They Were up to No Good

The next two weeks were strange. Remus had told both James and Sirius about what had happened and although they both offered their usual support neither of them still seemed very sure of it which just made Remus feel even more guilty. He didn’t understand all of this fuss about girlfriends and Lily and holding hands and kissing and all the other things that seemed such a big deal at the moment. In fact, most of his time in those two weeks was spent with Peter who felt the exact same way as him. 

“I mean,” Remus said to Peter as they were heading to the library to return Remus’s overdue books. “I like Lily. I really do. But I don’t understand why she would want to hold hands, and kiss and stuff. It was just weird. I mean, wasn’t our friendship enough?”

Peter shrugged, “I don’t get it either.” 

Remus sighed and handed Peter one of his books, “Can you put this back in the astronomy section, please?” 

Peter raised his eyebrows, bewilderedly. 

“Sorry,” Remus muttered taking back the book, and shoving it under his free arm, “Usually Sirius does this with me, and by now he’s memorized where all the different sections are.” 

Together the two of them headed to the left corner of the library where the astronomy section was nestled between geography and potions, before leaving the library to go back to the common room. The new term started in a couple of days which meant that slowly students were starting to trickle back into the hallways of Hogwarts making it seem more lively once again. With that though, came the knowledge that lessons would be starting again, which was a less happy thought. 

“Do you think James will forgive me?” Remus asked nervously. 

“Course.” Peter said, “He already has.”

“Yeah, but you know what I mean. He still thinks I like Lily.”

“Well, you don’t right?”

“Right.”

“Look,” Peter sighed, “We both know I’m not great with advice but he’s our best friend. Just talk to him.”

Peter was right, he really wasn’t great at advice, but that evening after supper Remus decided to follow it anyway. The hardest part was to try and talk to James alone since the four marauders spent practically all day every day together. In fact, you would think James and Sirius were attached by the limb or something, since every time Remus thought he may succeed in talking to James, Sirius was there. The only way Remus could think of getting James by himself was to either ask him to go to the library with him or ask him to go to the kitchens with him. And since he’d already gone to the library that day he decided for the ladder. 

After a few minutes of joking around Remus tried to steer the conversation in a more serious direction. 

“Look, James. I wanted to talk to you about something.” Remus said, thanking god that his stutter hadn’t returned. 

James pushed up his glasses, “It’s fine, Remus. I know.” 

“What?”

“It’s ok, I’m not angry. I just wish you would’ve told me you fancy Evan- Lily.”

“I don’t!” Remus said, jumping on the opportunity, “That’s the thing. I really, really, really don’t. And I don’t know how to prove it to you.”

James laughed, “You don’t have to prove it to me, Rem. You don’t owe me anything.” 

“No, I know it’s just.” he sighed deeply, “I really don’t like her that way. And I feel guilty because I feel like I should like her but I don’t, and-and- I feel like you’re sad or disappointed or I don’t know but I’m not trying to get between the two of you. Mind you I think she hates you, but well...I just...I don’t fancy her.” 

James didn’t say anything for a terrifying moment before he grinned and ran his hand through his hair, “So, who do you fancy then?”

“Huh?”

“Come on, Rem.” James chuckled, “There must be someone. If you really don’t fancy Lily, then there must be someone else.”

“Oh.” Remus thought for a moment, picturing all the girls in his head. There was Dorcas, who was undoubtedly, pretty with her butter coloured blond hair and oval, dark brown eyes, but Remus didn’t think he would want to date her either. There was also Marlene who again was very pretty with her black curly hair, dark skin, and bright smile, but the thought of holding her hand or anything more than that just made Remus feel incredibly awkward and uncomfortable. Other than those two and Lily there was really no one else except for Alice, who was obviously crushing on her best friend Frank and was in the year above them. 

“I...I don’t know…” Remus said, “I just...I don’t even know what a crush is supposed to feel like.”

James laughed good naturedly, “What, want me to explain it to you?” 

“Yes.” Said Remus automatically. 

“What?”

