Farewell
The wind was chilly now, biting the skin of those around. No longer were they surrounded by crisp, green terrain, but grey, icy tundras.
They had reached the North Pole.
Zuko felt the pit in his stomach tighten as he looked out on the frozen horizon. They were really here, which meant one thing.
He was going to have to say goodbye.
‘Don’t think about it don’t think about it—“
“Hey Zuko,” Sokka called out behind him.
The princes responded with a slight smile, but didn’t turn much to face the other boy. He sat down beside him on the railing.
“Are you thinking about something?” Sokka questioned, just a tinge of concern in his voice.
“Huh?”
“You’re brooding.”
He scoffed, “I do not brood.”
Sokka raised an eyebrow, and gave him his signature no bullshit face.
“No but seriously, what’s on your mind?”
You.
“Just....things.”
Sokka chuckled, “always a man of few words, I’ll sure miss that.”
Zuko quickly turned his head at that comment, and even in the dark, he could see Sokka’s own embarrassment. Like he had said something he shouldn’t have.
“Just like the lovely sea sickening ocean or the delicious food from this ship,” he quickly spurted out in an attempt to cover up what he last said.
Was Sokka going to miss him? His heart beat a little faster at the thought.
Stupid stupid—
“So what are you going to do once you get to the North Pole?” Zuko asked, and his throat nearly closed up at the thought.
The warrior took a breath in and lazily ran a hand on his head.
“Well, probably find Katara a master to teach her water bending,” he replied, but it seemed he didn’t know how to continue, but had more to say.
“I asked what you were going to do, not what Katara was going to do,” Zuko spoke bluntly, but not too unkindly, like he always did.
Sokka’s eyes looked up at him, wide and as blue as the ocean. Zuko’s mouth felt dry.
“I—I don’t know.”
Stay with me.
“Well I’m sure you’ll find something. You’ve always been the creative one,”
Fuck, did that sound stupid?
“I dunno, I’ve seen you do some pretty creative shit. Remember when you inadvertently enacted revenge on Zhao by puking on him in front of all his colleagues?”
Zuko rolled his eyes, “and then I had to humiliate myself by apologizing to him the next day.” Sokka scowled at that.
Good memories.
He refocused back on Zuko’s face.
“What about you, what are you going to do? Continue your epic avatar search?”
Normally there would be no hesitation in that answer, but now, after everything he’d seen, everyone he had met, he wasn’t sure on how to answer.
“I suppose I don’t know either—“
A chilling breeze swept through, causing Sokka to momentarily shiver.
“Here,” Zuko breathed in, then created fire in his palms, “come here.”
“You know, I was raised in the South Pole,” Sokka stated proudly.
“Then why are you moving closer?”
Sokka looked up at his, his eyes lit by the orange flame,
“Hmm, it does feel nice,” his answer was practically barely above a whisper. Both boys couldn’t help but inch forward a bit more, until their foreheads were almost touching.
“Zuko?”
“Yeah?”
Sokka leaned back a bit so he could make eye contact with him. Silence followed, like he was holding back on what he wanted to say. His eyes were so big and his lips were parted and he was sure the boy was going to—
“Um, I—we should go back inside.”
It shouldn’t have, but that made Zuko’s heart feel like it had been stabbed. It was traitorous of him to even consider the thought of Sokka wanting to...to kiss him. But it was a thought, and he couldn’t deny it no matter how wrong it was.
“Yeah, yeah we should.” He quickly put out the flame so that they were in complete darkness.
It was so cold.
The walk back inside was silent, so silent that Zuko feared he had fucked it up.
Could he tell what he was thinking? Was he disgusted by him? Did he even want to still be friends with him?
Before he could spiral completely, Katara greeted them with a full bag.
“Well, I’m all set for when we make it to the Northern Water Tribe tomorrow? Aren’t you excited, Sokka?”
He nodded in reply, then walked off, probably towards his room. Zuko wanted to cry now.
“What’s wrong with him?” Katara questioned. The prince bit the inside of his cheek to keep his emotions in check.
“I—I don’t know.”
Katara scrunched her brows suspiciously, then placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.
“Nothing a bit of sleep can’t fix.”
He smiled, a tad bit forced (like the kind from parties at the palace when creepy commanders would come up and greet you). Fuck now he’s comparing Katara to those gasbags. Get it together Zuko.
