the tenderest touch leaves the darkest of marks (and the kindest of kisses break the hardest of hearts)

“Wow, these walls are almost as impenetrable as your emotional ones.”

“I will leave you out here.”

Lev tossed his head back and laughed. Abby cracked a small smile too, but it had less to do with the joke and more to do with where they were.

A safe settlement, finally. No militaristic ideals, no weird fucked-up cults, just a safe, normal little town. Abby had heard rumors about settlements like these, but more often than not they ended up being long abandoned or worse- traps set by groups of hunters to steal from and kill and wandering people looking for a place to rest. Abby had been hesitant to take a chance on this place, but there was no denying that a life constantly on the road wasn’t beneficial for Lev, and she was growing more weary with each day. They needed a safe place to settle down, at least for a while.

And here, on a sunny day in Wyoming, it seemed like they had found it.

“Jackson,” Lev said aloud. “Who’d’ve guessed this one would be real?”

“Real or not, we still have to figure out a way in. See any gates or anything?”

“Nope. Any sentry posts up on the walls?”

Abby looked up, squinting against the sun shining in her eyes. “Don’t see any. Must not be the front of the place. We’ll have to walk along the wall until we see a way in or a sentry to alert.”

“What if they shoot us on sight?” Lev asked. His tone was casual, but Abby leveled a wary look at the walls.

“We’ll deal with that if we have to, but we’re gonna try something new.”

“What?”

“Hoping for the best. C’mon.” Abby pulled Lev into her side, ruffling his hair. “Let’s see if we can get to the entrance. Which way do you think we should go?”

Lev studied the wall for a moment, tilting his head to the side before straightening. “Left.”

“Left it is,” Abby agreed. “Let’s get walking.”

The pair began to amble along the wall in silence. Neither was feeling particularly rushed, having not encountered any infected in a day or two, and it was hard to feel anxious with the good weather and safety so close by.

“You think there are kids there?” Lev asked suddenly. Abby looked over at him, but his eyes remained on the ground just ahead of his feet.

Oh, Abby thought. Self-conscious? That was a new look on Lev.

“There might be,” she answered carefully. “Do you want there to be?”

“I miss Yara,” he replied simply. “She’d want me to make friends.”

“We’re friends, aren’t we?”

“Friends my age. You could probably use some too.”

“Ouch,” Abby said playfully. Lev made no response. She decided to try a different tactic. “Do you want to make friends? Not just because Yara would want you to?”

“I dunno. If I did, would I have to tell them about me?”

“I heard that is usually a part of making friends. But you don’t have to tell them more than you feel comfortable with.”

“Really?”

“Mhm. Not even about the Scars-“

“Seraphites.”

“Seraphites. Sorry.”

Lev tilted his head, contemplating. “I don’t mind telling them about that. Not all of it, but I could talk about some.”

“Ok.” The kid was braver than her. Abby had no intentions of ever speaking about her time with the Wolves. She was starting over, starting anew. That didn’t have to be her anymore.

“I don’t want to tell anyone about what my name used to be.”

“Your name is Lev, they just always got it wrong. And you don’t have to tell anyone.”

“I don’t?”

“Fuck no,” Abby said, feeling a burst of protectiveness in her chest. “If anyone tries to bring it up, you tell them to come hassle me, I’ll hassle them right back.”

“Hassle?”

“You know, like, irritate, or annoy. If someone’s hassling you, they’re giving you a rough time.”

“Weird word.”

“I guess.”

More silence. Abby was comfortable with it. Quiet was always a luxury in the crowded Wolf compound, so finding a place to be alone with her thoughts felt like discovering an unspoiled chocolate bar somewhere. Lev tended to be quiet, only really speaking when he had a question or had a joke at Abby’s expense to make. Although, she didn’t mind when the kid talked, not as much as when Mel or Nora would-

Burning docks. Blood. Screams.

No. Not thinking about them. Never thinking about them.

Abby was pulled out of her attempts to make her mind go blank when Lev tugged at her sleeve. “Did you hear that?”

“What?”

“Sounded like footsteps.”

Abby pushed Lev against the wall, drawing her weapon and turning her back to him in one fluid motion. She kept her eyes trained on the forest next to the wall even as she spoke.

“How many? Where?”

“Straight ahead. Sounds like one. Broke a branch, then stopped.”

Abby held her gun out in front of her with a practiced ease. It was empty, but whoever was there didn’t have to know that. “Come out with your hands up and I won’t shoot.”

There was no answer. Abby stepped forward, hands steady. “One more chance. I got a lot riding on living through today and I’m really not in the mood for any bullshit. Out of the forest, hands up, or a bullet in your skull. Your choice.”

A voice rang out, clear and almost- teasing? “You know, that wouldn’t work if I was an infected.”

“Come out!”

“Put the gun away.”

“Why should I?” Abby called back.

“You want entry to Jackson, right?” A different voice called out, slightly to the right of the first. Abby whipped towards its source. “We can help you with that, as long as neither of you are Infected and you don’t shoot us. Or, you know, anyone else.”

Abby looked to Lev. He shrugged.

Her call. Always, always it was her fucking call.

She lowered the gun.

“Good choice.” Two girls emerged from the trees, hands up in placating gestures. One was smaller than the other, with much darker hair. Her face was nearly expressionless, and Abby felt the tingle she always got in her spine when she was being assessed.

The other girl was both taller and bulkier than the first. She had auburn hair and her posture was more casual, a relaxed grin on her face.

“New in town?”

“Something like that,” Abby said. “You can get us in?”

“Sure, Jackson’s happy to have new citizens. Follow us.”

“How do we know you aren’t lying?” Lev piped up.

“Uh… that’s a good question.” The taller girl looked to her friend, who shrugged.

“You’ll just have to trust us.”

Abby looked at Lev, who was seeming reluctant. “Yes or no? We could take them if we had to.”

“Could not,” the taller girl mumbled childishly. Lev thought for a moment.

“What are your names?”

“I’m Dina,” the shorter girl said. “And this dumbass is Ellie. I would say she’s not always like this, but I’d hate to lie to you so quickly. What are your names?”

Lev lifted his chin, as if daring Dina to find fault with it. “I’m Lev.”

“Lev. That’s a cool name,” Ellie said, easy grin never faltering. “Also, really neat bow you got there. You any good with it?”

“Yeah, I am.”

“Nice! Mine got messed up on my last patrol, broke it on a runner’s head. But I miss it all the time, it’s useful to have a quiet long-range weapon, and silencers can be rough to make in a pinch.”

Lev brightened considerably. “You broke your bow on a runner?”

“Yeah, I was out of arrows and had to use it like a bat. Wouldn’t advise it.”

“S’ cool though.”

“Thanks, kid. Who’s your quiet friend?”

Abby narrowed her eyes. “Not quiet. Just thinking.”

“About what?”

“All the different ways to gut you.”

The shorter girl- Dina, Abby thought, looked properly unnerved by her threat. She let her hand drift closer to her weapon, and moved to stand just slightly in front of Ellie. A loyal friend, Abby noted absentmindedly.

Ellie just raised an eyebrow. “Any particularly cool ways?”

“Rusty screwdriver.”

“Gross. Come on, we’re wasting daylight. Gate’s just about twenty minutes this way.”

Ellie grabbed Dina’s hand and turned her back to Abby and Lev, beginning to walk ahead of them down the path by the wall.

Lev looked at Abby, snorted, and began to follow them. “Don’t have to be mean to everyone we meet.”

“Kinda do,” Abby shot back, even as she hitched her backpack higher on her shoulders and set off after him.

—————————————————————————————————

Jackson was incredible. Lev’s head was on a constant swivel as Ellie and Dina led them through the town, and even Abby was impressed by the sheer impossibility of the place.

It was a real town. Not like the Wolf compound, all one giant stadium. There were full houses everywhere Abby looked, and people to fill them. They moved about the streets, talking, laughing, and just going about their days. Few spared any glances for Abby and Lev, and those who did just nodded and went on their way.

“This is…” Lev breathed out, looking at the buildings and people all around him.

“Yeah,” Abby replied when he trailed off. “It’s pretty awesome.”

“What are all these strings over the buildings?”

“Those are called string lights. There’s little bulbs on each of them, they help keep the streets lit at night,” Dina answered. “You’ll see them on after sunset, they’re pretty.”

“Yeah.” Lev stared up at the string lights. Abby found herself fighting off a smile at the awe on his face.

“We’ll give you the full tour after we introduce you to Tommy and Maria. They kinda run things around here. They’ll find a place for you to stay until we can get you your own house,” Ellie said.

“It probably won’t be too long, there are a few vacant places right now. Pretty sure Eugene’s house is still-“ Dina suddenly went pale, stopping in her tracks. She held a hand firmly to her stomach, leaning forward as if off-balance.

Ellie was at her side in an instant, one hand on her lower back and one covering Dina’s hand on her stomach. “Are you ok? Do you need water? A place to sit? Here, let’s find somewhere to sit-“

“I’m fine, Ellie,” Dina sighed, straightening up. “Just a wave of nausea. I’m all good.”

“Are you sure? I still have some water in my pack, and we could sit for a minute-“

“I’m fine, Ellie!” Dina exclaimed exasperatedly. Abby heard the fond notes in her tone, however, and noticed the appreciative look in her eyes.

Huh. Perhaps not just friends?

“Are you sick?” Lev asked curiously.

“Yep. Worst disease known in history, even worse than cordyceps.”

“What?”

“Pregnancy,” Dina laughed. “Sorry, kid, not actually very exciting, I know. Just makes me a bit queasy sometimes. Nothing to worry about, promise it isn’t contagious.”

Lev grinned, and Abby allowed herself to smile. Even Ellie cracked, although her worried fidgeting remained.

“Promise me you’ll sit down when we get to Maria’s,” she said as they set off again.

“I will, but exclusively because I want to, not because I’m weak. Also, because my feet hurt.”

“I could carry you,” Ellie offered. Dina just laughed. She seemed like she did that a lot. It was a pretty sound, Abby thought.

“I’m really ok, Ellie. I swear.”

“Alright, fine. Never argue with a pregnant lady, I guess.”

“Never argue with me, period. You always lose.”

“You always cheat!”

“How could I cheat in a verbal argument, Ellie?”

“You just do!”

Abby took the opportunity as the pair bickered to whisper to Lev. “Still good? We can always turn back.”

“To where? I like this place. It feels good. And Ellie and Dina seem nice.”

“Yeah, I think so too. Jackson might be our new home, at least for a while. Ok with that?”

“You’re gonna stay with me, right?” Lev asked earnestly. Abby smiled and ruffled his (slowly growing) hair.

“Yeah, kid, of course.”

“Then anywhere is ok. But I like it here.”

“Here, we shall stay.”

“Weirdo.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“So, this is Tommy and Maria’s place,” Dina interrupted quietly, showing no signs of noticing their little moment other than a small smile as she gestured at the house ahead of them. “We’ll go talk to them, and work out your place in Jackson.”

“Alright.” Abby squared her shoulders and began walking towards the house, listening for Lev’s quiet footsteps behind her. Ellie and Dina looked at each other as she passed, then Ellie shrugged and followed. Abby assumed Dina did the same.

She knocked when she reached the front door.

“Come on in, it’s open!” A male voice called out. Tommy, probably. Abby opened the door and stepped in.

The first thing she noticed was warmth. Not just temperature-wise, although it was a welcome change from the cold weather outside, but the kind of warmth that came from a lived-in house. There were pictures in frames on the wall and the table in the entryway, and the light was soft. The rug in the hallway to the front door was well-worn, and Abby could hear the sound of a sink running somewhere further into the house.

“Hello?” She called out. She could feel Lev at her back, and heard as Ellie strolled into the house.

“Yo, Tommy! Come out here, we got visitors,” Ellie shouted as she helped Dina into a room to the right. Abby followed them into what appeared to be a dining room. Dina collapsed into one of the chairs with a tired smile.

“Swear it’s getting more awful to walk around every day.”

“I didn’t even realize you were pregnant at first,” Abby said. Why did she say that? What the fuck kind of comment was that? A very rude one-

Ellie laughed, saving Abby the trouble of apologizing. “Yeah, Maria says when she finally starts showing she’ll swell up like a beach ball, but she just doesn’t even look chubby yet.”

“And I won’t. I’ve decided that I will be the first woman ever to have a completely normal and healthy pregnancy without expanding in the slightest. Anatomically impossible? Perhaps, but the universe will bend to my will.”

“It will fucking not.”

Abby heard a laugh and turned to see a man leaning against the doorway of the dining room, smiling. “I don’t know, I doubt the universe has ever had such a stubborn opponent.”

“Don’t encourage her, Tommy.”

The man- Tommy- grinned. He was wearing jeans and a t-shirt, a simple jacket tugged over it. He had grey-brown hair, somewhat long and tied back behind his head, and the kind smile on his face didn’t falter when he saw Abby and Lev.

“Hey there. Name’s Tommy, my wife and I are kinda in charge around here. You planning on staying for a while or just stopping by?”

“Staying. For as long as we’re welcome,” Abby said slowly. Tommy nodded.

“Great. Give us just a minute, Maria’s out back in the garden, but when she comes in we can talk business. For now, tell me a bit about yourselves. Where you hail from, and whatnot.”

“Oh. We’re, uh. Seattle.”

“Seattle?”

“Yes.” Abby was hesitant to elaborate, but she knew that seeming too closed-off would make her look suspicious.

“Last I heard, the city was caught up in some military struggle. That still going on?”

“I was part of it, for a while. Met Lev, and we decided to just go.”

“Lev, huh? Nice to meet you, kid. And your name is?” Tommy nodded at Lev before looking back to Abby.

“I’m Abby.”

“Nice to meet you, Abby. We’ve got a special place ‘round here for deserters, being that I was one. So’s Ellie. No one will give you any trouble about it, so there’s not much need to be cagey. We’ve all done things we aren’t proud of to survive.”

“I mean. I’m a little bit proud of shooting that one asshole,” Lev spoke up. “Remember? The one in Boise?”

“Lev? Maybe not the impression we’re going for?”

“He was an asshole!”

“Never should have taught you to curse.”

“How did you two come to meet?” Tommy asked.

