said something clever and the way he would bite his lip to keep himself from grinning when he said something sarcastic.
But at the end of the day, Remus always addressed the letters to Gideon anyway.
It was easier that way.
In the evenings, when Remus was bored and tired, and in the privacy of his own mind he had allowed himself to picture someone laying next to him in the guest bed of his grandparents' house. Sometimes he had pictured James bouncing up and down, his grin wide, and sometimes he had pictured Peter grimacing and twiddling his hands, and saying some snide comment about farms, and once, just once Remus had pictured Sirius. Unlike for the other two, when Remus pictured Sirius he hadn’t been doing anything. Not saying anything, not dancing around the room, not even grinning. Just laying in the bed, in the dark.
And when Remus had concentrated very hard he would feel a finger brush his, and he had let himself imagine the delicateness of Sirius’s hand.
Remus hated himself for it. And he almost hated Sirius too.
_ _ _ _
“Why didn’t you write to Sirius?” James asked.
It was almost eight thirty in the evening and Remus was waiting in the common room for Gideon to show up. What he and his brother did when they weren’t there, he didn't know but he didn’t mind waiting alone. Not that he was alone today.
“I did.” Remus said simply, not wanting to talk about it.
“You know what I mean.” James insisted, “Are you angry at him?”
“No.” Remus said. He didn’t know if he was telling the truth.
“Let me rephrase that,” James said pushing up his glasses, “Why are you angry at Sirius?”
“I-” Remus stopped himself. James was right, of course. Remus was angry at Sirius. Very angry actually.
But in complete honesty, he was just angry at himself for not writing to Sirius. He wasn’t sure why he couldn’t write to the other boy, but whenever he tried to say something in his letters it seemed forced and awkward, and somehow he knew deep down that every letter he sent to Gideon meant one less letter to Sirius. He couldn’t really tell why, but he was sure that it was true.
“I don’t know,” Remus admitted.
There was a long pause and James shifted on the couch. “You fancy someone. It’s quite obvious.”
Remus didn’t say anything.
“I...I think I know who it is.”
Again Remus didn’t say anything. He was sure James knew. Although James could be sort of a klutz and quite arrogant, and proud, he also had a sort of perceptive nature.
“It’s….” James took a deep breath, “It’s not a girl is it?”
Remus was sure in that exact moment his heart stopped.
“Gideon Prewett, right?” James stared into Remus’s eyes intensely. “At first I thought maybe you did like Lily after all but...It’s different around him. I can just...tell…”
Remus wanted to shrug and say, yes I suppose I do. I Suppose I fancy Gideon Prewett, and I suppose I have done for a while now.
But instead, suddenly he just felt like crying.
It was too much for him.
For the first time, he knew exactly why James had told him to keep in touch with Gideon over the summer. He knew why he blushed around the other boy, he knew why his hands shook every time he wrote a letter to him, he knew why he smiled when he told his parents about him.
He liked Gideon.
Remus blinked rapidly. He liked Gideon. He liked a boy . He fancied a boy, the way James fancied Lily, and he wasn’t even hiding it well because James knew. And Remus knew too.
A small sound escaped the back of Remus’s throat and he leaned to his side, into James and buried his head into the other boy's shoulder, shifting his body so that his face was in his chest. He took his hands and cupped them around his eyes, blocking out all of the light, and breathing in the scent of the potter mansion. Of comfort.
James put an arm around him, “It’s alright, Remus. Really.”
Remus closed his eyes which was a mistake because that was the last push the water behind his lids needed in order to escape rolling down his cheeks.
Remus didn’t have to worry about Sirius. He didn’t have to pay attention to his strong arms, and his red lips, and his soft hand. He had Gideon now. He liked Gideon. Sirius was Sirius but Gideon was Gideon and Gideon was nice.
Gideon was close.
Gideon liked autumn because of the colours, and Gideon liked cats because they were soft, and Gideon liked green because it was the colour of grass.
And Gideon liked Remus because he had said so himself, in his seventh letter.
And Remus didn’t know if Gideon meant that he fancied him or if he meant that he thought he was a good friend but either way he liked him. And Remus liked him too. And that was good.
And so Remus was angry at Sirius.
“Gideon is nice,” James said, patting Remus’s back. “He’s….a bit like you, I suppose. I always thought you would fancy someone like that. You know...reading...and er...homework...but also still funny. He’s quite funny. Not as funny as me...but well...I dunno...You two….fit. Right?”
We fit.
Remus mulled that over in his mind. “You know reading isn’t my only personality trait right? And I don’t do that much homework.”
James laughed and pushed Remus away, “Come on Rem.” Remus pouted and James ruffled his hair, “Pull yourself together Lupin.”
Remus shrugged and James slapped his cheeks, “Have I ever lied to you Lupin? Have I?”
“Hm,” Remus grunted but he knew that James wasn’t lying. James knew that Remus fancied a boy and all he said to it was that he thought it fit. That it made sense.
Gideon and I fit. We make sense.
"I suppose you're right, Potter..."
James smirked.