Bookworms

“I told you so.”

“Don’t gloat, you’re supposed to help me!”

Cub chuckles and gets up to refill his cup. “Okay okay, I’ll help you if you admit I was right.” They had been hanging out, like they did every week and Scar had just told Cub about how the past week had gone down. Grian and Scar had begun seeing each other everyday at the library and talking for hours until Grian had to inevitably leave. Cub was so right it kind of hurt Scars pride. To admit to his best friend that he was right especially when he told him it would NEVER happen is not something Scar needed right now.

In the end though, he does it, because all he really needs right now, is advice. “Fine fine whatever, you were right Cub now help me. What am I supposed to do?” He’s never felt this way about anyone before. He wants to keep Grian close to him and not have him leave. Everyday when he has to watch Grian leaves he can feel his heart ache and it’s a feelinging he can’t stand.

“I don’t know.” He quickly turns his head to look at Cub just to watch him shrug his shoulders, pulling a pitcher of cold water out of his fridge. From where Cub was standing, Scar could easily see and talk to him. The couch was adjacent to the kitchen meaning Scar only had to look to his left to see Cub.

Scar could only stare at Cub in disbelief. “Cub! You just said you would help me.” As Cub is filling his cup with water, Scar placed his down on the coffee table in front of him.

“Yeah but, I don't know what to tell you. I’m not good at giving love advice.” Scar was looking at Cub’s face searching for something, but it was obvious Cub didn’t want to meet his gaze.

“Cub! I want to know what to do. I like him so much it fucking hurts. Everytime he leaves I wish he could stay longer and as soon as I clock in I’m waiting to see him walk in the door. Is that bad?” At this point Scar was begging for Cub to give him anything, even just a scrap of advice.

Cub sighs, “I wouldn’t say it's bad, but Scar, you don’t just like him, you love him. It is so obvious it hurts me that you can't see it.”

Scar can feel his face get hot. “Well, no. I mean, maybe? How do you know it’s love?”

That’s when Cub actually makes eye contact and gives Scar a look that says ‘are you kidding me?’ “You’re hopeless, Scar. Let me give you some examples. First of all, you want to be with him or at least see him 24/7. Secondly, you talk about him like he's an angel. Third, I just know you Scar and I know that you definitely love him. I’ve never seen you like this and that's how I know you’ve got it bad for.. Graylin?” He raised a finger up after each statement, further trying to get his points across that what Scar feels for Grian, is more than just a silly crush.

“His name is Grian, Cub.” It comes out a little harsher than he meant but he quickly changes the subject. “How do I hide my love though?”

“Hide it? Don’t you want him to know you like him? Seems kinda pointless if you hide it.” Cub makes his way over with his full glass and sits down on the opposite end of the couch. “Don’t you want to be his boyfriend?”

“Yes? That sounds so weird to say.” Scar leans forward and stuffs his face into his hands with a groan. “Well it’s more that I don’t think he likes me, and if he just wants to be friends then that’s all I want too. I don’t want my feelings for him to ruin what we got going on so far. I value what we have too much to ruin it by telling him how much I love him.” It hurts. He knows it does, but he’d rather still be Grians friend then be strangers who no longer talk.

“Scar you’re hopeless, but I get it.” Repeating the same sentiment he had before. Scar expected Cub to stop there and leave Scar to his thoughts but before he could start, Cub was speaking again. “Scar, the best thing for you to do is not get carried away.” Cub’s voice came out more serious, running a chill down Scars back. “If he touches your arm, if he compliments you, if anything happens that could be interpreted as romantic you need to control yourself. You can be happy and stuff but don’t forget that y'all are friends. This may not be the best advice, but I care about you Scar and I know this means a lot to you.” Scar feels Cub place a hand on Scars shoulder, not realizing how close Cub had gotten to him. Scar finally pulls his face from to give Cub his full attention. “There’s one more thing Scar, if nothing ever happens, you’re going to have to get over him. Can you do that?”