“Yeah, I was wondering that too,” Ellie chimed in. “No offense, but you don’t really look like siblings.”

“What, you can’t see the resemblance?” Abby said flatly, raising a single eyebrow at Ellie, who once again just shrugged off the threat in her tone. That was going to be annoying.

“She’s not usually this defended.” Lev interjected apologetically.

“Defensive, Lev.”

“Yeah, that. Well, she is, but it’s not her fault. She’s mostly nice, really.”

“Why are you lying to our hosts, Lev?”

“She did threaten to gut us,” Dina mused. “Otherwise, perfectly pleasant, but that was off-putting.”

“Thank you,” Abby said, straightening up in pride. Ellie snorted.

“I could take her.”

“You could not!” Abby shot back.

“Oh god, there’s two of them,” Tommy groaned. “Shit. Maria! Help!”

“What?” Maria appeared in the doorway. She was shorter than Tommy- shorter than Ellie, too- with blonde hair, dressed similarly to her husband. She was small, but had an air of confidence that Abby immediately respected. “Two of what?”

“This is Abby and Lev, and I think Abby and Ellie are either gonna get along or maim each other.”

“No maiming,” Maria declared. Lev nodded.

“I won’t let her, don’t worry.”

Abby grumbled but didn’t refute the statement.

“Great. Y’all are planning on staying?”

“They are indeed,” Tommy answered for them.

“Ok. Well, we’ve got one vacant house, but some of the wood is rotting and the floor of the kitchen just caved in. It’s not quite habitable yet.”

“They need a place to stay, Maria. We can’t just make them camp in the street,” Dina argued. Maria glared.

“I figured. Which is why they’ll be staying with you.”

“What?” Ellie said, startled. “There’s not enough room!”

“Dina, don’t you have three bedrooms? Can’t spare the other two?”

“Well, I could, but Ellie was going to help me turn one into a nursery,” Dina explained.

“How long until the baby’s born?” Lev asked.

“Bout eight more months.”

“Will the vacant house be ready by then?” Abby inquired.

“Should be ready in half that time,” Tommy replied.

“Then we’ll be out of your hair with enough time to spare to make the room into a nursery before the baby’s born. We can even help, as repayment for letting us stay with you,” Abby said to Dina. “We won’t be much trouble.”

“You don’t have to,” Maria said. “We could do a rush job on the vacancy, it just might not hold up for long and we’d need-“

“I’ll do it,” Dina interrupted. “The nursery doesn’t need to be ready yet anyway, and these two need a place to stay. You want to come get settled in?”

“Uh, sure. Sounds good,” Abby replied.

“Cold!”

“Cool, Lev.”

“Still don’t get the difference.”

—————————————————————————————————

Abby thought she would sink right back in to living with other people. Giant mess halls, crowded areas, loud roommates. Flashes of Manny appeared in her head. Joking, grinning, flirting, bleeding, screaming, crying, fire-

No.

Living with Dina was nothing like the Wolf stadium setup. For one thing, it wasn’t crowded at all. Abby had her own room upstairs, just down the hall from Lev’s. She didn’t use it much for sleeping- she ended up folded into the armchair in Lev’s room most nights, just to make sure she was there in case he had a nightmare- but it was nice to have a place to put all of her stuff. A hook to hang her coat on, sheets without holes in them. Abby’s room was clearly more familiar with occupation than Lev’s had been before their arrival, there were scuff marks and scratches on the floor from rearranged furniture, and the bed also seemed well-used. It was comfortable though, more so than almost anything Abby had slept on before, and she didn’t complain.

The house was always bright. It had windows all over, in every place that one could fit, and the soft sunlight streaming through made the white and cream colored walls glow warmly. Everything about Dina’s house was soft and warm, Abby thought. The collection of blankets she had, the couch in her living room, the lighting. She had clearly made an effort to make this place into a real home, not just somewhere to crash in between assignments- chores.

They called them chores here. There was no combat here.

Unlike the house, however, Abby knew next to nothing about their host. Dina was always flitting in and out of the house, but besides basic pleasantries and helping Abby and Lev find things around the house that they may need, she hadn’t really spoken with them. When she was around, Abby always had the tingling feeling that she had gotten on the first day, like she was being assessed. She got the sense that Dina may be less of a physical threat than Ellie, but she was certainly more observant.

It was oddly intimidating, but Abby resolved to avoid letting it fluster her.

She went about her days on a schedule. She woke up early and did as much of her workout routine as she could without weights or other equipment, woke Lev up, and they went to get something to eat. Usually Dina was gone by then, so they either ate breakfast in comfortable silence or Abby would answer whatever questions Lev had woken up with. He was more talkative in the mornings than any other time of day.

Abby was hesitant about exploring the town, and Lev seemed to sense it without her ever verbally communicating it, so he didn’t push. But Abby could tell he was beginning to get antsy, especially tonight. He kept looking out the windows at the string lights hanging over the streets, a sort of longing in his eyes. Abby smiled to herself as he gazed out of the kitchen window while they ate dinner.

“Hey, you want to walk around a bit tomorrow?” She asked casually. Lev’s eyes widened and he turned towards her quickly before attempting to school his features into a less eager expression.

“Thought you were worried about that.”

“Can’t stay holed up here forever. Besides, an archer does best when he’s familiar with the terrain, right?”

“Pretty sure everyone does better when they’re aware of their surroundings.”

“Yeah, whatever. What do you say, huh? We’ll roam around a bit, see how many weird stares we get. It’ll be fun.”

Lev pretended to consider it, and then grinned. “One condition.”

“Oh boy.”

“After we walk the town once, we split up and do it again. Whoever finds the cooler hidden spot wins.”

“What will I win?” Abby asked.

“You’ll win nothing. The prize, however, will be… I don’t know, what cold stuff do we have?”

“Cool. And some weapons? We don’t really-“

“Whoever wins gets to choose dessert,” A familiar voice interrupted.

Abby turned in her seat to see Dina leaning against the doorframe of the kitchen’s entrance. “How long have you been there?”

“Long enough to help you negotiate a good prize. What do you think?”

“What’s a dessert?” Lev asked, head tilted.

Dina looked surprised but answered. “A treat that you can have after dinner. Usually something sweet, but if you win your contest, it can be whatever you want.”

“Like berries?”

“Yeah, sure, like berries. Or chocolate,” Dina answered bemusedly.

“What’s chocolate?”

“You don’t know what chocolate is?”

Abby shot Dina a warning glare before answering Lev. “It’s this candy type thing, it usually comes in bars. Although I didn’t think there was any left that wasn’t expired.”

Dina shrugged. “We get some good stuff on patrol every once in a while. Ellie’s been stealing some for me lately, so I’ve got a surplus.”

“Can we try some?” Lev asked, attempting (and failing) to keep the excitement in his voice at bay.

“If you win our contest, sure,” Abby replied. “For now, though, it’s getting late. You’ve been yawning every five minutes for the past half hour. The sooner you go to bed, the sooner it’s tomorrow and we can explore.”

“Fine. I’m gonna win though.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll be up in a bit.” Abby reached over to ruffle Lev’s hair as he got out of his seat. He leaned into it for a moment before dashing away and up the stairs.

Abby began to gather up their dishes, rinsing them in the sink. She was silent, waiting to hear Dina’s footsteps as she left the kitchen. But the sound never came, and Dina’s voice broke the quiet instead.

“I didn’t mean to be insensitive. I shouldn’t have acted so surprised that he didn’t know what chocolate was. It’s a sore spot, clearly. Sorry.”

“He just- Lev had a weird childhood. He doesn’t know about some stuff. He’s smart, but he’s a bit behind with things that are supposedly common knowledge. It’s not his fault, and if you could avoid pointing it out-“

“Consider it done.”

Abby nodded without turning to look at Dina, waiting for her to leave again. But once more, she stayed, even sat down at the kitchen table.

“How’d you and Lev meet?”

“Why are you suddenly so curious?”

“I’ve always been curious,” Dina responded easily. “Especially considering you live in my house and this is the first time you’ve ever really spoken to me.”

“You could have started a conversation at any point.”

“Not sure I’d want to, if you’re always this defensive.”

Abby whirled around to glare at Dina. “I’m not defensive!”

Dina just raised an eyebrow.

Abby sighed. “Ok, fine. I’m just… adjusting. To people who I’m not already used to.”

“Everyone here’s been through that. I get it.”

“Lev and I met under weird circumstances. Some of it is his to tell.”

“Then just tell me your part,” Dina replied. Abby stared at her, stubbornly standing next to the sink for a few moments before Dina’s will won out and she dropped back into a chair at the table.

“In Seattle, there’s this war going on between this militaristic organization, the WLF, and this cult, the scars- Seraphites. Lev and I met on no man’s land. He was a Seraphite, but he broke their rules and had to run away. I was a Wolf, but-“

Owen. Blood. Broken glass on the floor of an aquarium. Abby shook her head, focused her eyes on the table.

“One of my friends broke the rules. I went after him, and I met Lev along the way. I helped Lev, and then when this huge invasion of the Seraphites’ island happened… I had already broken the rules by going after my friend. Couldn’t let any of the Wolves hurt Lev.”

“Why were you on the Seraphites’ island?” Dina asked gently.

“Lev wanted to get his mom. We were all going to leave, but he wanted to convince his mom to come with us. His sister brought me to the island so we could go get him back.”

“Lev has a sister?”

“Had.” Abby answered heavily.

Dina nodded sadly. “So did I.”

Abby looked up at Dina. Gone was the challenging demeanor, the quietly observant look. Instead, Dina sat before her looking almost entirely unguarded, leaning on the table and clearly blinking back memories being brought to the surface of her mind. Her face changed, Abby thought. The absence of bravado made room for something softer, and for an absurd moment Abby considered reaching out to the girl in front of her.

But then Dina tilted her head and the tense quiet was broken. “Where’s your other friend? The one who broke the WLF rules?”

Abby swallowed, staring at the table once again. “Big battle broke out on the island just as I got Lev. It took us a while to get out, and by the time we had… the Wolves still around home base had found him. We were too late.”

“What was his name?”

“Owen.”

“That’s a good name.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I thought so too.”

There was a beat of silence. Abby thought that maybe they had been quiet together more than they had spoken. Then Dina leaned back in her seat, away from Abby and the heavy air around them.

“Let’s talk about something lighter, huh? Since you let me interrogate you, how about I return the favor? No holds barred, any questions you’ve got. I’m an open book.”

Abby thought for a moment. “Whose baby is it?”

Dina laughed. “Been saving that one up, huh?”

“I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure it isn’t Ellie’s.”

“Nope. My ex, Jesse. He organizes the patrols, you’ll meet him when you start actually interacting with people.”

“Ex?”

“He’s a good guy. Just not who I want to be with.”

“He knows about the baby?” Abby asked.

“Mhm. His parents are the sweetest, very excited to be grandma and grandpa to the little one.”

“I’m confused.”

“Oh?”

“How does Ellie fit into all of that?”

“In a complicated manner,” Dina sighed. “You want the full history?”

“I am living in your house, and this is the first time you’ve ever really spoken to me. Seems like I should get to know my roommate at least a little.”

Dina smiled wryly. “And to think I believed you weren’t the joking type. Turns out you are, but you just aren’t funny.”

“Lev says the same thing,” Abby chuckled.

“He’s a good kid.”

“He is. And you’re deflecting.”

Dina grinned, the gleam of a challenge in her eye. “You’re much better at this than Ellie. She’s easy to distract.”

“I mean, she’s totally in love with you, so I imagine that helps.”

“It does make certain things easier.”

“Certain things?” Abby raised an eyebrow. “Not all? Thought love was supposed to be comforting.”

“It is, it’s just-“

“Complicated,” Abby finished for her. Dina sighed again.

“Yeah.”

“Do I get the full history, or an abridged version?”

“I met Ellie when she arrived in Jackson about five years ago. I had only been here for a year, and I was… slow to adjust, so we kinda bonded over that. I ended up with a giant crush on her, but she started dating this other girl, Cat. I went out with Jesse, told myself that my feelings for Ellie were just a stupid crush and that I’d get over them. And I did genuinely love Jesse, just not in the way I meant to. Ellie and Cat broke up, but Jesse and I were still together, and I just felt so guilty. For loving her instead of him. I stayed with him, thought that if I just gave myself more time, I could make our on-and-off thing permanent. But every time I was with him, I just kept wishing I was with Ellie instead.”

Abby let herself wonder for a moment. If Owen were alive, would he say those kinds of things about her? Did he wish that when he was with Mel he was actually with Abby instead?

Not a road worth going down.

Abby pulled herself out of her thoughts as Dina seemed to collect hers. “I kissed Ellie at a dance, about a month ago, a week after I finally broke up with Jesse for good. We went on patrol the next day, found a weed stash, and… things progressed. But not long after, I realized I was pregnant, and now it feels like Ellie thinks a switch is going to flip in my brain and I’m gonna go back to Jesse because he’s the baby daddy or something.” Dina’s voice gave way to her rising frustration at the thought. “I’ve made it so obvious that I want her, but she just doesn’t get it. She still keeps acting as though I’m going to leave her for him.”

“Have you told her that you won’t?”

“I’ve been at her place every day for over a month, I spend all my time with her, I kiss her! How could she misinterpret that?”

“Maybe she thinks it’s just temporary,” Abby suggested. “That you’re having fun with her while you can but then going back to Jesse when the baby comes.”

“How could she possibly think that?”

“Have you explained to her that it isn’t like that?”

“I mean, not verbally, but-“

“Tell her, then. Verbally. If she’s missing all your hints, just abandon that and be as unsubtle as possible. I mean, how could she miss that?”

Dina leveled Abby with an appraising look. “For someone who doesn’t talk much, you sure make it sound like an easy solution.”
“I’m the queen of not taking my own advice.”

“I can tell,” Dina snorted. “You seem as stubborn as Ellie.”

“Considering you love her, I’ll take that as a compliment.” Abby couldn’t help but yawn after speaking. This was the latest she had stayed up in awhile. Dina smirked at her before gesturing towards the stairs.

“Don’t let me keep you up. I’ll be boring the rest of the night, seems like I’ve got a heartfelt speech to prepare.”