“I mean...if you want to.” Remus blushed. 

James shrugged, “Well I was actually kidding but….Alright, I’ll try I guess. Let’s see...well you want to be around this person all the time. And obviously, you find her pretty, prettier than anyone else. And...and when she smiles you just kind of….freeze. But you feel warm all over you know? And when you see her you just feel safe, and like anything could happen and it wouldn’t matter. And when she looks at you-” James paused and cleared his throat, “Well when she looks at you it’s like all your troubles just...disappear. But you also feel nervous around her!” He said quickly, “Your hands might shake a bit or get sweaty, and your face might feel warm, or maybe you don’t know what to say because you don’t want to seem stupid, you know?”

“Oh,” Remus said quietly. “Yeah.” He looked up at James smiling slightly, “You feel nervous around Lily?”

“Of course.” James snorted, “That’s why I always do stupid stuff. If she already sees me doing all sorts of dumb crap then it won’t matter if I mess up my wording or trip down the stairs or anything. She’ll have already seen me worse. And so she won’t mind. I mean that's not my only reason for doing dumb stuff...but...she'll get used to me. Well-” He laughed bitterly, “She does hate me. For now .”

“I just...I didn’t realise that you even have the capability to feel nervous.” Remus said shyly, “You just always seem so sure of yourself. I just….I don’t know. I could never be like you.”

James stopped short and looked at Remus questioningly. “Why in the world would you ever want to be like me when you could be like you? You’re amazing Lupin.”

“Well,” Remus couldn't help but smile, “Thanks, I guess.”

James ruffled his hair good naturedly, “Did that help?”

“I suppose.” Remus said as the neared the kitchens, “But I guess I don’t really feel that way about anyo-”

The portrait swung open and out stepped a figure, holding a basket of food that had a towel draped over it. The figure turned around and stopped immediately as his and Remus’s eyes made contact. 

“Hey, Gideon!” James called happily, stepping forward and giving the older boy a high five. 

“Hey..” Gideon said, still looking at Remus. 

James didn’t seem to notice, “Wow, you’re really letting that hair grow huh? You look like Sirius, hehe.” He laughed a bit, “Well Sirius has bangs now, so...but that’s another story.” He paused for a moment finally noticing the awkward tension, “Oi, Remu, come say hi to Gideon.”

“Er, yeah, hey.” Remus stepped forward, immediately feeling his hands starting to sweat, “I mean, hi. Gideon Prewett. I don’t…” He laughed nervously, “What’s uhh...how are you?”

Gideon nodded slowly, a small smile on his lips, “Good.”

“Good.” Remus said, pursing his lips. 

"I wanted to apologize..."

"No." Gideon said quickly, "No, don't."

James squinted at them, “Are you guys ok?”

“Yeah.”

“Yes.” 

“So uh…” Remus could feel his face start to blush, “So uh...w-w-what um, what’s in the basket?”

“Oh you know,” Gideon fumbled with the small towel covering it, “Just...food.”

“Food.” Remus nodded, “I like food.” 

“Yeah,” Gideon laughed, “Me too.”

“Wow.” Remus said. He laughed awkwardly, “Sorry I feel kinda stupid right now.”

“It’s ok,” Gideon laughed too, “Me too.”

“I...like your hair by the way.” Remus muttered, “It’s um...it’s pretty. -Pretty good! Pretty...good...looking.”

“Thanks,” Gideon said, and Remus couldn’t help but think about their last interaction. He noticed that although Gideon's hair had gotten longer, he didn’t seem to be wearing any makeup. For a moment Remus felt something like disappointment before he shoved that feeling away. But before he could say anything Gideon straightened, “Well I better go.” 

“Oh, yeah of course.” Remus said, trying to mask the disappointment that had suddenly washed over him, “...Well, bye.”

“Yeah. Bye James! And uh…” Gideon hesitated, the corner of his lips lifting, “See you around Remus.” 

As soon as he left James turned towards Remus studying him for a moment, “What the hell was that?” 

