Love you goodbye
Chapter 6 – Love you goodbye
It's inevitable everything that's good comes to an end
It's impossible to know if after this we can still be friends
I know you're saying you don't wanna hurt me
Well, maybe you should show a little mercy
The way you look I know you didn't come to apologize
Oh, why you wearing that to walk out of my life?
Walking on the hallways of the GRU, Nicole held a vase of flowers with one of her hands, and with the other, she carried a box with lunch for two. Arriving at the History department, she balanced the things in her hands and managed to open the door. Waverly was so deep in her thoughts that she didn’t even notice Nicole's arrival.
“Someone here looks pretty busy,” Nicole said.
“Hey, Nicole,” Waverly looked up from the books that were all over her desk. “Sorry I didn’t see you. Were you waiting there for long?”
“No, I just got here. I remembered that yesterday you told me you had a big day today, so I imagine that you didn’t go out for lunch,” the redhead gestured to the box in her hand.
“You are the best person on this entire planet. What do you have there?”
“Vegan tacos.”
“Oh, never ever get away from my life again,” Waverly giggled.
“Don’t worry, Waves. I don’t plan to.”
“What about the flowers?”
“Well, these roses are basically the only thing that Uncle Mike left me that I managed to keep alive,” Nicole replied. “Do you remember how much he cared about them?”
“Yeah, he always complaint that Wynonna would pull them out before they were ready,” the brunette smiled at the memory.
“This is the only tradition I manage to keep doing. Sometimes they die, but then I buy new ones and we keep going. It makes me feel close to him. I thought you would like some of them in your office.”
“Thank you,” Waverly held the vase close to her chest. “That is very sweet of you.”
“I brought lunch but if you are too busy, there is no problem. I’ll leave it here and you eat whenever you can. I don’t want to bother you.”
“No, no, Nicole. I’d like to have lunch with you and I could most definitely use a break,” Waverly then looked at the books on her desk. “But this place is a mess right now. Do you mind if we sit under the window?”
“The place doesn’t matter,” Nicole smiled. “I came because of the company.”
“Flatter.”
“Just honest,” Nicole huffed a little when she bent her legs to sit.
“Are you alright?” Waverly worried. “Oh, is your knee hurting because we stayed out so late yesterday?”
“I’m okay, Waves.”
“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed it so long at the park.”
“Hey, this is not your fault,” Nicole eased her. “I just haven’t iced it for a while and I really should have. But don’t worry. That’s not something I’m not used to. It happens sometimes. I’ll be good as new tomorrow.”
“Well, next time we go out, I’ll plan something that won’t hurt you, I promise.”
“I’m honestly good, Waves,” Nicole smiled at the other woman’s concern. “But if you want to do something in a laid-back style, we can go to my place and I’ll cook for you.”
“I’d like that very much,” Waverly replied dreamily.
“I’ll make your favorite lasagna. Now tell me, what are you working on?”
“It’s a combined work with the archeology department. They were digging some sites in Calgary and they found something that looks like a document. I need to analyze and translate it to figure out when it was written. They need all the evidence they can have to establish the timeline,” Waverly explained.
“Wow, that seems incredibly hard. If you need any help, please tell me,” Nicole said. “And when I say help I mean to bring you food, distract you on your break, do something so you can relax, not help you translate. Even if I had two brains I wouldn’t be half as smart as you are.”
“You are very charming today, aren’t you?” Waverly teased.
Nicole only laughed and they continued to have lunch peacefully. When they finished, the redhead began to collect the boxes to put them on trash.
“I’ll go now and leave you to finish your work. I already took too much of your time.”
“Thank you for bringing lunch to me,” Waverly said as she helped Nicole to stand up.
“I know that when you are deep in your work you only remember to eat when you start to have a headache,” the redhead said. “I couldn’t let that happen.”
“That is very kind of you,” Waverly got closer to her friend and placed her arms around her in a hug. She instantly felt Nicole doing the same. The brunette rested her head on Nicole's chest and took advantage of the moment to breathe the woman in as much as she could. “After all these years, you still smell like vanilla dipped donuts.”
“You are the only person in the world who can smell it,” Nicole kissed her on the top of her head. “I’ll come by later to check on you, ok?”