“Let me know how it goes,” Abby said, and she found that she meant it. Maybe it was a result of their talk, of how Dina had listened to her story and shared a bit of her own, or maybe it was just by existing near her, but Dina had somehow managed to get Abby to like her.

First Lev, now this. She really had to start getting better at being guarded. Abby shook her head at herself as she began to climb the stairs up towards her bedroom.

“Abby? One last question?” Dina called.

“Shoot.”

“If you win, what dessert would you want?”

Abby grinned at Dina. “Something chocolate-y.”

—————

The next day, Abby was wandering around aimlessly after splitting up with Lev, doing her best to dodge the curious stares and avoid anyone who looked like they may greet her, when she found Ellie and Dina walking hand in hand down a street. She quickly pretended to be absorbed by taking in the sights around her, doing her best to stay inconspicuous but still within hearing range.

What are roommates for if not spying on each other’s dates? Manny would be proud.

Abby, caught up in her thoughts of her old friend, barely noticed as Dina’s eyes landed on her. She leaned over and whispered something into Ellie’s ear, smiling as Ellie laughed, kissed her on the cheek, and then left her side and began to walk over.

Shit. She’d been made. Abby considered making a run for it before remembering that she didn’t really have anything to feel guilty for. As far as Ellie knew, she was just walking around, enjoying the fine weather. (The weather was not fine. The sun was far too bright around here. She missed the overcast skies back ho- in Seattle. Which was no longer home.)

“Hey,” Ellie interrupted her thoughts. Abby looked at the other girl to find a crooked grin on her face, something she had a feeling wasn’t exactly uncommon. “Dina tells me you’re looking for the best spot in Jackson.”

“Maybe. Why, you got an idea?”

Ellie’s grin widened. Abby was struck, just for a moment, by how it made the freckles on her face that much more apparent. “Not just an idea. C’mon, follow me.”

(Later, Abby had to admit that the basement Lev had found beneath the rec center was pretty cool. But it didn’t compare to the boarded up church that Ellie snuck her into, settled against the western wall of Jackson, with stained-glass windows just high enough above the wall to catch the light of the sun as it began to set. It was dusty, but it was open and airy and achingly beautiful when the light threw dazzling colors across the walls and floor.

Lev grumbled about her cheating until Dina brought out six chocolate bars after dinner, two for each of them. He even found it in himself to gracefully accept Abby’s second chocolate bar as a consolation prize.)

—————————————————————————————————

After showing Abby the chapel, Ellie started coming to Dina’s house rather than Dina going to hers. It was different when Ellie was around. When it was just Abby and Dina, Abby felt as though she were playing some unspoken game of chess, each of them assessing the moves of the other and making their own. It may seem intense to some, but Abby enjoyed it. It was a game for both of them, a push and pull with no real stakes. Ellie was mystified by it, and usually ended up leaving them to their oddly competitive banter and went to go hang out with Lev instead.

Lev and Ellie got along entirely too well. She showed him all her favorite spots to watch the town from above (Abby firmly refused to join them) and snuck him candy and other fun stuff she found on patrols. It was pretty common over the next few months for Abby to walk into the living room and find Lev and Ellie reading comic books together, Lev curled up in the armchair while Ellie sat on the couch, Dina sprawled out beside her, asleep with her head in the other girl’s lap.

It was nice, the four of them lazing around. It wasn’t something Abby had expected to have again.

However, some people weren’t as appreciative of the quiet time as she was.

“Please come with us tonight,” Ellie wheedled. “It’ll be fun!”

“Will it? Will it really?”

“Ellie just wants someone to stand in the corner and be awkward with. She hates this as much as you do,” Dina called from the kitchen, appearing in the doorway to the living room a few seconds later with a smirk on her face.

Ellie pouted. “Yeah, well, you don’t want to go alone, so I’m going, but you’re going to abandon me the second we get there!”

“Why go at all? It’s just a party,” Abby interjected.

“I can’t get drunk for the next seven months. I can’t get high for the next seven months. The least I deserve is to watch my friends do stupid shit while they’re drunk for the next seven months.”

“That’s… fair, I guess?” Abby replied. “But can’t you just go and leave us in peace?”

“Nope. Ellie’s coming with me at least, she has no choice. Cost of dating the hottest girl in Jackson.”

“I broke up with Cat years ago,” Ellie said, faking confusion. The small amused smirk on her face disappeared when Dina rounded on her.

“Swear to god, Williams, I will cut your toes off one by one and feed them to you.”

“Kinky,” Abby tossed in. Dina pointed at her threateningly.

“Don’t start with me, Anderson, you won’t win.”

“Point taken.” Abby raised her hands in surrender. “Still won’t go to the party though.”

“Come on! If I have to deal with Jesse trying to make small talk for even an hour, I might be responsible for a homicide by the end of the night.”

“Jesse’s a good guy.” Or at least, he seemed it from Dina’s stories and Abby’s few interactions with him. Abby could see the appeal, but she also definitely saw why Dina broke up with him. Ellie was generally more fun to be around. Jesse, for all of his positive traits, seemed a bit uptight.

“Yeah, but it doesn’t make it less awkward that I’m dating his ex, who’s pregnant with his kid. If he asks me one more time if Dina’s staying hydrated enough, I’m tossing him in a river.”

“Is that what he’s been bothering you about?” Dina asked amusedly. “I’ll talk to him tonight, don’t worry.”

“Dude, no way! He’ll get all pissed at me for letting you go to a party where people are smoking, even though I couldn’t stop you if I tried-“

“Did you just call your girlfriend ‘dude’?” Abby interrupted. Ellie paused in her tirade, hands still in the air from her wild gesturing.

“Yes. I did.”

“Wow.” Abby turned to Dina. “I totally get it now, she’s such a catch. Don’t know how you resisted for as long as you did.”

“Shut up and come with us.”

“Why should I?”

“Because you need more friends your age?” Abby whipped around to see Lev watching them from the staircase.

“How long have you been there? I thought you were showering.”

“I was. But then I heard arguing and thought it sounded fun.”

“Little shit,” Abby muttered. Lev just stuck his tongue out at her.

“Go with them, you can’t just hang out with me and those two until you die. You need more friends.”

“Maybe I’m perfectly happy with the number of friends that I currently have.”

“I thought you had lots of friends in the WLF.” Lev crossed his arms.

Abby bristled. “I did,” she said indignantly.

“Then you can make lots of friends here too. Go.”

So Abby found herself standing awkwardly with a drink in hand in the corner of someone’s living room, Ellie at her side.

“Why are we here?” She groaned as she watched yet another drunk guy take his shirt off for seemingly no reason. “This is so stupid.”

“Yeah, but Dina’s having fun.”

Abby followed Ellie’s gaze to see Dina laughing as she chatted with another girl their age. “You’re so whipped.”

“Uh, bro, it’s Dina. Of course I am. Haven’t you seen how pretty she is, like, all the time?”

“Are you asking me if I think your girlfriend is hot?”

“I don’t know. I’m buzzed.”

“I haven’t even seen you drink.”

“I’m stealthy,” Ellie grinned. “But I’ve been playing my party drinking game.”

“Drinking game?” Abby looked at Ellie. Admittedly, she did look a little more flushed than usual, and every time she spoke sounded more carefree than it did when she was fully sober. The use of the word ‘bro’ really should have tipped Abby off that her friend was, in fact, tipsy. “What kind of drinking game?”

“Oh, it’s pretty boring. Sip when a dude takes his shirt off, sip when Cat punches a dude for taking his shirt off and creeping out a girl, sip when someone starts bragging about how many infected they’ve killed and it’s less than me, down the whole fucking drink if Jesse is drunk. Basic stuff.”

“I assume Jesse never gets drunk?”

“I saw it once, on my birthday two years back. One of the best nights of my life, for sure.”

“He doesn’t seem that uptight.”

Ellie smiled. “No, he’s fucking great. He is. We just all make fun of him cuz he’s such a mom friend.” Ellie gasped, eyes lighting up with a sudden realization. “And now he’s gonna be a dad! Holy shit, Abby, he’s a dad and a mom!”
“You’re so fucking drunk,” Abby laughed. “It’s the best thing ever.”

“I’m only buzzed!”

“Your cup is empty.”

Ellie examined her cup with a pout. “Fuck.”

Abby laughed again. She hadn’t been drinking much, but the general atmosphere of the party and her friend’s antics made it hard not to feel relaxed.

“Having fun?” Dina appeared behind Ellie, wrapping her arms around the girl’s waist and resting her chin on her shoulder.

“Oh yeah, we’ve been having a blast. Ellie asked if I think you’re hot and also realized that Jesse is both a dad and a mom.”

“Not gonna ask about the second one, but I definitely want to know the answer to Ellie’s question,” Dina replied, eyes sparkling with mirth.

Abby shrugged. “Eh. You’re not bad.”

“Hey! That’s my fucking wife, and she’s gorgeous,” Ellie defended strongly.

“Wife, huh? When did you propose?”

“In like, a year. Can’t rush things, you know?” Ellie responded absentmindedly, before going to take another sip of her drink and frowning when she yet again faced the realization that her cup was empty. Abby could see Dina’s eyes widen, and she loosened her grip on Ellie.

“You want to get married?”

“Fully committed to you for the rest of my life? Hmm. Seems like a lot.”

“I’m a fucking treasure. A walking miracle. You’d be so lucky.”

“I know, but I’m not actually proposing, Dina.” Ellie grinned. Dina nodded, seeming a little disappointed as she took a step away from Ellie. As a result, Abby was pretty sure she was the only one who heard Ellie mumble, “Can’t even find a good ring anyway.”

“Hey, Dina! Your title is being threatened!” Someone called from across the room. Abby couldn’t put a name to the face, but he was one of the boys who had actually managed to keep his shirt on.

“What do you mean?” Dina shouted back.

“I’m the beer pong king now!”

“Oh fuck no,” Dina growled. “Ellie, c’mon, you have defend my honor.”

“On it.”

“Uh, Dina? She’s already drunk,” Abby said. “I don’t really think her coordination’s going to be great right now.”

“She doesn’t need to be coordinated, she just needs to drink for me. I can’t have anything but water, and beer pong doesn’t really allow for that.”

“Yeah, but she’s already fucked.” Abby thought for a moment before deciding to throw caution to the wind. “I’ll help. I can actually play, and I’ll drink for you. As long as we win, I shouldn’t end up too drunk, right?”

“Oh, Abby.” Dina’s grin seemed almost dangerous in the low lighting of the room, gleaming with something nearly predatory. “I always win.”

Dina spent the rest of their time at the party proving that statement entirely correct, demolishing absolutely everyone that dared to challenge her with only a slight amount of help from Abby and plenty of encouragement from Ellie, who slowly began to sober up as Jesse appeared periodically and gave her water to drink. He really was a mom.

By the end of the night, as the three of them made their way back into Dina’s house, giggling and already planning to raid the kitchen for snacks, Abby had to admit she was glad that Lev had forced her to go out.

—————————————————————————————————

Jesse was sick of their shit and they had barely stepped through the door.

“No. Already it’s a no, a very strong no, and you won’t change my mind. No.”

“One last patrol?” Dina pouted, giving him puppy eyes. “You know how bored I get!”

“You’re five months pregnant, Dina! No way!”

Jesse paced around his makeshift office, a small room in a building just beside the gate. He had a whiteboard on the wall with the patrol schedule written out in a messy scrawl, clearly marked over with edits.

“You don’t have enough people without me! I should be out there! Assign me to the safest path you know of, just let me go out!”

“Told you he wouldn’t budge,” Ellie sighed. She was doing her best to seem disappointed, but Abby knew she didn’t want her girlfriend going out right now either.

“He will budge.” Dina glared. “Because he knows he has to.”

“That is my unborn child!”

“Uh, it’s ours, and it’s in my stomach. All you did was the easy part.”

“Can we not talk about that?” Ellie muttered.

“Right, sorry. Look, I get that you’re going stir-crazy, but you really shouldn’t be out on patrol, Dina.” Jesse crossed his arms, clearly trying to project authority. “Adding you wouldn’t even make a difference, we’re two people short.”

“What? Since when?”

“Since Maria wants us doing three-person patrols now. Apparently Seth and Jack ran into a bit of trouble the other day, and now it’s got Maria worried. Right now we really don’t have enough people, even if I got you on a team it’d need another person.”

“I could do it,” Abby said casually. Jesse and Ellie both turned towards her, Jesse with a raised eyebrow and Ellie with a betrayed expression.

“Dude? What the fuck?” She hissed, narrowing her eyes when Abby just ignored her.

“Patrol isn’t something to take lightly,” Jesse cautioned. “You’ll be gone for two days, and there isn’t a single real safe place outside these walls, no matter how clear you think a building is. Infected can always take you by surprise, and if there are any hunters-“

“I grew up in a militaristic organization dedicated to waging war against a cult, I know how to fucking handle myself,” Abby responded through gritted teeth. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Ellie look taken aback. Fuck. She must have never mentioned that around her.

That was going to come back to bite her in the ass.

But, the statement seemed to have the intended effect on Jesse, who ran a hand through his hair tiredly. “Ok, fine. Dina, you don’t leave Ellie’s sight, ok? No matter what, you stick to her like you’re glued together.”

“Yes sir.” Dina sarcastically saluted Jesse. From the way he just waved them out of the office, Abby could tell it was a familiar interaction for him.

Dina’s face split into a wide grin as soon as they exited. “Fuck yes! Thank you so much!” She wrapped her arms around Abby’s waist and-

Huh. Did hugs always feel like this? No. No, Abby had been hugged before, and it never made her feel like her ribs were squeezing her lungs, it never made her chest ache all over with this soft pressure and warmth.

Dina must just be a better hugger than her other friends.

“No problem,” Abby stuttered out, awkwardly returning the hug for a few seconds until Dina let go. “But he’s right, you have to be really fuckin careful out there.”

“I’ll be fine. We have four days until we go out, you’ll have plenty of time to uselessly lecture me about safety between now and then.”

And they did, constantly. Whenever Ellie ran out of breath, Jesse was there to pick up right where she left off in her tirade. Abby had to admit they worked well together, and were possibly the only people Dina would listen to. Not that she did.

