the call
Marvin stared up at the ceiling. His arms were crossed on this chest, his legs tightly pressed together. His chest and stomach rose and fell to his rhythmic breathing. He barely blinked. There was no energy left in him to blink. He was just… tired. But tired didn’t quite cut it.
His entire life he had tried to understand exactly who he was and what he wanted. But nothing ever made sense. So he just pretended to get it.
“Marvin!”
He closed his eyes. Please, don’t let it be that time yet. He could not handle getting up. Not yet, at least. He was working towards that.
“Baby…”
Whizzer sighed and sat down next to Marvin, the mattress dipped, forcing Marvin’s body to turn towards his lover.
“Are you okay?” He put his hand on Marvin’s cheek and gently stroked over it.
Marvin opened his eyes. He stared up at him in silence. “Why did you call for me?”
Whizzer sighed. “Your father. He’s on the phone.”
Marvin frowned deeply. He sat up. “No, he isn’t.” He shook his head.
“That’s what the man said. Do you want me to hang up?”
Marvin halted. Why, in God’s damned name, was his father calling? It made absolutely no sense to him. He hadn’t spoken to that man since he left for college.
“What does he want?” he muttered. He honest to God did not want to talk with him.
“I don’t know. I can just tell him you’re showering or something?”
“Did you tell him I’m gay?”
Whizzer shook his head slowly. “He… Doesn’t know?”
Marvin cursed. He forced himself out of bed and rushed to the house phone. He wondered how his father even got his number.
He put the phone to his ear and closed his eyes. He was not ready for this. He would never, no matter what, be ready for this moment.
“Joseph,” he stated in the phone, his voice was low. He was trying desperately to keep his emotions to himself. He heard a sharp breath on the other side of the line.
“Son.”
“What do you want?” Marvin all but spat into the phone. So much for keeping it together.
“It’s been too long,” the old voice responded. “I want to meet with you. Maybe bring your wife along? And my grandson. You have a son, right?”
Marvin huffed. He pinched the brigde of his nose before shifting. He put his hand on his hip. “It’s been too short for me. I don’t want to meet with you.”
Joseph sighed. “Not this second. Just… maybe when your guest is gone- you really should not have guests answering your phone, Marvin. That’s just strange.”
“Oh, well, thank you, father, for finally trying to teach me something. How sad for you that it’s only- God, what is it- forty four years too late!” he snapped.
“Don’t use the Lords name in vein.”
“Goddamn, what a good point. Thanks,” he responded sarcastically.
“Marvin…” his father warned.
“Go screw yourself with your stupid plan. I don’t want to see you, or mom, and I’d appreciate it if you did not call me again.”
Joseph stayed silent for a really long time.
“Fine,” he finally said and hung up.
Marvin sighed. When he put down the phone, he noticed he was shaking.
“Marv?” Whizzer’s voice came from behind him and was soon followed by a hand snaking around his waist. He was pulled against Whizzer’s chest.
“What did he want?” Whizzer asked, his voice soft in his ear.
“I want nothing to do with him. It’s all his fault…” He shook his head.
“What is his fault, baby?”
“There are a lot of things you don’t know. I have never really discussed certain things.” Marvin pulled away and turned around. He met Whizzer’s eyes.
“Like your parents.” Whizzer nodded in agreement.
“Right. And I don’t want to start now.”
“What did he say?” Whizzer pressed on anyway. He looked at Marvin with too much sympathy. He did not like it at all.
“He just wanted to catch up. Meet Trina and Jason.”
Whizzer’s eyebrows furrowed. “Why not do that? Without Trina, of course.”
“Are you deaf? I don’t want anything to do with him!” Marvin snapped.
“Hey- don’t talk to me like that. What’s going on?” Although Whizzer’s tone got stern, his face reflected worry.
“I- I’m sorry,” Marvin said softly. He sat down on the couch and shook his head slowly. “I just don’t want him- ever, in my life. He was a terrible father. He hurt me in ways I cannot explain.”
Whizzer nodded slowly. “I understand. But if he only wants to catch up, well, maybe there is something good to gain from it, don’t you think? I mean, he is calling you. He misses you, clearly. Maybe he realized his mistakes? It won’t hurt to just see him, right?”
Marvin huffed. He ran a hand through his hair.
“You need to meet with him, baby. Maybe, just maybe, it will all get better for it.”
“What if it won’t?”
“Isn’t it best to know for sure?” Whizzer prompted gently.
“Would you? If your parents came to you?” Marvin asked softly and looked up at his lover.
Whizzer nodded. “Yes. I would hear them out.”
Marvin swallowed thickly. So many things hurt because of the lack of childhood his parents had caused. He was left a shell of who he could have been because of them. He had to work on himself so hard for such a long time to get where he was now, and it still wasn’t enough. And although he knew he was responsible for an endless amount of things he did, the roots of the pain he still felt were buried deep in his past.
“Maybe. Maybe I should,” he whispered. If his father had something to say that was like an apology, he would listen. If it was anything else, he would walk out and never look back. But at least he’d know.
“I’m proud of you, baby.”
“Whatever. I just want him to fix it all.”
Whizzer nodded, leaned in, and kissed Marvin softly. “I am proud of you,” he repeated.
“Thank you,” he whispered back. He closed his eyes and hugged Whizzer tightly. He knew his father would never admit to hurting him, let alone be aware of it. How could he, if he had never paid any attention to his only son?
But now he was there, finally paying attention to him, something he’d always wanted.
“Thank you,” Marvin repeated again. He hoped, at the end of the day, he had something to be thankful for.