Fifteen
Brooke Lynn's POV:
I can't breathe. If I try to inhale, I'll drown. They're holding me underwater. I tried to wave my arms out to signal that I couldn't handle anymore. The firm hands helped me up. I could breathe again; I could breathe again.
"Brooke Lynn." Said the man, still holding onto my arms, "why are you being punished?"
"B-because." I panted, "I missed group this morning."
"That's right, and why did you miss group this morning?"
Tears streamed down my cheeks, but I stayed silent. Had what I done really justify sending me to this place?
"Inhale." The man said firmly and dunked me back under water until my arms flailed once more, "no dinner for you tonight, Brooke Lynn. You need to learn how to admit your sins. Go to your room."
Walking back to my room, I felt like I still couldn't catch my breath. I got outside of my room and the hallway guard opened my door and pushed me inside, closing the door and locking it behind me. I had another hungry, sleepless night ahead of me.
The dreams were always the same. The water was my worst fear and they used it against me. I shot up in bed, a cold sweat covering my body, gasping for air. I grabbed my phone, scrolled to Owen's number, and hit call.
"Brooke?" said a groggy voice on the other end.
"It was the water again." I said through sobs.
"Okay, just breathe in.....and breathe out. Keep doing that. Brooke Lynn, you're home and safe. They can't hurt you. Repeat that."
"I'm home a-and safe. They c-can't hurt me." I managed.
"Breathe in again, Brooke, good, now exhale. How's your heart rate?"
I held a hand to my chest, "slowing down." I said.
"Good." A few moments of silence. "Brooke Lynn?"
"Hmm?"
"How are you feeling?" Owen asked, his voice thick with concern.
My breathing had calmed, my heart rate had too. "Better."
I thought for a second. What time is it? I looked at the clock. 2am.
"I think I'm going to take a bath." I said after another minute.
"It might help you calm down. Did you get that lavender soak that I suggested?"
"Yes....Owen?" my voice cracked.
"Yeah, Brooke Lynn?"
"How long am I going to have these nightmares?"
Owen paused, "well my brother had them for a few months, but he didn't tell me until he had been home for two months. I couldn't help him from the beginning. We won't let it get that bad for you, Brooke."
"Okay." Another few minutes of silence, "I'm going to go take that bath now."
We hung up the phone and I laid there for a minute. I looked towards my balcony door. Since I've been home, I've kept the curtains closed. It stops the thoughts that could hinder my progress. It takes everything I have not to open them and look across the way to Vanessa's room. That's two steps backwards though, and that's not the direction I'm going.
I started the bath and added the soak. The water was as hot as I could get it. My body relaxed; the lavender filled my senses. I started to relax.
I stayed in the bath until my feet were wrinkled and the water was cool. I wrapped myself in my softest towel, and I went back to my bed. Sleep overtook my body, and I drifted off, praying that I wouldn't have another nightmare.
Vanessa's POV:
Another month has come and gone. I had grown accustomed to eating lunch by myself. I even stopped eating lunch in the cafeteria. I hadn't had any contact with Brooke Lynn since her first night home. When I passed her in the halls, she just looked down. In our classes, she sat on the other side of the room. I miss her. One rainy Thursday, I was sitting in the library because it was raining outside. I was lost in thought until a voice said "hey". My head snapped up and my heart skipped, I tried not to show disappointment when I saw it was Aquaria.
"Hey, Aquaria." I tried to smile.
"How have you been?" she asked me.
"I'm...good." I managed. We both knew it was a lie, but it was selfish of me to admit. I wasn't the victim here. I wasn't the one who was sent away. Brooke Lynn had been through hell.
"We miss you."
"I miss you guys too." I paused, "I miss her."
"We do too. She's not the same person, Vanessa."
I felt tears in my eyes, "It's all my fault."
"No, no it's not!" Aquaria put her arm around me, "her parents did this, not you."
Aquaria and I had become very close in the time that Brooke was away. The tears started to fall, I couldn't stop them.
"It's okay." She hugged me, "I promise everything will be okay."
I nodded and wiped the tears away.
"So, Vanessa, do you want to come to the dance with me on Saturday?" Aquaria asked, "a-as friends I mean."