“I look forward to it already,” Waverly said while the redhead walked out of her office. “You had it really bad, Waverly Earp,” she said to herself.
It was almost the end of her shift and Nicole couldn’t be happier with that. She was just going to put the tools back in the box and then she would go see Waverly. The redhead wanted to invite her friend to come over. They could maybe watch a movie or just talk some more. Three knocks on the door behind her took Nicole from her thoughts. When she turned around to see who was there, it was like all the blood vanished from her body. Instantly her breathe was caught on her throat.
“Do you have a minute, Nicole?” Wynonna asked at the door.
“Wynonna. What can I do for you?”
“I want to talk about yesterday,” Wynonna tried her best to not show any emotion on her face or her voice. “I saw you with Jonas.”
“Listen, Wynonna. I didn’t buy anything from him yesterday,” Nicole rushed on her answer.
“Waverly had told me that you guys would hang out at the festival.”
“Yes, we were there together. But I swear I didn’t do anything to put her in risk,” Nicole said with far less confidence than she had shown the last time she talked to Wynonna. "I even told him to get away from me."
“I’m here to help and I will always be,” Wynonna said assertively. “But don’t you dare to drag my sister on this road.”
“You can trust me on that, Wynonna.”
“Can I?” The brunette challenged. “Because as far as I can see, you have been a regular customer to Jonas and Sam.”
“Have you been following me?”
“You are completely out of your mind if you think that I’ll let you sleep on the streets by yourself,” Wynonna stated angrily.
“Because the founder of PeaceMaker can’t see a lost cause without doing something?” Nicole challenged her.
“No. Because you are my friend, Nicole. Despite what you think about me I still care about you,” Wynonna sighed. “Look, I didn’t come here to fight again. Even if I care about you, and I really do, my biggest concern always was and always will be Waverly and Alice. So I’m asking you, don’t put Waves in a weird spot. She has worked her ass off to occupy the position that she has now. She cares about you and she might not see things clearly because of her feelings. Baby girl is the best of us. We both know that. She doesn’t deserve to be caught in your crossfire.”
“I’ll keep Waverly away from my shit. Just don’t tell her anything. Please,” Nicole said with begging eyes.
“You know that I won’t, but you better do. You know how smart she is. She’ll figure out soon.”
“I’ll work on that.”
“I don’t want to be hard on you, but I have to protect her. I’ll always do that.”
“I understand,” Nicole looked at her feet.
“I’ll leave you to do your work now,” Wynonna said. “And Nicole? My offer is still up. If you ever decide to take the lead of your life again, I’m here for you. My arms will always be open for you and PeaceMaker can be a start. I still love you, even when you hate me. Just don’t hurt my sister, please.”
Wynonna walked away before Nicole could give her an answer. She wanted to say that she didn’t hate her. That what she felt was a shame because of all the shit she had been doing with her life. She was sad, disappointed, and angry with herself. Most of all, Nicole wanted to say that she would rather die before she hurt Waverly because she thought the woman was the purest person in the world and no way she would want to corrupt her.
Nicole sat in an old chair in the room and tried to control her breathing. She still had to check on Waverly. She had promised that to the woman and she couldn’t let her down. She never did, she didn’t plan to start now. A few minutes had passed by since Wynonna had left when Nicole decided to go after the younger Earp.
When she arrived there, she noticed that Waverly was not alone. She could hear the woman talking to someone. Nicole put half of her body inside of the room and she couldn’t help but smile at the sight of the brunette’s company.
“And it is so unfair that she said that,” Alice complained about something Nicole knew nothing about. “Look, Auntie Waverly, there’s a lady at the door.”
“Hey, come on in,” Waverly signed to Nicole.
“I just came to see if you were not overworking yourself,” the redhead said.
“I think I know you,” Alice studied Nicole's face.
“Yes, you do, Alice. This is Nicole. She is your mom’s and I friend,” Waverly explained.
“You haven’t seen me in a while, Alice. The last time I saw you, you were very little. Something like this,” Nicole used her hand to show an imaginary girl. “You are so grown up.”
