Bookworms

Grian woke up the next morning groggy and unwell. Not sick but his body felt heavy and his eyes felt puffy. He was still on the couch, Scar nowhere to be seen. He wasn’t sure what time it was or where his phone was but he knew he needed water. His mouth was dry and his throat felt rough. As much as he didn’t want to get up, he did. He slowly climbed to his feet, stretching as an ache crept into his back from sleeping on the couch.

“Oh good morning!” Grian jumped just a bit, he wasn’t really expecting to be social so early and he hadn’t realized Scar was nearby. “How did you sleep?” Scar was in the kitchen, putting bread into a toaster. He was wearing pajama pants with sunflowers on them and a black tee-shirt that looked comfortable. Grain couldn’t help but think about how cute he looked in such silly pajama pants. It helped wake him up as he made his way over slowly.

“Mmm, fine besides the ache in my back. How about you?”

“I’m sorry about that, I would’ve let you sleep in my bed but you were knocked out and I didn’t see any way for me to carry you.” Scar moved over to another cabinet and pulled down a cup for Grian. “I slept fine I guess. I woke up not too long ago and couldn’t fall back asleep so I just decided to make food. Do you want some?”

“Yeah that would be nice. What time is it?” Grian took the cup and filled it up with water, taking sips that soothed his throat.

“It's about 6:30 am, it’s really early, Mumbo said he’d be over around 8ish to pick you up.”

Grians ears perked up at the mention of Mumbo. As far as he knew, Mambo and Scar were still strangers. “Mumbo? How did you guys talk?”

Scar seemed to get a bit sheepish. Almost like a little kid when they’ve been caught doing something they know they’re not supposed to. “Oh, he was blowing up your phone, I got worried it might be an emergency so I just answered. I’m sorry if that upset you, G. But I promise I only answered the phone and put it right back down after!” Scar picks up the phone from where he left it on the counter last night and hands it over to Grian. Grian looked in Scars eyes for any sort of lie or fault but couldn’t find it.

Grian takes it and gives Scar a skeptical look. “You really didn’t go through it?”

Scar shook his head side to side.“No, I could never. I can’t do anything to anyone I wouldn’t want them doing to me. That’s a breach of trust.” Grian chuckled about how serious Scar was being before Scar continued. His tone got a bit somber as he turned back towards the toaster that had just popped up toast. “Mumbo was really worried about you though. But also, very uhm.” There was a pause in Scars tone, one that made Grian suspicious.

“He what?” Grian takes a step towards Scar to try and pry the information out of him.

Scars face was extremely red and he seemed quite nervous, but reluctantly spoke. “He said some things after he found out you were with me though. I don’t think I could repeat the words he said in good conscience.” A small sense of dread washed over Grian. Knowing Mumbo, it was probably something extremely embarrassing.

“Oh god. I’m so sorry Scar.” Grian buried his face in his hands, embarrassed for Scar. He knew Mumbo liked to tease, but to this degree it must have been something.

Scar awkwardly laughs and tries to play it off. “No it’s fine, I was just caught off guard is all.”

“Scar. Don’t down play the situation. On a scale from 1-10 how bad was it?”

Scar was hesitant and Grian could see. “I don't know if I should say.”

“Spill the beans Scar.”

Scar knew he wasn’t going to win this. He couldn’t handle being under pressure like this. “10. He.. implied things and I genuinely did not know how to respond. Thankfully he hung up before I could.”

“Oh my goooosh I’m so sorry Scar. I’ll deal with him.”

“He’s a funny guy I guess. Just don’t ask about what he said to me! It’s too embarrassing.” Scar turns away to hide his face and all Grian can do is laugh. Scar is able to regain his composure though. “But for our first conversation it was very obvious he likes to mess with people. And he was extremely worried about you considering someone forgot to tell him.” Scar turns back towards Grian and gives him a look while handing him a plate with two pieces of toast.

Grian accepts it with an embarrassed look on his face. “Oh right. Sorry again about that Scar. I guess I got carried away last night with all the talking and movies and snacks. Ugh, I should’ve done it before we left the library. I’m never going to hear the end of it now.”

“Oh yes, I have a feeling it’s going to be something he guilts you with for the rest of the week. I’m so glad he’s not my roommate. I would be embarrassed. I already know what he’s going to start with.” Way to rub it in Scar.

Grian heads towards the fridge to look for jelly. Opening it up, he can see Scar is well put together. Everything looks nice and quite appealing. Overall, the only thing he’s found out of place in Scars house is a pair of shoes lying out. Despite Scar seeming quite all-over the place, he’s very well organized. “What do you mean?”

