You & I
Chapter 3 – You & I
I figured it out
I figured it out from black and white
Seconds and hours
Maybe they had to take some time
I know how it goes
I know how it goes from wrong and right
Silence and sound
Did they ever hold each other tight like us?
Did they ever fight like us?
The work for the day was almost over, but there was a feeling of uneasiness inside of Waverly ever since her lunch with Nicole earlier that day. She was feeling overwhelmed, but the brunette didn’t want to go down that road again. She had done such a great job by keeping all the feelings she had for the redhead buried inside her for so many years and now just a couple of hours together were enough for them to rise to the surface. She was feeling like an idiot and she hated it. Nicole had never had feelings for her when they were teenagers, why would it have changed over the years? All the times she had made a fool of herself around the redhead all those years ago haven’t been enough?
“Waverly Earp,” a woman arrived at her office and Waverly smiled at the sight in front of her.
“Willa,” she moved inside the room to get closer to her sister.
“I’m this close of being offended that you haven’t come to meet me yet, kid,” Willa hugged her sister. “How are you doing, Waves? Already adjusted to the new job?”
“Almost,” Waverly smiled. “Wynonna told you the news?”
“Yeah, I called her today and she told me you moved back to the homestead. The question is why you didn’t tell me before.”
“I wasn’t sure I would get the job, I didn’t want to jeopardize it.”
“Oh, please,” Willa smiled and sat at the chair in front of Waverly's desk. “Lucado would be crazy if she didn’t hire you. Purgatory has never seen anyone smarter than you, kid.”
“Says the youngest principal Purgatory High School has ever had,” Waverly teased. “I missed you, Willa.”
“I missed you too, Waves. So, how does it feel to be back home?”
“Ah, it is so good. I was homesick if I’m being honest.”
“So I was thinking: since you’re here now after so long, what if we made a girls night? Some vegan snacks, a good red wine for us, the cheapest whiskey we can buy for Wynonna,” Willa chuckled. “Dolls can have a movie night with Alice and I’ll give a free night to Robert.”
“Oh, I’d love it,” Waverly smiled. “Is Robert going to be ok with that?”
“Having all night for himself to watch as much History Channel as he wants? I think he’ll be just fine,” Willa joked.
“Ok, I’m all on board.”
“I’ll go home and change into something more comfortable, this principal outfit is upsetting me,” Willa said. “Then I’ll go to the grocery store to buy some things and I’ll meet you at the homestead.”
“I’ll go to PeaceMaker and I’ll let Wynonna know we have plans,” Waverly said already standing up. “I’ll finish all of this tomorrow.”
Waverly parked in front of PeaceMaker and just by looking at the building, she felt incredibly proud of her sister. Wynonna had quite a ride so far in her life and to see her creating something to help other people was amazing. Even though it was open for just a few years, PeaceMaker was already considered one of the most respectable rehab centers inside the Ghost River Triangle.
Walking inside, Waverly noticed some people engaged in a conversation, but Wynonna was nowhere to be seen.
“Hello, can I help you?” A woman with very dark brown hair approached Waverly.
“Hi, I’m looking for Wynonna Earp.”
“She’s at her office, who should I announce?”
“I’m Waverly, her sister.”
“Ah, so you are the famous Waverly. I’m Rosita Bustillos. I’m working here at PeaceMaker for the last 6 months.”
“Waverly!” A voice of surprise came behind her.
“Chrissy! Ah, so good to see you,” Waverly said hugging her.
“Please, never disappear like that again,” Chrissy said and turned to Rosita. “Waverly and I were friends at school. I can’t believe my eyes after so long.”
“It’s good to know you’re back, Waverly. It was nice meeting you. I’ll tell the boss you are here,” Rosita said.
“Thank you,” Waverly replied
“Yeah, thank you, Rosie,” Chrissy said, never keeping her eyes off the woman as she left.
“Ok, spill your guts, Chrissy Nedley.”
“What do you mean?” She replied still getting out of her trance.
“Rosie. I saw the way you just looked at her.”
“We’re friends and we work together,” the blonde said. “But she’s just great. The way she talks to our patients, you should see it. She cares so much about everyone. She's one of the best psychiatrists I have ever seen. But I’d never have a chance. Besides, we are colleagues, it would be incredibly unprofessional.”
“You could have a relationship and still keep it professional,” Waverly said. “And please, you are beautiful. She’d be crazy not to give you a chance.”
“You think so?”
“For sure. And Randy Nedley didn’t raise no coward.”
“How I missed you, Waves,” the blonde woman squeezed her friend’s hand.
“Baby girl, what a surprise,” Wynonna showed up interrupting the friends.
“Hi, Nonna. Do you have a moment?” Waverly asked.
“For you, all the time in the world.”
