pandemonium of seasons
chaeyoung keeps her head down as she passes swiftly through the busy streets of seoul, trying to make herself less noticeable as much as possible in the crowded sidewalks as she goes to the place where she’s supposed to meet a dear friend. a droplet of cold water lands on her arm, and she scolds herself for foregoing to bring an umbrella.
not that she doesn’t believe in weather forecasts, it’s just a habit that she’s trying to desperately break.
unexpected weathers can make unexpected situations happen.
moments later, drizzles of rain start to fall faster, and she pushes through the mass of bodies also rushing to find a shelter for the impending downpour. after minutes of sprinting, she finally sees the little cafe where a very dear friend is waiting on her phone.
chaeyoung admits that meeting jisoo once again made her a bit nervous. not that the older girl’s presence gives her the nerves, but it’s her feelings towards her unnie, to be specific.
the actress immediately spots her by the window, and stands up with a big smile on her face.
happiness is the only thing that floods in chaeyoung’s chest. it’s been a while since she saw jisoo, and she admits that she desperately misses the older girl’s caring and goofy personality.
“chaeng-ah! over here!” jisoo beckons her towards their table, and she approaches excitedly. she was about to hug her, but stops when she remembers that her coat is a bit damp from the rain. she takes it off in a jiffy, then jumps on the actress’s waiting arms.
she really missed jisoo.
“jichu unnie, i missed you so much.” she says a bit wetly, overwhelmed by the wave of nostalgia and love for the first sister she had in the industry.
“yah, are you crying?” she hears jisoo laugh, but still feels the gentle pat on her back. “there, there, don’t cry, okay?”
chaeyoung steps back from the hug and wipes the little tears forming at the corner of her eyes, “sorry, it’s just- it’s been a while, unnie.”
“i know, things have been so hectic ever since the hiatus, i haven’t gotten that much of a breather except for these past few weeks. good thing, video calls exist.” jisoo pulls back her chair and motions the younger singer to do the same. “so, how are you? i’ve heard things from lisa, but you know, i want to hear it from you.”
“i’ve been well,” chaeyoung answers earnestly, or as earnest as it gets. “i spent a lot of time with my family, with alice, with my friends. i’m doing good.”
the actress nods then gives a teasing smile, “i heard from a little birdie that you’ve been spending a lot of time with a certain actress from sm.”
“that’s lisa, right?” she releases a laugh when jisoo nods, “it’s just joy bringing me to random places, you know her unnie, she’s like a wild spirit.”
“are you guys-“ jisoo raises an eyebrow.
“no,” chaeyoung can’t help but shake her head at the idea. “you’re like lisa, unnie, so quick to say stuffs.”
the actress raises both her arms, “hey, lisa planted that idea in my head, i thought that was real at some point.”
“how about you, unnie? how are you doing?” chaeyoung quickly shifts the topic elsewhere, “congratulations to your successful drama, by the way. i’m proud of you.”
“thank you, chaeng-ah,” jisoo bashfully grins, “i’m doing really well. i’ve been doing these little adventure in the wild, trying out new foods, cooking recipes and learning how to knit.”
“jinja?” chaeyoung covers her mouth, trying to hide the laugh. “but, you knit horribly!”
“that’s why i’m learning, chaeng-ah.” the older girl playfully glares at the younger one, “but, really, i think i’ll drive jennie mad because i always get these small wounds from the needle. she’s a big worrywart.”
at the mention of jennie’s name, chaeyoung’s hand underneath the table tightens in habit, desperate to keep out the buried emotions at the back of her mind.
“she’s a bigger worrier than you, unnie.” she lets out, relieved that her voice didn’t crack.
“yeah, she is,” jisoo smiles without a thought. as if the thought jennie brings her happiness.
oh, how lucky jisoo is, chaeyoung thoughts.
“jennie told me that she called you a week ago for us four to meet up, but you cancelled at the last minute.” jisoo pouts, “she said you got an emergency? what happened?”
“ah that,” chaeyoung tucks a stray hair behind her ear, “it’s just a thing i needed to fix at the company.”
what she really wanted to say is “she didn’t call me at all”, but she’s not going to do that.
“that’s a shame, lisa was really excited too,” the actress quips, “no matter, i arranged another day for us four to meet. i hope that you’re available on that day.”
chaeyoung really wants to say no, but she supposes that she’ll have to face jennie at some point, might as well as with other people. “okay, just tell me the date and i’ll clear out my schedule.”
the rest of the meeting goes smoothly as both ladies quickly fall back into their old banter and conversations. the light air of comfort brought chaeyoung out of the trepidation of meeting jennie again, and focused all her attention to the exciting anecdotes of jisoo’s experiences in the industry of acting. the night goes well for the both of them, except for the part where they’re about to go home.
“it’s raining really hard,” jisoo notes as they watch the rain pour heavily. “are you sure you don’t want to drive with us? jennie is a careful driver.”
chaeyoung is quick to decline, “it’s fine, unnie, i don’t want to be a bother.”
“then how are you getting home?”
“i’ll call another taxi-“
“you got declined thrice, chaeng,” the older girl deadpans, “we’ll give you a ride, it’s no bother at all.”
there’s this thing called miracle, and for chaeyoung, it comes as a form of a living person with the name, park sooyoung.
at the sound of her phone going off, she answers the call at first ring, anything to get her out of the situation that she definitely did not prepare at all.
“chaeyoung-ah, where are you? i’m picking you up.”
“you don’t need to, sooyoungie, i can get a taxi.” she waves jisoo’s playful look at the mention of joy’s name.