At least, Abby thought she wouldn’t. Dina was stubborn, so incredibly stubborn. Sometimes it was endearing, sometimes it was infuriating. At all times it was one of Abby’s favorite things about her. She had never seen an occasion in which Dina didn’t hold her ground.

Until Ellie came to Dina’s house the night before patrol, shaking. Until she collapsed onto the couch, clutching at Dina like she had been gone for years. Abby did her best to pretend she wasn’t there, occupying herself with putting away the newly-cleaned dishes. But no matter how much she clattered the plates and bumped the bowls together (careful not to chip anything), she couldn’t miss the soft words spoken in low voices, couldn’t avoid hearing Ellie’s tearful confession that if she lost Dina, she’d surely lose herself. Abby stood still for a moment, abandoning all pretense that she wasn’t listening, straining her ears to hear Dina’s response.

It came in the form of whispered reassurances. Abby could oh-so-clearly imagine Dina tucking the one hair that always escaped Ellie’s bun back behind her ear, could see in her mind the way she pressed their foreheads together.

Her ribs were aching again.

Maybe she should go to the clinic about that.

Abby waited until nothing but silence enveloped the house, and then she walked into the living room to find Dina and Ellie asleep on the couch, so oddly intertwined that it seemed impossible to untangle them. She knew she couldn’t without them awake to help.

She shook Ellie’s shoulder. “Hey,” she breathed. “C’mon. Your back is going to hurt tomorrow if you sleep here.”

Ellie’s eyes opened, unfocused and lazy. “Huh?”

“Come on, help me out here. We gotta get you to a real bed.”

Ellie drowsily unwound herself from Dina, sitting up, groaning softly at the ache that had already started to build in her muscles. Abby looked away. It always seemed so private, seeing someone wake up, especially when they felt safe enough to be lazy about it.

She began to nudge Dina. “Up you get. Go on, you can do it. Bed’s only a little ways away.”

It was the way she would talk to Lev when he was exhausted. Although, it felt different. Abby chalked it up to the conversation she had overheard before.

Dina was also slow to rise, blinking tiredly as she accepted Ellie’s hand up. Abby nodded at Ellie, trusting her to safely escort the other girl to bed. But Dina reached out, weakly gripping Abby’s arm and pulling her beside them, leaning against Ellie’s side but letting her head loll onto Abby’s shoulders as she walked between the two of them. Abby looked to Ellie, who just offered a tired smile. She hadn’t really noticed the height difference between her and the other girl before.

She let both of them lean against her as she walked them into Dina’s bedroom. She let Ellie steady herself with a hand on her shoulder as she kicked off her shoes, and pulled the covers up when Dina just let herself flop onto the bed.

Abby flipped the light switch as she left the room, taking a last look at the girls who were already slipping back into sleep.

She was proud to be someone her friends could lean on. And for the first time, remembering all the times her old friends had done something similar didn’t hurt.

----------

It became apparent, exactly 4 hours before the end of their patrol, that the safety lectures were entirely unneeded.

Not because the area was safe. No, the area was far from safe, made obvious by the horde of infected they ran into not a mile away from Jackson.

Abby had drawn her gun and was making plans in her mind. “Dina, you stay. Ellie, you take left, I’ll take right, we’ll hit them from the sides-“

“There’s not enough cover, they’ll spot you both,” Dina hissed. The three of them were crouched behind a car about 40 feet from the infected. Ellie kept looking over the hood of the car.

“Twelve of them. Seven runners, five clickers. Minimal spreading, center of the road. We can’t get into any nearby buildings before we get spotted. Dina’s right, not enough cover.”

“What’s your plan then?”

Ellie bit her lip for a second, then smiled. “Dina, you remember the forest glade? Two years ago?”

“What do you- oh. Oh!”

“Think you can do it again?”

“I’ll need a distraction,” Dina said, eyes examining the car they were hiding behind. Ellie nodded.

“You’ve got one. Abby, you and I are gonna do something very stupid.”

“Hardly unusual,” Abby replied. “What are we doing?”

“We need them to stay close together, and a little closer to us.”

“Why do we want them closer?”

“Just trust me, we do. You and I? We’re gonna be the bait.”

“Ok?” Abby was still confused. Dina was continuing to analyze the car, not paying a bit of attention to their conversation. “I still don’t know what we’re doing.”

“Just follow my lead,” Ellie answered with a grin. “And don’t get eaten.”

And with that, she stood up and began to shout. “Hey fuckers! Come and get some! Come on, you hungry bastards, come get your fucking food!”

“What the fuck are you doing?!” Abby stood up with her, quickly aiming and shooting one of the clickers in the knee.

“Ooh, good idea, that’ll get them mad,” Ellie mused. “They coming?”

“Yeah, you stood up and started fucking hollering like a lunatic-“

“Great! Time to go!”

“Wha-“

Ellie grabbed Abby by the wrist, turned back down the road, and began to sprint, tugging Abby along behind her. Abby started running too, careful to not act as an anchor.

“Why are we leaving Dina?” She asked as they ran toward another car a bit further down the road. “We weren’t supposed to-“

“We’re improvising!” Ellie replied. “Don’t worry, Dina will be fine. In fact-“ she pulled Abby behind a different car- “our only job is to stay alive until she rescues us.”

“This is a terrible plan,” Abby grunted, looking over the hood of the car to see all of the infected shuffling towards them. Even the clicker she had shot was limping in their direction.

“What, you don’t have faith in Dina?”

“I don’t have faith in you not doing something stupid and getting us both killed.”

Ellie smirked. “When have I ever done something so reckless?”

“Remember when you and Jesse decided that a good, relaxing activity was jousting with some toy swords you found?”

“You literally challenged me right after I beat Jesse.”

“Irrelevant. How close are they?”

Ellie looked over the trunk. “About 30 feet.”

“Fuck,” Abby swore. “We’re gonna die.”

“Hey,” Ellie grabbed her shoulder and pulled her closer, looking straight into her eyes. “We’re fine. We’re gonna be ok. You think I wouldn’t make sure you got back home to Lev?”

Ellie’s eyes were a brighter shade of green than Abby had previously thought. Her gaze was as warm and solid as her hand on Abby’s shoulder. It was grounding.

At least, it was grounding until an explosion slammed the car they were hiding behind into them, sending them sprawling as the road before them erupted.

Abby’s ears were ringing as she stared uncomprehendingly at the ground in front of her. Infected. Explosion. Ellie.

She turned her head to the side to see the other girl groaning on the ground. She crawled over slowly, shaking her head as her hearing came back to her. “Ellie. Ellie, hey, can you hear me? You ok?”

Ellie just grunted, giving her a thumbs-up without opening her eyes. “Fuckin a.”

“Yeah, ok.” Abby rose slowly and looked behind them. The car they had used as cover had been flipped onto its back not five feet away from her, it was a miracle she hadn’t been crushed. Behind the wreckage of the car were the smoking corpses of all twelve infected scattered around a crater in the road.

And walking towards them was Dina, hands black with grease and a smile on her face. “What are we waiting for?” She called out. “Let’s get home, yeah?”

“Fuck yeah,” Ellie answered. Abby hadn’t noticed her sitting up, but now she jogged lightly towards Dina, smothering her face with kisses as Dina laughed. Abby felt like an intruder as she walked up to them quietly, until Dina kissed Ellie one last time and then turned to her.

“You doing alright? I know the numbskull over here-“ she gestured to Ellie- “probably didn’t prepare you for what was gonna happen.”

“Hey, she handled it like a champ,” Ellie argued, standing on her tiptoes to throw an arm over Abby’s shoulders. “Recovered even faster than I did!”

“But did she have any warning?” Dina arched an eyebrow as she stared down her girlfriend. Abby found herself holding back a laugh as Ellie pouted.

“Maybe not as much as she should have.”

Abby let herself chuckle. “It’s all good, I’m ok. What did you even find to make a bomb anyway?”

Dina beamed. “Car battery. Had to mess around with some wires, but it worked well in the end.”

“Hell yeah it did,” Ellie grinned. “That was awesome! They went flying!”

As the trio began the walk back towards Jackson, reveling in their victory, Abby came to a simple conclusion.

The safety lectures were a nice sentiment, but Ellie and Dina, especially when they were working together, were badass enough to not really need it.

—————————————————————————————————

“I want to tell Ellie and Dina about me.”

Abby looked up from her dinner at Lev, who was already staring at her, waiting for an answer. “Huh?”

“I want to tell them about me,” he repeated.

“What do you mean? They already know a ton about you, they’re our friends. Ellie’s helping you decorate your room in the new house, they know how much you like music and books and shit. What else do you want to tell them?”

“I’m not going to look like this forever,” Lev said. “I can shave my head all I want, but… I’m getting older.”

“What do you- oh.”

“Yeah. I want to tell them because I think maybe we could find something to help?”

“What could help?” Abby asked gently. “Do you want us to get some good bras for you? We could probably find some that help, like, flatten a bit-“

“In the old world, there were these things called binders,” Lev interrupted. “People… people made them for guys like me, so that they could deal with it even if they couldn’t afford surgery. And it’s not like there are really any surgeons around who could help, so it seems like the best option.”

It was Abby’s turn to stare. “You’ve done your research.”

“Ellie lent me a book. She said it helped her a bit when she was figuring things out.”

“You think we can find one of these binder things?”

“I think it’s worth a shot. I don’t want- I don’t want to be a stranger in my own body, to hate how I feel every single day of my life, to be trapped in this body that keeps betraying me. I was tired of it when I was with the Seraphites and it’s only getting worse, I don’t want it to get worse-“

“Ok, ok.” Abby got up and pulled Lev into a hug, resting her chin atop his recently shaved head and rubbing circles into his back. “We’ll figure it out. We will.”

“Thank you.”

“Of course. You sure you want Ellie and Dina to know? This can be a just you and me thing.”

“No, I want them to know. They’re good people, and you like them a lot.”

“Well, I mean, so do you,” Abby said, feeling unreasonably defensive. “They’re good to both of us.”

“Mhm.” Lev pulled back and looked at Abby shrewdly. “You just like them differently than me.”

“I- I really don’t know what you’re talking about.” Why did the words feel like a lie?

Lev just arched an eyebrow, a habit he’d picked up from Dina. “Right. You know, not everything is going to end the way it did with Owen.”

Abby could feel her heart drop into her gut. “Don’t bring that up.”

“You have to let yourself move past that, you have to let yourself love other-“

“Lev.” Abby’s tone left no room for arguments. “Drop it.”

He just shook his head and sighed. “Fine. But you’re only hurting yourself, there’s nothing to be gained from denial.”

“Sure. When are you planning on telling Ellie and Dina about this?”

“I don’t know. Whenever the timing is right, I suppose.”

With that, Lev wandered away, leaving Abby with dishes to clean and thoughts to repress. Seriously, what was he doing, bringing up Owen like that? He knew how difficult that was for her, how painful and fucked up it had been.

She knew she was to blame for how their relationship imploded. She could never give him enough of herself, not while she was so messed up about her dad’s death. So he went and found someone who could. It didn’t hurt Abby. How could it? They were her friends. And if some bitter part of her didn’t like that Owen had moved on, hated how he chose someone else, no one needed to know.

(If that bitter part of her reared its head when Ellie and Dina had a moment and she was left to watch, feeling like a voyeur, battling an aching urge to be a participant, well, absolutely nobody ever needed to find out about that.)

—————

It turned out Lev decided the timing was right far sooner than Abby was expecting, only lasting a week before asking Ellie and Dina to talk in the living room after they all had dinner together. Ellie and Dina settled on the couch as Lev stood, impatiently bouncing on his heels, in front of them. Abby chose to stand, leaning against the wall behind Lev with her arms crossed, looking as protective as she was capable of. She wanted to make sure that Lev knew she’d be ready to step in if he needed.

With the unguarded affection and concern on both Ellie and Dina’s faces, she really didn’t think it would actually be necessary.

“What did you want to talk about, Lev?” Dina asked gently. Abby was kinda glad she was taking point on this one. Ellie’s boundless enthusiasm was sweet (and adorable) but she had a feeling it may intimidate Lev rather than bolster him in this scenario.

“I wanted to tell you something important. About me.”

“We’re all ears.”

Lev nodded and took a breath. “You know how Abby always says she rescued me from a cult, right?”

“Mhm.”

“I’m actually still confused about that but I can roll with it.”

“Well, it’s actually more like I rescued her. And my sister. We were running from the Seraphites because I broke the rules, but they caught up with us and that was when we met Abby.”

“What was your sister’s name?” Dina asked.

Lev squared his jaw. “Yara.”

“That’s a pretty name,” Ellie murmured. He laughed softly.

“Yeah. So was mine.”

“What?”

“My name-“

“What the Seraphites called him.” Abby interjected, looking at Lev. “It was never really his name.”

“Yeah, that. They called me Lily.”

Dina’s eyebrows raised almost imperceptibly in surprise before she schooled her expression into something more neutral. Ellie was less subtle, brows furrowed in confusion. “Why are you telling us this now?”

“I mean, you knew already, right?”

“Actually, I wasn’t sure. Ellie had her suspicions-“

“That’s why I gave you that book, I hope it helped-“

“But I was never certain,” Dina finished. “I didn’t feel like it was my place to ask.”

“I’m ok with you guys knowing.”

“Was that the rule you broke? Why you had to leave the Seraphiles?” Ellie asked.

“Seraphites. Yes.”

“Oh. Fuck them then.”

Abby laughed, unable to hold it back. “Yeah, fuck them.”

“I’m telling you guys because I need your help with something,” Lev said, trying to get the conversation back on track. All traces of mirth immediately left Ellie’s face as she turned her full attention to him. Dina did the same. Abby couldn’t help but absentmindedly note that they already seemed very parental. Dina’s baby would never want for attentive parents between them and Jesse.

(And maybe she had silently resolved to help as much as they’d let her, even though she wasn’t really a fan of babies. So what? She was clearly just a naturally giving person.)

Abby snorted aloud at that line of thought, getting Lev to turn around to look at her. “Something funny?”

“Sorry, sorry, got caught in my own head. You explained?”

“Yeah, he did. Do you think we’d be able to find one of these binder things near Jackson?” Dina questioned.