“I’ll leave you two to talk. You and me, a night out at Shorty’s this week Waverly,” Chrissy said.
“Count me in,” the brunette replied.
“Let’s check the backyard,” Wynonna said. “I think you’ll like it.”
Just by walking outside the center, Waverly could feel at peace.
“You did so well, Wynonna. This place is amazing.”
“Thank you, baby girl. I hope everyone who comes here feels it, too. So, how is work?”
“Good so far,” Waverly bit her lip in anticipation of her next question. “Nicole Haught works at GRU, too.”
“Yeah, that is true,” Wynonna simply said.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Honestly, it just slipped from my mind. Things moved very fast these last few days and it didn’t occur to me to mention it.”
“Apparently you two don’t talk so much anymore,” Waverly ventured more questions. “What happened between you?”
“What did she tell you?”
“Just that you grew apart, which is so hard to believe,” Waverly replied. “You two were so close. Poor Father Juan Carlo couldn’t have one peaceful Sunday because you were always together smoking behind his church.”
“Some stories are not ours to tell, baby girl. I think it’s better if Haught tells you this one,” Wynonna was too mysterious for Waverly's liking.
“It seems like she closed herself,” the younger woman admitted.
“Give her some time,” Wynonna had a playful smile on her face. “She always had a soft spot in her heart for you.”
“Oh, please,” Waverly looked away. “You think so?”
“No one who didn’t care about you would voluntarily spend a sunny afternoon hearing you talk about Greece or Egypt, let alone an entire summer,” Wynonna could see the dreamy look on Waverly's face. “I know you had feelings for her back then.”
“You always knew that, right?” Waverly asked but she was now focusing on her shoes.
“I noticed after a while, I’m not that stupid,” Wynonna chuckled. “I don’t know how you feel about her now, but be careful now, ok? She has gone through a lot. She may be a little different than what you remember or expect.”
“How does someone do that?” Waverly sighed. “How does someone manage to be careful and take it slow with feelings?”
“I don’t know, but if you figure it out we can be millionaires.”
“Ok, let’s move on, I’m not ready for this conversation,” Waverly blurted out. “I talked to Willa. Sisters’ night tonight at the Homestead. How does it sound?”
“I’d love that. Dolls doesn’t have the night shift, so he can hang out with Alice.”
“Great,” Waverly tried to focus on that and forget the talk about Nicole. “Willa will meet us there. Do you want to ride back home together?”
“You go ahead, baby girl. There is someplace I have to go first,” Wynonna dismissed her.
“Ok, I’ll see you at home,” Waverly said and she didn’t wait for Wynonna to go back to her Jeep and drive to the Homestead.
Her head was running a thousand miles per hour, Waverly couldn’t help but think about how enigmatic Wynonna had been. Why couldn’t she tell her what happened between her and Nicole? She understood that the redhead might have changed, but who hasn’t changed since leaving High School?
Sitting behind the wheel, Waverly allowed her mind to drift back to when they were younger and she first realized how in love with Nicole Haught she was.
(2005)
It was lunchtime and Waverly was walking in the library, running her hand on the old books that seemed forgotten at the bookshelves by the other students. It was quiet there and the girl loved that feeling. Every other student was probably outside having fun with friends and she was there alone. At least she had thought so. Someone was mumbling something almost inaudible a few steps to her right. Much to her surprise, she saw that it was Nicole. She was so focused looking for the book that she hadn’t seen Waverly there.
“I think you’re lost in here, jock,” Waverly approached her friend.
“Ha, very funny Waves,” Nicole smiled when she finally realized who was talking to her. “But you are right, I am kinda lost.”
“What are you looking for?”
“The Scarlet Letter, by…”
“Nathaniel Hawthorne,” Waverly cut her and walked to her left. “You are three shelves away from it.”
“Of course you know exactly where it is,” Nicole teased. She was smirking but followed Waverly close. “What are you doing here?”
“I thought I could read a while before my next class,” Waverly found the book and pulled it out, handing it to Nicole.
“Thank you,” the redhead replied. “Where are Chrissy and Robin?”
“They didn’t come to school today, so I came here.”
“But you are alone here,” Nicole tried to understand.
“It’s better to stay alone in the library than at the lunchroom,” Waverly looked at the books next to her. “There’s only so much I can take of Stephanie and Champ talk, you know?”
“You could sit with us,” Nicole said as it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“What? With you and the hockey team?” Waverly couldn’t believe her ears. “Yeah, right.”
“I don’t have to be with them all the time. I know they can be annoying. What if it’s just you, Wynonna, and me today?” Nicole offered. “Listen, if you want to be alone, that’s cool, but I don’t want you to feel like you have to.”
“I don’t want to be a burden to you…”
“You could never, Waverly Earp. Please, come to have lunch with me.”
“Alright,” Waverly agreed. “Let me just grab my bag.”