Scar moves over towards Grain, standing behind him and grabs the jelly from the top shelf of the side door, already knowing what Grain was searching for. “Well, based on what he implied, I’m sure he’s gonna tease you as well. Probably a lot worse too.”

“Thank you.” Grain takes the jelly from Scar and Scar moves to the side to let Grain go back towards his toast. “But I hadn’t even thought about that. It’s going to be so much worse!” The dread of seeing Mumbo again was even worse now. Not only is he going to interrogate Grian for every little detail, but now he’s going to have to deal with teasing. On top of that, he still has to tell Mumbo about his ex-boyfriend situation. To keep the great conversation that he’s having with Scar going, he replies in a bit of a more unserious tone. “Please don’t send me home with him, he’s going to eat me alive!”

Scar laughs, “As much as I would love to keep you here, he already knows where I live and even if you try to stay, I’m sure he’ll drag you out by your hair.” Grian groaned and opened the jelly only to realize he didn’t have a butter knife to spread the jelly with. “Sorry, G. Coffee?” Scar opened a draw and passed him a butter knife.

Grian sighs and looks to his left to see Scars other hand extended with a mug. “Thank you.” He takes it from Scar, grateful for the topic change. The conversation with Mumbo was going to be inevitable but for now, he didn’t want to think about it. Everything that happened yesterday was too much for him right now. He thought he had it all figured out. He liked Scar because he gave Grian something he never knew he ever wanted, but on the other hand, he was scared of being in a relationship and what would happen if Keon truly knew where he was. He felt like the world was moving on without him and he couldn't catch up.

Scar had moved to lean on the counter next to Grian. It was obvious he was just enjoying the morning, scrolling through messages and emails on his phone. It made Grain wonder how Scar could always seem so worry free. He must have so many problems going on and yet he can keep his cool and stay positive. That was something Grian envied. Thinking about Scar had Grians eyes trailing along Scars frame and features. Scars hair was tied back in a ponytail to keep it from getting in his way. Grian hadn’t ever seen Scar without his hair tied back and couldn’t help but try to imagine what it looked like. He was curious. He was always wondering or daydreaming. He constantly had random shower thoughts or hypotheticals he would ask himself and sometimes even Mumbo. He wanted to know others' opinions on things. It was always so interesting to see how people would answer a crazy question in different ways compared to his own. He isn’t sure if he’s ever asked Scar any though.

“Hey Scar?” Scar put his phone down and turned his attention back towards Grian.

“Yes, Grian?”

“If you could have anything you ever wanted. What would you want?”

“Oh, that’s a tough question. Let me think for a moment.” Scar looked away again, but this time he was deep in thought. Grain watched as he glanced at him, giving him a look that Grian had seen many times before. There was a certain way Scar would look at Grian at times, and even though Grian had a hard time reading it, he liked it. Scar looks away again before responding. “I think I would want to be able to say what I really mean at the right moments.”

Scars answer had Grian puzzled for a moment. He wasn’t completely sure what Scar meant. “What do you mean?”

Scar looks back at Grian, pulling himself up so he’s no longer leaning on the counter. “I feel like I struggle with my words and there are moments that I wish I could go back and tell people what was actually going on or what was truly on my mind. I’ve let people walk all over me before and I want to be stronger for myself. But also because I want to be confident enough to say things.”

Grian knows he probably shouldn’t pry, but he’s curious and the words are out of his mouth before he can think of stopping himself. “Like what?”

Scar chuckles but there is a somber look on his face. “I’m still too nervous to admit what it is. Sorry, G.”

Grian gives Scar a reassuring smile. But deep down inside he’s dying with not being able to know. “It’s not a problem, Scar. I want to be there for you the same way you’re there for me. Whenever you’re ready to talk, I’m here.”

Scar smiles and ruffles Grians already messy hair. “What about you, G? What would you want?”

Grian was quick to answer. Having answered this question a million different times in his head. “Oh that is simple. Not as thoughtful as yours though. I would just want the ability to fly.”

“Why?”

Grian looks away and down at his toast with jelly that he has yet to take a bite out of. “I’ve asked this question to myself multiple times and sometimes I think I might want something different, but after a long thought process it’s all I really want. I want to feel free. I want to know what it’s like to be up there instead of down here. To escape reality for just a little. I’d have to come back down of course but I know, in my mind, those few moments in the sky would count.”