“I don’t see why not. I mean, they were probably kind of expensive in the old world, but that’s not really a problem now,” Ellie reasoned. “They’d have to have them in stores and stuff. Maybe in that big superstore a couple miles out? The uh, fuckin, what was it called again?”

“Talmart?”

“No, that’s not it. Whatever, the point is they had this giant section for bras and stuff-“

“And you were looking at the models?” Abby teased, enjoying the way Ellie immediately flushed. It made her freckles stand out.

“No! But, I bet they would have something like that there.”

“It’s a good place to start.” Dina nodded, leaning over to take Ellie’s hand and look back at Lev. “What size do you think you’ll need?”

Lev just stared back at them, completely still. He was silent long enough that Abby detached herself from the wall, walking over to check on him. “Lev? You ok, bud-“

Lev grabbed her by the arm and pulled her closer to the couch, proceeding to grab Dina and Ellie and pull all three of the women into a hug, resting his head against Abby’s stomach and keeping his arms wrapped around the other two. Abby could feel when he started crying as the tears started to soak through her shirt. “Thank you, thank you, fuck, I’m- thank you.”

“Of course, Lev,” Ellie said. Dina muttered something along the same lines, reaching over and gently running her hand up and down Lev’s back.

It took a few minutes for him to start crying. Eventually, he pulled away, slightly embarrassed, wiping at his eyes quickly. Abby just smiled at him. “Told you they’d help.”

“You never said that,” he replied with a scoff.

“Yeah, but I knew it. I reassured you telepathically.”

“That’s not a fucking thing.”

“How would you know? Maybe I can do it without you noticing. I can just, like, put the thought in your head.”

“That’s not possible!”

“Oh yeah?” Abby challenged. “Right now, you want a chocolate bar.”

Lev’s eyes narrowed. “I always want a chocolate bar. That proves nothing.”

“Well, if I didn’t put the thought in your head, how would you know there’s one waiting for you in the kitchen?”

“Because you just said- you got me chocolate?”

“Proud of you for sharing, kid. Go eat.”

Lev dashed out of the room, leaving Abby to laugh to herself as she watched him run. She turned back to the other two to see them watching her. Dina’s head was tilted in the way that it always was when she was working a thought through to its conclusion, but there was something soft in her eyes that wasn’t usually present with the head tilt. Ellie’s gaze was unrepentantly affectionate, and she made no effort to conceal her smile.

“You’re good with him.”

“Yeah, well.” Abby shifted uncomfortably under the weight of their combined stares. “He needs it.”

“You can accept the compliment, you know. Promise we won’t tell anyone how soft you are,” Dina said teasingly.

“Uh, speak for yourself. I’m telling everyone,” Ellie interjected.

“They wouldn’t even believe you,” Abby said proudly. “I’m too threatening.”

“You’re just a big marshmallow,” Ellie retorted.

“Take that back!”

“Make me!”

Ellie’s eyes widened as Abby lunged. “Oh wait fuck no, Dina save me!”

“You did this to yourself,” Dina sighed as she walked away, leaving her two idiots to playfully fight it out.

As the day melted into night and Lev finally dragged himself to bed, the trio found themselves sitting in Dina’s living room. Dina herself had a watch shift at 2 in the morning, and she repeatedly explained that if she fully went to sleep beforehand then she wouldn’t be alert during the shift. So she dozed on the couch, her feet tucked against Ellie’s thigh as the latter quietly strummed a guitar. Abby sat on the floor, leaning against the small coffee table in the center of the room, letting her eyes drift shut as the soft music washed over the room like a gentle wave.

She would have found herself falling asleep if she couldn’t sense eyes on her. She lazily opened an eye to catch Ellie hastily turning her attention back to her guitar, missing a note in the process. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, nothing’s wrong,” Ellie answered quickly. “Just, you know, playing.”

“You were looking at me.”

“Someone’s arrogant,” Ellie muttered.

“Ellie. What is it?”

Ellie groaned but relented. “Why does everyone seem to know your story but me? I mean, Lev was there, so that makes sense, but Dina knows too, and even Joel asked me the other day if you had any thoughts on how to strengthen the walls, since apparently the military compound you lived in is super notorious? I mean, why am I the only one living in mystery?”
“I don’t know that much about you either,” Abby shot back. “How do you even know Joel? Where were you from before Jackson?”

“That’s significantly fewer questions.”

“Wow, that’s a big word. Didn’t know you knew any with more than three syllables.”

“I actually had one of the highest reading comprehension scores out of anyone in the military academy, so fuck you.”

“Military academy?” Now that Abby thought about it, when she had first arrived in Jackson Tommy had mentioned that Ellie was a defector. “Ok, how’s this sound: you tell your story, I’ll tell mine.”

“Fine, but mine’s pretty boring anyway.”

“Then go ahead and bore me.”

Ellie sighed. “I was raised in this military academy in Massachusetts. One night, Riley, my best friend, snuck us out. She was joining the Fireflies, and she wanted to have some fun before she left. We were fucking around in this mall- side note; I kissed her and that was how I realized I like girls- when these infected attacked us. She got bit, I didn’t.”

“Oh. Shit.”

“Yeah. Afterwards, I went and found the Fireflies, and they took me in until they couldn’t spend any more resources on keeping me alive. They pawned me off on Joel, told him to bring me to another one of their sites up here. But when we got there, everyone was already dead. We ended up coming back to Jackson, and that’s it.”

Abby stared at her friend for a moment, who was studiously avoiding eye contact. It felt like some part of the story was off, a puzzle piece forced into place rather than fitting naturally. But Abby chalked it up to the rushed nature of the explanation, and dismissed the thought. “I’m sorry about your friend.”

Ellie let out a breath. “Yeah. Me too.”

“Really, anyone who you had a crush on must have been fucking wild.”

“Fuck, she was. Absolutely crazy,” Ellie grinned. “Your turn, by the way.”

“Right. Uh, fuck. I haven’t really told it in much detail, give me a minute.”

“Take your time.”

“Ok. My dad, he was a doctor in the WLF, I was raised there. It was weird, now that I think about it, being raised in a military compound, but it felt normal. I made friends, had my first boyfriend, all of the regular shit. Then, uh, my dad got killed by some raiders. He wasn’t even supposed to be off-base, but he went to this camp that had some injured people in need. He fixed them right up and got shot on his way back home.”

Ellie flinched. “Fuck.”

“Yeah. I was maybe fourteen? I got obsessed with finding the raiders, avenging my dad and all that shit. Managed to track down most of them too. But I sorta ruined most of my relationships in the process, and, uh, it didn’t really help. Never slept any better until I helped Lev and his sister, Yara. And then I stuck with them. The WLF was building up to this big battle, but the guy I-“ Abby hesitated. What was Owen to her? He wasn’t her boyfriend anymore. But he wasn’t quite an ex either. “Owen, my friend, he ran off just before. I went to go find him, stumbled upon Lev and Yara in the process.”

“Was this Owen a friend the way Riley was a friend?” Ellie raised an eyebrow, making Abby smile.

“Yeah, I guess. Yara was pretty fucked up at the time, but Owen’s girlfriend, Mel-“

“Oh fuck, a taken man? Gross.”

“I wasn’t exactly a great person before Jackson, Ellie. I did some shit I’m not proud of.”

“What? No, I meant that it was gross that he kept stringing you along while being with someone else.”

“It wasn’t like that!” Abby defended. “I fucked up our relationship the first time around, and it wasn’t his fault that I still loved him.”

“Did he ever discourage it?”

“Uh.” No, he didn’t. But it was a complicated situation for everyone. He wasn’t the only one to blame. “He shouldn’t have had to.”

“Fine, ok. My bad, go on.”

“Thanks. Anyway, Mel was a good doctor, and she helped Yara out. Owen was pretty adamant about leaving Seattle. He was an ex-Firefly, said he’d heard rumors about them regrouping somewhere in California. We all kind of agreed, and Yara wanted to go with us, but Lev wanted to go back and try to convince their mother to come.”

“The Fireflies are regrouping?” The last remnants of drowsiness were gone from Ellie’s voice, replaced by alertness. Abby looked at her to see that she had tensed up, clearly shaken.

“I mean, we only heard rumors. Why- oh, yeah, you were with them for awhile. Yeah, Owen thought they were in Santa Barbara or something. But we never actually went to look.”

“Why not?” Ellie asked, relaxing back into the couch incrementally.

“Lev went back to the Seraphites’ island to get his mom,” Abby sighed. “Yara and I followed, his mother was pretty awful to him anyway. We were on the island right as the massive battle broke out. Shit happened.”

“Yara?”

“Never left the island,” Abby confirmed heavily. Ellie swore softly, setting her guitar on the ground. She stood, putting a pillow by Dina’s feet as a replacement for her leg and moved to sit beside Abby.

“That’s… fuck. That’s horrible,” she sighed, leaning into Abby’s side. She felt warm and solid. Dina’s presence was something akin to a gravitational force, pulling everyone into orbit around her, but Abby was discovering that Ellie was different. Something steadier. Less pull, more push.

(Just as easy to become addicted to.)

“Yeah,” Abby finally replied, putting the warmth that Ellie seemed to radiate at the back of her mind. “Yeah, it was bad. I saw my-“ friends get massacred? Bleed out, burn to ash while trapped in a collapsing building? How could Abby begin to describe the brutality of what happened on that island? “A lot of my friends died there.”

“Fuck. Owen and Mel?”

“Nope.” Abby laughed wryly, hearing the bitter notes in it and cringing at the sound. “No, they were back near home base, perfectly safe and sound. Hidden away in Owen’s favorite spot, totally safe.”

“Abby?” She could feel Ellie’s hand on her back, just between her shoulder blades. “You’re crying.”

“Am I?” Abby questioned, huffing out another bitter laugh as she wiped her face. Sure enough, there were lines of tears trailing down her face. She hadn’t even noticed her eyes stinging. “Huh.”

“We can stop. You don’t have to tell me everything.”

“I want to.” Abby shifted, half-turning towards Ellie. “I want to.”

Ellie looked at her, so obviously trying to act casual but so much more obviously concerned. She was never very good at concealing her feelings. But she seemed to find whatever she was searching for in Abby’s own eyes, and she finally just nodded and waited for Abby to finish her story.

“We thought Owen and Mel were safe because all of the Wolves were off fighting at the island. We figured that they’d be ok. But apparently, just enough people were still back near the compound to take a detour, clean up those pesky defectors and tie up loose ends.” Abby turned away again. “They were both dead when we got back.”

“Oh, Abby. Shit, I’m… come here.” Ellie tugged at Abby’s shirt, pulling her halfway into her lap in an embrace. Abby went rigid for a few seconds, unsure of how to react, before finally letting her head fall against Ellie’s chest and the rest of her body go slack as she relaxed into the girl’s arms.

Ellie held her for a while, whispering apologies and condolences against the top of her head. Abby fought against the tears continuing to build up in her eyes, but lost the battle when she felt Ellie gently press a kiss to her hairline. She sobbed quietly into Ellie’s chest, beating herself up for it all the while in her head.

(Stupid. You’re acting like a child, being weak. Lev has a reason to cry, he’s just a kid. You’re a goddamn adult, you could stand to fucking act like it. Weak, fucking waste of breath-)

Ellie pressed another kiss to her forehead. It felt a bit like a rescue with how it made the angry voice in her mind retreat.

Abby eventually collected herself, leaning slightly away but letting Ellie keep an arm around her shoulders. She recounted how she and Lev had made their way out of Seattle, wandering aimlessly for a few days before hearing stories about a safe settlement in Wyoming. With nowhere else to go, they decided to try their luck and see if maybe they could find at least a semi-permanent shelter.

Ellie listened quietly until Abby was silent and the last word had faded from the air around them. “Well, I was right,” she finally said. “My story was way more boring.”

“I think you’re just a bad storyteller,” Abby smiled weakly.

“How dare you.”

(An hour later, Dina woke up as her alarm blared. She quickly turned it off, blinking sleep from her eyes, looking around to find Ellie-

Who was curled on the floor between Abby and the armchair, an arm tossed over the taller girl, pulling her back against her chest.

Dina knew Ellie liked to be the big spoon, but this was possibly the strangest and most adorable evidence of it that she’d ever seen. She quietly grabbed a blanket from the arm of the couch and spread it over the two of them. In the morning, she’d make fun of them for their choice of mattress, but for now, she resolved to let them sleep.)

—————————————————————————————————

Despite finally knowing Ellie’s story, there were still some things about the girl that confused Abby. Her general upbeat and goofy demeanor was one, especially since Abby had a feeling that there was more to her past than she let on. Another thing that mystified her was Ellie’s relationship with Joel.

Dina wouldn’t tell her anything besides what was common knowledge. “They traveled together for a long time, and they were pretty close when they first came to Jackson. But, you know, Ellie started to grow a bit apart and then they had this big blowout fight a few years ago. I don’t even know what it was about, but they’re really only just starting to make amends. Shit’s complicated.”

Shit was indeed complicated. Ellie would disappear once a week for movie nights with Joel, but never talked about anything other than the movies they watched. Considering Joel generally went on patrols with Tommy, and otherwise worked odd jobs around Jackson, Abby had only ever really exchanged small talk with the slightly mysterious man who was Ellie’s father in all but name.

She didn’t really feel a need for that to change, but as tended to be her luck, whatever cosmic power existed didn’t fucking care.

“Hey, I’m here for the last of Lev’s- the fuck is this?” Abby stood in the doorway to Lev’s room, staring at the scene before her. A number of small wooden planks were scattered all across the floor, some nailed together in a lattice pattern in the center of the room, the others seemingly just tossed aside at random. A small mattress was leaned against the wall, a pile of nails beside it. In the middle of the materials sat Ellie, cursing under her breath as she hammered away at another plank, trying to connect it with the pattern on the floor. Sitting opposite to her was Joel, who was drinking a beer and watching. If Abby knew him better, she might consider that he was amused.

“‘Lo there,” he said lowly, tipping his beer towards Abby. “Here for your boy’s things?”

“Wha- oh, Abby, hey!” Ellie dropped the hammer to wave dorkily at her friend. “I thought you weren’t coming til later!”

