Joye

“Oh, shit.” exclaimed Matthew grabbing the cup before it could fall and shatter on the floor. The milk was now everywhere and the cereals, with all the dye they contained, had created a green-red blot on the white drawers.

He heard someone huffing loudly in the living room. “Language!" Cordelia screamed, entering the kitchen with only a heel onher feet while she put on an earring. “Poam, Math. Poam.” she chided with a deep frown on her face. Presence of a minor. Matthew clenched his jaw.

They had adapted that term a few years earlier, when Aaron, Anna and Ariadne’s son, had said a bad word on a class trip. A bad word they hadn’t want to repeat at first, from how bad it was, and Matthew had had to threaten Anna by telling her that if she didn’t tell him, he would ask Aaron. A threat to which Ariadne had responded with a very hard punch on the blond’s shoulder. Still today he didn’t know what his nephewhad dared to pronounce.

Because of that episode, the young mothers hadn’t been the only ones to get a share of crap from all the parents, but also Cordelia and James, who were always with them. And the following year it had been Thomas and Alastair’s turn, when they had brought their girls, Elise and Amélie, to the same school.

Owen, who was now smiling with a shit-eating grin on his face, nodded. “Yes, uncle. No bad words.”

It was impressive how much he looked like James sometimes. Not so much in the appearance, but in his behavior. The black hair was so dark that it often looked like a single compact block of curls, and the enormous eyes, like those of a fawn, were of an even darker black. Darker than his mother’s, for sure.

Matthew was about to answer him, ready not to consider the poam rule again, but Cordelia, who passed by behind his son, looked at him severely before he could open his mouth. “You, instead, stop throwing cereal on the floor. I’ve already told you a hundred times that if you don’t like something you put it aside or give it to someone else.”

James made his elegant entrance wearing a black suit. Matthew shook his head, shocked by all that beauty. “Take a cloth and clean it up.”

The little boy’s black head snapped to the figure of his father, who, settling the cufflinks, opened his eyes wide, making him understand that he was not joking. Matthew, who was still bent in the puddle of milk, struggled to hold a laugh and both parents gave him a cautionary look.

Owen threw his head back, complaining, “But I can’t.”

“Don’t you always say that you are a big boy? And that you can do it all by yourself?" Cordelia asked him, putting on her other shoe and hopping around. James came up and gave her a smile and grabbed her elbow to keep her stable. Owen had a lovely pout on his face.

“I’m not big, I’m only five years old.” he crossed his little arms to the chest.

Matthew snorted out of his nose, “Easy, like that." Owen turned to him, looking at him badly.

James glared at him, “Stop it.”

“God, sometimes I feel like I have three children instead of two.” sighed Cordelia.

James' face lit up, "Today is a good day," he approached the sink taking a cloth and wetting it, starting to clean up the mess, "if you don’t include me in the group 'children'.” he said to his wife.

A desperate cry erupted in the hallway and James was about to stand up, alarmed, but Cordelia waved at him and walked to their daughter’s room, Bea.

Matthew looked at his friend as she hurried on her heels to reach the bedroom and wondered how it was possible to have such small children and still have that impeccable appearance.

“Would you finish cleaning it up, Owen, please?”

“I don’t know how to do that.” the child’s lower lip began trembling and Matthew knew that he would soon burst into tears too.

James smiled and extended him a hand, helping him get off the chair. A tear fell on Owen’s cheek and Matthew felt his heart clench. “I can teach you." said James, although he had already explained it many times. Another tear.

“Baby, why are you crying?" his father asked, kneeling so that they both were at the same height.

Owen put a dirty hand on his eyes, and somehow got chocolate on his nose. Matthew looked at the table confused, there was nothing that contained cocoa there. Where the hell does he keep the snacks? He asked himself mentally, promising to ask his nephew how he could hide them from his parents.

“Cause mom’s angry.” Owen sniffed.

James chuckled, “No,buddy, she’s just very stressed out because of her job.” hemoved a rebellious curl off his child’s forehead. “But you have to stop throwing food on the floor, because that stresses her out even more, okay?” Owen nodded, closing his little hand inside James’s.

“Here me out, what if tonight when I pick you up from uncles Math e Luce’s place, we stop at the super market and take mom’s favorite thing?” he whispered to the child, who immediately began to nod excitedly. “Speaking of uncles." he said then, talking to him. “How is Lucie?”

Matthew ran a hand through his hair, snorting. “She’s not great.”

“Did something happen?" James asked concerned, picking up Owen to wash his hands. “I thought she was bedridden.”