When the girls arrived at the lunchroom, Wynonna was already there.
“Hey, baby girl. Are you joining us today?”
“If that is okay with you.”
“Always, Waves. Come on.” They grabbed some food and found a table close to one of the windows to sit. “So, baby girl, where are your nerds?”
“They didn’t come today, Nonna.”
“Oh, so Haught and I are your second option? Good to know,” Wynonna teased.
“Ok, Earps and Haughts, what are our thoughts about Perry Crofte?” Mercedes arrived at their table without any announcement and sit there bluntly.
“We already have a jock,” Wynonna pointed at Nicole.
“Hey,” Nicole protested.
“He invited me on a date,” Mercedes ignored Nicole's complaint.
“So you and Perry are a thing now?” Wynonna teased her friend.
“Oh, no, no, no. Nobody said anything about it. I’m talking about going out to have fun,” Mercedes moved anxiously.
“I think he is cute, Mercedes,” Waverly interjected.
“And you know everything about athletes,” Wynonna smiled, “don’t you, baby girl?”
“What does that supposed to mean, Wynonna?”
“I live with you, Waves. I see you daydreaming all the time,” Wynonna replied.
“Wynonna…”
“Waverly, are you into Perry?” Mercedes asked. “Because if you are, I promise I’ll walk away.”
“Don’t worry, Mercedes. Waverly's jock is not in that team,” Wynonna laughed at her own joke.
“No, Mercedes,” Waverly said, glaring at her sister. “I don’t have anything with Perry, but you should go for it.”
“We can go somewhere else if you want, Waves,” Nicole whispered at her friend’s ear.
“It’s okay,” Waverly could barely believe how attentive and careful Nicole always acted around her.
“What are you two whispering about?” Wynonna asked them.
“I’m just telling Waverly that you cry watching A Walk to Remember,” Nicole successfully changed the subject of the conversation.
“Haught! Shut your mouth, what are people going to say if they hear you?”
“That you are a big softie, Nonna,” Waverly smiled.
“You two are unbelievable,” Wynonna complained.
Waverly looked at Nicole and the redhead was laughing at Wynonna. Showing her beautiful dimples. Waverly felt like her chest was being compressed by an anvil that weighed a thousand pounds. It was weird because at the same time it was like she was floating like a feather in the breeze. Her mouth went dry but the thought of what her sister had said a couple of minutes ago: she knew Waverly had feelings for someone. Did she know it was Nicole? Had she been that obvious? Oh, no. Did Nicole know, too? She must think that Waverly was such a stupid little girl who had fallen in love with her sister’s best friend, such a cliché. Nicole must have felt how nervous she was because she squeezed her hand and winked at her. How could she not fall in love with this girl? She was always looking out of her, making sure she was comfortable.
Arriving at the Homestead made Waverly wake up from her daydream. She got inside and quickly jumped into the shower. She wanted to be ready when Willa arrived. A memory from another day that she waited for her older sister hit her hard and she lost herself in the past once again.
(2005)
She was sitting at the front porch at Gus and Curtis’s home, and she saw a car getting closer and closer to the place. Even from afar, she could distinguish the old brown Toyota that belonged to Nicole's uncle.
“Hi, Waves.”
“Hey, Nicole,” she greeted the redhead. “Wynonna hasn’t arrived from Shorty’s yet.”
“Yeah, I know, I talked to her earlier,” Nicole sat next to the girl. “I came here to see you.”
“Me? Why?”
“Well…” Nicole looked nervous, searching for the right words to use, not wanting to hurt Waverly. “I know your parents' death anniversary is in a few days and that you go to the cemetery before the day, so I wanted to offer to go with you, so you don’t have to go alone.”
“That’s very sweet,” Waverly shyly smiled. “I actually have the flowers already. Would it be okay if we go today?”
“Of course. I want you to know that I’m here for you, okay?” Nicole looked deeply at her. “Willa is coming home from university today, isn’t she?”
“Yeah, thank goodness,” Waverly replied. “It will be good to have her here for vacation. I miss her.”
“After we go to see your parents we could go pick her up at the bus station,” Nicole suggested. “What do you think?”
“I’d love that,” Waverly happily said. “But that would take your entire afternoon, Nicole.”
“What, spending the afternoon with you? That sounds amazing,” Nicole bumped her with her shoulder.
They arrived at the cemetery and Waverly placed the flowers she had next to her parents’ grave. Nicole just stood there, next to her.
“Thank you,” Waverly laid her head on Nicole.
“What for?”
“For being here and being you,” Waverly let down a tear.
“I’ll always be here for you, for anything you need,” the redhead kissed her in her head.
“Can we stay here a little longer?”
“As much as you want, Waves.”
They sit there for a while, quietly thinking and remembering. Nicole was hugging Waverly and running circles on her forearm with her free hand.