Abby returned the wave with a smirk. “Tommy let me off wall duty a bit early. Figured I’d get the last of Lev’s stuff and bring it to the new place.”

About a month and a half before Dina’s due date, the vacant house had finally been fixed up and was ready to move into. Lev was excited to have his own space in a house solely for the two of them, but Abby had felt an odd pang in her chest at the thought of moving out. (She really should go to the clinic soon about that.) Dina and Ellie seemed excited though, probably to have Dina’s house to themselves, so she stayed quiet about it until they finally brought her and Lev to see their new place.

Dina had walked outside, walked about 30 feet to the right, and stopped in her tracks. She pointed to the house across the street, just diagonal from her own. “Well? Don’t you want to go get the tour, neighbors?”

Moving out felt better after that, but it was still a process. Abby had figured it would be easy, but Lev had somehow accumulated so much stuff in Jackson that it was impossible to take it all in one trip. It had been annoying, but Abby couldn’t complain since it gave her the opportunity to see this.

(She resolutely decided that ‘this’ meant awkward family bonding time. ‘This’ in no way, shape, or from referred to Ellie in an olive green tank top with a hammer in hand. That would be gross of her, to look at her friend like that when she knew Ellie wouldn’t approve of it. So that wasn’t ‘this’. Not at all.)

(Maybe a little bit.)

“Ok, sure,” Ellie said. “We put it out in the hallway so we wouldn’t accidentally nail it to the crib or something.”

“Is that what this is?”

“It would be if Ellie would let me do more of the work,” Joel grumbled.

Ellie turned to him, pointing the hammer threateningly. “You are not cleared for active duty, old man. Just watch and tell me if I do something wrong.”

“You’ve done so many things wrong.”

“Just watch in silence and drink your beer.”

Joel raised his beer to his mouth, finished off the bottle, and looked Ellie dead in the eyes. “You’ve done so many things wrong.”

“You’re about to have so many broken bones.”

“Can’t build the crib if you use the hammer to break his bones,” Abby interjected as Ellie and Joel stared at each other, seemingly locked in a contest of wills. “What if the handle snaps? What’s your backup plan here?”

“I thought you’d be ok with aggravated assault,” Ellie replied quickly, not looking away from her staring contest with Joel.

“Yeah, but make it classy. Use a champagne bottle or something.”

“I see Dina’s had an influence on you,” Joel said, his lips quirking upward. “What does she call herself?”

“The classiest bitch in the northeast?”

“That’s it,” Joel chuckled. “She’s somethin’ else.”

“The absolute best,” Ellie agreed, breaking her staring contest with Joel to turn back to her attempt at crib construction. “And she asked me to get this done, so I have to.”

“It looks fine so far,” Abby complimented, smiling when Ellie whipped towards Joel.

“Vindication! Abby think’s it’s fine!”

“Vindication is a mighty big word for someone without a brain.”

“I’m smarter than you!”

“Not a better crib-builder though.”

Ellie huffed. “Whatever. What next?”

‘Next, you go get a drink. You’ve been at this for two hours and I haven’t seen you get a sip of water. Dehydration and construction don’t mix well.”

“Whatever, mom,” Ellie groaned. “Don’t hurt yourself while I’m gone, I want to be here to make fun of you.” She got to her feet, trudging out of the door, hesitating for just a moment to gently squeeze Abby’s shoulder before disappearing down the hall, leaving the other girl alone with Joel.

Abby stood awkwardly for a moment, pretending to examine Ellie’s progress with the crib before speaking. “What did she mean, you aren’t cleared for active duty?”

Joel grunted. “Fucked up my wrist on my last patrol. Can’t quite hold a gun right, and intensive labor is apparently strictly forbidden.”

“That’s rough.”

“Mm. How much has Ellie told you about her past?”

Abby, who had really only been prepared for more small talk, was taken aback. “Um. What do you mean?”

“She talks about you at movie nights. Used to be she’d only talk about Dina, maybe mention one of her other dumbass friends, but she actually talks about you. Ain’t hard to tell that she likes you, trusts you. What’s she told you?”

“Enough,” Abby answered after a minute of thinking. “Not too many details, but I got the broad picture.”

Joel nodded. “Apologies for seeming rude, but Ellie… she and I don’t talk as much as we used to. I just worry.”

“Right, yeah. If it helps, Ellie is pretty quiet about her past. She’s loud about other things, I think she gets away with it by doing her whole comic nerd routine, but she doesn’t bring up her life before Jackson much. If that’s what you’re worried about.”

“Somethin’ like that,” Joel sighed. “She doesn’t want me protecting her, but I just gotta make sure she’s safe.”

“I get it,” Abby offered. “If Lev and I suddenly stopped talking, even if he was pissed at me for the rest of his life, I’d want to make sure he was ok.”

“He seems like a good kid. Ellie likes him, she’s got a whole box of books and shit to give him.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Mhm. Says it’s for educational purposes, but I think she’s just glad to rope someone into that nerd stuff.”

“I’ll never forgive her if she gets him obsessed with those ridiculous comics.”

Joel laughed. “You seen the trading cards she collects?”

“The superhero ones? She has so many!”

“I always think she’s got all of them but then she finds more somewhere. It shouldn’t be possible.”

“Shouldn’t be possible for you to be alive, you fossil.” Ellie grumbles from the doorway, holding a half empty water bottle. “And you, Anderson, you collect old coins. Don’t make fun of my trading cards.”

“Coins are infinitely more respectable than superhero cards,” Abby retorted.

“She’s right.”

“Shut up!”

Abby spent the rest of the afternoon in the room with Ellie and Joel, occasionally helping with the crib but mostly helping Joel heckle Ellie as she worked. (And if she stole a few glances at Ellie’s arms, no one was the wiser.) Eventually, a Dina-approved crib was standing in the center of the room.

“Look at that, kiddo. Maybe there’s an architect in you after all,” Joel said as he inspected the crib one last time. Ellie scoffed.

“Yeah, not likely. I think I hit my fingers with the hammer more than any of the nails.”

“Eh, you’ll just need practice.”

“Maybe-“ Ellie cleared her throat, suddenly appearing shy as she scuffed the toe of her boot against the floor, not meeting Joel’s eyes. “I could practice in your woodworking shop? If you’re still doing that?”

Joel’s back went rigid. Abby could see his hands clench the wooden bars of the crib tightly, but when he spoke his voice was gentle. “I’d like that.”

“Cool. Cool,” Ellie said, finally looking up Joel, a small smile on her face. “This Saturday, maybe?”

“Sure, I’m free.”

“Great. Ok.”

“Ok.” Joel stood awkwardly for a second, clearly trying to tamp down his eagerness before it got overwhelming. “I should, uh, be heading home.”

“Yeah, of course. See you Saturday.”

“Right, Saturday.” Joel made to leave the room, but stopped in the doorway. “Abby, would you mind if I helped you bring some of Lev’s stuff to your new house?”

“Oh, no, I’d appreciate it,” Abby replied quickly. There were only two boxes, both of which she could handle with ease, but she got the sense that Joel was making an excuse to talk with her.

The two each grabbed a box, heading out the front door and down the street. As soon as they were on the sidewalk, Joel spoke.

“I’m glad Ellie’s got a friend like you.”

Abby almost dropped her box. “What?”

“Dina, she’s great for Ellie, pulls her out of her shell. But she’s always in motion, you know? You seem steadier. Ellie could use the balance.”

“Ellie’s pretty steady all on her own,” Abby replied.

“Sure. But I’m glad she has someone to look after her when she isn’t feeling too solid.”

“Dina does that.”

“In a different manner than you. All I’m saying is Ellie benefits from both.” Joel’s words were light, but there was something in his tone that Abby wasn’t quite willing to decode. “Dina’s probably the same.”

“I don’t think I know what you’re saying.”

“I told you Ellie talks about you, right?” Joel chuckled as they reached the front door of Abby’s home. “I’ve got an eye for this sort of thing. I’m sure you’ll figure out what I mean eventually.”

—————————————————————————————————

Lev loved the new house, with all its open space and rooms. He quickly claimed the spare bedroom as a meditation space, which Abby allowed because she knew meditation was his way of trying to cope with his fucked-up views about spirituality. She was proud of him for facing his issues like that, so she resigned herself to keeping her weapons in a closet in the entry hallway and training in the backyard. With Joel’s help, she managed to build some basic equipment, and Dina gave her some extra weights and barbells, and Abby had never been so happy to have her workout routine back on track. And now, since Lev always woke up as early as she did, she didn’t have to worry about waking anyone else up.

Abby fell into a new routine once more. Wake up, work out, make breakfast for Lev, and then hang out until she had to go to work. These days she was mostly helping shore up the weak spots along the wall, so it was a fairly standard schedule. Abby secretly enjoyed how similar that aspect of life in Jackson was to life in the WLF compound. After she was done with work, she’d check in with Lev and then spend the rest of the afternoon at Dina’s.

It was comfortable. It was peaceful. It was interrupted, as life tended to be, by Ellie.

Abby was sure of this, because the only one stupid enough to pound incessantly at her door at two in the morning was Ellie.

“I’m here, christ, the fuck do you want?” Abby yanked the door open to reveal Ellie, fist raised the air to knock on the door another time. Abby caught her wrist before she could hit her instead of the door.

“Dina, it’s Dina. She’s having- fuck, she’s having the baby. She’s going into labor.”

“What?” Abby stiffened, mind racing. “I thought we had a few more weeks?”

“Yeah, turns out the baby’s more punctual than any of us. We gotta hustle, Dina’s gonna decapitate us if we take any longer to get there.”

Abby nodded, slipping on her boots and following Ellie down the road. “Why’d you stop for me?”

“Huh?”

“You should be there with Dina, why’d you come get me?”

Ellie shrugged. “She’s already at the clinic, I was just coming back to get her overnight bag. I know she’d want you to be there.”

Abby could think of no reply. There was no world in which that made sense. Why would Dina want her there? She would have Ellie, and Jesse, and anyone else she wanted with her. Why Abby? What had she done to earn a spot in that room?

Despite her confusion, there was no time to sort the thought out before they arrived at the clinic. Ellie sprinted inside, leaving Abby to follow her to the birthing room that had been set up.

Dina was in the center, nurses and doctors milling about her as she groaned quietly, eyes closed. She looked up when she heard the door open, and the relief on her face when she saw Ellie was palpable. “Ellie,” she breathed.

“I’m here, babe. You’re doing great.” Ellie crossed the room to stand at Dina’s side, taking her hand between her own and smiling at her. “You’re doing so great.”

“Do I look hot?”

“Definitely. Hottest you’ve ever been, for sure.”

“Flirt. Did you bring-“

“Yep.” Abby expected Ellie to show Dina the overnight bag, but instead she gestured at her. “Delivery for Dina, one absurdly muscled woman in her pajamas.”

Dina brightened when she caught sight of Abby, who was standing awkwardly a few feet away. “Hey there. Ellie annoyed you awake like I asked?”

“Pretty much,” Abby replied, drifting slightly closer to the cot Dina was resting on. Dina rolled her eyes and pointed to the side of the bed where Ellie was standing.

“C’mon. If I break Ellie’s hand during this, I’m gonna need a backup.”

Abby, unable to convince herself to act unaffected, stumbled to Ellie’s side. “How are you feeling?”

“Ok. Apparently we caught it early so it’s gonna be just a little while before the main event really kicks off.”

“Where’s Jesse?”

“Waiting outside. The man can chop up infected all day long but even thinking about watching me give birth makes him queasy.” Dina wrinkled her nose. “I don’t know if I should be offended.”

“Want me to beat him up for you?” Ellie offered.

“Why is that always your solution?”

“I always want to beat up Jesse?”

“Less talk about violence, maybe? You’re about to be a co-parent,” Abby suggested.

Ellie went pale. “Oh fuck. Oh my god. Dina. I’m helping to raise this baby.”

“That is the plan.”

“Dina. No. I can’t.”

Dina’s expression was the definition of alarmed as she whipped her head to look at her girlfriend. “What do you mean? Ellie? I thought-“

“I’m so irresponsible,” Ellie said, eyes widening like she was coming to a realization. “I’m gonna teach them to do so many dumb things. Oh, fuck, I swear like a sailor. Dina, I keep a machete by my bed. Oh shit. I’m so dumb, like, all the time. What if that rubs off on the kid? What if they’re as reckless as I am? I’ve done so much dumb shit. I jumped off a dinosaur statue into a pool without knowing how deep the pool was. I almost shot Joel by accident once. I fell off a roof like two months ago, Dina!”

“Ellie, hey, you’re spiraling-“

“I tackled an infected! With no weapons on me! That was so fucking stupid, what if I make the kid stupid-“

“You won’t.” Abby pulled Ellie into her side, careful to make sure Dina could still keep a grip on her hand. “The kid’s gonna be a genius. They’re gonna be a nerd, because you’re gonna read them those stupid comics as bedtime stories, but they’re going to be fine. You’re going to teach them how to be careful around weapons, and how to take down an infected easily, and how to climb dinosaur statues. They’re going to be brave and loyal, just like you, and they’re going to be smart and kind, just like Dina. And, who knows, maybe some of Jesse’s responsible nature will rub off on them. They’re gonna have the best parents ever, so they’ll be ok. Simple as that.”

Ellie looked at Abby, searching her eyes for something. Abby pushed down her discomfort, ignored her desire to downplay her feelings, and let her sincerity shine through her gaze.

Ellie relaxed into the taller girl, smiling weakly. “Yeah. Ok. You’re right.”

“Obviously. When have I ever been wrong?”

“I know there’s been an occasion. Just because I’m blanking right now doesn’t mean it hasn’t happened.”

“This mean you’re not a flight risk anymore?” Dina piped up, raising an eyebrow at Ellie.

“Sorry, I’m sorry.” Ellie leaned over to kiss Dina’s forehead. “Just got scared for a minute. I’m good, Abby handled it.”

“Told you we’d need her.”

“I never said we wouldn’t!”

“You actually wanted me here?” Abby asked incredulously. “Why?”

“What do you mean, why? You’re our people. Our person. Of course we want you here.”

Abby felt light-headed. She knew Dina didn’t understand the enormity of that statement, that it didn’t mean to her what it did to Abby. But god. God. Fuck. She couldn’t wrap her head around it, couldn’t even begin to respond.