He wanted to believe Katara, but sleep can’t fix things like this.
And it wasn’t like they had much time left.
...........................................
Sokka slammed the door to his room and slid down with his back against it, burying his face in his knees.
His heart was practically pounding out of his chest.
Why was he feeling this way? Why did his heart flutter and his cheeks burn while looking into Zuko’s eyes?
Why—why did he want to kiss him in the light of his flame and never leave him.
But he couldn’t do either. Tomorrow he was leaving him and he can’t kiss Zuko because that’s wrong and—
His heart ached at the thought of getting off this rust bucket, this ship that he got to know Prince Zuko of the Fire Nation on.
But he wasn’t just that, he was Zuko.
His friend that meant more than he could ever know. The friend that he shared his vulnerabilities with and did so many wildly insane things with that he would have never before.
Did he feel the same? Probably not. In fact, Sokka was sure if that was even a thought in the prince’s mind he was surely disgusted by it. He wasn’t exactly brought up in the most accepting of nations.
Stupid nations, stupid war. That’s why he would never see Zuko again. He wished he could just walk through the wall of the Northern Water Tribe with his prince and all could be well.
But life in this world cannot be that simple, because everything is a battle to win.
There was nothing he could do to change things now. Tomorrow was inevitable and he would probably never see the prince again.
He blinked away tears, wiping them away with his forearm.
Shit.
He was going to miss him so much.
.............................................
Katara wasn’t going to lie, her time on this ship wasn’t always the most pleasant, but her small friendships with the members of the boat were going to be something she would miss greatly.
Especially Iroh and Zuko.
She was currently sharing what was probably her last real cup of tea with them, savoring the warmth and flavor.
‘I wonder if the Northern Water Tribe will have things like this?’
She looked up from her cup to see Iroh with his usual pleasant expression, but Zuko was off. It’s not like he wasn’t moody in the past, but tonight he seemed especially worried about something.
“Ah, I almost forgot Katara,” Iroh finally said, “whenever it is that you make it inside the walls of the Northern Tribe, make sure to say you are looking for Master Pakku, and that an old friend sent you.”
He stretched out a hand, handing her a small lotus tile.
“I didn’t know you knew anyone from the Water Tribe,” she questioned.
He chuckled for a moment, “I have....acquaintances throughout all the nations.”
This elicited a small grin out of her; Iroh would definitely be a man she would never forget.
“Well, I am going to retire for the night, good luck with the rest of your preparations,” he gently placed a hand on his nephew’s shoulder who tensed for a moment. He removed his hand, “I will see you both in the morning,” he quietly bowed and returned to his quarters.
Zuko continued his blank staring after his uncle left, and Katara couldn’t help but ask,
“Ok, what’s wrong?”
He perked up,
“Huh?”
She raised an eyebrow, before leaning forward,
“You’ve been acting even more dreary than usual, and I noticed Sokka was too. Did you two.....”
“It’s fine.”
The response was short, and normally someone would leave it at that. But Katara was as stubborn as they get.
“Zuko, what’s going on? Trust me, I won’t judge.”
He sighed, and felt his eyes glisten. No no, no crying now.
“Umm....yeah....it’s your brother. He umm—I guess I might miss him but...he doesn’t seem to feel the same.”
Katara blinked for a couple moments, before looking like she was holding in laughter.
“What’s so funny?” He asked, a bit annoyed.
“No it’s just...my brother definitely feels the same way. In what way you want, I can’t say. But he definitely cares about you a lot.”
It took him a minute to take in the words, but he couldn’t help but deny it. Who could care about him? The only person who ever truly cared for him without conditions was his mother, and she left him. His uncle was probably only with him on this mission because he felt an obligation to. He needed to earn his father’s love.
So why would Sokka truly care for him, a scarred, pathetic boy?
“He didn’t seem to act like it.” He finally responded quietly.
“That’s because that’s who Sokka is. He’s always putting up this strong front so he can’t get hurt. It’s what makes you two so similar.”
“Hey I don’t-“
“Don’t even try to deny it, Zuko. We all know you aren’t as mean as you present yourself to be, thank the spirits.”
He couldn’t even think of a way to respond, so he crossed his arms.
“Zuko, listen. Just tell Sokka how you really feel. It will make you both feel so much better.”
“What good would that do? He’d still be leaving anyways.”