He hadn’t thought about it. He’d been so wrapped up in his emotions that he hadn’t thought about having to let go of his feelings. He loved this feeling but also hated how much it hurt him. “I don’t know but if I can't, will you help me?”

Cub pulled Scar into a hug. “Of course Scar.”

Scar was being driven insane, his giggle, his smile, the way his hair lands in perfect places. All of it was killing Scar and he could feel his energy draining from the amount of times he would get excited but have to suppress it.

He and Grian were sitting together at the check out desk talking about books they’ve read, and genuinely just life in general. Grian has opened up more about himself in the time they’ve gotten to know each other and has let Scar know some details in his life. Scar knows he has a best friend named Mumbo and that he has been friends with Grian just after highschool. He also knows Grian loves cats. Grian talked about how he and Mumbo loved to go on adventures together even if it was just a small hike or walk through a park. They also played games together and would talk about new shows they had watched recently together. The only thing he said that Mumbo didn’t really do is talk about books with him. Apparently Mumbo could never truly understand what Grian was talking about and would seem uninterested so Grian eventually stopped. They connect plenty on other things, but Grian word vomiting about the book he just read is awkward when Mumbo can’t relate to what Grian says in any way. Their relationship was a strong one though. Grian trusted Mumbo a lot and it was evident in the way he talked about him. Scar couldn’t help but be just a little jealous.

“He sounds cool! I’ve got my own bestie, his name is Cub. He likes to build things and create stuff. I don’t understand it all, but I’m supportive of it. He helps me when I’m not too sure about stuff and I help him when he needs to chat. Other than those things, we generally just enjoy eachothers company and have fun.”

“He sounds nice, Scar.” Their conversation is stopped there for a moment because Scar needed to help someone with the printer. While he was tending to that, Grian was reading a new book he had picked up. When Scar came back it was obvious Grian was immersed.

Scar couldn’t help but smirk to himself and get up close to Grians ear and whisper, “Griiiiaaaan.”

He didn’t expect Grian to jump the way he did and it almost scared Scar. Then, almost in slow motion, he saw Grian slip out of his seat and start to fall. Before he knew it, he had dropped his cane and reached out and grabbed Grian by his forearm. Scar could feel himself losing balance by the weight distribution and if he didn’t act fast he’d fall along with Grian because of his legs. So, Scar pulled Grian up with all his strength and pulled him into his chest. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize I scared you that badly. Are you okay?” He began to relax, holding Grian like this gave him something to almost lean on, since his can was lying on the floor. He was mostly relieved nothing turned out badly, but not even ten seconds later, he felt his heart explode. The realization had finally hit him that he was HOLDING Grian in his arms.

Grian didn't seem to understand what had just happened but his ears were red and he was holding the one that Scar had whispered to. “I’m alright.” He looked up at Scar which only made Scars face go bright red. He quickly let Grian go and reached for the trolley of returned books next to him.

“Okay, well I’m gonna go and put books away!” He walks away with the trolley and quickly heads to the far back corner of the library to begin putting books back in their rightful place. His face still felt hot and he was sweating like crazy. Cub was so right it was driving him crazy. He pictured Grian looking up at him again and how he looked shocked and Scar wanted to bang his head into the wall. Scar got to fulfil one of his many fantasies and held Grian in his arms. He couldn’t remember as much as he would like to about it seeing as it all happened so fast and only lasted a couple of seconds. However, he still knows he got to hold Grian and now he feels embarrassed for running away and getting so flustered over it. Scar thought back to what Cub had told him about not getting overworked about things like that. He needed to calm down and being away from Grian would be the best for now. “Get it together.”

“What did you say?” He quickly turned around and saw Grian there. So much for needing space. Grian had brought over Scars cane, holding it with both hands. Scar hadn’t realized he’d forgotten it in his (gay) panic. Grian walked over to Scar and gave it to him, their fingers brushing for just a moment. A moment enough to get Scars heart racing once again.

“Nothing, I’m just talking to myself. Thank you for bringing this.” Scar tries to sound as cool and collected as possible.

