Flashback
Flashback
Luda noticed that Eunseo keeps on busying herself in a lot of things these days. She felt proud cause Eunseo is giving her best esp when she went to the 'Real Men' show but Luda felt somehow different. It seems that Eunseo is pushing herself into her limit.
Luda always keep an eye on Eunseo, watching her silently with her observant eyes and making sure that Eunseo is fine but it's pretty obvious that the younger girl is not.
"What are you doing, Eunseo?" Luda asked when she saw Eunseo sitting in the staircase. She followed Eunseo who excused herself to go to the washroom after their dance practice.
Eunseo looked shocked when she saw Luda standing right in front of her now. Luda frowned when she noticed Eunseo hides something inside her jacket's pocket.
"I just want some silence, Luda unnie. I am just tired and I want some personal space." Eunseo said with her practiced forced smile but Luda knew her too well.
Luda sat next to Eunseo then gently squeezed the younger girl's hands. "You can always count on us, Eunseo especially on me. You don't have to keep everything to yourself. I will be here to listen and ...I will do anything I can just to help you."
Eunseo smiled then nodded her head. "Thanks, Luda unnie."
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Luda watched how Eunseo's stress keeps on getting worse. She keeps on scolding the younger girl to take care of herself but it seems useless cause Eunseo keeps a lot of things to herself. Luda wants to talk to the other members about Eunseo but the latter keeps on lying to them that she's fine.
"Is it about Seongso? You started being different since the last time she went back on our dorm." Luda snapped at Eunseo. They are currently on the rooftop deck of the building where their dorms are.
Luda is not stupid. Maybe, she's not really sure about Eunxiao's real score but she's aware that Xiao is no longer communicating with Eunseo thru online. She noticed too how Xiao never talked about Eunseo whenever their members are having video chat with her. Luda knows that Xiao can be Eunseo's happiness and pain at the same time.
Eunseo frowned. "What? Who's Seongso, Luda unnie?"
Luda glared at Eunseo. "Stop fooling me with your bullshits, Eunseo. I had enough already, okay?" She sat next to Eunseo who is sitting on the floor waiting for the sunset. "Did you fight with her? What happened?"
Eunseo sighed. "What's up with you, Lee Luda? I don't know who's that Seongso you are talking about." Luda almost hit Eunseo's head but stopped herself when Eunseo speak again. "These days, I feel like I forgot a lot of things. Maybe because I have a lot of things going inside my head that my mind can't take it anymore. What is wrong with me?"
Luda felt nervous. "Why don't we go to the doctor tomorrow? I'll come with you, Eunseo."
Eunseo chuckled then shook her head. "I don't think there's a need for that. I just need to have stress management skills, maybe."
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"I'm curious why I never heard Eunseo unnie talking about Seongso unnie these days." Dayoung said while eating delivered foods on the floor with her members. "Before, she can't stop talking about Seongso unnie in every minute of the day. She keeps on whining how much she missed her too, right?"
The other WJSN members shared their thoughts while Luda remain silently eating. But at the back of her mind, she knows that Eunseo really needs help now.
She talked to Seola to keep an eye on Eunseo since they are roommates. They both even agree to convince Eunseo to seek medical advice.
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Eunseo just went home from her school when she entered her bedroom in a hurry. Seola is pretending busy with her phone but her eyes keeps on following Eunseo who's making a mess on her bed and drawers.
Eunseo groaned then looked at Seola. "Have you seen my sleeping pills, Seola unnie? I keep on looking for it since last night but I still can't find it."
Seola shook her head and keep her straight face. "Nope. Are you sure you didn't misplaced it somewhere?"
"I am just placing it inside my drawer or under my pillow. I am sure I never put it somewhere. Are you sure you haven't seen it?" Eunseo asked still messing her personal space on their shared bedroom.
Seola realized that Luda is right in her observation. Eunseo can't manage her stress well and she became dependent on her sleeping pills to escape. Seola felt guilty for throwing away Eunseo's pills on the window while the latter is currently on school but she believes that it is for the best.
Seola sighed then excused herself but Eunseo blocked the door while glaring at her. "Give me back my sleeping pills, Seola unnie. I know you know where it is."