“Is it just me or is it warm?” Remus said ignoring James’s question and unbuttoning his cardigan, as they entered the kitchens. 

“Uh…” James looked back at the portrait hole and then at Remus. “Rem…”

“Sorry I don’t know.” Remus murmured, “I just sort of...froze up, I guess.” 

“Uh…” James’s eyebrows were knit together and he looked like he was thinking really hard. “You...froze…You...you were kind of nervous just now weren't you?”

"Yeah..." Remus said slightly out of breath, "You know how I get around...people."

James's eyes were very wide as he looked away from Remus, as though someone had just flipped his world upside down.

“Is...everything alright, James?”

“Yeah...yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course. Yeah. Good. Just, Gideon. And uh...yeah. Ok.”

“What?” Now Remus was confused, “What is it?”

“Nothing.”

“What is it, James?”

“Nothing Remus!”

Remus crossed his arms but James ignored him. He selected an apple from a nearby fruit bowl, “So uh…” 

Remus pursed his lips, uncomfortably. 

“You sure, you don’t fancy anyone, then?” James asked innocently. 

“Yeah I told you.” Remus frowned, “I just...I don't know, I just don’t get those feelings you described.”

“Ok,” James said casually. “That’s fine. That is absolutely fine. I am fine with that.”

"With that?"

"With...you know...." James seemed to be getting more uncomfortable by the second, "...Everything."

"You're fine with everything?"

"Yes."

“...alright?” Remus said apprehensively, "That's good I suppose."

“Alright.” James clapped his hands, awkwardly, “Let’s uh...let’s get those jam tarts Pete likes, eh?”

“...Ok...?”

“Great.” James turned away from his friend once again. 

_ _ _ _ 

As soon as lessons started again, the second years were introduced to their first big project of the year, which would be taking place in their potions class. The students were instructed to brew a potion and keep it by one of the windows in the dungeons classroom for two months. The point of the experiment was to see how the moon cycle and the light of both the sun and the moon affected the potion, and they were to write a report on it by the end of the two months. Sirius and Remus had decided to work together this time while James and Peter worked together.

Overall James wasn’t feeling too stressed about the potion though. In fact, the thing that was on James’s mind the most these days was not the potion at all but instead Remus.

As hard as James tried he just couldn’t let go of the conversation he had had with Remus, and the way Remus’s face lit up when they saw Gideon. He was blushing. He had been blushing . James didn’t know what to do with this information in the slightest. He knew that Remus definitely didn’t blush around him or Peter, and he only blushed out of frustration around Sirius so that was out of the question too. What was so special about Gideon? There was the obvious answer but….well, James didn’t want to think about that. It wasn't a bad thing, necessarily. It was strange though. And unnatural. It didn't seem like Remus was the type of boy to be...

When they showed these types of people in books and when adults talked about...about people like that they never mentioned it to be a small, sickly boy that reads too many astronomy books and likes to make maps. It was always someone James never expected to meet. What was he supposed to think?

It was complicated. It complicated things. James obviously had an idea about what this meant but he didn’t really want to think about it. He was sure that Remus himself didn’t even understand his feelings yet, there wasn't really any rush. Besides, he may have been overanalyzing some things. 

_ _ _ _ 

“Alright, I say that since there are two full moons we need to check on and they’re the most important dates we’ll just split it up and I do one and you do the other one.” Sirius looked over his notes, his grey eyes reflecting all the different dates he had written down. He, Remus, and Peter were sitting in their usual spot in the common room while James was at Quidditch practice. “Ok, so there’s the one on February the Seventeenth and then the one on March the Nineteenth. Which one would you rather do?”

Remus paused for a moment, “Uh….so here’s the thing...I can’t really do either.”

“What?” Sirius flipped his page back and forth, “Why not?”

“Well, I’m actually,” Remus mumbled for a moment. 

“Huh?” Sirius asked, moving closer,  “Are you nervous? You never mumble like that around me.”

Remus mumbled something again. 

“What?” 

Remus mumbled once more. 

"Merlin's left toenail, Remus speak up."