Scar replies in a soft tone that melts Grain's heart. “Sounds pretty thoughtful to me.” Grian just smiles before their conversation is cut short by a knock at the door. “That must be Mumbo. I hadn’t even realized how much time had passed, although he is kind of early.”

All of the anxiety that had subsided from Grians conversation with Scar had quickly crawled its way back into his throat. “Oh god, just tell him I’m not here. Tell him I’m sleeping. Anything to delay this horrifying conversation.” Grian spoke in a joking tone, even if he was being serious.

Scar chuckles in a response, “You’ll be alright Grian. I know he cares for you.” Scar runs his hand through Grians hair before moving towards the front door to let Mumbo inside. Grian isn’t sure what to expect. He’s scared of course, but he’s more scared of seeming vulnerable rather than of Mumbo. “Hey, You’re Mumbo right?”

Mambo hasn’t walked through the door yet and from where Grian is in the kitchen, he can only hear the conversation, not see it. “Yes! And you must be Scar! It’s fantastic to meet you! You sure are a big boy!” At this comment, Grian quickly jumps over to where the two guys are chatting and watches from afar. Mumbo was looking at Scar up and down. Getting a good look at his build. Scar had broader shoulders and was taller than Grian, but was not outrageously bigger than Grian. The biggest difference was probably their height, but Scar was just a tall guy. Mambo continued on, not noticing Grian watching. “Hope you didn’t hurt Grian too badly.” And we’re already off to a bad start. If Grian could bury his head in the sand right now, he would.

“Mumbo! Don’t talk like that to him!” Grian spoke before Scar could reply to Mumbos comments about him. He had jumped in front of Scar quicker than Mumbo could even think about what Grian had said. Mumbos teasing had already begun and he barely knew Scar. “Apologize. Right now.”

With those three words, Mumbos whole demeanor changed. “Oh, hey Grian!” Mambo felt quite awkward now, his shoulders slumped and he got sheepish. Grian didn’t reply though and gave Mumbo an expecting look. “I guess you’re right. I’m sorry Scar. I guess I’m just so used to teasing and playing around with Grian. I hope I didn’t offend you in any way.”

Scar smiles and places a gentle hand on Grians should to calm him. Being in between two giants was new for Grian. He hadn’t noticed a height difference between Scar and Mumbo until just now. Having a good comparison of the two let Grian see that Mumbo was taller than Scar. Mumbo had no business being that height and Scar was only a few inches under him. It also put into comparison how tall Mumbo truly was.

“It’s alright Grian. No offense taken! Although, I’m not sure how to feel about the more forward comments you made.”

It’s like a spark lit up in Mumbo's mind. Like he just remembered something important.

“Right! I am very sorry about that too!” He quickly shifted his attention towards Grian with a look in his eye that could only mean one thing. He was about to start digging into Grian. “Grian! I think we should get going! I have a lot of very very important questions I need answered!”

Grian sighs and grabs Scar and pushes him back inside the house. He needed to talk with SCar privately before he left. “I’m so sorry, Scar. I would stay longer, or forever, but Mumbo is going to drag me out screaming if I don’t hurry along. I'll give you my phone number and we can talk about it all later.” Grians looks around and grabs a pen and paper nearby and quickly jots down his number. “Call me later tonight.”

Scar takes Grians number and smiles. “I will. I wish you could’ve stayed longer, though.” By the tone in his voice it was obvious Scar was upset Grian had to leave.

“I wish I could’ve too.” Grian pulls Scar into a quick hug. “I’ve gotta get going now. You won’t see me today in the library but we’ll definitely call later tonight and talk.” The hug felt nice, Grian didn’t want to have to let go, but he knew he had no other choice.

“Of course, G. Goodluck with Mumbo.”

“Thank you Scar. For everything, yesterday and today.”

Grian lets go of Scar and makes his way over to Mumbo. “Say goodbye, Mumbo. We’re leaving.”

“Bye Scar!” Mumbo waves with a smile on his face. “If he doesn’t tell me everything I might have to call you and get details.”

Grian groans and is practically pushing Mumbo away from the door. “You’re not calling him for anything! Go get in the car. You’re too nosy Mumbo.”

“Well I’m sorry for wanting to keep tabs on your love life,” Mumbo pouts. He crosses his arms and starts heading towards the car parked in the driveway.

“We’re not dating Mumbo!”

Mumbo rolls his eyes and opens his door, but not getting in just yet. “Suuuureee. Just give it another week or two. When I’m right, I want a fucking apology!”

Grian wished he’d evaporate. He was so humiliated. “Ughhh, just get in the car!”