“Wynonna just dropped her here,” Waverly said. “She picked her up at school and they were going home when she was called back to PeaceMaker last minute. Dolls is working the night shift, so it’s just me and my favorite niece today.”
“I’m your only niece, Aunt Waverly,” Alice giggled.
“I was thinking that we could have some ice-cream to make up for your bad day at school,” Waverly suggested. “What do you think, Alice?”
“Yes, yes, pretty, pretty please!”
“Would you like to tag along with us, Nicole?”
“Oh, no. I don’t think that is a good idea,” the redhead heard her voice tremble and she took a step back. “It’s better if you go just the two of you. I won’t bother you tonight.”
“I told you before,” Waverly tried, “you are not a bother.”
“I just came for a quick check. I’ll leave you two alone. We can talk tomorrow. Bye Waves, bye Alice.”
With that, Nicole left the two Earps at the history department without fully understanding what had happened.
“That was… strange,” Waverly said no actually waiting for the little girl to respond. “Anyway, what if we invited Aunt Willa instead?”
“That would be awesome!” The little girl looked more excited than ever. “Aunt Willa always gives me extra chocolate when we go out.”
“Alright. Pick up your backpack and let’s go. She’s still probably at school.”
They drove to Purgatory High just in time to catch Willa before she left the parking lot.
“Aunt Willa,” Alice screamed from inside of the car. “We’re going to have ice-cream. Come with us!”
“Hey you two,” Willa replied from her car. “Go ahead and I’ll follow you, kid.”
When they arrived at the diner, Waverly couldn’t even say hi to her sister before the little girl jumped on her older aunt.
“Hello, pumpkin,” Willa kissed her on her head. “How are you?”
“Some kids were really mean today at school with me and Sarah, so Aunt Waverly said we could have ice-cream.”
“I’m so sorry, Alice. You know what? Because of that, you can have two extra chocolates today.”
“Nice!”
“Go there and choose what you want,” Waverly told her niece. “We’ll be waiting for you over here.”
“Babysitting today, Kid?” Willa asked as they sat at one of the booths.
“Wynonna was called back last minute, so she asked me to do take care of Alice.”
“It’s good to have extra hands,” Willa smiled. “I’m glad I’m not the only aunt around here anymore. Don’t you dare to leave us again.”
“I won’t,” Waverly smiled. “Should we really allow her to have that much of sugar on a weeknight?”
“We are the cool aunts, Waves. Her mom can worry about that.”
“I can see that you haven’t changed your mind about having kids,” Waverly guessed.
“I wasn’t built for that, neither was Robert, that’s for sure,” Willa didn’t sound any close to bitter. “I’m glad to have Alice around and that I can spoil her as much as I want, but I am not a mother.”
“As long as you are happy, I am, too,” Waverly smiled.
“Aunties!” Alice came to them in a rush. “Sarah is here too, with her mom. Can I sit you them just a tiny little bit? Please, please, please?”
“Yes, go on little one. But when I say it’s time we go, ok?” Waverly asked seriously.
“Ok, thanks!” She ran to her friend.
“What about you, Waves?” Willa asked. “How are you doing?”
“Good, good,” she sighed without noticing.
“Okay, spit it out,” Willa stared at Waverly just as hard as the younger woman was doing. “Come on, I think I know my baby sister enough to know when something is on her mind.”
“Promise to not freak out?”
“I promise to try very hard,” Willa replied with a grim.
“There is this person. Well, there always was. We are getting closer again now that I’m back home. But I think I’m alone on my feelings.”
“Have you said anything to them about your feelings?” Willa asked.
“No, I can’t do that,” Waverly shook her head. “I’m sure this is a one-side thing and I don’t want it to affect our friendship.”
“Anyone who doesn’t want to be with you must be completely out of their mind…”
“It’s Nicole,” Waverly interrupted her sister.
“Haught, of course. You always had a special look just for her,” Willa gave her a supportive smile. “I didn’t know it was still something you were feeling.”
“Wynonna said something like that, too.”
“Okay, now you are starting to annoy me with Wynonna knowing everything before I do, kid. You have to keep me updated, you know?”
“I’m sorry,” Waverly couldn’t help but giggle. “I promise I’ll do it more often.”
“And as for Nicole. She always treated you well. Maybe you do have a chance with her.”