“And she is." Math reassured him. She’d been in bed for the last three weeks following a little accident that scared the hell out of them all. “But the deadline for the book is closeand, so close to the end of her pregnancy, this thing is making her more nervous than she should be.”

Cordelia, who had come back and was holding her daughter on her side, frowned. “I told her to relax and to call the publisher.” She sighed. The little girl had red and swollen eyes from crying, but she was sucking the pacifier and holding her hand tightly around her mother’s necklace and seemed calm.

“Uncle, is JJ okay?" asked Owen with little voice.

Matthew looked at him smiling, “Of course buddy, soon we’ll get her out of aunt Lu’s belly and we’ll finally get to know her.”

“I want to be the first to see her." he mumbled. “When Elise and Amélie arrived, Aaron was the first to see them and it isn’t fair.” the adults all laughed and Matthew assured him that he would see her before anyone else, even before her parents.

“Alright, alright.” announced Cordelia, “Now we really have to go,so you take Bea-” she passed the little girl to Matthew, who placed her on his chest, and the big eyes of a blue Herondale stared at him like he was food and she was starving. “Don’t forget their bag when you leave.”

“Are you sure they won’t bother Lucie?" James asked from the entrance of the apartment.

Matthew looked at Owen shaking his head, whispering to him so that only he could hear him, “As soon as we get home I’ll let you eat the m&m’s cookies I made yesterday.” he winked at the child.

“Matthew?” James was finishing cleaning up.

“Yeah, I’m sure. She won’t even notice they’re there. She’s so into the book that I have to force her to eat, it’s unbelievable.”

“Tonight I’ll call her." Cordelia said, worried, "I don’t like it when deadlines approach.”

“Tell me about it.” Matthew murmured, sniffing the child’s head in his arms sneakily. God, he couldn’t wait to hold his daughter.

“I really don’t understand how she can stop caring about herself in this way-”

James interrupted what would surely have been a monologue, “Daisy, we really have to go.” he bent down to give a kiss on the forehead of his children.
“Yeah, I’m sorry." she said her goodbyes to the kids and Matthew and then they all went out, taking separate ways in the street.

Bea was cooing with delight when he placed her in the car seat next to his brother and started singing, always given that the strange sounds she made could be called words, along with Owen when Matthew started the music.

"Did you put the seatbelt on?" he asked, checking from the mirror if Owen had done so. An amused scream echoed in his ears when Dance Monkeystarted and he burst out laughing, turning up the volume. That song was like a glass of pure adrenaline for their children.

It was a particularly mild day in London and he would have taken them to Hyde Park for a bit, with the hope of not disturbing Lucie while the last revision was over.

It was always like that, he thought as he waited for the light to turn green. Every time the deadlines approached, his wife stopped thinking. Only her characters and her words existed. Unfinished or unnecessary scenes and chapters. The mental breakdowns of the last minute when she started saying meaningless things, like ‘this book has to be burned, I can't publish this’.

And Matthew had always been there.

Even before they became a couple, Matthew was a constant presence during those last days. He brought her food every day, even when they were not living together, after a bad episode in which she had had to be brought to the hospital because she hadn't grabbed even a small piece of bread in three days. Cordelia had gone to see her and when Lucie had opened the door she had been so dizzy that she had fallen on her friend.

He turned on Boundary Row, looking back on that day. She had scared everyone to death.

"Uuncle." he heard Owen calling from behind, took a quick look at the rear seats, and found Bea staring at him while holding the pacifier in her hand. "Can you give us the phone?"

"No, Owy, we here.Look." he pointed at one of the houses on Miter Road. The boy started to jump on the seat, clapping his little hands.

He parked in front of his house and before taking his nephews he opened the front door, so he wouldn't have to put anything on the ground. He was about to turn when he felt a grunt of pain coming from the upper floor.

"Matthew!"

His heart stopped beating in his chest.

He looked at Owen, who was playing with Bea, and ran up the stairs while all the worst scenarios imaginable were forming in his head. He climbed the last few steps, tripping on the carpet, and strode towards their room. His already panting breath stopped in his throat.

What if she had fallen while he wasn't there? What if she had had other complications? Whatt if-

"Where are you Lucie?"

Another groan of pain and his stomach fell to his feet. "I’m in the bathroom."

Now that he felt her so close, so distressed, he could see things more clearly.

He opened the door of the small bathroom wide and saw her sitting on the edge of the tub with her legs wide open, while with one hand she clutched the edge of the sink and the other was on her bulging belly. At her feet a pool of water. Matthew looked her in the face and saw that she was crying.

He hurried over to her and put a hand on her cheek, "What happened? Are you okay?"