The waterbender sighed, then softly patted the prince’s hand.
“It would let him know that you care.”
He nodded in response.
Yeah, yeah maybe he would talk to Sokka. He just had to think of the right words to say.
But he would do it, because he couldn’t let him leave before he knew what he felt, or what he felt towards him.
He will tell him.
.................................................
Needless to say, Zuko couldn’t think of the right words to say, and spent the night pacing around his room until his eyes burned with exhaustion.
Once he finally left the room in the morning, he ran into Sokka, who noticed the tinge of red in his eyes.
“Hey, you good?”
He just blinked at him, debating on how to answer.
‘No Sokka I’m not ok. I’m not ok because I care about you so fucking much and in a way I probably shouldn’t even but I do and I don’t know now how I’m supposed to continue on with my life without you in it—‘
“Yeah I’m fine, just a bad night of sleep,” he replied with a thinly veiled fake smile.
Sokka was looking at him like he didn’t believe his words, but reluctantly agreed not to say anything about it.
“Are....you ok?” Zuko asked, secretly hoping maybe Katara was right and Sokka did care for him. Then maybe he would be the one to say something about it and make Zuko’s life a bit easier.
“Yeah I am,” he responded, immediately turning away and walking down the hall.
‘Damn, Katara was wrong.’
Sokka didn’t seem to care, if anything, it seemed he wanted nothing to do with him now.
Had he already moved on? Was he already prepared to leave him behind? Did he ever care?
He felt the tears well up in his eyes at the thought, but he wiped them away.
Sokka was just a stupid boy with stupid beautiful eyes and a smile that made his heart thump and a presence that made him breathe.
But it was time to leave that behind, even if it was the hardest thing he’d ever have to do.
....................................
The sun was now high in the sky, giving some warmth to the dreary cold. Still, it didn’t fix anything, because a small canoe was prepared for Sokka and Katara.
It was finally time to leave.
The siblings had everything ready to go, with warm clothes and rations packed.
Katara pulled her hood over her head, shivering momentarily.
“I almost forgot how cold it can get in these parts,” she stated through clenched teeth.
“Makes me look all the more forward to it,” Sokka said sarcastically.
Iroh walked up to the trio and smiled, holding out a small package.
“I want you too to have this. It’s my favorite, ginseng tea.”
He handed the siblings the package, and they took it with gratitude.
“Thank you.”
Zuko felt rather stiff, rather strange standing there saying nothing.
He noticed the sword, the jian he had won all those months ago holstered to Sokka’s hip, and his chest felt much tighter.
He hardly noticed his uncle next to him bowing, a symbol of farewell.
“My best wishes for your travels, young water tribe citizens. May we meet again.”
The two returned the bow respectfully, Katara with gleaming eyes.
“Thank you for everything,” she added, biting her lips to stifle tears.
He smiled back, then looked between his nephew and Sokka, who were obviously forcing themselves to remain resolute.
“I sense that this goodbye needs to be more private. I will take my leave.”
One last smile, then he turned to the warm interior of the ship.
The three of them stood there awkwardly, as teenagers do. Katara was the first to move, stepping forward to pull Zuko into a hug.
“Can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m gonna miss you a lot.”
He quietly returned the hug, praying to the spirits that we wouldn’t cry.
It was kind of hard to do that when your only friends were leaving you behind, as everyone does.
When she pulled away, he could see the tears streaming down her face and the redness in her eyes.
“I’ll miss you a lot too Katara.” It sounded stiff coming from him, but she could hear the sincerity in his voice, and she smiled.
“I’m gonna get in the canoe before I start sobbing,” she sniffled.
The waterbender quickly began moving her bags into the canoe, wiping her runny nose as she did so.
And there they were, the water tribe warrior and the fire prince, standing there, not even being able to look at one another.
It wasn’t until Sokka completely got lost in thought and dropped a pack he was holding that they interacted, when Zuko bent down to pick it up for him.
“Thanks,” he said quietly, as they met eyes by chance.
Gold met blue, and the sound of their hearts breaking in union could have practically echoed across the tundra.
“Zuko.....”
He couldn’t say words. He didn’t know what to say, and neither did the boy he was addressing.
“Please don’t forget about me,” he practically blurted out, not even thinking before the words stumbled out.
Sokka looked just about ready to cry at that statement, but being Sokka, he found some sarcasm in this situation,
“How could I? I got this....fancy sword to remember you by.”
