Leaving Behind
I woke up screaming from yet another nightmare. My door opened and Dean walked in, no longer running in with a gun, panicked as he did when I first started having nightmares.
"Talia-"
"I'm fine Dean. Go back to bed."
"Are you-"
"Yes Dean!"
He nodded his head and walked out.
It had been over 6 months since the nightmares started, and more often than not it was Dean who came to my room. Over time, I felt more and more like a burden, I saw the faces of my family change, worried and sad. I never talked about the nightmares to anyone. They were too hard to talk about.
As the nightmares continued to plauge me I was allowed to go on fewer hunts.
The next morning I was in the library packing to go on a case when Dean came in.
"Talia, what are you doing?"
"I got a possible case that I'm going to look in to."
"No, it's okay. Sam and I will take it."
"Alright, there's another one in-"
"Cas and Jack can do it. Text the details."
Of course this was happening. Getting put on the sidelines while everyone else hunted. It was starting to piss me off.
"I can do it-"
"Do what?" Sam interrupted.
"Nothing. Talia picked up some cases for us and Jack and Cas." Dean covered.
The door creaked shut. Alone in the bunker again for about a week. As per usual, I texted the group chat good night and good morning every day. 2 days in I had a nightmare, a really bad one. I got up and paused at my door. I was tired of this, the nightmares, the lack of sleep, being alone for days on end, not being allowed to hunt, I was tired of all of it. Tonight it all ends.
After a trip to the bathroom, I sat on the kitchen floor with a bottle of pain killers and a large assortment of alcohol. Before I started I pulled out my phone to say goodbye to my family:
Me- I love you guys. So so much. You are an amazing family. See ya on the flip side.
Opening the alcohol and pain killers, I threw a few pills in my mouth with some beer.
My phone buzzed twice:
Sam- Talia what are you talking about?
Cas- Is everything alright?
A few more pills, a bit more alcohol and I finally started to feel something.
Me- No more nightmares.
Finishing off the first bottle of alcohol, I quickly opened another, downing it fast. Next bottle, add a couple more pills.
Unknown to me at the time, my phone had been going off.
Dean- Cas and Jack, are you going back to the bunker?
Jack- Yea, we finished the hunt a little bit ago, Cas is driving now
Sam- Dean and I are heading back too. How far away are you?
Jack- 5 minutes
Sam- Us too. When you get there try to find Talia
5 bottles of alcohol sat next to me and I was about to take the rest of the pills in the first bottle when I heard the door open. 2 sets of footsteps, then Cas and Jack started to shout my name. The door opened a second time and Sam and Deans voices joined Cas and Jacks in shouting my name.
Just don't look in the kitchen I think to myself.
"She's in the kitchen!" Jack called out.
Shit did I say that out loud?
I recognized Cas and Deans figures outside the kitchen. Alcohol and pills were taking too long, they would find me before I died. So I grabbed one of the empty bottles and smashed it. Taking a shard I started to slit my wrist. Dean came around the counter and quickly pulled it out of my hand before I was able to make a fatal cut.
"Talia what the hell?" he questioned.
Pushing away, I reached for another shard. His arms wrapped around me and pulled me back towards him.
"No. No! Please. No more nightmares. No more nightmares!" I cried out, delirious and panicked.
Dean stood up, taking me with him to the library. Still in a state of panic and delirium, I kicked his leg and attempted to get away. When that didn't work I made myself a dead weight. He picked me up and set me in a chair which I quickly dove out of and scrambled past him back to the kitchen, where I was intercepted by Cas who used his angel powers to calm me down. Much more pacified, I sat on the floor next to Dean.
The next hour was spent with my crying and blubbering, Sam and Dean talking with me, the two of them talking to each other, both talking with Jack and Cas, and a few phone calls that I didn't follow.
In the afternoon when I woke up Sam prompted me to pack my things to take to Jody's.
"Why?"
"We are forcing you to quit hunting. With last night's fiasco Dean and I feel it's best if you are in a semi-normal environment where you can be safe and safely monitored. This isn't a punishment Talia."
"Oh. Okay. Does Jody still have the other girls?"
"Yea. Alex, Claire, and Patience."
Not long after I'm in back of the Impala with my brothers in the front as we drove to Sioux Falls.