Scar just watched them bicker back and forth like siblings. Scar gives one more wave to Grian as he gets in the car and watches from his door as they pull out of the driveway and hop onto the road.

After they had gotten down the road, Scar turned and walked inside and back to the kitchen. Grians toast and jam were still out on the counter, uneaten.

Grian watched the road through his window. The neighborhood looked nice and it was quite peaceful. He always imagined living somewhere like this. The calm morning air and quiet nights must be nice. He wanted to daydream more but the ache in his back subtly tried to ruin his peace.

Along with Mumbo, “Soooo, how did things go?”

He wanted to keep things brief, knowing when they got home, things were going to get difficult. “They went fine. My back is killing me though.”

Mumbo bursted with energy, startling Grian. “So y’all did it! I knew it!”

“What are you talking about?” Grian didn’t understand at first but it didn’t take long for the pieces to finally click. “What?!” He almost screamed out because of how shocked he was. This must have been what Scar was talking about. “Mumbo! Just no! I slept on the couch last night!”

Mumbo frowned. “Yall didn’t do anything?”

“No! Mumbo! I passed out on his couch!”

“You didn’t even sleep in bed with him? Man, I can't believe this. I figured maybe something happened since you guys spent the night together.”

Grian was fed up with it. “Ugh, Mumbo. Maybe you need to stop watching so many romance shows. It’s obviously rubbing off on your imagination.”

Things were quiet for a bit, but eventually Mumbo broke the silence. “So y’all didn’t-“

“No Mumbo we didn’t. And before you ask, we didn’t kiss either. Or even hold hands.” He already knew what Mumbo would ask next and shut it down before Mumbo even got a chance to think.

Mumbo looked a bit puzzled. “But how? Obviously y’all’s book date went well right? I mean you guys went back to his place.”

And now Grian had another thing to deal with. The conversation he’s been trying to avoid, even if he knows he can’t. “About that Mumbo. We didn’t actually go on that book date.”

“Now I’m more confused. What do you mean you didn’t go on the book date? Wasn’t that the whole point of yesterday?” Mumbo couldn’t completely look at Grian because he was driving, but there was a puzzled look plastered on his face.

Grian sighs, continuing to stare out his window, to avoid any time Mumbo might look at him. Deep down, Grian is scared he’s going to see judgemental eyes looking back at him with disgust. “Yes, but something happened Mumbo.”

“What happened Grian?”

Grian got a very serious tone, but it couldn’t hide the shakiness that spilled out with every word “Mumbo. I’m going to tell you, but all I need is your support. You can be mad at me later but right now, I just need help.” Despite being very forward and open, he couldn’t bring himself to look in Mumbo's direction.

A deafening silence filled the car along with Grians anxiety. All Grian could think about were all the ‘I told you so’s’ and ‘What did you do’ from Mumbo but instead he just felt a hand on his shoulder. Mumbos voice was soft and calming, reminding him of Scars. “Okay Grian. Tell me what happened.” It was obvious to Mumbo that Grian needed help.

Mumbo’s words couldn’t completely settle Grians pounding heart. Every breath he took felt like breathing in needles and his heart ached with pain. It was the same feeling he had back in the library. His hands were shaking and he could start to feel the tears well up in his eyes. “I’m scared Mumbo.” It took him time to say the last few words. “I think Keon knows where I am.”

Mumbo was silent and so was Grian. It filled Grian with shame and guilt. Mumbo told him multiple times what to do and this situation was of his own creation. He was so stupid and thinking about his own stupidity made tears slip from his eyes. Grian couldn’t help but think Mumbo must be thinking the same as him. Berating Grian in his mind for not being cautious after Mumbo begged him to.

Grian could hear Mumbo take a deep breath before speaking. “How do you know?” He never once looked in Grians direction, but Grian knows if he did, all he would see in Mumbo's eyes is disappointment.

Grians gaze shifted down to look at his trembling hands, holding one another. “He was.. spamming my phone with messages. He said a lot of things, Mumbo. He said he’d hurt me again. Worse than before and I know I should’ve blocked him like you told me, but I couldn’t do it. I’m sorry Mumbo. I know I’m stupid for not listening.” His breathing began to pick up and the pain in his heart began to spread until it filled his entire chest. He felt like he couldn’t breathe and the tears just began to fall harder.