“Um, I’m visiting my mum...on uh...both of those dates.”

Sirius blinked, “Uh, ok. Can’t you just move the day? Look,” He pointed on the calendar, “the nineteenth is actually a monday. That sucks anyway, why don’t you visit her the day before?”

“Uh….” Remus started to blink rapidly, “Because...she likes….the full moon.”

“She does?” Sirius knit his eyebrows together, “Is that why you’re so obsessed with astronomy and stuff?”

“Uh...yeah.” 

“Ok.” Sirius tapped his quill against his parchment, “I guess I’ll do the full moons then…”

Something still didn’t feel right though. Sirius felt like he was missing something. Something obvious, but he couldn’t place his finger on what…

Later that evening when the marauders had retired to bed and Peter’s snores filled the dorm room, Sirius felt a weird itching sensation that he just couldn’t seem to scratch.

In the bed next to him Remus rolled over in his sleep. 

What was he missing? 

It was weird, wasn’t it? Remus visiting his ill mum every month. His ill mum that didn’t seem ill at all according to Peter. Although what did Pete know anyway? But if Remus’s mum were really so ill that he had to visit her every month, would she just be walking around outside like it was nothing? Besides, as much as she loved the full moon, was it really necessary to see her son every full moon? Would it really be such a big problem to miss it every once in a while?

Maybe his mum’s illness got worse during the full moon.

Was there an illness like that? She could just be one of those astrology obsessed women who just believed they got worse around the full moon. Sirius had once met one those weird hags, as his mother had befriend one...Yet, the only real illness Sirius could think of that actually got worse around the full moon was being a werewolf.

Wait.

Sirius could feel his breath hitch- he didn’t actually believe- He didn’t actually think- But the thought came anyway.

What if Remus’s mum was a werewolf?

Although that didn’t make sense right? Because in that case, she wouldn’t want Remus to see her on full moons right? On the contrary, she would probably want him to visit any day other than that of the full moon. 

Unless Remus was a werewolf of course. 

Unless Remus was a werewolf. 

Unless Remus was a werewolf. 

Sirius sat up straight in his bed. The whole world was rushing to him and slamming into his body. 

He had seen a wolf once, years and years ago. He had been to a zoo with Regulus and Uncle Alphard since his parents were on some sort of “business trip” and while Alphard had gone to get them some ice cream he and his brother had been watching a lonesome wolf walking around his cage, it’s paws dragging on the ground unnaturally. Every few seconds it would shake its head, in anger or frustration and when it looked at Sirius its eyes were bright yellow, and Sirius could see something inside of them, something longing to break free, something terrified and terrifying. Something sad but beautiful. 

That’s what he saw when he looked into Remus’s eyes. 

And that realisation hurt more than anything else Sirius had ever thought before. 

He should’ve known. It was obvious after all wasn’t it? All those times that Remus had disappeared. 

All those full moons. 

Sirius should have known. 

It was obvious, especially because of Remus’s obsession with the stars. In fact, now that Sirius thought about it Remus had never once been excited at the prospect of a full moon. He had always talked about stars, and galaxies and the stupid muggle rocket ships but he never explicitly talked about the moon itself. 

Sirius should’ve known. 

His hands started shaking, and he could feel himself fall deeper and deeper. He didn’t know Remus. He didn’t know Remus at all. He should’ve known. Had it been obvious? How many times had Remus been in pain without Sirius even batting an eyelash? Sirius should’ve known. 

And now Remus knew about what Sirius did. Now Remus knew that Sirius was weak, and now he knew about the scars and the- He knew. And Sirius was alone. It was his own fault. He shouldn’t have shown Remus in the first place. It was his own stupid fault for showing Remus in the first place. For telling him. And now Remus probably thought he was such a prat, and a weakling and a baby. 

He should’ve known.

Mechanically, Sirius opened his drawer and pulled out what he knew was waiting for him, even though he couldn’t see it in the dark. Quickly he cast a muffliato charm. Suddenly his breathing seemed like the loudest sound on the planet as he pressed the end of his wand against his forearm, trying to get the wood to stop shaking. He should go deeper this time. 