“I think we can go wait for Willa now,” Waverly lifted her head.
“You sure?”
“Yeah, let’s go.”
Waverly had just gotten out of the shower and she was still half-naked when she heard the sound of a car getting to the homestead. Looking out of the window, she saw Willa getting to the front door.
“Waves, I’m here.”
“One second, Willa,” Waverly screamed from her room. She finished getting dressed and went to the kitchen where her sister was. “Hey, sorry. I was jumping out of the shower.”
“No worries, kid. Is Wynonna still working?”
“Yeah, she said she had to go somewhere first,” Waverly started helping her sister take the food out of the bags.
“I think that’s for the best,” Willa confessed. “We can have everything ready for when she arrives. She’s the worst cook ever.”
Wynonna sighed loudly as she walked alone on the sidewalk. She wasn’t far from her destination, but she knew the talk she was about to have wasn’t going to be easy. On the parking lot at GRU, she saw her, closing the trunk of her car. Nicole seemed distracted and Wynonna noticed that she looked thinner then she was since they last saw each other. When the redhead looked up her eyes met Wynonna’s. She clenched her jaw and moved toward the car’s door and opened it.
“Haught, wait,” Wynonna screamed and jogged so she could get closer to the car before Nicole left.
“What do you want, Earp?”
“I’d like to talk to you a bit,” Wynonna said.
“About what? I thought we didn’t have anything else to talk about.”
“Look, Nicole, I know we said things that both of us regret, I just want us to be able to talk again.”
“You want to talk? Now? After you kicked out of your life the way you did?”
“Come on, you know that it didn’t happen like that,” Wynonna tried again. “You are my best friend. I just wanted to help you.”
“That’s peachy, Wynonna,” Nicole laughed humorlessly. “I don’t need your pity and I certainly don’t need your help. Why this change all of a sudden?”
“Waverly.”
“What about her?” Nicole asked apprehensively. “What did you tell her?”
“Nothing, don’t worry. It’s not my place to do that. But she cares about you,” Wynonna admitted.
“Oh, I get it now, you’re here to tell me to stay away from her, too,” Nicole challenged her old friend.
“No, Nicole, I’m not here to tell you that. I’m just going to ask you to be careful with my sister. You know she puts everyone else before herself.”
“I would never hurt Waverly,” Nicole almost screamed. “Never. I care about her. I always did. I thought you knew that, but I guess I’m only another junkie to you.”
“Nicole, I need you to know that I love you and…”
“You love me?” Nicole slammed the car’s door. “You don’t even talk to Waverly about me. You threw me out of your life. You closed the door on my face. You and I were the same, still, you told me I was no longer welcome at the Homestead and now you have the audacity to come here, on the place I work to tell me you love me?”
“It was not like that, please Nicole. You are, and you will always be welcome in my house, but not when you are like that,” Wynonna tried to clarify. “If you are like yourself, you can go there anytime. However, I have a kid now and I can’t have someone drunk or high around her, she can’t have that as an example for her life. As much as I love you, and I really want you to understand that I do love you, Alice, Waverly, and Willa will always come first to me. They always have and they always will.”
“Are you done? Have you made your peace already?” Nicole asked sarcastically. “Because I have more things to do with my life than to stay here with you pretending to care about me.”
“I’m not pretending anything, ok? I care about you and I have been here for you all along. I know that right now you can’t see the things I did for you and I don’t expect you to do it. At some point you’ll understand that I have always been on your side,” Wynonna said. “And about Waverly, the only thing I ask you is to be careful and honest with her. You know she deserves it.”
“You don’t have to worry about that, Wynonna. As I said, I’d never hurt Waverly. You can go back to your perfect bubble, to save people’s lives. There’s no need for you to stay around me anymore,” Nicole didn’t wait for any reply and just got inside the car and drove away as fast as possible. Wynonna sighed, left behind alone in the parking lot.
Nicole arrived at her house and she couldn’t stay still. She was pacing all over the living room. She had run her hand over her hair so many times that it looked a mess. How could Wynonna think she would hurt Waverly? Yes, her life was shit, but she would never make anything to cause any harm to the woman. She cared deeply for Waverly.
The walls seemed like they were closing around Nicole and she needed to get out before she began to suffocate. Only a few minutes after arriving home, she left again. She needed to go to someplace she could forget. Forget her past mistakes, forget the bullshit around her life, and forget that her once best friend was now thinking so poorly of her. She needed to go somewhere, anywhere. The first place that crossed her mind was Shorty’s, so that’s where she went.
You and I, we don't wanna be like them
We can make it 'til the end
Nothing can come between you and I
Not even the Gods above
Can separate the two of us
No, nothing can come between you and I
I figured it out, saw the mistakes of up and down
Meet in the middle
There's always room for common ground