Fourteen
Vanessa's POV:
One month. 30 days. 720 hours. That's how long Brooke Lynn has been gone. I replay her last night here in my head a lot. The day she told me she was being sent away, she said she would sneak out and come spend the night with me. We spent the whole night in each other's arms.
"I promise I won't let them change me." She said into my hair, face wet with tears. I said nothing. Just hugged her tighter.
"I love you." I said after a bit of silence. I couldn't let her leave without hearing it, without knowing that someone here loves her.
"I love you back."
Those words stayed replayed in my head for the next thirty days on repeat.
The day Brooke got back, I sat in my room. I'd periodically glance out the window for her. It was around 2pm when I finally saw her. I saw her walk into her room and my heart skipped. I ran out on my balcony to get her attention. She saw me, she looked at me with soft eyes. I smiled as she walked towards me but instead of opening the door, she shut the curtains. My face fell. What? What's happening? I went and got my phone. I was going to text her.
Me: Brooke, why did you do that?
I hit send and my phone immediately buzzed:
Message not delivered.
I tried calling.
Your call cannot be proceeded as dialed.
Just like that, I was blocked from her life.
Brooke Lynn's POV:
I laid on my bed, an empty shell. 'A retreat' my mom called it. Yeah right. That place was a prison. It taught me a lot though. Opened my eyes and made me realize that my actions could hinder me the rest of my life. That's why Vanessa was blocked. I needed the temptation out of my life. Besides, I didn't love her. No, I couldn't love her.
My first day home, I didn't leave my room. I didn't want to see anyone, especially my parents. Around midnight, I was in and out of sleep when I heard tapping at my balcony door. I sat up and looked over. Through the curtains, I could see that it was Vanessa, and I saw the ladder in the background. I threw myself back on the bed, and the tapping continued. She's not going to leave so I got up and opened the door. Instead of letting her inside, I stepped outside. I couldn't risk waking my parents.
"Vanessa, what are you doing here?" my voice was monotone.
"Trying to figure out why I can't contact you." She said, hands on her tiny hips.
"I can't do this."
"Brooke Lynn."
"Vanessa." I replied, blankly.
"What about us?" she asked, her voice breaking.
"There is no 'us' anymore. What we did was wrong."
"You promised you wouldn't let them change you.
I could see tears in her eyes. It made my chest ache.
No, Brooke. Stop these thoughts right now.
She went to reach for my hand and I pulled it away.
"You should go." I said looking at my feet, there was a burning in my throat that wouldn't go away, "I mean it, Vanessa. I don't want to see you anymore."
Vanessa stared at me with pleading eyes.
"Ok." She turned on her heels and walked to the edge of the balcony and climbed down the ladder.
Brooke Lynn's POV:
I sat in the cold pouring water; my knees tightly curled up against my chest. My usually racing mind was blank, I felt empty and weak.
"Brooke Lynn?" a soft tap at the door. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, mom." My voice was hoarse.
"I have to go to work early today, so I will see you after school! Also, get ready because I don't want you to be late on your first day back. Love you!"
I let out a sigh. I turned the shower off and climbed out. I stood, naked, in front of the mirror, examining my body. My skin was paler than usual, my body and face looked like skin and bone. I was taken back to my time at the retreat, how they starved me every time I didn’t fit in their mold. Quickly, I wrapped a towel around me and went to my bedroom. I laid down on my bed, not bothering to get dressed. Silence and nothingness. It was comforting for some reason.
The thought of skipping school sat in my mind, but I was already behind on my work. I needed to go. With very little will, I rolled off the bed and got ready.
As I walked down the hall, whispers filled my ears, but I didn't care. As I shut my locker, a small girl popped from behind the door. "Is it true you went to conversion?"
I just stared blankly. As I looked up searching for an answer, I saw her. My eyes locked onto Vanessa. I started to walk towards her as if my body was being pulled by an almost unknown force. Overwhelmed, I ran to the bathroom and locked myself in a stall. I clung to my books for dear life, it felt like I couldn't breathe. I squeezed my eyes shut, waiting for the moment to pass. "it's going to be okay." I told myself, even though it was a lie. Slowly, my breath got back to normal, everything seemed to calm down. Feeling better, I walked to class.
"Ah! Brooke Lynn! Good to see you." Mr. Perez, my English teacher, welcomed me enthusiastically, "I've changed the room around a little. You're now sitting next to Owen."
He pointed to the messy haired blond boy at the back of the room. I remembered him, he was on the football team and he used to hang out with us when I was friends with Morgan and Tatiana. He was probably a complete and utter douche just like the rest of them. I went and sat down next to him.
It was only 15 minutes into the class, and I had already zoned out.
"Hey. Hey! Earth to blondie!"
I frowned at the boy next to me, waiting for some sort of smart-ass remark from him. I'm sure he'd heard the rumors by now. To my surprise, he asked "are you ok? I noticed you were just staring at your book instead of writing."
I stared at him dumbfounded. I didn't know how to process the question. It was the first time anyone other than my mom had asked if I was okay.
"Uhh hello?" Owan raised an eyebrow.
"Umm, I-I don't, um," I stuttered.
"You know what, it's fine. You don't have to answer the question, but if you ever need someone to talk to, come find me." He smiled, and I managed to nod and give a small smile back.
Vanessa's POV:
Part of me wanted to hate Brooke, but I couldn't. I wished that I didn't care so much. I wished that it was all a dream or some cruel prank and everything would go back to normal, but it didn't. I ran myself a bath, I hadn't even realized how tense my body had been until I sank into the warm water. I stared up at the bubbles that sat on top of the water, thinking about Brooke, how her porcelain skin had glistened that night where we took our relationship to the next level. Tears spilled down my cheeks; my chest panged as if my heart was actually breaking.
I got out of the bath and into my robe before going to my bedroom. I stood in front of my window like I had done every night. The curtains were still drawn. A part of me hoped that Brooke Lynn would open the curtains and make a silly face before going to bed as she did when we were together. She was just a few meters away but it felt as if she was a million miles away.
"Vanessa." A sympathetic voice came from behind her. "Don't do this to yourself. She's not going to come."
"I know, mom." My voice broke as tears ran down my cheeks once again. "I just- part of me hopes that she will just appear."
My mom wrapped her arms around me and squeezed me tight. She stroked my hair as I sobbed into her chest. "I know baby, I know."
"I should've listened to you." I whispered, climbing into bed, "you were right."