“Of course, would you like some help? That’s quite a lot of books.” Grian peers around Scar to look at the trolley which was piled with returned books Scar hadn’t gotten around to replacing. He spent most of his day at the library talking to Grian that he just forgot.

“Yes, please. I could use it.” Grian gave Scar a sweet smile and they went around the library together, slowly putting the books away, making sure each one was in its rightful place. It was relaxing and gave Scar the time he needed to calm his heart.

He even got a small laugh out of it. Him and Grian were on opposite sides of a shelf that was a little bit taller than Grian. From Scars point of view, because he was taller, he could just see a piece of Grians hair, bouncing around as he walked to put books away. A small detail, but to Scar it was hilarious. He kept his small chuckles to himself.

It was nice and quiet for a while, they hadn’t spoken in a bit and a part of Scar wondered if he had made Grian uncomfortable. That was the last thing he wanted to do. He got to live out one of his fantasies but what if he was pushing Grian away by acting this way and not even apologizing for it. “Thank you, Scar.”

Scar was forced out of his thoughts again and he looked to Grian with a puzzled look. “For what?”

Grian was standing next to Scar, pushing a book into its place on one of the lower shelves. “For catching me when I fell, you didn’t have to.”

“Well, I would have felt bad if you did, I mean, I am the one who scared you.” He saw Grians ear turn red again before he quickly walked to the other side of a book shelf. Him and Grian could still talk to one another this way, but not see each other.

There was a moment of silence before Grian spoke again. “I’ve been thinking,” There was a brief pause. “About that book date, did you still want to do it?”

It’s like fireworks went off in his heart. “Yes!” Scar was so happy. A date with Grian! Not really a date, but Scar liked to believe so. “I'm so excited! When do you want to do it?” He spoke through the book shelf, the excitement in his voice evident.

Grians replied with a smaller voice. Scar couldn’t tell what his tone of voice meant. “Well, we don’t even have a book picked out yet.”

Scar kept the energy high though, not faltering. “Oh don’t you worry, I’ve got that all set up already. It’s a fantasy romance. I wanted to pick a book with themes we both liked and this one seemed to turn out the best. Are you okay with it having violence and all that?”

“Yes, that’s fine. Can I know what it is about?”

“I’m not going to tell you that?”

“And how am I supposed to know if I haven’t read it before?”

“Ever read a book called ‘3rd Life?’”

“No?”

“Well then, you’ve never read it. I’m so excited! This is going to be fun.”

“Have you read the book before?”

“No, but I’ve seen reviews on it saying it’s an underground gem. I’ve been waiting to read it for a while, but I decided to save it just in case you wanted to read it together.”

“Aren’t you sweet.” Scar can feel his entire body boiling. He is probably red from head to toe. Being complimented has never made him so nervous before.

“Just being considerate is all.” He can hear Grians small giggle on the other side of the book shelf. He can feel his heart melting. How did he let things get this bad? “So what day did you want to start reading?”

“How about Wednesday, you said we could go to the beach right?”

“Oh yes! Of course, is 6pm a good time for you? I close the library at 5, but it takes time to clean and completely close.”

“It’s perfect, plus you know I’m going to be here anyways when I come to hang out with you.”

“Do you come to the library just for me?” Scar said it in a joking tone but deep down, he was trying to flirt.

“And so what if I am?” Scar heard Grians small giggle again.

Scar’s head exploded. He only flirted as a joke, but to hear Grian return the same energy was something else. He took a deep breath to calm down before continuing.“I can’t believe you wouldn’t come here for all the amazing books I have.”

He didn’t get a response and was confused until he heard it. “Boo!” Grian had somehow managed to sneak behind Scar and scare him. Scar jumped and almost lost his balance, holding onto the bookshelf for support. Once he was sure he wasn’t going to fall he heard Grians laugh. “Hehe, that’s payback for earlier.”

Scar chuckles. “You rascal. I might just have to take away your library card.”

“No, I love it here. You wouldn’t make me find a new place to read would you?” Grian is playing it up for the bit and fakes, sounding sad.