Lucie squeezed her hand harder, closing her eyes, "I think I'm gonna have the baby."

Matthew's eyes widened, the feeling of panic only increasing.

"What?"

"You have to take me to the hospital, Math, my water just broke." Lucie was pleading him.

He immediately went full father mode. He ran a hand over her forehead, moving her hair out of her sight. "Look at me, Lu."

She did as she was told.

"Downstairs, in the car, are Bea and Owen." a sound of despair escaped her lips as her eyes filled with tears. Matthew's words stuck in his throat.

"Call my mom, please." she pleaded, while a sob twisted her sweaty face. "I want mom."

"I will call her when we’re at the hospital, now c’mon,” he put his arm around her hips and with a slow movement, which made her wail with pain, he managed to put her on her feet. "I'll take you to the car and then I'll come get the bag, okay?" Lucie nodded between deep breaths. Matthew nodded in turn, starting to breathe with her. "Can you make it downstairs?"

Lucie looked at him and gave him a tired smile, "I kinda have to, don't I?"

Matthew felt bad for her, but still managed to return the smile. "I guess so." he put his other hand to hold her under her arms.

They reached the stairs and he positioned himself behind Lucie, while she leaned completely against his chest. "Math?" she almost whispered.

Matthew snorted a breath through his nostrils, forcing himself and holding her up the bottom steps,

"You almost made it."

Lucie shook her head, "No, it's not that-" she was interrupted by what Matthew imagined to be a particularly strong contraction, because she squeezed his hand so tight that it could have blocked his circulation, and a thought crossed his mind like a train that derails.

"God, Lu. Why didn't you call me as soon as the contractions started?" he said in her ear, while with his arm he tried not to push on her belly.

"Because-" Lucie muttered a bad word, "-because you took my phone this morning."

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh." she chuckled, "You could have chosen any other day, you know, to play thief." she heaved a sigh of relief when they arrived on the ground floor and holding on to the wall to walk, she dragged herself out of the house. Owen, who saw her come out, pushed himself against the car window, getting into her sister's high chair, he began to poundhis hands on the glass while smiling. Bea was whining behind him.

Lucie turned to Matthew, making him take a step back, but he was immediately at her side half a second later. "I don't think I can hold back." she said worriedly as wrinkles formed on her forehead.

Matthew put a hand on her back and she closed her eyes as if she hadn't waited for anything else, "Don't worry, Bea will never remember today and I promised Owen that he would see Joye first, so he won't think about anything else." he smiled hopefully and she nodded.

As soon as they opened the car door, Owen was already shouting of joy to her. Matthew circled the car, opening the side of his nephew, drawing his attention by bending over at his height.

Owen looked at him with wide, excited eyes.

"Well, buddy, aunt Lucie is going to have JJ, okay?" the dark head snapped towards his aunt, who was focusing on her breathing, "She's very afraid and I have to go up and get the other things, could you hold her hand while I'm gone?" he asked, eyeing his wife, who now had a tight gripon the door handle with clenched teeth. "Also remind her to take slow, deep breaths, maybe." Owen nodded in confusion, but was immediately between the two front seats, with his little hand stretched out towards Lucie, who held back a sob as she squeezed it.

Matthew ran up the stairs and then into their bedroom, taking everything he had prepared a few weeks earlier.

He got into the car and, after checking that everyone had their seatbelt on, pressed on the accelerator. A hand went to Lucie's leg, "Are you okay?"

"I'm going to have to push a person out of my little butterfly," she hissed through gritted teeth, trying not to be heard by Owen, "how can you even think I’m okay?"

Matthew nodded, "You're right, sorry."

Lucie said nothing until three minutes later, when they entered the street of Saint Thomas Hospital, and a desperate scream, which had managed to escape the girl's control, made its way into the small cockpit of the car. Lucie began shaking her head frantically, while hugging her baby bump with her hands.

Matthew halted in front of the emergency entrance and turned his head to his wife. He unbuckled her belt and in the meantime looked at the children who were with them. Owen had his hands over his ears and had approached Bea's high chair, which was looking around even more confused.

"Math." Lucie breathed. "Math, something is wrong." her words broke and Matthew nearly started crying. He couldn't show how scared he was. He had to try andbe strong for her.

"We are at the hospital, whatever is wrong, they will help you and I will be there with you. Alright?" he tried not to freak out and got out of the car. He opened Owen's door, letting him out and reaching into the car, he released Bea's seatbelt, taking her in his arms.

Lucie had managed to open the door alone, but was still sitting.

Two doctors were approaching with a wheelchair. Matthew thanked God when they helped her out of the car and sat her down, starting to ask her questions, evaluating everything.