Remus went through much worse every month, and he was fine. 

Sirius should’ve known. 

“What are you doing?” 

Sirius jumped up and dropped his wand in the process, which clattered to the ground in between his and Remus’s bed. Quickly he sprung forward to grab it and came face to face with a pair of bare feet. Slowly a hand reached out and carefully picked up the wand from the floor. Sirius’s eyes watched as the hand connected, to a wrist, to an arm, to a shoulder, and suddenly he was looking into someone’s face. 

“What are you doing, Sirius?” Remus whispered. All Sirius could hear was his breathing and a loud obnoxious ringing in his ears. 

“Nothing.” Sirius said breathily, reaching out and grabbing his wand back from the other boy. He didn’t want to talk to him right now. He couldn’t. 

“Sirius-” Remus said.

“Remus leave me alone.” 

“What? What happened? Why-”

“You lied.” Before he could stop himself, Sirius had said it. The two boys stared at each other. 

“What?” Remus asked finally, and his voice sounded so defeated that Sirius wished he could take it back. 

All he did was hurt people.

His grip around the wand tightened. Sirius turned around and sat down on his bed, crossing his legs. Remus continued to stand in front of him, his figure looking frail and breakable. Sirius hated himself in that moment. So much more than he hated anyone else.

 “What…” Remus paused the way he always did when he was trying very hard not to stammer, “What...are you talking about, Sirius?”

“You lied to me.” Sirius said through gritted teeth, “You said you understood. But you didn’t. You don’t.” 

“I-I-I-” Remus paused frustrated with himself, “I don’t know what you mean, Sirius.”

Sirius’s hands started shaking. How could Remus still continue this act? After all this time? How could he still pretend to be someone he wasn't? 

“I know you didn’t get those scars the way I got mine, Remus,” Sirius whispered, his eyes focusing on a specific fold in his bedspread. “I know.” 

Remus didn’t say anything. Sirius looked up but all he saw was shadows, and a human figure. He wished Remus would say something. Anything.

Sirius could swear that he would always remember the exact moment Remus realised. Not the moment Sirius realised, no, somehow it hadn’t even surprised him when it clicked in his mind, that his friend was a Werewolf. But he would always remember the way Remus’s jaw twitched, and his eyes fell in a resigned sort of way, and his fingers glistened with sweat, and his feet twitched as if he wanted to jump up and run.

Sirius laughed bitterly, “And me? I went and told you, thinking that maybe just maybe someone would understand. I thought we were the marauders. I thought we were more than the marauders. I thought we understood each other. But I was wrong. Obviously.”

“Sirius,” Finally Remus spoke again, and his voice sounded shaky like he was holding his breath while trying to speak, “What do you know?”

“I know Remus.”

“What do you know, Sirius?”

“I know-” Sirius looked way, even looking at a black blob above his bed was too intimidating at the moment, “I know that you lied. You said you trusted me, Remus. That was a lie. You said you knew what it was like-”

“Sirius, I’m a werewolf.” 

Sirius stopped talking abruptly. His mattress shifted and squeaked as Remus sat down opposite him. Now that he was sitting closer, and Sirius’s eyes were starting to adjust to the dark, he could make out the forms of Remus’s eyes, and lips, and nose. 

“I-am-a-werewolf.” Remus said breathlessly. Sirius didn’t know what to say. It was different hearing it from Remus’s own mouth. 

“I know.” 

“Every month,” Remus’s voice shook as if he was finally scratching an itch that had been bothering him for ages, “I leave school and my body changes, and transforms, and I turn into a wolf .” 

Sirius once again didn’t know what to say but before he could, there was a sudden movement to his right, and felt something hit his cheek hard. His hand flew to his face, “Ow-”

“Do you hear me?” Said Remus, “Do you fucking hear me, Sirius?”