“Of course not. But I can think about it.” Grian laughs again. Scar loves it.

“Well, we’ve finished putting away the books. I’m gonna head home now, Mumbo wants to watch a new show tonight and it starts in an hour.” Grian checks his watch to be sure.

Scar reached out and ruffled Grians hair, he did it without thinking, but he’s glad he did. Grians hair was as soft as it looked. It was crazy to Scar how nice it felt in his fingers. “Okay, have a good one, Grian.”

Grian moves away, and waves a goodbye before heading to the check out station to collect his book bag and keys.

Scar just sighs and smiles to himself for a bit. He’s such an idiot for falling in love with Grian.

“So you love him?”

“No, I don’t love him, I just think he’s cute.”

Grian and Mumbo had just finished the first episode of their new show series, but because it was so new, they would have to wait weekly for a new episode. Right now, they were just chit chatting. Grian had brought home ice cream and a couple other snacks for the two hours it was going to take to get through the episode. Grian was sitting on the floor in front of the couch and Mumbo was taking up the entire couch just behind him. Mumbo was playing with Grians hair, fluffing it up and trying to get a single stand on top to lay down, but each time, it would spring back into place. While talking, Mumbo had asked Grian about Scar and how things were going and Grian told Mumbo everything, besides the casual flirting. He knew he was going to get teased about everything else already and that would just be the cherry on top for Mumbo.

“So you like him?”

“Idk, Mumbo, does it matter?” This was the truth, Grian truly didn’t know. He was still conflicted. He liked to think they were just friends because he still hoped something between him and his ex could still happen.

“I mean kind of, aren’t you guys going on a date?” Mumbo and Grian were sharing a tub of ice cream. They would take a spoonful at a time and eat at that while they talked.

“No, we are going on a date with a book together.”

“So.. a date?”

“Ugh, no, it doesn’t matter, on Wednesday we’re going to go to the beach together to read.” Although Mumbo was his best friend, he didn’t like that he pried into Grians personal life so much. Grian felt so awkward talking about it all.

“But you don’t like him?”

“I already told you Mumbo I don’t know. He’s adorable and he talks a lot. Sometimes he has these silly ideas that have absolutely no chance in hell of existing. Like one time he said something about starting a shop, stealing peoples items and then having those people come back to buy what he had already stolen. It was so funny I couldn’t stop laughing. And did you know that he also loves cats? He has a cat named Jellie that talks about whenever he gets the chance. And he’s also talked a lot about his best friend Cub. It’s so weird but I’m interested in him but I don’t think I’m romantically interested in him.”

“From the way you talk about him it feels like yall are an old married couple. Going to the beach together just to sit and read? Yall are a perfect match.”

“Mumbo, I already told you, we're just friends.”

“Yeah, we’ll see how long that lasts. Especially since it sounds like he loves you.” Mumbo smirks and leans over towards Grians ear. “Isn’t that right,” There's a pause before Mumbo says the last bit. “Griiiiaaaan.” Instantly he’s reminded how Scar whispered in his ear and he can feel electricity go through his body and flush his face. Scars voice sent a shiver up his spine. He didn’t know if he liked the feeling or not.

“Hey! I told you that because I trust you Mumbo! Don’t mock me with his words. Plus, you promised to not bring it up!” He told Mumbo what Scar had done in confidentiality and made Mumbo swear to never tell another soul.

Mumbo can't help but laugh. “I’m sorry! It’s too good to not mess with you at least once. You get so flustered it's kinda cute. Are you sure you don’t like him? I mean if a man did that to me-”

“MUMBO!” Grian was beet red at this point. He didn’t need to hear about his friends sexual fantasies while being mocked at the same time. “Keep it PG please. I don’t wanna talk about that kind of stuff.”

“All I’m saying is that it was probably hot. Imagine him-”

“Mumbo that’s enough! Eat the ice cream before I decide to eat it all by myself.”

Mumbo sighs and silently eats the ice cream. After they finished, they cleaned up everything together and just as Grian was heading to his room, he got a text message.