He laughed at his own comment, trying to lighten the mood, but when he saw Zuko’s grave expression remain, he stopped.
“I guess I should leave you something to remember me by.”
That helped Zuko to brighten up a bit, and he rolled his eyes.
Shit, he was going to miss him.
“What do you have that I would want?” He snorted.
Sokka tapped his chin, thinking for a moment.
What was something he really cared for?
He knew immediately once that thought popped into his head, and he almost didn’t even consider it.
He dug through his bag, while the prince watched him, confused.
“Ah,” he exclaimed as he pulled the item out of his bag.
His boomerang.
“Sokka—“
“No, I want you to have it,” he explained as he held it out.
“I couldn’t,” he held his hands up in refusal, shocked this was even an option for him.
“You fought a grown man to win me this sword, I want you to have this,” he paused, then softened his face, “please.”
He placed in into the firebender’s hands,
“So you won’t forget me.”
He almost didn’t close his fingers around it, but Sokka seemed so certain about it.
This was all so confusing, one moment Sokka seemed to not want anything to do with him, now he was giving him his most prized possession.
“I’m sorry I didn’t have enough time to show you how to use it.”
He ran his pale fingers over the decals of the weapon, then looked back up to meet Sokka’s eyes one last time.
Then he did something he would never do (Sokka seemed to do that to him).
He pulled him into a hug.
Sokka gasped from surprise, and remained still for a few moments, until wrapping his arms around his waist, his face buried in his shoulder.
He smelled like home, a home that couldn’t be his.
He couldn’t help but close his eyes and envision a world where this could be how it was, and he’d never have to untangle himself from Sokka’s arms.
He had to let go.
“Sokka, your sister is waiting,” he mumbled against his shoulder.
“Right,” he replied as he slowly pulled away.
Zuko tried to pretend he didn’t notice Sokka glancing at his lips because damn it he knew he didn’t care for him that way and even if he did, there was nothing he could do about it now.
He looked at Katara, who smiled at him.
“I um—I’ll lower you guys down.”
He helped Sokka get into the small canoe, trying to savor the feeling of his hand in his as he guided him in.
Once Sokka was settled in, he let go of his hand that he didn’t even realize he was still holding, their fingertips slowly grazing one another. Their eyes never left one another.
“Ok, I’m gonna lower you guys down now.”
Both siblings nodded in reply before settling more comfortably in their seats.
As he pulled the rope, the duo began getting lower and lower and closer and closer to the sea, and considering the size of the boat, it didn’t take long to hit the water.
He could see Sokka still looking up at him, eyes as blue as the ocean he floated on, before raising a hand as a farewell, to which he returned. He then looked back down to grab the oars that were seated in the canoe along with his sister.
He wanted to follow them, to make sure he could see them reach the gates of the Northern Water Tribe, but that would risk them being caught.
As if this day could get worse.
So he stayed at the railing, watching as the canoe disappeared into the distance.
And that’s when he let the tears pour.
...................................
Back on the water, Katara insisted on using her bending to move their canoe along.
“No, I got it—“
“Sokka it would be easier if I just—“
“I need something to distract me from....from EVERYTHING.”
She paused for a moment as she watched her brother drop the oar before burying his face in his hands.
His shoulders abrupt up and down movements showed that he was crying.
No, he was sobbing.
Not caring that they were in the middle of the ocean, she wrapped her arms around her brother and hugged tightly.
“I—I’m gonna miss him so much Katara...I—I’m never gonna see him again....” he said in between hiccups.
“I know....I’ll miss him too.”
He didn’t want to say it out loud, but he knew in his heart that it wasn’t the same. He was sure Katara and Zuko had a bond, a good friendship that formed over the last few months, but it wasn’t the same.
Zuko was his person. His bond with him went beyond friendship or brotherhood, it was intimate and powerful and emotional and....
.....and it didn’t matter anymore because he was already on his way away from him.
They were always bound for failure, him and Zuko. They were from two different worlds, separating by class and ethnicity, two nations who hated one another.
But they came together, despite it all, and now reality was crashing down on both of them.
“—here, I’ll get us to the Northern Water Tribe. It’s not far.”
Normally he would reject help, but his state was too far gone to even attempt to complete his task, so he relinquished.
Then he passed out, thinking of gold eyes as he did so.
...........................