“ Did you slap me? ”

“Wake the fuck up!” Remus gasped and Sirius felt happier than ever that he had cast a muffliato charm around his bed. This would’ve been hard to explain to James and Peter. 

Remus slapped him again. 

“Ow! Shit-”

“What are you gonna do Sirius?” Sirius felt Remus shift forward and for a second he feared that the other boy would slap him again, but then he felt the weight of two hands, one on either of his shoulders, and he could hear the ragged breathing of someone crying and that’s when it hit him that Remus was crying. He felt like such an idiot. 

“Nothing.” He said softly, “I….I won’t do anything, Rem.”

“I’m a fucking werewolf Sirius!” Remus sobbed and his hands tightened on Sirius’s shoulders. “Do something. Do anything!”

“What? What do you want me to do?” Sirius cried. 

“I don’t know…” Remus’s breath hitched, “Just-just- be scared or- or disgusted or something!”

“Remus…” For a moment Sirius snapped out of his anger, almost too shocked to feel angry, “I could never be disgusted by you.”

“I….I need to leave.” Remus was about to get up but Sirius grabbed his wrist. 

“Don’t.” 

“I can’t stay here, Sirius.”

“What?” Sirius felt ice cold, “Here? At Hogwarts?”

“If you know, then other people will find out and then- and then more people will know a-a-and I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone an-”

“Remus. Don’t leave me.”

Remus stopped, and Sirius let go of his wrist, letting their hands dangle into each other’s before intertwining. 

Remus let go. 

“Remus, I won’t tell anyone! I promise ok? And no one will find out-”

“Sirius.” Remus breathed, “What is wrong with you?”

“...what?”

Sirius almost couldn’t recognize the boy in front of him. This didn’t seem like Remus at all. 

“I can’t stay. Why don’t you get it? I’m a monster.”

“Oh shut up-!”

Remus hesitated, “Did you just- Are you- are you mad at me?”

“No!” Sirius yelled. He blinked. “Yes!”

Remus inched closer, “What the fuck? You have no right to be mad at me .”

“Well, you should have told me!” Sirius snapped, “Maybe then we wouldn’t be in this mess.”

“I should’ve-I should’ve- told you? Told you, Sirius? ” Remus cried exasperatedly, “You can’t just go around telling people you’re a werewolf!”

“I’m not people, I'm- I’m your friend!”

“If you were really my friend you wouldn’t be yelling at me right now!” Remus yelled. “I just had a fucking anxiety attack because of you!”

“Well so I did I!” Sirius yelled back. 

Remus crossed his arms, and huffed. Sirius crossed his arms too. 

A moment passed,

“Are you ok?” Sirius asked, finally, looking straight ahead. 

Remus replied angrily, “Yeah. Are you ok?”

“Yeah.” 

“Good.”

“Good.”

“Fine.” 

“I’m sorry you’re a werewolf.” Sirius said eventually pressing his fingernails into his pam. “That sucks.”

“Yeah.” Remus brought his knees up to his face, and rested his chin on them.

“I don’t mind though.” Sirius said after a while. Although he thought this was obvious he wasn’t sure Remus really knew. 

“You said that I don’t know what it feels like.” Remus said bitterly, “That I lied. I never lied, Sirius. I could never lie to you.” 

Sirius’s mouth felt dry. He licked his lips, “I never lied either Remus.” 

Remus tilted his head.

“I told you, you were perfect. I still mean it.”

There was a short pause, “You shouldn’t.” Then Remus got up and plopped himself down next to Sirius on the bed. “Move over you prat.”

Sirius shuffled over, and Remus lifted the blanket over his legs. 

“I won’t be able to sleep now.” Remus said moodily. 

“Me neither,” Sirius agreed, “look my hands are still sweaty.” He held out his hand to Remus. Remus touched it with his own but instead of letting go he just continued to rest his hand above Sirius’s. Not quite holding hands. But touching. 

“You’re right.” Remus said after a moment. “Your hands are grossly sweaty.”

“So are yours!” Sirius said defensively. Remus laughed, and Sirius could feel his face break into a small smile. 