“I don’t know,” Waverly replied. “It feels like every time we are getting somewhere, she just pulls away from me suddenly. She said she wanted to make me my favorite lasagna, but when I invited her to come to have ice cream with us she said no.”
“Did you consider that maybe it was because you were with Alice and not just because of you?” Willa tried to reason.
“I didn’t think about that, but you might be right. She and Wynonna are not into terms, she probably didn’t want to do something to make it worse,” Waverly nodded at the thought. “What even happened between them anyway?”
“Oh, no, kid. I’m not a snitch,” Willa leaned on her sit. “That’s something you have to talk to Haught about.”
“She doesn’t seem like she can open up to me,” Waverly admitted.
“She will, at her own time. Just be there for her. She has been alone for a very long time. Maybe she doesn’t remember how great you are, but she’ll come to her senses.”
“Since when are you so supportive of Nicole?” Waverly wondered amused.
“I am not. I’m supportive of you. Team Waverly all the way,” Willa said. “But you like her, so what can I do? Just remember one thing: no matter how much you care about her, you have always to come first, okay, kid? Don’t let her break your spirit or put you in a tough position.”
“She would not do that,” Waverly frowned.
“I’m just saying that she might not be exactly the same person you remember. High school was a long time ago. If she wants to be with you she must be worthy of the position.”
“I don’t even know why we are considering it as an option. She doesn’t see me like that,” Waverly felt a bitter taste on her mouth at that confession.
“We never know, kid. It might happen. And if it does, you better be prepared.”
“You know what? I can’t think about that right now or I’ll get anxious. Can we change the subject, please?”
“Sorry, I don’t mean to make you feel bad,” Willa said. “I just don’t you to break your heart. Let’s talk about something else.”
“Thank you.”
“So, Robert wants you to come over for dinner someday. Apparently you are 'the only fun Earp to be around’, he said.”
“That’s because you and Wynonna never let him talk about his antiques.”
“Yeah, no. I know enough about those things. I’ll let this kind of fun for you nerds.”
“Rude,” Waverly pretended to be offended.
“I don’t want to cut this short, but I do have to go,” Willa checked her watch. “I was planning to cook for him tonight.”
“Don’t let me get in your way. At least one of us has a decent love life to care about,” Waverly pouted.
“Oh, stop crying, you big baby. Remember that you are the responsible adult today and you have a kid to take care of.”
“And I’ll take the said kid home before she gets a sugar rush,” Waverly decided. “No one in the homestead needs a seven-year-old awake at 1 am. Alice, let’s go home, pumpkin.”
Nicole slammed the door behind her as soon as she walked inside her home. With a heavy sigh, she contemplated the empty house around her. Deep down she knew she was making one mistake after the other in her life, but at the same time, she didn’t have it in her to fight against it.
The redhead moved to the kitchen and opened one of the cabinets, taking two bottles of whiskey from it. She grabbed a glass from the cupboard, but she gave it up soon after.
Pacing the living room, she wanted to break everything that was around her, but it was useless. She was the only broken thing that should be in that room. It didn’t take long for her to drown all the liquid from the bottles inside her system. She stumbled around the hallway and into a chair that was in her room. She fell over it and instantly the urge to throw up filled her completely. Half crawling, half walking she managed to get to the bathroom and she leaned against the toilet. She put out all the bitter liquid from her body and sat tiredly on the bathroom floor. Nicole used the last piece of strength she had in her body to go back to her room. The chair was still on the floor and she crouched to try to put it up only to fall one more time. She decided to stay there, just a couple of minutes until she wasn’t feeling so dizzy anymore.
Minutes turned into hours and the whole night went by without Nicole realizing it. When she woke up in the morning, she noticed that her shirt was dirty from throwing up some hours before. She needed to admit that Wynonna was right after all. She was a complete failure and she would only cause trouble to Waverly. She couldn’t let that happen. She needed to step aside because she would hurt her anyway.
Unforgettable together, held the whole world in our hands
Unexplainable, a love that only we could understand, yeah
I know there's nothing I can do to change it
But is it something that can be negotiated?
My heart's already breaking, baby, go on, twist the knife
Oh, baby, let me love you goodbye