Recovery

Chapter Fourteen

The day had finally come. The epitome of the holiday season had come, the most awaited time of the year: the Great Holiday Tree Adventure. Y/N was bouncing with excitement all morning, dashing around to the many different rooms to keep people awake and moving. Now she was busy in the kitchen, Wanda laughing over her girlfriend`s antics.

“Wanda, you don’t understand. It gets freaking cold out there and you all will be thanking me later. Besides, hot chocolate is the most important accessory to a tree shopping outing.” Y/N stressed, filling up a line of thermoses on the counter. Thankfully, each one had a teammate`s name on it so there would be no confusion.

“Everybody better get there asses out here!” Y/N hollered down the hall. As people began to make their way into the kitchen, different flavorings and toppings appeared on the counter. Some kept their cocoa plain, but others decorated theirs with peppermint, coffee, cinnamon, or even a dash of alcohol in a few cases.

“Alright, everyone, bundle up! It`s going to be cold out there and there`s no time to spare!” Tony commanded, wrapping an extra long scarf around Morgan until she looked like a marshmallow. Even Steve and Bucky had more layers on than usual, though Y/N suspected it was just for the looks. Eventually they all piled into the van and set off for the tree farm. Driving on the backroads, small flurries of snow began to fall, making Y/N squeal with excitement as she pointed out the magical weather to Morgan.

Tony gathered them together outside upon arriving. “Alright, guys, I built our place with high ceilings for a reason. It needs to be tall; it needs to be fluffy. I don’t want to be able to see Thor through it or sticking out from either side. If you can`t get lost in the tree, it is not the tree for us, `kay?”

With that, the superheroes were released on the fields.

Y/N`s eyes were wide as she spun in a circle. “Wanda! They`re so pretty!” She clutched her hands to her cheeks as she gasped and began to bounce around.

Wanda smiled, watching her girlfriend drop into her younger headspace. Her hand was quickly grabbed and pulled laughing through the trees.

“What about this one?” Y/N asked, before her head spinning to another tree. “Or this one? Or…or…or this one?”

Wanda wrapped her arms around her girlfriend`s middle, resting her chin on her shoulder. “I know, there`s so many to choose from, baby. But remember what your Papa said? We have to find one that`s so big!”

Y/N smiled and stretched her hands out. “The absolutest biggest!”

She skipped off down the path, twirling every now and then to see her skirt swirl out as she held tightly to Wanda`s hand. They caught up to the rest of the group and began to wander around the area as Y/N described to Wanda how pretty the tree would be.

“-and its going to have the most beautifullest, sparkliest lights and we`re gonna see it from outside and hang the pretty tinsel on it cause I was never allowed to have that and we can sing songs and watch movies and its going to be the bestest most wonderfullest day-” she suddenly cut herself off and broke away from the group, running through the trees.

“Y/N, wait up!” Wanda shouted, running after her. “You can`t just run away like that, baby.”

But Y/N didn’t answer, just turned to Wanda with shining eyes. “I want this one.”

Wanda looked to the tree Y/N pointed at, bouncing with excitement. She raised an eyebrow. This tree was spindly, skinny, and sparse, the definition of a Charlie Brown tree. It only came up to Y/N`s shoulder and leaned to the left a little. Wanda sighed.

“Baby, this isn’t what your Papa is looking for. You see? We can see right through it!”

Y/N shook her head and crossed her arms. “No, I want it. I need it. It’s so pretty.”

Wanda opened her mouth but quickly shut it. Y/N`s eyes were full and pleading as she gazed at this skeleton of a tree.

“Please?”

Wanda sighed. “We`ll have to ask your Papa, baby girl.”

Y/N jumped up and down, squealing as she spun in a circle. “Okay, yay!”

“What`s up, honey?” Tony appeared through the trees. “We found a tree; do you want to come see?”

Y/N shook her head. “Nope, I found one too! See?” She opened both her arms at the tree. “I want it, it`s so pretty!”

Tony shared a look with Wanda before smiling. “Okay, baby, you can have that one in your room.”

Y/N spun around, mouth gaping. “A whole tree? For me? All for myself?”

Tony nodded. “Of course! Do you want to put a tag on it?”

Y/N laughed. “Oh thank you, thank you, thank you, Papa! I never had my very own before, never ever!”

Eventually, trees were felled. Tony found his large, ostentatious masterpiece of holiday cheer, while some smaller ones were selected for individual rooms or other common spaces. And of course, Y/N`s tree made its way into the collection as well.

Making their way back to the farm, the team congregated in line. Y/N was bouncing up and down with excitement, regaling Wanda with stories about her tree and how lovely it would be.

A poorly whispered conversation reached Wanda`s ears from the family behind them.