Their person. Theirs. Their person.

“Excuse me, miss? We can really only have one other person in the room during the birth. You can wait outside.” A nurse’s voice, accompanied by a tap on her shoulder, pulled Abby out of her head.

“I want her in here,” Dina argued. “Isn’t there enough room?”

“There really isn’t, you’d have to choose-“

“I’ll go,” Abby said. She squeezed Dina’s hand, smiling at her as best she could. “You’re gonna be fine, yeah?”

“Always.”

“Good. And you, fuckin moron-“ Abby gripped Ellie’s shoulder- “don’t let go of her hand. I won’t be here for backup when she inevitably breaks it, so you’re just going to have to let it happen.”

“I’ll come get you as soon as we can,” Ellie promised. “You can wait with Jesse, I think Joel might be on his way too.”

Abby nodded, backing out of the room slowly, tossing a salute at the pair before finally exiting.

She felt torn. Part of her wanted nothing more than to be in that room, but another part of her wanted to pack her bags and abandon Jackson in the middle of the night. Take Lev and run, before it all got too messy and complicated and dangerous. It would become so, Abby knew it would. She’d had people before. She’d buried them. Lev was all she had, all she was capable of protecting. Dina, Ellie, this new baby, how could she hold on to all of that? Abby wasn’t meant to have all of that.

It was karma, plain and simple. She had abandoned her person in her hunt for revenge, and so now she was cursed to lose all of her people. Lev seemed to be the exception, but asking the universe to let her have feelings like these without retribution was too much of a stretch. She’d lose them both. Or they’d lose each other and it’d be her fault. God, it would all be her fault, everything else already was, and now she was going to hurt the two people she loved. Abby collapsed into a chair, head in her hands. She knew she should leave, but her limbs wouldn’t let her move. Distantly, in the back of her mind, she saw Ellie on her doorstep, telling her that she was needed.

Was she?

“Uh, hey. This seat taken?” Abby really had to learn to have these mental breakdowns in places where she wouldn’t be interrupted. She looked up to see Jesse standing in front of her, gesturing at the chair on her right.

“Nope. Go ahead.”

“Thanks.” Jesse sat quickly, leg bouncing as he settled into the seat. “Ellie brought you?”

“Yep.”

“That’s good. You should be here.”

“Why?” Abby asked bluntly. “Not like I’m the father.”

Jesse laughed. “Nah, but you’re the third member of the trio. Just as important in this situation.”

“Trio?”

“You, Ellie, and Dina. You’re all your own little unit.”

“I’m just the third-wheel, man,” Abby grunted. “Anyone could do it.”

“They wouldn’t let anyone else do it. I dated Dina, for a long fuckin time. And I’ve been friends with Ellie for awhile too. Dina, she’s slow to trust. She’s friendly, but she doesn’t actually like or trust that many people. And Ellie, she’s always sorta joking, you know? That’s her cover. No one suspects the goofy one is actually the most dangerous. They both put on that kinda thing to keep themselves hidden. But they don’t hide from you.”

“Do you always give random exposition monologues to your acquaintances in hospital waiting rooms?” Abby asked, unwilling to process what he’d said. She’d deal with it later.

Jesse just smiled. “Well, I’m about to be a father. Kind of a weird night.”

“S’pose that’s fair.”

“Mmm. Ellie’s in there with her, right?”

“Yep. Dina’s gonna snap her hand like a twig.”

“Oh, no doubt. She’s gonna be very upset with herself about it, but there’s no way Ellie will end up with anything less than a fracture.”

“Bottle of whiskey says at least two bones are broken by the end of the night.”

“You’re on.”

Abby felt calmer as she and Jesse fell into a comfortable silence. His leg was still bouncing, but Abby didn’t blame him. She was anxious and it wasn’t even her kid, in any capacity.

“How do you fit into this whole thing?” Abby asked, curious. “I mean, how much time are you gonna spend with the baby?”
“Oh, loads,” Jesse replied easily. “I’m not going be some shitty absent father. Obviously the baby will need a lot of time with Dina, but I’ll be helping whenever I can. She and Ellie are going to be busy, so someone has to be there when they can’t be. And I was thinking I could teach the kid some stuff, you know? Ellie’s better in combat than me, but I could teach them about strategy and survival skills. Plus, you, know, how to read and all that. It’s so weird,” Jesse chuckled. “I didn’t think I’d ever really get this.”

“A kid?”

“Yeah. Being a father and all. I wanted to be, but well. Shit’s fucked, right?”

“I didn’t think I’ve ever heard you curse,” Abby smiled.

“Stress brings it out of me. I wanted to be a dad, but I didn’t think it would happen so soon, or like this. I mean, I’m ready for it, but-“

“You ain’t.” Both Abby and Jesse looked up to see Joel leaning against the opposite wall, watching them with a smile. “You ain’t ready. No one is. You think you are, you think you’re prepared, but in a little while you’re gonna have a baby in your arms and every plan you thought was solid is gonna fall through. There’s no being ready for that.”

“You’ve had kids?” Abby questioned.

“Two daughters. I wasn’t ready either time.”

“What can I do?” Jesse asked, his leg finally going still as he had something to really focus on. “To be ready?”

“Not a damn thing. You just… you just keep adapting. The kid won’t ever do what you think they will, and you just have to roll with it. Nothing has ever been so dependent on you as this kid will be, and you can’t even comprehend how important you’ll be to them. You’ll fuck up, and it’ll hurt you both, but you just keep going. Keep adapting.”

“How old were you? When you had your daughters?”

“First time I was only seventeen. Second time was about 6 years ago.”

“What? How is that-“

“Ellie was fourteen when I met her, but she’s my daughter for damn sure,” Joel said gruffly, glaring at Jesse as if daring him to challenge the statement. Jesse just nodded, clearly thinking about the advice he had been offered.

“And hey, Joel, now you’re going to be a grandpa,” Abby offered in the ensuing silence.

Joel’s entire face brightened. “Yeah. Yeah, I am.” He sounded- Abby couldn’t even think of the word. It was almost reverent, spoken like a prayer. Abby distantly thought that Joel had probably never imagined that could be true.

And yet, here they all were, assembled in the waiting room of a clinic, waiting for their lives to change.

How could Abby have considered leaving, even briefly? This was where she had always been meant to end up.

----------

JJ Williams was the most perfect person in existence. Abby had met him all of three seconds ago and she was a hundred percent sure of this. He hadn’t opened his eyes (neither had Dina, for that matter) but he would squirm ever so often in Ellie’s arms and the enraptured look on the girl’s face was enough to make Abby’s aching ribs flare up again.

“He’s perfect,” Abby breathed out. “He’s, fuck, Ellie, he’s amazing.”

“Ten little fingers and ten little toes.” Ellie smiled tearfully. “Only boy I’ll ever love, for sure.”

Abby snorted, dropping into the chair beside Ellie, careful not to jostle her for fear of waking the baby. “Dina’s ok?”

“Yeah, she’s just resting. Oh, when Jesse was in here earlier he said he owed you a bottle of whiskey? What was that about?”

“How many bones in your hand did Dina break?”

“Only, like, three. I think. It doesn’t hurt too bad.”

“Well, good enough for me. I bet there’d be at least two.”

“Smart. I really thought for a minute she’d just rip my whole arm off.”

“That bad?”

“I was less afraid for my life when a cannibal had me locked in a cage.”

“What?” Abby asked, alarmed. “Cannibal?”

“Long story, tell you later. For now, look at my kid. My little JJ.”

Abby took a moment to examine the bundle in Ellie’s arms. “Ellie.”

“Hm?”

“He’s very cute, and I already adore him, but.”

“But?”

“Doesn’t he kinda look like a potato?”

Ellie turned to Abby, clearly affronted, and then looked back at JJ. Her eyes widened, and her shoulder shook with silent laughter. “You’re right,” she giggled. “He does.”

“A very cute potato.”

“The absolute cutest.”

“The perfect potato.”

“A stunning spud,” Ellie countered with a grin. Abby smiled back, tossing her arm around the other girl’s shoulders.

“The most stunning spud.”

“Mhm. I mean, who’d expect otherwise? He’s Dina’s kid.”

“Very true. Plus, you know, Jesse.”

“What about him?”

“Objectively, he’s pretty good-looking,” Abby shrugged.

The horror on Ellie’s face was comparable to if Abby had just told her she was infected. “That’s…. Disgusting. So gross. Never say such heterosexual words around my child again.”

“Ellie. The kid may in fact be a heterosexual.”

“Yeah, I know. Might work out better for me, at least I could help him with girls, you know?”

“You could not,” a raspy voice interjected. Abby and Ellie turned to see Dina smiling tiredly at them from her bed. “You are so not allowed to give him girl advice, he’ll be just as clueless as you and some poor girl is gonna have to kiss him at the winter dance in front of everyone for him to take the hint.”

“That’s incredibly biased storytelling,” Ellie argued. “I was perfectly justified in my confusion.”

“Right, ok. Can you hand me my son? I want to make sure he knows which of his mothers will actually be good at girl advice.”

“Neither of you will be,” Abby declared, shrugging at the offended looks they both shot her. “What? Dina, you’re a great flirt but you suck at explicitly saying what you want, and your hints may seem clear to you but they can be fairly easily misinterpreted. Ellie, you’re a total romantic, but you’re oblivious as all hell in a truly disastrous way. JJ will be doomed if he takes advice from either of you.”

Dina stared at her. “Fine. But if it turns out he needs guy advice then it’s all me.”

“Yeah, I’d prefer that too,” Ellie answered as she passed JJ over to Dina. “Here’s the little potato.”

“The. The what?”

Abby laughed. “What do his actual initials stand for? I never heard, is it just Jesse junior?”

“Nope,” Dina smiled, clearly pleased with herself. “This is Jesse Joel Williams, named for both his dad and grandpa. And, you know, his other mom.”

“Dina wanted to make sure everyone knew he was mine too,” Ellie said, a quiet but undeniable joy in her voice. “She’s sweet like that.”

“Flatterer.” Dina shifted over on the bed, tugging at Ellie’s sleeve until Ellie acquiesced and laid down beside her. Abby hadn’t realized how big the bed was until then, but it seemed much larger than any of the others in the clinic. Maybe it was meant to be, so that families would have a comfortable place to rest after welcoming a new member.

“Abby,” Dina groaned. “You gonna come here or not?”

“What?”

“Yeah, c’mere. Bed’s big enough,” Ellie slurred, her own exhaustion making itself known as soon as her head hit a pillow.

“But- shouldn’t that be Jesse’s spot or something?”

Dina wrinkled her nose. “Nope. Love the guy, but he snores and I’ve dealt with that for long enough.”

“Jesse’s not allowed in any bed that I’m in,” Ellie murmured, face still buried in the pillow next to Dina’s shoulder.

Abby drifted closer to the bed, letting her fingertips brush the soft sheets. “Are you sure?”

Dina grabbed her wrist and tugged her closer, just as she did to Ellie. “Hurry up and take your shoes off and get in here.”

Abby did.

That night, she slept better than she ever had before, but something was off anyway. Ever since she had rescued Lev and Yara, she hadn’t dreamt of her father. It was something she knew very clearly, considering how often he’d been the starring role in her nightmares before then. Finally, after she had helped them, it wasn’t a nightmare. It wasn’t a good dream, but it wasn’t bad.

This time, though. This dream?

Her father being the one to help Dina, to hand Ellie the baby, telling her it was a boy? Making space in the room so she could be there, so that she could hold Dina’s other hand and laugh with Ellie when both of them ended up with broken fingers?

That was decidedly a good dream.

—————————————————————————————————

Life after JJ was different, and Abby was simultaneously thrilled and unbalanced. The routine she valued so highly was interrupted, and it was hard to settle into a new one because she never knew when she’d be needed at Dina’s house. Ellie had fully moved in, and Jesse was helping whenever he could, but it turned out babies were a truly absurd amount of work. Even Lev got asked to help every once in a while, though Abby suspected he really enjoyed his time as a babysitter. (It helped that Dina paid him in chocolate, which he was quickly becoming addicted to.)

Even beyond JJ, life in Jackson was busy. There had always been work to do, but Abby had never been stretched so thin before, even at the WLF. Which is why, odd as it may sound, wandering thirty miles south in search of a supermarket sounded like a lovely break.

Maria disagreed.

“I’m not letting the three of you leave to go find a Walmart. No. Absolutely not.”

“But Mariaaaa,” Ellie whined. “We have to!”

“For what?”

“Reasons,” Dina answered.

“That’s the least convincing-“

“It’s for Lev,” Abby said. “He needs stuff.”

“Stuff,” Maria repeated dubiously. She sighed as she took in Ellie’s enthusiastic nod and Abby’s crossed arms. “How long do you need?”

“Just a day, maybe a little bit longer? We know where we’re going, no stops along the way, and we know what we’re looking for once we get there. Shouldn’t be much trouble.”

“We just need horses,” Dina said.

“I can’t give you three horses at once for anything other than a patrol,” Maria replied.

“Just Japan and Shimmer, then. Two is enough.”

The older woman looked at the trio assembled before her. Ellie was making puppy eyes, Dina looked like she just wouldn’t move until she got her way, and Abby was trying to project the most uncompromising energy possible.

Maria folded. “Fine. Just Japan and Shimmer. If you’re not back before nightfall, I’ll tell Joel all about it.”

“Deal,” Ellie grinned.

“Yeah yeah. Get out of here before I change my mind. You got someone with JJ?”

“Lev’s babysitting.”

“Is that a good idea?”

“Yeah, he’s great with babies apparently. No clue how.”

Lev really was great with JJ. Abby was mystified by it, especially since she felt like she never knew what to do with the baby. She wasn’t a people person, and that evidently extended to tiny people as well. Matter of fact, the only person she ever seemed to be any good with was Lev, which is exactly why she found herself spending her one free day this month doing this.

Ellie and Dina were locked in debate as they made their way to the stables. “She can’t ride with you, Japan’s already got a bad leg and two people is a stretch even on her best days.”

“Shimmer is old and has to deal with your annoying ass all the time, give her a break and let Abby ride with me.”