I thought about it for a second. "Yeah, I'll go." I managed a smile.
"Awesome. Text me!" and Aquaria was gone.
The bell rang signaling the end of lunch. I grabbed my things and headed to my next class. Saturday rolled around. My hair was curled, my dress was zipped, and my makeup was perfect. I ran out the door, sending a quick text to Aquaria to let her know I was on my way. Aquaria looked amazing in her light blue knee length dress. Her blond hair in ringlets down her back.
"Hey bitch!" she said getting in the car, "let's go." She turned the radio up and we were off. Half an hour later we were pulling into the parking lot at the school.
"You ready?" she asked me. I nodded. We got out of the car, linked arms, and walked to the door.
Brooke Lynn's POV:
After a lot of begging from Owen, I decided to cave and accept his invitation to the dance. It's either that or sit at home and stare at the wall while my parents ignore that anything is wrong.
Owen was nice, but something was missing. I just didn't like him. My mother, on the other hand, loved him.
"Oh, I'm so glad that you have found a nice boy to date." She said, fussing over us as we tried to leave for the dance. She thought he was my boyfriend; I didn't have the energy to correct her.
Owen grabbed my hand and led me to the car. As if a reflex, I turned my head toward Vanessa's house. The lights were off. Looked like nobody was home. I wonder if she was coming to the dance.
"Ready?" Owen smiled. I nodded, and turned my eyes to the passenger window, getting lost in thought.
Before I knew it, we had arrived at the school. My stomach turned. My eyes searched the faces of my classmates. I didn't know why. All my friends had arrived except Aquaria. I wasn't surprised though. She always liked to make an entrance.
"Want to dance?" Owen asked. No, I don't, but I couldn't tell him that. Instead I agreed and he walked me to the dance floor.
It was a slow song. He placed his hands on my waist and I linked my fingers behind his head, and we started to sway with the music. Why was this so strange? It wasn't right. His hands were heavy on my hips, like they didn't fit right. They weren't Vanessa's hands. Vanessa's hands were soft, light. Delicate the way she would graze my skin with her fingertips.
These thoughts are impure, said the voice in my head, you left those thoughts at the retreat.
It wasn't a retreat. It was hell.
The room started to spin; my head felt fuzzy. My chest tightened, and I felt like I couldn't breathe.
"A-air." I finally managed to say, and I let go of Owen and started towards the door.
I stumbled out the door and fell onto a bench. I tried to catch my breath. Another panic attack. The air was cool on my skin. It helped.
"Well, well, well, look who we have here." Said a voice. I looked up. Shit. Morgan and Tatiana. This is not what I need right now.
"Where's your friends, Hytes?" said Morgan.
"Did they abandon you? Because you're a dyke?" taunted Tatiana.
"No, Tati, she's not a dyke. She went to conversion, remember?"
"No, I don't think so. I think she will always be a dyke."
"Guys what are you doing?" a male voice behind me yelled.
"Hi, Owen!" Morgan said sweetly.
"Hope you're having fun at the dance. We just wanted to say hello to Brooke Lynn. We're so glad she's back."
"No you're not. Can you just leave her alone? She's not bothering you."
"Well she is bothering us, she's here." Morgan laughed.
"Guys just go away." Owen was getting frustrated.
"C'mon, Morgan, let's go. We don't want Cookie Monster to come out here and defend her girlfriend."
Tears stung my eyes. What had I done to deserve this? Morgan and Tatiana walked inside. Within a second, Owen was kneeling in front of me.
"Brooke Lynn are you ok?" he asked. I nodded.
Why did they have to bring up Vanessa?
"What's going on?" said a voice, the familiarity sent chills down my spine.
I turned my head and there was Vanessa, looking stunning in a knee length white dress. It looked perfect on her.
"Brooke Lynn are you ok?" she asked.
I hate being asked that. No, I am not ok, except I am now. One look at Vanessa, and all the tension in my body disappears. I nodded slightly. She nodded back and turned and walked away.
"Ready to go back inside?" Owen asked, holding his hand out.
I took it, stood up, and followed him back inside.