“Mommy, why is that lady so excited about that stupid tree? That`s not a real tree, not like ours.”

Wanda winced, quickly glancing to Y/N, hoping she didn’t hear anything. But the effect was instantaneous.

Y/N`s entire body language fell, shoulders hunched inwards as she bit her lip. Was that what people thought? She looked at her tree again. The kid was right, it was a stupid tree. And she was acting like a child about it and everyone could tell. Her eyes flitted around, feeling like everyone was watching as tears welled up. She needed to grow up, this was ridiculous. No grown-up would get so excited over something so stupid like this. Her hands began to shake as her thoughts ran.

Shame curled around her stomach; she didn’t need this, maybe it was all for attention. Was she manipulating everyone, Wanda too, to get out of responsibilities? Part of her just wanted to curl up and cry, to beat her fists on the ground. It wasn’t fair, she was having fun and now everything felt icky. She didn’t know who she was, or what she was. What was even going on? But she was a grown up and grown ups don’t feel like this.

Wanda meanwhile had grabbed her girlfriend`s hands. “Hey, Y/N, can you hear me? It`s okay, I`m right here.” She shouted over her shoulder, not taking her eyes of her girlfriend`s empty gaze. “Hey, a little help here?”

“It`s okay, baby, you`re going to be okay. We`re all right here. Blink if you`re listening okay?” Wanda murmured as she rubbed Y/N`s hands together.

Bucky appeared in her side vision. “Hey, Y/N, do you want to come sit down?” He and Wanda flanked the girl, walking her over to a bench in the warmer barn, rather than the windy outdoors. He kneeled down in front of her as Wanda sat at her side, both worried. The girl hadn’t responded to the change of environment, practically having to be carried along.

Wanda kept trying to initiate some feeling into Y/N`s hands as Bucky started talking.

“Hey, Y/N, I`m going to touch your face, okay?” With no response, he carefully lifted his hands up and cupped Y/N`s face between them.

“It`s cold out there today, isn’t it? That wind was kinda wild, right? But you did so well, we all did so well. I had so much fun, didn’t you? I haven’t gotten to go for a Christmas tree in about seventy years, isn’t that crazy? That`s why I was so happy that you brought up the idea.” He rubbed his thumbs over her cheeks as she slowly blinked.

“And your tree! It`s so pretty, you did such a good job! Can you tell me about your tree?” he continued, prompting her as she blinked again.

“`s stupid.” She mumbled, eyes still unfocused but having dropped down to her lap now, at Wanda`s hands tangled with her own.

“What`s stupid, honey?” Wanda prompted.

“The tree. Me. It doesn’t feel okay and everyone saw.” She blinked, a tear rolling down her face.

Bucky sighed. “Nobody saw, sunshine. I know it felt like that but they saw you happy and having fun. There`s nothing wrong with that. You should be happy, today was a happy day.”

Y/N sniffled, nose dripping in the cold. “I need to grow up, I need to be here but I don’t even know where here is, I can`t-” she cut herself off with a frustrated sigh.

Bucky redirected her focus. “Hey, look at me. I know what this feels like, okay? I know it doesn’t feel like your body, doesn’t feel right. But you`re here and we`re here with you, okay?”

He waited until she nodded slowly. “You got overwhelmed and overstimulated and that happens sometimes. You disappeared into your head; that happens sometimes too. But we`re here and we got you.”

Y/N blinked again, slowly coming back to herself. Bucky waited until he was sure she was at least feeling again before letting go of her face. She squeezed Wanda`s hands weakly before dropping her head on her girlfriend`s shoulder.

Pepper quietly crept into the barn but stayed out of Y/N`s field of vision. Bucky nodded.

“How about we head home, okay, Y/N?” he asked. Offering his arm, he and Wanda pulled her up and made their way back to the van. As Wanda got her girlfriend into the backseat, Bucky quickly and quietly explained the situation to everyone else. The whole way home, Y/N passed out on Wanda`s lap, the Maximoff girl running her fingers through her girlfriend`s hair.

When they reached home, Y/N was slightly more alert. Still, Wanda kept her on the couch with a cup of cocoa between her hands as they observed the antics of the Avengers setting up the trees.

“No, Capsicle, you cant just nail it to two-by-fours. This isn’t the goddamn forties. You need a tree stand. That`s why the farm drilled the hole here, see?” Tony explained, exasperated.

Y/N laughed, small but there. Wanda hugged her, curled into her side. “How many lights, sweetheart?”

Y/N grinned. “All of them.”

Some extension cords and surge protectors later, the tree could probably be seen for miles. But all that mattered was the smile on Y/N`s face as the whole family settled in with the snow falling outside and holiday cheer echoing around the room.