"I already throw it away, Eunseo." Seola said calmly but Eunseo get mad then pushed her. Good thing, Seola landed on the bed.
"How could you do this to me, Seola unnie?" Eunseo glared at Seola then locked the door. Seola felt scared but she knows she need to stay strong. "Why? You know how much I needed that pills. I know that you know cause we're roommates and I trusted you but...how could you do this to me, Seola unnie?!"
"I just want to help you, Eunseo. I know you are feeling depressed since Seongso became very busy in China. I've talked with Luda and we both want to save you from harming yourself with your unhealthy escapes. Let's go the doctor, Eunseo."
Eunseo shook her head as tears keep on flowing down her eyes. "No. Why you and Luda unnie keeps on saying that I need doctor's help? Are you both thinking that I've already lost my mind? I am not crazy!"
"We know you are not, Eunseo. You are not crazy but you are mentally weak, okay? Just admit to yourself that you're depressed and need help, Eunseo. Please?" Seola said desperately while crying. She felt so hurt watching Eunseo like this. But she's more scared to think that they might lose Eunseo if they will act too late. "Please, Eunseo? Let's go to the doctor soon. Please?"
"No! Stop acting smart, okay? You do not know what's best for me. All of you!" Eunseo shouted.
"Can't you see what's happening to you, Eunseo?" Seola asked as she slowly walked closer to Eunseo who stayed glaring at her. "You are always sleeping a lot, you can't think well, you have poor judgement and emotional swings." She slowly reached her right hand to Eunseo who keeps on watching her suspiciously. "We just want to help you and save you from the darkness of loneliness that's slowly devouring you, Eunseo. We don't want to lose you, Son Juyeon."
Eunseo burst into tears then kneeled down on the floor. Seola enveloped her in a comforting hug while crying with her.
Luda and Exy are standing behind their closed bedroom door. Silently listening and being alert for this situation.
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"Should we tell Seongso?" Exy asked Luda who just finished her phone call with her friend who suggested her of the doctor applicable for Eunseo.
Luda looked around making sure that their other members/ housemates are currently on their bedrooms. She doesn't want them to know about Eunseo's condition yet cause she doesn't want them to get hurt and stressed too for Eunseo.
"What for? I'm pretty sure she did something wrong that's why Eunseo felt depressed." Luda said annoyed. She doesn't hate Xiao, how could she hate an angel like her? She's just pissed cause she thinks Eunseo is suffering because of Xiao.
"Seongso is not a bad girl. And I think, it's not just about Seongso why Eunseo felt depressed. Maybe she got so stressed in our job, her studies and from all of the critisms she recieved from stupid haters." Exy said. She knows how hard it is to become an idol.
"I know and may be you're right but I don't think this is the right time for that. We can't even tell Bona unnie about this cause she's surely do something to talk about this with Seongso." Luda said with a heavy sigh.
They don't want to keep a secret to their members but for now, it is better that only Seola, Exy and her knows about Eunseo's depression.
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Luda opened the door in a hurry and her heart broke when she saw Eunseo lying on the hospital bed with some apparatus connected to her. Luda walked closer to Eunseo then cried.
"The doctor said she will wake up soon. We are lucky that are Eunseo is so strong." Exy said while sitting on the nearby chair.
Their other members are still on their solo schedules or schools but maybe, they already know about Eunseo's pedestrian accident. Luda wants to be proud cause Eunseo saved a kid in being almost bumped by a car but she can't stop thinking how stupid Eunseo is for putting her life in danger for a stranger.
Maybe she should be happy cause this accident proves that they haven't lost their kind hearted Eunseo yet.
Or maybe....that's just their wishful thinking.
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Seola can't help but wonder if Eunseo won't have dissociative amnesia if they went to the doctor earlier. Maybe, the pedestrian accident won't happen and everything will be alright.
Seola tried to video chat Xiao who surprisingly accepted it due to her busy schedules in China. They greeted each others and talk about some funny experiences in China and their dorm until Xiao asked about Eunseo. Seola was shocked to know that Luda already told Xiao how they've asked Eunseo to go to the doctor because they suspect her with depression. Xiao already knows too that Eunseo already forgot about her before the pedestrian accident.