"Matthew!" Lucie called him, turning her head back, and he only had time to take the bag, put it on his shoulder, take Owen by the hand and start running towards the entrance.

He joined her shortly after, and her hand tightened around his arm.

"Uncle, what's wrong with auntie?" Owen asked with tears in his eyes as he squeezed his sweaty hand.

Matthew was panicking.

Bea burst into tears when one of the nurses yelled to call the obstetrics and gynecology wards and couldn't hold back any longer. A single tear ran down his cheek.

He looked at Lucie, trying to keep up with the doctors and when they reached a room that had equipment and a bed, someone put a hand on his chest, blocking him. Lucie's hand slipped from his arm.

"Excuse me sir, you can't stay here and you have to take the children away." he looked down at the sympathetic gaze of one of the nurses. He shook his head in confusion.

"No, I can't leave her alone." he couldn’t understand. How could they thinkabout asking him to leave when Lucie was yellinghis name, asking him to stay beside her? It was true, Owen and Bea were crying, as shocked as he was by the new mother's screams of pain, but he couldn't leave.

“I'm sorry, but you can't stay here. My colleague will accompany you to the waiting room. As soon as we know something I will come and tell you, okay?" retried the nurse.

No, it wasn't okay. Lucie was pleading him from inside the room to join her. Face red and cheeks strained with tears. Someone told him to step aside and then someone shoved him. A woman in a pink cap looked at him badly and screamed at the nurses to bring him out.

When he turned to Lucie, however, he smiled at her.

The door closed in front of him and Matthew was pushed away from the room. He still could hear everything. Every doctor who moved in that room to help his daughter.

His daughter.

He was about to become a father.

He needed James.

He started to breathe quickly and could not get enough air. He left Owen's hand, who sobbed, and brought it to his throat. Where was James?

"Sir?" the same nurse approached him with a folder in her hand. "Are you feeling well?"

Matthew looked at her and his vision blurred, he could barely say no, shaking his head.

"Your wife is in the hands of the best doctors in London, don't worry." she said gently, "Come on, give me the baby." Bea's weight was lifted from his arms and the bag fell to the ground. He was already breathing more easily, but the panic had not eased yet.

"She is one of the nannies in the nursery and will stay with them in the waiting room until you have calmed down, okay?"

Matthew nodded again. He was looking at the woman, but he couldn't see her. He could not think clearly.

Lucie was about to give birth.

Where's James?

"I have to call someone." he whispered.

The nurse nodded, "I really meant it, don't worry, women come on the verge of giving birth every day from those doors and they're all fine in the end." she put a hand on his arm. "You already have two beautiful children, I'm sure the third one will be just as beautiful and healthy."

"They-" he cleared his throat. “They are my nephews. I don’t have children." not yet, he thought.

"Uh, sorry." the nurse turned red. "Congratulations, then."

He nodded. It seemed to be the only thing he could do without bursting into tears.

He was about to ask where the children had been brought, so he could calm them down - god, he had left them with a stranger while they were both crying desperately - when the door of the room where he had left Lucie swung open and all the staff came out, dragging the bed.

“Alert surgery that we are coming. The baby is breech." said the woman with the pink cap.

Matthew took a step towards Lucie, who had an oxygen mask on her face and was crying.

"Lucie!" he called out. Her head snapped to Matthew who reached her in a few steps. He left room for the doctors and took her hand.

“Dads can't enter the room, I’m sorry. You’ll have to wait outside." the doctor said. Matthew didn’t even consider her and tried not to trip over the wheels of the bed as he bent over Lucie and pushed his forehead against hers.

"I'm scared, Math." she squeezed his hand tighter. Matthew's stomach twisted a little more. "Please come with me. I'm scared." she sobbed into the mask.

The boy closed his eyes shaking his head, "I can't Lu."

"Please." she cried.

Matthew looked up at the doctors, but the woman shook her head with her lips reduced to a thin line. They had entered the elevator and he hadn't even noticed.

“I'll wait out here, okay? I'll wait with everyone else. I’ll call Jamie and Tessa as soon as you enter the room, so when you get out they will all be here. " a sob rose in his throat, but he managed to keep it down.

Lucie was shaking, but she nodded. “I also want dad. I want my dad. "

"Of course." Matthew reassured her. Lucie raised a hand and moved the mask, raising her head. He lowered himself even further, meeting her lips halfway.

Emotions threatened to overwhelm him, but he managed not to burst into tears while the doctors ordered him one last time to let her go, or the baby would have had problems. He broke away from the bed and then Lucie was going through another corridor alone, terrified.

When he would see her again, they would have been parents.