He leaned back into his pillows, allowing them to swallow him up. 

“Tell me about the stars,” Sirius whispered, positioning his head so that it was leaning against Remus’s ribcage. Remus put his hand up holding it out awkwardly before hesitantly letting it fall onto Sirius’s head. He drummed the blackhaired boys skull clumsily, not really sure what else to do with his hands. 

“Which stars?” He asked, quietly, feeling his heartbeat slow down again, as he calmed.

“All of them.” Sirius whispered. He tilted his head and looked up at Remus, “Well, or you could tell me about the moon…?”

Remus smacked Sirius’s head good naturedly, “Fuck the moon.”

And so Remus started talking. He told the other boy about the different constellations, the different names, and meanings that stars had, the effect that certain cycles had on people and on potions and animals, all the while his hand softly running through Sirius’s hair. 

The next morning the true reality of the situation fully slammed in Remus, especially when he realised that the full moon would only be two days later. 

It had felt almost like a dream. A confusing, anxiety inducing, strange, weird, stressful, but also relieving dream. But now that Remus woke up still in Sirius’s bed he fully realised that it wasn’t a dream. Sirius Black knew. Sirius Black knew that Remus Lupin was a werewolf. 

His first thought was obviously just to go home. Go home and pretend that none of this ever happened, pretend that he never went to Hogwarts, or learnt how to be a wizard, or met Sirius, or met James, and Peter, and Lily, and Gideon and all the other Gryffindors. 

His second thought was to go to Dumbledore. What would he do? He didn’t know. But it was probably the wisest decision. Go to Dumbeldore, explain what happened, as for forgiveness perhaps, apologize, and then...go home? Just like what he had expected at first? Neither outcome really satisfied Remus. But this wasn’t about satisfaction anyway. 

“Don’t do it.” 

Remus jumped and he looked down to where Sirius was still laying in bed next to him. Sirius sat up.. 

“Don’t do what?” Remus asked looking away. 

“Don’t leave.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Remus grumped and pushed the blanket away, plodding over to the bathroom. Sirius followed him. 

“I know what you’re thinking Remus. Stop it.”

Remus scoffed, “You don’t know anything.”

“Remus you can’t tell Dumbledore, he would just send you home!”

“Good.” 

“Remus!” Sirius looked around to make sure they wouldn’t wake anyone up. 

“What?” 

“Remus, I don’t want you to leave. Ok? If you don’t care about leaving all of this behind then at least do it for me. One more secret, Remus. Please.” 

“You think I want to go?” Remus asked, feeling tears burn in his eyes. “I can’t stay here Sirius. It was nice pretending for a while, but I can’t pretend anymore. Sooner or later you’ll realise what a monster I am and you’ll stop with all of this-”

“Remus you’re not a fucking monster now listen to me! You deserve to be here just like everyone else.”

Remus looked at Sirius through the mirror. He breathed out heavily, “Sirius. Tell me one good reason why I should stay here.”

Sirius could feel his fist shaking. 

“Please, Sirius.” Remus’s eyes seemed glazed over. “Please. I don’t want to lose this…” 

Sirius didn’t know what to say. He bit his lip. What did you say to someone in a time like this? How could he convince his friend not to throw away his life because of a simple thing like this? 

“The stars, Remus.” Sirius finally whispered. Remus looked up, slowly. “Who else would tell me about them?” 

Remus breathed out shakily, his amber eyes dull. Sirius could almost feel himself hold his breath, as he continued to look into Remus’s reflection. It seemed like the whole world revolved around this moment, around Remus’s answer. 

“Ok,” Remus said, turning around and looking at Sirius, “I’ll stay for a bit longer.”

Sirius almost felt like collapsing to the ground. “Ok.” He said, “Good.”

Remus blinked rapidly, and looked down at his feet, “....Wanna go on a walk Black?” 

Sirius hesitated, “Huh?”

“Just the two of us.” Remus whispered, “I need some fresh air.” 

“Alright.” Sirius said softly, “I don’t mind walking.”