"Bona unnie is right in suspecting me as the bad guy. It is really my fault that's why Eunseo is suffering in her condition now. I've been so insensitive that I used my busy schedules to get away from Eunseo instead of staying by her side. I didn't stay with her during her most difficult times because I'm a selfish coward, Seola unnie." Xiao said while crying. She looks so guilty but Seola knows that Xiao is innocent.
"Stop blaming yourself, Seongso. Eunseo is just being mentally weak that time that she doesn't know how to manage her stress well. But I believed she was really happy to be with you that she developed Dissociative amnesia instead. She loves you so much that her mind had to do its own job to shut itself to save her from all of her unhealthy painful thoughts." Seola said with a bitter smile. She've read online that some people may develop dissociative amnesia as an alternative to suicide.
"I don't want Eunseo to hurt hurself again because of me." Xiao said worriedly. She's still hurt cause they already broke up but Xiao thinks that maybe, this is better. Eunseo deserves Bona instead of her.
"Aren't you going to do what is right?" Seola asked making Xiao frowned at her on the phone's screen. "Aren't you going to help her find her lost self? She just didn't lost her memories with you, Seongso. Our Eunseo lost herself too."
Xiao gripped her phone tightly. Seola is right and Xiao wouldn't allow it to stay like this. They need to bring back their real Eunseo no matter what.
After video chatting with Xiao, Seola went out of the room then noticed Bona exit their dorm in a hurry. Seola frowned when she saw Eunseo crying on the balcony. She texted Exy while keeps on watching Eunseo who is still crying her heart out.
After a while, Eunseo run outside their dorm in a hurry. Seola phone called Exy and informed her that Eunseo already went out.
"Dawon and I are already on the rooftop deck waiting for her. But I've asked Luda and Soobin too to watch her on the hallway to make sure she won't go somewhere else." Exy said on the other line.
Seola felt somehow relieved but she can't still stop feeling scared and nervous. They don't want to lose their Eunseo permanently.
End of Flashback
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Eunseo woke up and saw asleep Xiao sitting on the chair next to her bed. Eunseo looked around then realized they are currently on a hospital room.
Eunseo smiled when she noticed that Xiao is sleeping peacefully while holding her hand. She gently caressed Xiao's hair and the latter slowly opened her eyes.
Xiao can feel the tears forming in her eyes and her lips starts to tremble as she looked in Eunseo's eyes. "Eunseo? I...I'm glad you're finally awake. I am so worried, you pabo-yah."
Eunseo chuckled then sat on the bed. She spread her arms wide and Xiao gently hugged her tight. "I'm so sorry for worrying you, Xiao Xiao."
"I should be the one to apologize. I'm so sorry for not always being there for you, Eunseo. I'm so sorry for always leaving your side." Xiao said sincerely. She felt Eunseo pulling her more closer.
"It's okay. What matters is you are here with me now, Chengxiao." Eunseo said as she rubbed Xiao's back.
Xiao pulled away then hold Eunseo's hand firmly. "Don't try to kill yourself, Eunseo. Don't you dare or I'll kill you myself."
Eunseo chuckled cause Xiao threatening looks cute than scary. "I won't try to kill myself again, okay? But...did I really survive falling off from the building?"
Xiao chuckled then shook her head. "You didn't actually fell off, Eunseo. I'm glad Seola unnie already suspects that you might go to the rooftop deck after having an argument with Bona unnie that's why she texted Exy unnie to go there before you did. Exy unnie and Dawon unnie keep an eye on you on the rooftop deck and they hold your hand in time when you lost conciousnessness maybe because of fear and fatigue." Xiao squeezed Eunseo's hands. "I am so scared. I don't want to lose you permanently, Eunseo. I will be fine even if we are no longer lovers as long as you are still alive and happy, Eunseo."
Eunseo smiled bitterly. "I'm sorry, Xiao Xiao. I'm still alive but...I feel dead inside. I'm sorry for being so weak."
"You are not weak but just fragile, Eunseo. Me and our groupmates will do our best to help you. We will do everything we can to make you happy and feel alive again." Xiao took a deep sigh then looked straight in Eunseo's eyes. "I will keep on loving you, Eunseo. I won't ask you to love me back but just be happy and enjoy life again. Please?"
Eunseo cried then hugged Xiao tightly again. They cried in each others arms once more.