Grian hadn’t realized they had reached their apartment building until he heard Mumbo put the car in park. Without giving Grian time to think, Mumbo had pulled him into a tight hug.”It’s fine Grian. I know this has all been hard for you and no matter how I feel, right now you deserve support.” Grian just let it all out. He wrapped himself around Mumbo, hugging him back and sobbing into his shirt. Mumbo rubbed his back and continued. “There is nobody I could ever let hurt you. Especially not someone who isn’t worth the love you give. For all we know, he could be bluffing, Grian. But even if he isn’t, I promise you, I won’t let anything happen to you.” Grian couldn’t respond because of how hard he was sobbing. Mumbo pet Grians hair to calm him. All Grian could think about was how he was so grateful to have someone like Mumbo.

Because Grian couldn't, Mumbo kept speaking, “I won't let him get close to you. I won’t let him hurt you. I won't let him find out about Scar and I damn sure wont let him ruin what you have. You leave everything to me, Grian. He’s a deadman if he attempts anything.” Mumbo’s reassurance gave Grian time to breath and compose himself. They finally separated from their embrace to look at eachother.

When Grian finally spoke, it came out in hiccups, “Mumbo, I can’t ask you to do that.”

Mumbo smiles at Grian. “You didn’t ask. I’m telling you it’s what will happen.”

“Thank you Mumbo. Thank you for protecting me and putting up with me. I know I’m not always the best friend I can be and I know you deserve better. I’ll take care of myself. I promise. You deserve someone you can rely on too.”

“Alright. But I’m also promising you, if he comes anywhere near you, me, or Scar. He’s dead.” Mumbo was trying to lighten the mood, to make Grian feel better.

Grian gives Mumbo a small smile. “Thank you for supporting me, and I promise I’ll let you argue with me about not blocking him later.”

“Aww, how sweet of you. You know just what I want.” Grian just rolls his eyes in response with a smirk on his face. He’s so lucky to have a friend like Mumbo. “But I wanna hear more about your date.”

“Ugh, fine I’ll tell you everything when we get inside.”

“Yay!” Mumbo excitedly hopped out of the car. “I’ll make us some tea!”

They make their way inside and Grian waits on the couch while Mumbo makes them both a cup of tea. Telling Mumbo everything made him feel so much better about everything. And now that he had a clear head he could breathe easier. All the anxiety just floated away. Of course there were still lingering feelings but the majority of it had settled.

Grians mind began to wonder back to the moment he pushed Scar. And how Scar held him and comforted him. The feeling it gave him was gratifying. He felt like Scar was prioritizing him and he’d never felt that way. He’s always pushed his feelings aside for others because they were a bother. He felt like they held him back. In the end, all that ever really did was hurt the people around him. He would bottle up his emotions and then eventually blow up in anger at someone who just cared for him. Grian had hurt Mumbo before because of this habit. He didn’t want to make the same mistake twice. There was a reason Mumbo was his only friend.

“Here you go.” Mumbo appeared in front of him with a cup of tea, almost mimicking how Scar had given him the cup of coffee earlier that morning. Scar and Mumbo were so thoughtful of Grian.

“Thank you.” Grian took a deep breath before continuing. “This is gonna be a long one, are you ready?”

Mumbo eagerly nodded and sat on the couch next to Grian. He was obviously excited. To Mumbo it was like his daily episode of a telenovela. Today's Episode: Grians Emotional Breakdown.

“Okay, so last night, Keon texted me and said he missed me. I know I should have blocked him but this is what I wanted. For him to want me back. I never responded to him but I did read it. I should’ve just blocked him from the moment I got that text, but I’m an idiot. So, I just read it. I wanted to play hard to get so he could prove to me he really loved me and that he really missed me. Then this morning, he sends me messages along the lines of, ‘I made a mistake, please baby you have to take me back.’ And that’s what I wanted, but I wanted more. So I didn’t respond again. I guess that just made him more upset because then he started spam calling me and spam messaging me. I got over a thousand messages today because of him. So I decided to turn my notifications off and by the time me and Scar decided we wanted to leave, he was sending me threatening messages. Saying he would kill me and find me and hurt me. He said he’d ’make me wish I was dead.’ I started having a panic attack in the middle of the library without realizing and Scar had somehow ended up sneaking up on me. I pushed him to the ground and he got hurt. EVen though I hurt him, all he could do was worry about me. He wouldn’t stop asking me if I was okay. I didn’t know what to do, or to say. I was crying and he was holding me. All he wanted to do was comfort me Mumbo, isn’t that strange?” Saying everything out loud gave Grian a perspective he hadn’t had before. Why did Scar do all those things for Grian? They’d only known each other for a month and yet Scar took such great care of Grian.

Almost as if reading his thoughts, Mumbo replies, “Grian. That man is in love with you.”