“Shimmer’s not that old!”

“That’s the part you choose to argue?” Abby asked. “Never mind. Which horse is stronger?”

“Shimmer!”

“Japan can hold her own,” Dina answered, but the self-doubt in her tone wasn’t difficult to pick up on.

“How about I ride with Ellie on the way there and we’ll see if Japan’s up to it on the way back?” Abby suggested.

“Fine, but I’m holding you to that.”

“I don’t doubt it. Let’s get a move on.”

It was about a three hour trek to the Walmart that they were looking for. They didn’t run into any trouble on the way there, and Abby hoped their luck would hold through the entire trip. Although, considering who she was with, she should have known better,

“Who the fuck decided a store needed to be this big?” Ellie marveled as they looked at the massive building before them.

“Can you imagine this place filled with fresh food?”

“Shit, we could feed all of Jackson for a week.”

“Two weeks, at least,” Dina agreed.

“Yeah, well, we’re not here for food,” Abby said. “And we can’t be here for long. This is a get in and out fast situation, right? If you find anything useful, grab it, but otherwise we take the binder and we go.”

“What if we don’t find one?” Ellie asked as she nudged the doors open.

“Then we find a different store location. I’ll go to goddamn Maine if that’s what it takes to find what Lev wants.”

Ellie shot a grin at her. “You’re such a fuckin sap.”

“Fuck you.”

“Back at you. Any idea where to start?”

“Bra section?” Dina suggested.

“Good a place as any. Stick together, I’d rather we move slow than get picked off one by one by any infected.”

Ellie took point while Dina walked behind her. Abby took the rear, and spent a few moments admiring how quickly the girls snapped into patrol mode and how well they worked together. Ellie cleared the area efficiently while Dina scanned their surroundings more thoroughly, looking for signs that may point them in the right direction.

“There. Women’s section is up ahead in a few aisles, chances are the underwear won’t be far from that.”

“You see any signs for, like, a kid’s department? Maybe I could get him a few shirts too.”

“Junior’s section is up further, I think. Can’t really read from this far away.”

“You leave your glasses at home, grandma?” Ellie teased.

“I ain’t that much of a cougar, Williams. Eyes ahead.”

“Yes ma’am.”

“We’ll get what we came for first,” Abby decided. “Then we’ll see about anything else. Let’s move.”

They continued through the store until they found what they were looking for.

“Do you know what size he needs?” Dina asked quietly, sifting through the (meager) selections.

“Uh.”

“You didn’t ask him what size he needs?” Ellie turned to Abby. “You’re supposed to be the one who’s prepared!”

“I mean, how bad could it be if I guessed wrong?”

“Bad. This literally compresses a part of his body. If it’s too small, it could do serious damage to his ribs and back. If it’s too big, he won’t feel good in it. Hell, there are issues even if he wears the correctly-sized binder for too long, or goes day after day without any breaks. And don’t even think about letting him sleep in it.”

“How do you know all this?” Dina asked, impressed. Ellie shifted on her feet, rubbing at her neck before answering.

“Kinda thought about maybe getting one for a while.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Like. You thought maybe you’re like Lev?”

“Oh, no, not quite. I just thought it would maybe feel better, you know? I like looking a little more masculine.”

“So grab one then,” Abby said, still scanning her options for Lev.

“What?”

“If you think it’d make you feel better, grab one.”

“But. I don’t need one like Lev does,” Ellie refuted.

“So? There’s enough for both of you.”

“I mean, you know, I’m just a girl. I don’t think I’m supposed to want that.”

“Who cares what you’re supposed to want? If it makes you feel more comfortable about yourself, then do it.” Abby finally selected a size, figuring it should be about right for Lev. If not, they could always come back. She turned to Ellie, who was again shifting awkwardly. “You don’t have to. But if you think you’d like it, take one.”

Dina smiled. “Who’d’ve guessed that there’s actually a heart in that admittedly stunning body?”

“Oh, shut up,” Abby scoffed. “C’mon, let’s hurry up. I want to be home by sundown.”

They left the building quickly, but Abby smiled when she saw Ellie quickly grab a binder in her size.

“Well, all in all, I’d call this a resounding success,” Dina said as soon as they got outside. “Now we’ll have something to bring up when Maria says we only ever get into trouble.”

“Yeah, turns out we can actually have things go well. Never would have guessed,” Ellie replied.

“Don’t jinx it,” Dina scolded. “Let’s grab the horses and go.”

“Right, let’s- where did they go?”

“We tied them up right out here, didn’t we?” Abby asked, looking around. Their leads were still tied to some posts, but the horses were gone.

“Oh, I got them, they must have gotten loose-fuck!”

Abby and Dina turned to see Ellie clutching at her arm, stumbling back as a runner lurched forward at her.

“I found the horses and some friends!” Ellie shouted, dodging as the runner took another swipe at her. “But maybe we don’t bring the friend home?”

“Duck!” Dina shouted. Ellie dropped to the ground without hesitation as Dina took aim and blew the infected’s head off.

Abby immediately pulled her gun and strained her ears. Sure enough, she could hear more infected growling in the distance. “Come on, we gotta go.”

“Yeah, you share-“

“Ellie.”

There was no word that came to Abby’s mind to describe Dina’s tone. Horror didn’t do it justice. Surprise, honor, grief, it was some horrible mixture of them all, and it slid down Abby’s spine until it had flooded her. One word was enough to hurt, and Abby knew, distantly, what had happened without even seeing it for herself.

Ellie somehow remained clueless. “What? What is it? Are you ok?”

“Ellie,” Dina repeated in that same horrible tone. “Your arm.”

“What? My burn? You’ve seen- shit.”

Ellie twisted her other arm as much as she could, trying to look just above her elbow.

Sure enough, a bleeding bite mark was obvious on her arm.

Ellie, paler than usual, looked back up at Dina and Abby. Abby immediately averted her gaze, but couldn’t make herself walk away.

“Dina, hey, it’s ok-“

“Don’t fucking say that. God, Ellie, it’s not ok.”

“No, it is, really, just let me show you-“

“Not a step closer.” Abby looked up. Ellie was stopped, hands up in surrender, looking disbelievingly forwards. Abby turned to her side to see Dina, tears freely streaming down her face, gun aimed.

At Ellie.

“Dina.” Ellie sounded devastated. “What are you doing?”

“Don’t come closer.” Dina’s voice was steadier than her hands. “Stay right there.”

“Dina, I’m gonna be ok. I’m not going to turn.”

“Yes you are,” Dina scoffed, a mixture of anger and sadness in the sound. “Everyone does. There’s no avoiding it, Ellie.”

“Dina,” Abby finally spoke up. “Give me the gun.”

“Abby,” Ellie appealed. “Please, help-“

“Give me the gun and go get the horses. We don’t have time for this.”

Dina stared at Abby. Her eyes were… shit, Abby never wanted to see her like this again. But her gaze held until she found whatever she was looking for in Abby’s eyes, and she handed the gun over and walked away, shoulders tensed as though she was preparing herself to hear a gunshot.

Abby looked at the gun and then at Ellie. “I don’t want to do this.”

“Then don’t,” Ellie said softly. “Trust me.”

“Tell me why you won’t turn.”

“I’m immune,” Ellie said quickly, the words rushing out of her. “I always have been. I told you about Riley, but I didn’t tell you everything. We both got bit that night. She turned, I didn’t.”

“Bullshit.”

“It’s not. I’m immune. Joel brought me to the Fireflies to see if they could make a cure out of me, but it would have killed me. So instead, he got me out.”

“Wait.” Pieces were falling into place. “Joel. He took you from the Fireflies?”

“Yes.”

“They didn’t just let that slide.”

“No.” Ellie looked down.

“Did Joel kill the Fireflies?” Ellie was silent. “Ellie. Did he do it?”

Ellie took in a breath. “Yes,” she exhaled. “Yeah. He did.”

Abby looked at the girl in front of her. She felt the weight of the gun in her hand. She remembered Owen, how he mourned for the Fireflies that were his friends, his family. She looked at Ellie again.

“Put your hands down, I’m not gonna shoot you.”

“You aren’t?” Ellie slowly lowered her arms, wincing as the movement seemed to irritate the injury.

“No. Been there, done that. I’m done looking for revenge, especially for other people, and if you say you’re immune, I trust you. Don’t make me wrong.”

“I won’t.”

“How are you immune?” Abby asked as she lowered the gun.

“I don’t know. I really don’t. I just am.”

“So you’ve been infected?”

“Yeah,” Ellie answered shakily, still standing in the same spot, despite Abby having dropped the threatening stance.

“Can it transfer to other people?”

“As far as I can tell, no. I was worried about it at first, but it seems like it doesn’t work like that.”

As silence fell between them, Abby turned around to see Dina coming back with the horses. “What’s-“

“She says she’s immune, and I believe her,” Abby said. “You and I will take Japan and ride in front, she’ll ride behind us on Shimmer. Any sign of her turning, and I’ll handle it. You get us back home.”

Dina looked away from where her gaze had fallen on Ellie and nodded. She got on Shimmer without a word or a second glance at Ellie, who just seemed resigned.

“Ok,” Abby said, feeling a tug in her ribs. She didn’t know who it was pulling her to. Maybe it was pulling her to both of them, and she’d end up splitting down the middle. “Let’s go home.”

—————

A week passed. And then another. And then a third.

Three weeks was an unbearably long time when your favorite people aren’t themselves, or just aren’t around.

Dina was quiet, quieter than Abby had ever seen her. Lev was more sullen than usual, even with his new binder. JJ cried often, and neither Dina or Jesse could get him to stop. (Abby managed it once, but it was only because she gave him one of the hoodies Ellie had loaned her.)

Abby hadn’t seen Ellie since their trip. She had gotten back to Jackson and disappeared. The few times Abby had gone to Joel, he said that she wasn’t around. Sometimes Abby thought he was covering for her, but he looked just as concerned as she felt.

Abby knew that Dina would forgive Ellie as soon as an apology was offered. She was miserable without her, everyone was. The house was too damn quiet; it felt suffocating.

Abby had to get out. “Going for a walk,” she told Lev. “Be back in a bit, help Dina if she needs it. Maybe go play with JJ?”

“Ok. Be safe.”

“Always am.”

Once she was outside, Abby could feel her shoulders drop. The tension inside was getting to be too much to bear, and the escape was a welcome distraction. She started ambling along with no real direction in mind.

How could she fix this? How could she make this better? What would it take to reunite Ellie and Dina? She’d gladly pay any price, do any task. She’d been around for less than a year, but she had never cared for anyone, excluding Lev, more than the two of them.

Abby wasn’t used to this whole ‘caring’ thing, not really. But now that it was a part of her life, she couldn’t just make it stop.

She continued to shuffle down the streets, lost in thought. She let her feet take her wherever they pleased, paying no mind to her path or destination until she arrived in a familiar spot.

Abby looked at the boarded-up church that Ellie had shown her so early in her time at Jackson. She hadn’t thought much of it then, but now she was overwhelmed at Ellie’s welcoming nature. She had seemed so openly friendly. Abby never could have guessed about the complexity beneath the surface of her.

Abby was pulled from her memory by a muffled sound. Something like… music.

She climbed in through the broken window Ellie had shown her, and sure enough, she wasn’t disappointed.

Ellie sat where the church must have once had a podium. Her guitar was in her lap, and she was strumming softly. Abby had never heard the song she was playing, but it sounded sad. The light from the stained-glass windows fell on her in a dizzying array of color, and the tug in Abby’s chest made itself known again.

She ached and waited and finally, finally, spoke. “What’s that one called?”

Ellie jumped, startled out of her concentration. “Huh?”

“The song.”

“Oh. It… doesn’t have a name yet.”

“You wrote it?” Abby smiled when Ellie nodded. “That’s cool.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Honestly? I was just taking a walk. Heard you playing, decided to drop in.”

“Well, you’ve confirmed I’m alive. You don’t have to stick around anymore.”

“Nope, I found you and you can’t get rid of me. Good luck trying,” Abby said, coming to sit beside Ellie. “Show me how you play that thing.”

“What?”

“Show me how to play.”

“I- ok. Fine,” Ellie said, staring at Abby in confusion. “You see where I have my fingers?”

“Yep.”

“That’s an e chord.”

“Does playing it help with your e-motions?”

Ellie snorted. “You’re not funny.”

“Says you.”

“And everyone else.”

“How would you know? You haven’t been talking to anyone else.”

Ellie looked away. “So? They don’t wanna see me.”

“Bullshit,” Abby declared. “Lev misses you, Jesse misses you. Joel’s all worried about you, and JJ misses his other mom.”

“He does?”

“He keeps crying, and nothing works until we give him something of yours. He misses you. If he could talk, he’d be letting everyone know.”

Ellie turned back towards Abby. “He really misses me?”

“Yeah, dude. We all do. Dina’s been miserable, she’s barely talking, she’s not sleeping right-“

“She’s just upset about the break-up, she’ll get over it.”

“Break-up? What break-up?” Abby asked. “Did you dump her? Swear to fucking god, Ellie-“

“No! I wouldn’t, I would never. But she doesn’t want to see me again, so I’m pretty sure that counts.”

Abby hesitated. Then came the realization. “Ellie,” Abby said lowly. “Did she actually say that?”

Ellie paused. “No, but it was pretty obvious.”

“Oh my fucking god! You moron, she still wants you around, she loves you. She fucking loves you, Ellie, she’s not dumping you!”

“She was going to shoot me!”

“She never even turned the safety off!”

Ellie blanched. “What?”

“She shot the runner, and then she turned the safety back on. She never clicked it off, neither did I. She wasn’t going to shoot you.”

“She threatened-“

“Yeah, and I would have too. You saw what she looked like, bro. She was devastated. She could barely fucking breathe, she was crying. You really think she was going to shoot you? She was trying to decide whether or not coming home to JJ without you was even worth it.”

“Did she say that?” Ellie whispered after a moment.

“She was drunk, one night. Really drunk. I don’t think she realized she said it.”

“But she did?”

“Yeah,” Abby breathed. “She did.”

Ellie came home with her.

Dina grabbed her as soon as she walked in, and didn’t let go until JJ started crying to join the hug.