“i don’t think any taxi are going to say yes with the rain being this horrible,” she hears the actress sigh, “i told you to bring an umbrella too.”
“i know, i’m sorry.”
“send me the address, i’ll be going now.”
“drive safe, okay?” chaeyoung feels a bit guilty for making joy drive under the awful weather.
“don’t i always, princess?” she can practically hear the smirk from the other side.
chaeyoung sets her phone down, and an expectant stare from jisoo is clearly seen. “she’s picking me up, unnie.”
“so,” jisoo drawls, “what’s with you two?”
“what does that mean?”
“i mean, both of two have been attached to hip since the vacation-“
“you mean hiatus,”
“and really, it’s making me a bit curious,” the older girl gives a teasing grin, “do you like joy-ssi, perhaps?”
now, chaeyoung laughs at that. the fact that jisoo believes that she’ll try the whole love thing again after jennie is a bit ironic.
she supposes it’ll be funny for jisoo too if she knew what went down between her and jennie.
sadly, no one knew about their relationship.
not even lisa, whom chaeyoung tells everything.
if they only knew how jennie broke my heart.
so she settles for an answer that can maybe satisfy jisoo’s question, “i don’t know, maybe? or maybe not?”
“i knew it,” jisoo bumps her shoulder against the taller girl. she was about to ask chaeyoung another question, but sees a sleek black car rounding the street. “that’s jendeukie, by the corner. you should come by our place, sometime. i can make a really mean cheese filled pepper.”
our place, she laughs sardonically inside her head. really, jisoo, what do you have that i don’t?
“i’ll try, unnie,” she gives a tight smile, a familiar feeling starting to settle at the pit of her chest. “i hear lisa passes often by your place.”
jisoo scoffs, but the adoration for their youngest member still present behind her eyes, “she only goes there for the food, i’m sure she told you about that.”
“she did last week,” chaeyoung laughs, as she turns to her left and sights joy’s red car. “that’s my ride, unnie.”
she gives a quick hug to jisoo, and swiftly walks out of the shelter, not minding the actress’s words about ‘greeting jennie quickly’. the combination of the cold wind and the heavy pour of the rain brings chaeyoung a momentary peace from the stirring chaos rising from the deepest parts in her.
what does she have that i don’t?
it’s been a while since self loathing has visited chaeyoung. the torpedo of hate and insecurity easily ruining the bricks of confidence and assurance that she made in the last five months. it’s hilarious to think that she told herself weeks ago by the mirror that she’s done with it. that she’s okay, she’s well, and she’s moved on.
she’s okay.
what a joke.
she’s a joke.
easily broken down into this just by the mention of her name.
biggest joke.
a presence of warmth tugs her out from the unpleasant reverie.
“sooyoung-ah, what are-“
“i told you to wait for me, didn’t i?” she hears joy mumbles against her damp hair, “you never really listen do you?”
a thud in her chest slightly trips chaeyoung off as she only now notices how the taller actress has one arm around her, and the other holding an umbrella above them. she pushes joy gently, and thankfully, the girl doesn’t resist. “you’ll get wet.”
“it’s okay,” the gentle curve of the actress’s lips makes her look away. “let’s get you home, you kind of stink.”
“you’re mean to me today. why?”
“maybe, i kind of missed it. or maybe i wanted to make you smile for a bit.”
“does this look like i’m smiling?” she points to her face where she def- oh, she is smiling.
“am i great or too great?” joy teasingly asks as she easily slips her fingers with the younger singer.
sooyoung-ah, you’re becoming too warm these days.
~
jennie doesn’t take her eyes away from the adoring smile she used to receive.
but she sure jumps at the sound of jisoo knocking the passenger side.
“you could’ve picked me up like joy did to chaengie, jendeuk,” jisoo huffs as she closes the umbrella then the door.
she turns her gaze to jisoo, “i know you can handle the rain.”
“she looks happy,” jisoo says after a few moments, both of them watching as joy opens the door for chaeyoung. “chaeyoung, i mean.”
“really?” jennie mumbles absently, did you see it in her eyes? because it’s hard to read rosie.
“yeah, i mean, you saw the way she smiled when joy came with the umbrella on, right?” she hears the actress point out, “that’s what a girlfriend does, jendeukie, they pick up their girlfriends under the pouring rain.”
jennie strays her gaze away from the red car then to jisoo, “does me not doing the same make me a bad girlfriend?”
“i want to say yes, but your dalgomie eyes are too powerful,” jisoo huffs and gives her a kiss by the cheek. “you’re not a bad girlfriend, jennie, in fact, you’re the best. especially after we get take out from the place where they sell the best chicken wings.”
“ah, is that so?” she starts to turn the wheel towards her girlfriend’s favorite diner. “i think you’ll be the bestest girlfriend if you pay for my milkshake too.”
jisoo opens her mouth, then grins, “okay, i walked in on that one. let’s go get my favorite wings and milkshake for my favorite girlfriend!”
there are only three things that are running though jennie’s mind.
one, she hates that she has to get her car washed again due to the rain.
two, jisoo smells like chaeyoung’s favorite perfume.
and three, the last stare that chaeyoung gave to joy.
that lookis the same one she used to give me when she thought i wasn’t looking at her.
jennie stops her mind from running. she isn't supposed to do this. she isn't supposed to be thinking about chaeyoung. the owner of the heart that she first broke. she's not supposed to be thinking about her when she's with jisoo.
but, why is it so hard to shrug off that look chaeyoung had with joy?